f(1) A deme of Attica. In Greek the word also means 'heads,' and hence
the pun.
EPOPS Hence, if we existed before the Earth, before the gods, the
kingship belongs to us by right of priority.
EUELPIDES Undoubtedly, but sharpen your beak well; Zeus won't be in a
hurry to hand over his sceptre to the woodpecker.
PISTHETAERUS It was not the gods, but the birds, who were formerly the
masters and kings over men; of this I have a thousand proofs. First of
all, I will point you to the cock, who governed the Persians before all
other monarchs, before Darius and Megabyzus.(1) 'Tis in memory of his
reign that he is called the Persian bird.
f(1) One of Darius' best generals. After his expedition against the
Scythians, this prince gave him the command of the army which he left
in Europe. Megabyzus took Perinthos (afterwards called Heraclea) and
conquered Thrace.
EUELPIDES For this reason also, even to-day, he alone of all the birds
wears his tiara straight on his head, like the Great King.(1)
f(1) All Persians wore the tiara, but always on one side; the Great King
alone wore it straight on his head.
PISTHETAERUS He was so strong, so great, so feared, that even now, on
account of his ancient power, everyone jumps out of bed as soon as
ever he crows at daybreak. Blacksmiths, potters, tanners, shoemakers,
bathmen, corn-dealers, lyre-makers and armourers, all put on their shoes
and go to work before it is daylight.
EUELPIDES I can tell you something about that. 'Twas the cock's fault
that I lost a splendid tunic of Phrygian wool. I was at a feast in town,
given to celebrate the birth of a child; I had drunk pretty freely and
had just fallen asleep, when a cock, I suppose in a greater hurry
than the rest, began to crow. I thought it was dawn and set out for
Alimos.(1) I had hardly got beyond the walls, when a footpad struck me
in the back with his bludgeon; down I went and wanted to shout, but he
had already made off with my mantle.
f(1) Noted as the birthplace of Thucydides, a deme of Attica of the
tribe of Leontis. Demosthenes tells us it was thirty-five stadia from
Athens.
PISTHETAERUS Formerly also the kite was ruler and king over the Greeks.
EPOPS The Greeks?
PISTHETAERUS And when he was king, 'twas he who first taught them to
fall on their knees before the kites.(1)
f(1) The appearance of the kite in Greece betokened the return of
springtime; it was therefore worshipped as a symbol of that season.
EUELPIDES By Zeus! 'tis what I did myself one day on seeing a kite; but
at the moment I was on my knees, and leaning backwards(1) with mouth
agape, I bolted an obolus and was forced to carry my bag home empty.(2)
f(1) To look at the kite, who no doubt was flying high in the sky.
f(2) As already shown, the Athenians were addicted to carrying small
coins in their mouths.--This obolus was for the purpose of buying flour
to fill the bag he was carrying
PISTHETAERUS The cuckoo was king of Egypt and of the whole of Phoenicia.
When he called out "cuckoo," all the Phoenicians hurried to the fields
to reap their wheat and their barley.(1)
f(1) In Phoenicia and Egypt the cuckoo makes its appearance about
harvest-time.
EUELPIDES Hence no doubt the proverb, "Cuckoo! cuckoo! go to the fields,
ye circumcised."(1)
f(1) This was an Egyptian proverb, meaning, 'When the cuckoo sings we
go harvesting.' Both the Phoenicians and the Egyptians practised
circumcision.
PISTHETAERUS So powerful were the birds that the kings of Grecian
cities, Agamemnon, Menelaus, for instance, carried a bird on the tip of
their sceptres, who had his share of all presents.(1)
f(1) The staff, called a sceptre, generally terminated in a piece of
carved work, representing a flower, a fruit, and most often a bird.
EUELPIDES That I didn't know and was much astonished when I saw Priam
come upon the stage in the tragedies with a bird, which kept watching
Lysicrates(1) to see if he got any present.
f(1) A general accused of treachery. The bird watches Lysicrates,
because, according to Pisthetaerus, he had a right to a share of the
presents.
PISTHETAERUS But the strongest proof of all is, that Zeus, who now
reigns, is represented as standing with an eagle on his head as a symbol
of his royalty;(1) his daughter has an owl, and Phoebus, as his servant,
has a hawk.
f(1) It is thus that Phidias represents his Olympian Zeus.
EUELPIDES By Demeter, 'tis well spoken. But what are all these birds
doing in heaven?
PISTHETAERUS When anyone sacrifices and, according to the rite, offers
the entrails to the gods, these birds take their share before Zeus.
Formerly men always swore by the birds and never by the gods; even now
Lampon(1) swears by the goose, when he wants to lie....Thus 'tis clear
that you were great and sacred, but now you are looked upon as slaves,
as fools, as Helots; stones are thrown at you as at raving madmen, even
in holy places. A crowd of bird-catchers sets snares, traps, limed-twigs
and nets of all sorts for you; you are caught, you are sold in heaps
and the buyers finger you over to be certain you are fat. Again, if
they would but serve you up simply roasted; but they rasp cheese into a
mixture of oil, vinegar and laserwort, to which another sweet and greasy
sauce is added, and the whole is poured scalding hot over your back, for
all the world as if you were diseased meat.
f(1) One of the diviners sent to Sybaris (in Magna Graecia, S. Italy)
with the Athenian colonists, who rebuilt the town under the new name of
Thurium.
CHORUS Man, your words have made my heart bleed; I have groaned over the
treachery of our fathers, who knew not how to transmit to us the high
rank they held from their forefathers. But 'tis a benevolent Genius, a
happy Fate, that sends you to us; you shall be our deliverer and I
place the destiny of my little ones and my own in your hands with every
confidence. But hasten to tell me what must be done; we should not
be worthy to live, if we did not seek to regain our royalty by every
possible means.
PISTHETAERUS First I advise that the birds gather together in one city
and that they build a wall of great bricks, like that at Babylon, round
the plains of the air and the whole region of space that divides earth
from heaven.
EPOPS Oh, Cebriones! oh, Porphyrion!(1) what a terribly strong place!
f(1) As if he were saying, "Oh, gods!" Like Lampon, he swears by the
birds, instead of swearing by the gods.--The names of these birds are
those of two of the Titans.
PISTHETAERUS Th(en), this being well done and completed, you demand back
the empire from Zeus; if he will not agree, if he refuses and does not
at once confess himself beaten, you declare a sacred war against him and
forbid the gods henceforward to pass through your country with lust, as
hitherto, for the purpose of fondling their Alcmenas, their Alopes, or
their Semeles!(1) if they try to pass through, you infibulate them with
rings so that they can work no longer. You send another messenger to
mankind, who will proclaim to them that the birds are kings, that for
the future they must first of all sacrifice to them, and only afterwards
to the gods; that it is fitting to appoint to each deity the bird
that has most in common with it. For instance, are they sacrificing to
Aphrodite, let them at the same time offer barley to the coot; are they
immolating a sheep to Posidon, let them consecrate wheat in honour of
the duck;(2) is a steer being offered to Heracles, let honey-cakes be
dedicated to the gull;(3) is a goat being slain for King Zeus, there is
a King-Bird, the wren,(4) to whom the sacrifice of a male gnat is due
before Zeus himself even.
f(1) Alcmena, wife of Amphitryon, King of Thebes and mother of
Heracles.--Semele, the daughter of Cadmus and Hermione and mother of
Bacchus; both seduced by Zeus.--Alope, daughter of Cercyon, a robber,
who reigned at Eleusis and was conquered by Perseus. Alope was honoured
with Posidon's caresses; by him she had a son named Hippothous, at first
brought up by shepherds but who afterwards was restored to the throne of
his grandfather by Theseus.
f(2) Because water is the duck's domain, as it is that of Posidon.
f(3) Because the gull, like Heracles, is voracious.
f(4) The Germans still call it 'Zaunkonig' and the French 'roitelet,'
both names thus containing the idea of 'king.'
EUELPIDES This notion of an immolated gnat delights me! And now let the
great Zeus thunder!
EPOPS But how will mankind recognize us as gods and not as jays? Us, who
have wings and fly?
PISTHETAERUS You talk rubbish! Hermes is a god and has wings and flies,
and so do many other gods. First of all, Victory flies with golden
wings, Eros is undoubtedly winged too, and Iris is compared by Homer to
a timorous dove.(1) If men in their blindness do not recognize you as
gods and continue to worship the dwellers in Olympus, then a cloud of
sparrows greedy for corn must descend upon their fields and eat up all
their seeds; we shall see then if Demeter will mete them out any wheat.
f(1) The scholiast draws our attention to the fact that Homer says this
of Here and not of Iris (Iliad, V, 778); it is only another proof that
the text of Homer has reached us in a corrupted form, or it may be that
Aristophanes was liable, like other people, to occasional mistakes of
quotation.
EUELPIDES By Zeus, she'll take good care she does not, and you will see
her inventing a thousand excuses.
PISTHETAERUS The crows too will prove your divinity to them by pecking
out the eyes of their flocks and of their draught-oxen; and then
let Apollo cure them, since he is a physician and is paid for the
purpose.(1)
f(1) In sacrifices.
EUELPIDES Oh! don't do that! Wait first until I have sold my two young
bullocks.
PISTHETAERUS If on the other hand they recognize that you are God, the
principle of life, that you are Earth, Saturn, Posidon, they shall be
loaded with benefits.
EPOPS Name me one of these then.
PISTHETAERUS Firstly, the locusts shall not eat up their vine-blossoms;
a legion of owls and kestrels will devour them. Moreover, the gnats and
the gall-bugs shall no longer ravage the figs; a flock of thrushes shall
swallow the whole host down to the very last.
EPOPS And how shall we give wealth to mankind? This is their strongest
passion.
PISTHETAERUS When they consult the omens, you will point them to the
richest mines, you will reveal the paying ventures to the diviner, and
not another shipwreck will happen or sailor perish.
EPOPS No more shall perish? How is that?
PISTHETAERUS When the auguries are examined before starting on a voyage,
some bird will not fail to say, "Don't start! there will be a storm," or
else, "Go! you will make a most profitable venture."
EUELPIDES I shall buy a trading-vessel and go to sea, I will not stay
with you.
PISTHETAERUS You will discover treasures to them, which were buried in
former times, for you know them. Do not all men say, "None knows where
my treasure lies, unless perchance it be some bird."(1)
f(1) An Athenian proverb.
EUELPIDES I shall sell my boat and buy a spade to unearth the vessels.
EPOPS And how are we to give them health, which belongs to the gods?
PISTHETAERUS If they are happy, is not that the chief thing towards
health? The miserable man is never well.
EPOPS Old Age also dwells in Olympus. How will they get at it? Must they
die in early youth?
PISTHETAERUS Why, the birds, by Zeus, will add three hundred years to
their life.
EPOPS From whom will they take them?
PISTHETAERUS From whom? Why, from themselves. Don't you know the cawing
crow lives five times as long as a man?
EUELPIDES Ah! ah! these are far better kings for us than Zeus!
PISTHETAERUS Far better, are they not? And firstly, we shall not have to
build them temples of hewn stone, closed with gates of gold; they will
dwell amongst the bushes and in the thickets of green oak; the most
venerated of birds will have no other temple than the foliage of the
olive tree; we shall not go to Delphi or to Ammon to sacrifice;(1) but
standing erect in the midst of arbutus and wild olives and holding forth
our hands filled with wheat and barley, we shall pray them to admit us
to a share of the blessings they enjoy and shall at once obtain them for
a few grains of wheat.
f(1) A celebrated temple to Zeus in an oasis of Libya.
CHORUS Old man, whom I detested, you are now to me the dearest of all;
never shall I, if I can help it, fail to follow your advice. Inspirited
by your words, I threaten my rivals the gods, and I swear that if you
march in alliance with me against the gods and are faithful to our just,
loyal and sacred bond, we shall soon have shattered their sceptre. 'Tis
our part to undertake the toil, 'tis yours to advise.
EPOPS By Zeus! 'tis no longer the time to delay and loiter like
Nicias;(1) let us act as promptly as possible.... In the first place,
come, enter my nest built of brushwood and blades of straw, and tell me
your names.
f(1) Nicias was commander, along with Demosthenes, and later on
Alcibiades, of the Athenian forces before Syracuse, in the ill-fated
Sicilian Expedition, 415-413 B.C. He was much blamed for dilatoriness
and indecision.
PISTHETAERUS That is soon done; my name is Pisthetaerus.
EPOPS And his?
PISTHETAERUS Euelpides, of the deme of Thria.
EPOPS Good! and good luck to you.
PISTHETAERUS We accept the omen.
EPOPS Come in here.
PISTHETAERUS Very well, 'tis you who lead us and must introduce us.
EPOPS Come then.
PISTHETAERUS Oh! my god! do come back here. Hi! tell us how we are to
follow you. You can fly, but we cannot.
EPOPS Well, well.
PISTHETAERUS Remember Aesop's fables. It is told there, that the fox
fared very ill, because he had made an alliance with the eagle.
EPOPS Be at ease. You shall eat a certain root and wings will grow on
your shoulders.
PISTHETAERUS Then let us enter. Xanthias and Manes,(1) pick up our
baggage.
f(1) Servants of Pisthetaerus and Euelpides.
CHORUS Hi! Epops! do you hear me?
EPOPS What's the matter?
CHORUS Take them off to dine well and call your mate, the melodious
Procne, whose songs are worthy of the Muses; she will delight our
leisure moments.
PISTHETAERUS Oh! I conjure you, accede to their wish; for this
delightful bird will leave her rushes at the sound of your voice; for
the sake of the gods, let her come here, so that we may contemplate the
nightingale.(1)
f(1) It has already been mentioned that, according to the legend
followed by Aristophanes, Procne had been changed into a nightingale and
Philomela into a swallow.
EPOPS Let it be as you desire. Come forth, Procne, show yourself to
these strangers.
PISTHETAERUS Oh! great Zeus! what a beautiful little bird! what a dainty
form! what brilliant plumage!(1)
f(1) The actor, representing Procne, was dressed out as a courtesan, but
wore a mask of a bird.
EUELPIDES Do you know how dearly I should like to splint her legs for
her?