It is not true that I ever accepted the English Mission; and if any man
says I did, I now deliberately brand him as a Liar and Villain.
I am not going to deny that the place was offered me, but I do
unhesitatingly, say that I never absolutely consented to take it.
Gen. GRANT may have construed my note on the subject as an unqualified
acceptance, but that was owing entirely to his devouring desire to get
the thing off his hands, and not to any ambiguity in my language.
"No, Mr. PRESIDENT," I said in the note, "far be it from me to stand
between my friend, Mr. GREELEY, and the gratification of his noble
desire to wear military things at receptions abroad. Moreover your
Excellency, I would not for the world deprive our cousins and other
relations in England of an opportunity to cultivate the grand old art of
swearing under the instruction of so eminent a professor as HORACE."
This is the sort of language I used, and I don't see how any man except
Gen. GRANT could get hold of it the wrong way.
Of course I had some reasons besides those stated in my note for
declining the Mission, but I did not want to hurt the President's
feelings by going over the whole ground.
It was not unknown to me that the situation had been offered to about
five thousand persons before it came round to my turn, or that the
English Mission had fallen into a general decline. I knew all about that
just as well as Gen. GRANT, but it would not have done any good to
parade my knowledge on the subject.
There was the Hon. THOS. JENKINS who refused to take it, because his
wife had a prejudice against Bulls ever since she was scared by one that
chased her five miles for no other reason than that she was what might
be called a red woman--well-read in the exciting house-wife literature
of the day. JENKINS positively declined.
Then it was offered to Col. CANNONAYDE, who declined it because his
mother-in-law declared that she would go along too, if he went, and he
thought it would be better not to let her have a change of air, as she
was in a fair way to wind up pretty soon by remaining near those swamps.
CANNONAYDE wanted the place kept open till after the funeral, but this
was not granted.
The next offer was made to Gen. BRAYLEIGH; but _he_ refused it on the
ground that he had made arrangements for going into the coal trade, and
he could not be sure of holding the place more than a few weeks. Anyway,
he thought it would not pay to give up the coalition he had entered into
with another party. In fact, old BRAYLEIGH treated the whole matter very
coldly.
It was next tendered to the Hon. THEOPHILUS SKINNER, but peremptorily
declined because SKINNER'S district had become Democratic since he was
elected, and he knew that if he resigned an infamous cannibal copperhead
would be sent to Congress in his stead. SKINNER consulted all the
leaders of his party, and they unanimously agreed that it would be
better to let every court in Europe be without an American
representative than risk the loss of that district.
Everybody knows why the Rev. Dr. BANGWELL, of Chicago, did not accept
it. The Doctor expected his divorce case to come on in a few days, and
could not neglect that; and besides, he had made all the arrangements
for his other marriage, and sent out the invitations. If the President
had just made some inquiries before appointing Dr. BANGWELL, he could
have found out that the Doctor's engagements would not permit him to
leave Chicago on any account.
The offer that was made to Col. KAMPSTUHL was declined solely because
the Colonel had an old score to settle with Gen. GRANT for something in
the way of a court-martial that happened near Tricksburg. He swore that
he would get square with the author of that business sometime, and when
the mission was offered to him (by accident, for Gen GRANT had forgotten
all about the court-martial), he got up a sepulchral voice, and said,
"Ha, ha! R-e-e-e-vendge at last!" and then wrote a bitter letter to
Washington on the subject.
After that it was peddled all round the country in a promiscuous way,
and offered in succession to a blacksmith who used to shoe horses for
Gen. GRANT, a conductor who refused to take fare from a well-known
Presidential excursion party, a dealer in hides who had conferred some
high obligations when a certain official was in the tanning business, a
grocery-keeper, a family shoemaker, a manufacturer of matches, and such
a multitude of people, in fact, that it finally got to be looked upon as
the greatest missionary undertaking of modern times.
The only really prominent man that the place was not tendered to is
GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN; but I wouldn't say that it won't get around to him
somewhere in Asia before the circle is completed.
All these things were very well known to me before the office was placed
at my disposal, but I did not care to wound the fine sensibilities of
the President by saying anything about them in my note.
My reason for declining in favor of Mr. GREELEY has been stated--I put
the whole matter frankly to Gen. GRANT--but I can't say whether the
suggestion I offered has been acted upon or not. The only thing I am
certain about on this point is, that if the offer should be made to
HORACE, it won't get around to GEORGE FRANCIS afterwards.
There has been so much talk about this business, that I have considered
it a sacred duty to state the facts and let some floods of light shine
upon the whole thing. The duty is now conscientiously, discharged.