I've jest been told another staggerer. Well, it seems then that, in one
of the werry largest and werry poppularest of all the Citty Parishes,
sum grand old Cristian Patriots of the holden times left lots of money,
when they was ded, and didn't want it no more, to be given to the Pore
of the Parish, for warious good and charitable hobjecs, such as for
rewarding good and respectabel Female Servants as managed to keep their
places for at least four years, in despite of rampageous Marsters, and
crustaceous Missuses; also for selling Coles to werry Pore Peeple at
sumthink like four pence per hundredweight, be the reglar price what it
may; also for paying what's called, I think, premeums for putting Pore
Boys or Pore Gals as aprentisses to warious trades, so as to lern and
laber truly to get a good living when they growd up, insted of loafing
about in dirt and hignorence; likewise for allowing little pensions to
poor old women as is a striving all their mite and main to keep
themselves out of the hated Workhouse; and there are seweral other
similar good purposes as the good Citizens of old left their money for,
and hundreds if not thowsands of pore but honest men and women has had
good cause to be grateful to 'em for their kind and pious thortfulness.
Well, I hardly xpecs to be bleeved when I says, that a law has been
passed that allows sutten werry respectabel but werry hignerant Gents,
called Charity Commissioners, to sweep away ewerry one of those truly
charitable hinstitutions, and to make use of all this money somewheres
else, and for sum other objecs, and for sum other peeple!
I ain't so werry much supprized as I ort to be, to learn that the ouse
of Commons--ouse of "Short Commons," I shud call 'em--has passed this
most wicked Law, _cos werry pore peeple ain't got no votes_; but I do
confess as I am supprised at the most respectabel and harrystocrattick
House of Lords a condesendin not merely to rob a pore man of his Beer,
but to rob a poor Made Servant of her 2 Ginneys reward for behaviour
like a Angel for four long weary years in the same place, be it a good
'un or a werry ard 'un, and to purwent a lot of pore hard working Men
and Women from getting their little stock of Coles in at about a quarter
of the reglar price! In course it ain't to be supposed as Washupfool
Books and Honnerabel Markisses can know or care much about the price of
Coals, altho there is one Most Honnerabel Markis, from whom I bort a
hole Tun larst year at rayther a high figger, who coud have told em, and
shood have told em all about it, tho' praps he's agin cheap Coles on
principal. And besides all this, it won't I shood think, be a werry
plezzant thort to come across a Noble Dook's or a Wirtuous Wiscount's
mind--if such eminent swells has em, like the rest on us--when they sees
a lot of dirty raggid boys and gals a loafing about the streets, to
think that if the money that was left hundreds of years ago by good men,
had been still used _as it was ordered to be used_, and has been used
for sentrys, these same raggid boys and gals wood have bin a learning of
some useful trade by which they might have hearnd a desent living.
In course I can hear, with my mind's ear, as _Amlet_ says, my thowsends
of simperthising readers shouting out, "What's the use of your crying
over spilt milk?" Well, none, of course, but I happens to have herd that
there's still _jest one chance left_. It seems that there is what's
called, I think, "_a appeal_" to sum werry heminent Swells called "the
Lords of the uncommon Counsel on Eddication," and the kind-hearted
Church Wardens, as I has before eluded to, means to make one; and ewery
kind-hearted Cristian Man and Woman as reads my truthful statement, and
can feel, as me, and Lords, and Ladies as well, can, and ort to, and
must feel, will wish 'em thurrur suksess in their good, and kind, and
mussiful atemt to hobtane justiss for them as carnt no hows obtane it
for theirselves.