“Cakes, cakes, my good hot cakes!” Thus, in a plaintive voice, sang the
old woman peddler who regularly, upon winter evenings, during the first
ten or twelve years of my life, passed under our window.--When I think
of those bygone days I hear again her insistent refrain.
It is with the memory of Sundays that the song of the “good hot cakes”
is most closely associated; for upon that evening, having no duties to
perform in the way of lessons, I sat with my parents in the parlor upon
the ground floor which overlooked the street; therefore, when almost
upon the stroke of nine, the poor old woman passed along the sidewalk,
and her sonorous chant broke into the stillness of the frosty night I
was near enough to hear her distinctly.
She presaged the coming of cold weather as swallows announce the advent
of the spring. After a succession of cool autumnal days, the first time
we heard her song we would say: “Well, we may conclude that winter is
really here.”
This parlor where we sat together seemed a very immense room to me.
It was simply and tastefully furnished and arranged: the walls and
the woodwork were brown, decorated with strips of gold: the furniture,
dating from the time of Louis Philippe, was upholstered in red velvet;
the family portraits were in severe black and gold frames; in the centre
of the table, in the place of honor, there was a large Bible that had
been printed in the sixteenth century. This was a precious heirloom that
had come down to us from our Huguenot ancestors who had, at that time,
been persecuted for their faith. We had baskets and vases of flowers
disposed about the room, a custom which then was not so usual as it is
now.
It was always a delicious moment for me when we left the dining-room and
went into the parlor, for the latter room had an air of great peace and
comfort; and when all the family were seated there in a circle, mother,
grandmother and aunts, I began to skip about noisily in their midst
from very joy at being surrounded by so many loved ones; and I waited
impatiently for them to begin the little games which they were in
the habit of playing with me early in the evening. Our neighbors, the
D----'s, came to see us every Sunday; it was a time-honored custom in
our two families, between whom there existed a friendship that had
its inception in the country generations before our time; it was a
friendship which had been handed down to us as a precious heritage. At
about eight o'clock, when I recognized their ring, I jumped for joy,
and I could not restrain myself from running to the street door to meet
them, for Lucette, my dear friend, always came with her parents.
Alas! how sad is my reverie when I think of the beloved and venerated
forms of those who surrounded me upon those happy Sunday evenings;
the majority of them have passed away, and their faces, when I seek to
recall them, are dim and misty--some are altogether lost from memory.
Then friends and relatives would begin to play, for the purpose of
giving me pleasure, the little games of which I was so fond; they played
“Marriage,” “My Lady's Toilet,” “The Horned Knight,” and “The Lovely
Shepherdess.” Everybody took part in them, even the old people, and my
grand aunt Bertha, the eldest of all, was irresistibly droll.
The refrain became louder rapidly, for the singer trotted along with
short, quick steps, and very soon she was under our window, where she
kept repeating her song in a shrill, cracked voice.
When they would allow me to do so, it was my greatest pleasure to run to
the door, followed by an indulgent aunt, not so much for the purpose of
buying the cakes, however, for they were coarse and unpalatable, as to
stop the old woman and talk with her.
The poor old peddler would approach with a courtesy, proud of being
called, and standing with one foot upon the threshold she would present
her basket for our inspection. Her neat dress was set off by the white
linen sleeves that she always wore. While she uncovered her basket I
would look longingly, like a caged wild-bird, far down the cold and
deserted streets.
I liked to breathe in great draughts of the icy air, to look hastily
into the black night lying beyond the door, and then to run back into
the warm and comfortable parlor,--meantime, the monotonous refrain grew
fainter and fainter as it died away into the mean streets that lay close
to the ramparts and the harbor. The old woman's route was always the
same, and my thoughts followed her with a singular interest as long as
the song continued.
I felt a great pity for the poor old woman still wandering about in the
cold night, while we were snug and warm at home; but mingled with that
feeling there was another sentiment so confused and vague that I give
it too much importance, even though I touch upon it never so lightly.
It was this: I had a sort of restless curiosity to see those squalid
streets through which the old peddler went so bravely, and to which I
had never been taken. These streets, that I saw from the distance,
were deserted in the day time, but there in the evening, from time
immemorial, sailors made merry; sometimes the sound of their singing was
so loud that we could hear it as we sat in our parlor.
What could be going on there? What was the nature of that fun, the echo
of whose din we heard so distinctly? How did they amuse themselves,
these sailors, who had but newly come over the sea from distant
countries where the sun was always hot? What life was careless and
simple and free as theirs!
My emotions lose their force when I endeavor to interpret them, and my
words seem very inept. But I know that seeds of trouble, and seeds of
hope (to develop how I could not guess) were at about this time planted
in my little being. When, with my cakes in my hand, I re-entered the
parlor where the family sat talking together quietly, I felt for a
quick, almost inappreciable, moment suffocated and imprisoned.
At half-past nine, because of me seldom later, tea was served, and with
it we had thin slices of bread, spread with the most delicious butter,
and cut with the care one gives to very few things in these days.
Then at about eleven o'clock, after a reading from the Bible and a
prayer, we retired.
As I lay in my little white bed I was always more restless Sunday nights
than at any other time. Immediately ahead of me there was the prospect
of Mr. Ratin whom morning would surely bring, and he was always a most
painful sight to me after a respite; also I was full of regret because
Sunday was over, always over so quickly!--and I felt a great weariness
when I thought of the many lessons it would be necessary for me to
prepare before Sunday came again. Sometimes, as I lay there, I would
hear the songs the sailors sung as they passed in the distant lands and
noble ships; and a sort of dull and indefinite longing took possession
of me and I felt as if I would like to be out of doors myself in search
of pleasurable and exciting adventure. I hungered to be in the bracing
wintry night air, or in one of those foreign lands where the sun beats
down with tropical warmth; I yearned to be out and singing like them, as
loud as possible, just for the joy of being alive.