The burglar's back, the burglar's back!
'Twill soon be rash a crib to crack.
BILL SIKES will sigh for happier times,
When "cats" were not the meed of crimes.
The burglar's back! Lord ESHER pales
When thinking of its crimson wales.
His feelings will not stand the strain,
Of dwelling on the ruffian's pain.
The brute may "bash," the scoundrel shoot,
Hack with his knife, "purr" with his boot;
But though he "bash," or "purr," or hack,
You must not touch the burglar's back.
No, let the brutal burglar burgle;
Whilst sentiment will calmly gurgle
Bland platitudes, but not attack
That sacred thing, the burglar's back!
[Footnote: 1 "_The Burglar's Back_"--Is he? then the sooner he's caught
and sent to penal servitude the better.--ED.]
* * * * *
"MAY FARE WORSE!"
_Or, The Difference between Goode and Baird._
What a sweet little supper!--two fire-eating "pros.,"
And a person "of no occupation,"
Who got both his eyes blacked and was cut on the nose,
Though "there wasn't the least provocation."
And they cursed and they throttled, they gouged, and they swore,
And they battered and bled, and they tumbled and tore,
And they fetched the police, and they rolled down the stair,
Did these blue-blooded dwellers in merry Mayfair.
[Illustration: Chancery Practice.]
Mr. ARTHUR COCKBURN will probably not want to see Mr. BAIRD in bed
again, the penalty being two black eyes (no relation to the two that
were lovely), and a cut nose. What's the good of being called GOODE if
you are going to get your eyes gouged out, and be beaten on the head
with a poker, and, in fact worsted all round? But there, if one
gentleman is "slightly intoxicated," while another is "undoubtedly
drunk," and a third is "slightly mixed," there's no knowing what may
happen. Did GOODE "keep his hair on" when he got hit on the head with a
poker? What a beautiful picture of genuine Mayfair manners it is! The
case is still _sub (Punch and) judice_, and Mr. Justice _Punch_ reserves
his decision.
* * * * *