by Alan E. Nourse
The letter came down the slot too early that morning to be the regular
mail run. Pete Greenwood eyed the New Philly photocancel with a dreadful
premonition. The letter said:
PETER:
Can you come East chop-chop, urgent?
Grdznth problem getting to be a PRoblem, need expert
icebox salesman to get gators out of hair fast.
Yes? Math boys hot on this, citizens not so hot.
Please come.
TOMMY
Pete tossed the letter down the gulper with a sigh. He had lost a bet to
himself because it had come three days later than he expected, but it
had come all the same, just as it always did when Tommy Heinz got
himself into a hole.
Not that he didn't like Tommy. Tommy was a good PR-man, as PR-men go. He
just didn't know his own depth. PRoblem in a beady Grdznth eye! What
Tommy needed right now was a Bazooka Battalion, not a PR-man. Pete
settled back in the Eastbound Rocketjet with a sigh of resignation.
He was just dozing off when the fat lady up the aisle let out a scream.
A huge reptilian head had materialized out of nowhere and was hanging in
air, peering about uncertainly. A scaly green body followed, four feet
away, complete with long razor talons, heavy hind legs, and a whiplash
tail with a needle at the end. For a moment the creature floated upside
down, legs thrashing. Then the head and body joined, executed a
horizontal pirouette, and settled gently to the floor like an eight-foot
circus balloon.
Two rows down a small boy let out a muffled howl and tried to bury
himself in his mother's coat collar. An indignant wail arose from the
fat lady. Someone behind Pete groaned aloud and quickly retired behind a
newspaper.
The creature coughed apologetically. "Terribly sorry," he said in a
coarse rumble. "So difficult to control, you know. Terribly sorry...."
His voice trailed off as he lumbered down the aisle toward the empty
seat next to Pete.
The fat lady gasped, and an angry murmur ran up and down the cabin. "Sit
down," Pete said to the creature. "Relax. Cheerful reception these days,
eh?"
"You don't mind?" said the creature.
"Not at all." Pete tossed his briefcase on the floor. At a distance the
huge beast had looked like a nightmare combination of large alligator
and small tyrannosaurus. Now, at close range Pete could see that the
"scales" were actually tiny wrinkles of satiny green fur. He knew, of
course, that the Grdznth were mammals--"docile, peace-loving mammals,"
Tommy's PR-blasts had declared emphatically--but with one of them
sitting about a foot away Pete had to fight down a wave of horror and
revulsion.
The creature was most incredibly ugly. Great yellow pouches hung down
below flat reptilian eyes, and a double row of long curved teeth
glittered sharply. In spite of himself Pete gripped the seat as the
Grdznth breathed at him wetly through damp nostrils.
"Misgauged?" said Pete.
The Grdznth nodded sadly. "It's horrible of me, but I just can't help
it. I _always_ misgauge. Last time it was the chancel of St. John's
Cathedral. I nearly stampeded morning prayer--" He paused to catch his
breath. "What an effort. The energy barrier, you know. Frightfully hard
to make the jump." He broke off sharply, staring out the window. "Dear
me! Are we going _east_?"
"I'm afraid so, friend."
"Oh, dear. I wanted _Florida_."
"Well, you seem to have drifted through into the wrong airplane," said
Pete. "Why Florida?"
The Grdznth looked at him reproachfully. "The Wives, of course. The
climate is so much better, and they mustn't be disturbed, you know."
"Of course," said Pete. "In their condition. I'd forgotten."
"And I'm told that things have been somewhat unpleasant in the East just
now," said the Grdznth.
Pete thought of Tommy, red-faced and frantic, beating off hordes of
indignant citizens. "So I hear," he said. "How many more of you are
coming through?"
"Oh, not many, not many at all. Only the Wives--half a million or
so--and their spouses, of course." The creature clicked his talons
nervously. "We haven't much more time, you know. Only a few more weeks,
a few months at the most. If we couldn't have stopped over here, I just
don't know _what_ we'd have done."
"Think nothing of it," said Pete indulgently. "It's been great having
you."
The passengers within earshot stiffened, glaring at Pete. The fat lady
was whispering indignantly to her seat companion. Junior had half
emerged from his mother's collar; he was busy sticking out his tongue at
the Grdznth.
The creature shifted uneasily. "Really, I think--perhaps Florida would
be better."
"Going to try it again right now? Don't rush off," said Pete.
"Oh, I don't mean to rush. It's been lovely, but--" Already the Grdznth
was beginning to fade out.
"Try four miles down and a thousand miles southeast," said Pete.
The creature gave him a toothy smile, nodded once, and grew more
indistinct. In another five seconds the seat was quite empty. Pete
leaned back, grinning to himself as the angry rumble rose around him
like a wave. He was a Public Relations man to the core--but right now he
was off duty. He chuckled to himself, and the passengers avoided him
like the plague all the way to New Philly.
But as he walked down the gangway to hail a cab, he wasn't smiling so
much. He was wondering just how high Tommy was hanging him, this time.
* * * * *
The lobby of the Public Relations Bureau was swarming like an upturned
anthill when Pete disembarked from the taxi. He could almost smell the
desperate tension of the place. He fought his way past scurrying clerks
and preoccupied poll-takers toward the executive elevators in the rear.
On the newly finished seventeenth floor, he found Tommy Heinz pacing the
corridor like an expectant young father. Tommy had lost weight since
Pete had last seen him. His ruddy face was paler, his hair thin and
ragged as though chunks had been torn out from time to time. He saw Pete
step off the elevator, and ran forward with open arms. "I thought you'd
never get here!" he groaned. "When you didn't call, I was afraid you'd
let me down."
"Me?" said Pete. "I'd never let down a pal."
The sarcasm didn't dent Tommy. He led Pete through the ante-room into
the plush director's office, bouncing about excitedly, his words
tumbling out like a waterfall. He looked as though one gentle shove
might send him yodeling down Market Street in his underdrawers. "Hold
it," said Pete. "Relax, I'm not going to leave for a while yet. Your
girl screamed something about a senator as we came in. Did you hear
her?"
Tommy gave a violent start. "Senator! Oh, dear." He flipped a desk
switch. "What senator is that?"
"Senator Stokes," the girl said wearily. "He had an appointment. He's
ready to have you fired."
"All I need now is a senator," Tommy said. "What does he want?"
"Guess," said the girl.
"Oh. That's what I was afraid of. Can you keep him there?"
"Don't worry about that," said the girl. "He's growing roots. They swept
around him last night, and dusted him off this morning. His appointment
was for _yesterday_, remember?"
"Remember! Of course I remember. Senator Stokes--something about a riot
in Boston." He started to flip the switch, then added, "See if you can
get Charlie down here with his giz."
He turned back to Pete with a frantic light in his eye. "Good old Pete.
Just in time. Just. Eleventh-hour reprieve. Have a drink, have a
cigar--do you want my job? It's yours. Just speak up."
"I fail to see," said Pete, "just why you had to drag me all the way
from L.A. to have a cigar. I've got work to do."
"Selling movies, right?" said Tommy.
"Check."
"To people who don't want to buy them, right?"
"In a manner of speaking," said Pete testily.
"Exactly," said Tommy. "Considering some of the movies you've been
selling, you should be able to sell anything to anybody, any time, at
any price."
"Please. Movies are getting Better by the Day."
"Yes, I know. And the Grdznth are getting worse by the hour. They're
coming through in battalions--a thousand a day! The more Grdznth come
through, the more they act as though they own the place. Not nasty or
anything--it's that infernal politeness that people hate most, I think.
Can't get them mad, can't get them into a fight, but they do anything
they please, and go anywhere they please, and if the people don't like
it, the Grdznth just go right ahead anyway."