Organizes a Church at DeLand. Health Improves. Relapses. Starts Home.
Resignation. Sells His Interest in the _Guide_. Begins Writing again.
Attends Two Conventions. Goes to Texas. At Home Again. Works On.
While at DeLand we gathered up the few scattered Disciples in and
around the town, and organized them into a church. I felt quite
confident, from the character of the material, that the enterprise
would be a success. It has thus far proved to be so; they have not
failed to keep up their weekly meetings to break the loaf and edify one
another after the apostolic model. They now have a nice house, and have
employed a preacher and given him a home among them. This is just what
all churches should aim to do; all may not be able, but they should aim
to accomplish it. The church is in a prosperous condition. I was able
to talk to them occasionally while there.
The climate of Florida agreed with me. My cough left me in a few weeks,
my appetite became good, and I got heavier than I ever was before. I
went there weighing 130 pounds, and increased to 148. In good health,
my usual weight was 144 pounds, and it had been many years since I
weighed that. I should have come home in this improved condition but
for my own imprudence. I don't blame the country, Providence, nor
anything else but myself. I was passionately fond of hunting, as I have
ever been. I hunted a great deal, and frequently got overheated, and
took cold; sometimes got my feet wet when in the woods. Thus I had
several backsets. But still I was in that condition when the time came
to return home. The day before we were to start, I concluded I must
have one more hunt. It had rained the night before; the sand was damp;
it was cloudy, quite warm, and a strong south wind was blowing. I would
get warm in walking (the sand there is very slavish to walk in), and
would sit down and let the wind cool me off. I should have had more
discretion; but sometimes people act with very little sense about such
things. Before I reached the house I felt acute inflammation of the
mucus membrane, to the bottom of my lungs. In three hours fever set in,
and I was completely prostrated. I remained there about three weeks,
and the doctors urged my return as the only chance of recovery. They
considered that very hazardous, on account of exposure to cold; but to
stay there was less hopeful. I was taken to the boat, carried on board
by two men, then carried off at Jacksonville to a hack, taken to a
hotel, thence to the train. I secured a good berth in a sleeper, and
got through without the least trouble. I improved, every mile of the
way; but as soon as I got home I went down again, and was extremely low
for some time.
My dread of dying in Florida and having my wife return with my body,
was such that I concentrated all my prayers to that one point. I prayed
the Lord to enable me to get home, that I might die in the midst of my
family. I felt and prayed that if He would enable me to reach home, He
could have the rest all His own way, without any further petition. He
enabled me to rally, gave a week of the best weather of the whole
season, brought me home under the most favorable circumstances, and I
never afterwards felt free to ask Him to restore me to health, and have
never done it. It may be wrong, but I promised to let Him have the rest
all His own way, and my prayers have ever since conformed to that idea.
I never could have believed, till I experienced it, that one could
become so indifferent as to whether he lived or died, I saw many days,
after my return from Florida, when it was a matter of perfect
indifference to me; previous anxiety to get home, and the resolution to
leave all the rest to the Lord, had no doubt much to do with it. I
observed this, however: that as hope revived, a desire to live would
arise in proportion. When there was little or no prospect, there was
little or no concern.
When I was at my worst, I decided, taking my past and present condition
into consideration, the medicine I was taking, the attention received,
etc., that if I did not take a turn for the better by a certain day,
then in three days the case would be entirely hopeless. In the
afternoon of that day the change came. That evening I took some
nourishment--the first for fourteen days.
After I sufficiently recovered to be able to do anything, I was anxious
to get my business arranged, with a view to death. I never expected to
be able to write another editorial, and I was concerned about making
some arrangement by which to get rid of the _Guide_ and its
responsibility. I was not pleased with its business management, and did
not want to leave it as the property of my family, not knowing what
trouble it might give nor what expense it might involve them in. And
without a change in management, I knew it could never be of any profit.
I wrote for Bro. Srygley to come, and I sold him my remaining
half-interest. My purpose was to resign, and thus have no further
connection with it. But he would not buy unless I would agree to let my
name remain, with a promise to resume the responsibility of chief
editor if I should ever get able; and the firm would consent to the
sale only upon these conditions. So I had to sell upon those
conditions, or not sell at all.
The latter part of September the company urged me to begin to write
again, if it were at all possible, even if it were only a few
paragraphs each week. They said the impression everywhere entertained
that I would not recover, was injuring the paper very much. The people
were losing interest in it. They insisted that I should counteract that
feeling as much as possible. Under this pressure, though confined to my
bed and suffering every hour, I began writing, the first of October,
and never after missed a week. That winter I stayed at home, and was
not out of my room for eight months. The last of August I started to
Midway, to see Dr. Lucy. I got as far as Louisville, and could get no
further. We dispatched for the Doctor, and he came down. After resting
a few days I got home, the last of August, and I was not out of the
door again till the last of April. During that winter I did a large
amount of writing, besides my weekly work on the _Guide_.
June 10 I went to Louisville to attend the International Sunday-school
Convention, but was able to get out only a few times. I attended the
State meeting at Paris, but was able to take no part. I greatly enjoyed
meeting with the brethren, and hearing them concerning the things of
the kingdom of God. These convocations are seasons of refreshing from
the presence of the Lord.
The first of October we went to Mason, in South-west Texas, to spend
the winter. Here, as at De Land, it looked as if the hand of Providence
guided us. We knew no one there, but we found some of the dearest and
best friends of our lives. They had been taking the _Guide_, and, in
competition with several other places that wanted us, made such a
liberal offer that our trip cost us nothing. They seemed to anticipate
all our wants, and find great pleasure in supplying them. The Lord has
always blessed me with many good friends--more than I deserved. I have
felt, for a number of years, that I was greatly overestimated, and it
has been a source of no little humiliation. I should have quit
editorial work several years ago, and lived in obscurity here at my
retired home, if I could have done so. I appreciate the good opinion of
my brethren, to the extent that I think it is merited; but to realize
that I am not what I am thought by some to be, is a great
mortification.
I am now at home enjoying the company of my family, the quiet of my
home, with every want anticipated and supplied by a devoted wife and
children, pleasantly, though in much feebleness, doing my work on the
_Guide_, and putting in my spare time in other writing. I find my
greatest pleasure in being about my Father's business. I must be
employed. I expect to thus work on till the Master says, "It is
enough."
MT. BYRD, Ky., June 13, 1885.