the last month, has been pressing a little hard on my strength,
but more on my spirits. The loss of my dearest Mary was so
deeply felt by my poor desolate heart, that, at times, I bore
up with difficulty; but the Lord shewed me that my sorrow was
so selfish, so earthly, so unworthy of his love, and poured in
besides such hopes and prospects as to my future work, that
sustained and comforted me.
I send with this a Journal of four months, from which you will
see what has been passing amongst us.
I have lately received many letters from my dear brethren at
Aleppo, and I think either Mr. Cronin or Mr. and Mrs. Parnell
will come to me the first opportunity, which will be an
unspeakable relief to my mind; for I long for some one to whom
I may unburthen my soul; for although my Lord is always near,
yet, as I see in Paul, so I find in myself, that the society of
Christian brethren and sisters, so long as we are in the flesh,
will always afford a sweet consolation.
I feel that Jesus meant his Church to be a body, not isolated
members. We have each a little ministry essential to the
happiness and building up of the mystical body--that there
should be no schism, but that all the members might love and
care one for the other.
This place has been governed by Georgians, Apostate Christians,
just as the Memelukes, another race of Apostate Christians,
formerly governed Egypt. The Sultan has extirpated the first,
and now the second, and the Janissaries who had a somewhat
similar origin, have, at Stamboul, experienced a similar fate.
Those of the Georgians who have had their lives spared will be
sent to Stamboul. It is certainly the design of Ali Pasha and
the Sultan, to make many changes here, and I wait to see the
Lord's goings. It appears to me probable that most important
openings may be afforded by these changes to our operations in
these quarters: but I have seen such things these last twelve
months, that my soul rests only upon God, to see how he will
move. His ways are so deep, so out of sight, that what we think
likely, He, in a month, brings to nothing, and yet in his own
good time, will bring the most wonderful and unexpected things
to pass. I have never ceased to bless God for the sweet
assurance of his unchanging love, for the sake of Him who is
our life, our dear and blessed Jesus. He has supplied me, I
know not how, in the midst of famine, pestilence, and war; and
though I have heard from none in England for more than a year,
especially from those that supply my wants, the Lord has not
suffered me to want, or to be in debt, and though the
necessaries of life have amounted to almost twenty times their
value during our late trials, he has not suffered me personally
to be much affected by it. His loving-kindness and care have
been wonderful.
Of all the political and religious agitations of England, I
have heard only whispers; but I am very anxious to receive a
full account. For many months all communication has been
entirely cut off; not a message has come though the road has
now been open a month.
The Lord has graciously allowed me to see the signs of
spiritual life in three souls of late, through my
instrumentality; and as the Lord gives me utterance, I trust I
shall be able to speak to many others. The difficulties of the
language are fading away one by one. I had occasion to
translate a public document from the new Pasha to the Resident
at Bussorah, concerning business of the utmost importance and
secrecy, in which the Resident, who is a most competent judge,
tells me I succeeded fully.
I often think my dear friends in England will be sadly
discouraged at the Lord's dealings with our mission: so
difficult is it to act faith in dark seasons. However, should
their faith and hope fail, the Lord will either raise up others
or find me some little occupation by which I may live. His
goodness in the way of provision has been so wonderfully
manifested, that my heart feels quite easy that He will find a
way for the support of his servant.
_Oct. 24._--Since writing the above, I have received your
letter of March last, by Bombay. Oh! how welcome it came! Oh!
how it refreshed me! Surely there exists not in the world a
more loving little Church than these dear believers amongst
whom the Lord has brought us into one fellowship. I assure you,
widely as I am separated from this beloved family in body, I am
truly one with them in spirit, and am greatly refreshed by the
springs of the Lord's grace, that run amongst them.
I received several letters with yours, from England and
Ireland; and the zeal of those dear friends who had provided
for my school, made me finally determine, the Lord willing, and
supplying me masters, to try again. I have sent one of the
bigger boys round, and I trust, with new boys, I shall begin
with thirty.
The Bible Society have sent me a number of Books with a
generous letter, nobly generous as to the principles of
distribution. And there appears a prospect of great changes
which may open a much wider door of usefulness here than I now
have: I had thoughts of leaving this place, but the Resident
entreats me not to go, and promises, should any thing happen to
me, that he will be a father to my dear boys, till he can send
them by an unexceptionable opportunity to England. All these
things make me feel that the Lord still means me to stay here,
and see his salvation.--Infidelity is making open and manifest
strides amongst the Mohammedans on the other side of the
desert, and in Persia, and we shall soon see the same spirit
that is working in Europe working here: amidst these tempests,
I sometimes think 'tis hard to live. Yet, my dear friend, it is
sweet to live hardly for Jesus.
After all my sufferings and all my sorrows, my heart is not
discouraged. We have first the clods of the language to break
up, then to prepare the ground, then to sow the seed, and
through all to look for the precious showers from on high, and
lastly for the fruit. Let us, then, like the husbandman
patiently wait.
The evil of the pressure of the world on the soul I feel as
fully as you can do; not the luxurious worldliness of Europe,
yet the pursuit of the language, and the absolute
uncongeniality of all around, disorders the soul greatly.
During Mary's life, or rather pilgrimage, I never wanted
spiritual refreshment; I sometimes used to fear it stole away
those hours that the language and other calls demanded; but now
whilst I am sensibly proceeding in the language, my soul knows
not that animated joy of heavenly communion with the saints on
earth which I once enjoyed. Jesus still is near, still comforts
and supports; but yet I feel he meant his Church to be a body.
The miserable substitute of man's ordination for the Holy
Ghost's, has destroyed the true unison and order of the Church
of Christ, by substituting that which is artificial for that
which is of God; by appointing man to be the artificer of a
work God alone can accomplish. Now the Church presents a
monstrous aspect, a great mis-shapen head called the clergy,
and as mis-shapen a body called the laity. All the members
being crowded into the head, and leaving the body without
office or service, this did not the Spirit. How blessed it is
among all these disorders to know that the Lord cares for his
own, and will keep them as the apple of his eye, watching day
and night lest any hurt them. Thus, were we preserved when we
little thought it, by our Shepherd's care. There is something,
I think, in this view of the body being thus composed of
members of various orders, various services, from the most
minute to the most important, all tending to the one great end,
the glory of the only Head and the Church's glory in him, that
greatly comforts the weak. When the Lord first led me to feel
interested in the service of his cause abroad, I framed to
myself some _beau-ideal_ of a missionary that if I now
entertained would destroy all happiness. Since the Lord has led
me to see how truly low my place is in his holy blessed body,
amidst all this humiliation he makes me feel happy in the
thought I am a member, though embracing little that pride would
lead to aim at. If I am but allowed to minister to my dear and
holy brethren on the other side of the desert I shall feel
happy and thankful. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with the
condescension that he should allow me to feel part of his
mystical body, though so weak so useless.
On the subject of baptism all the dear brethren at Aleppo have
finally agreed and been baptized; thus the last little
difference that I know between us is closed. How gracious the
Lord is!
The Lord has laid his hand heavily on them. Dear Newman is but
just raised from a bed of sickness. The schoolmaster whom they
brought is so unwell, that dear John Parnell and his wife have
taken him for the change of air to the water's side; they too
have both been very ill. Mrs. Cronan is daily getting weaker
and weaker, so they are prevented joining me now from ill
health, as before from the disturbances, and in a short time
Mrs. Parnell expects to be confined, which will still delay
them, as well as the expectation of a friend or two from
England and Ireland. Should the Lord not remove these
difficulties to their coming before the spring, and my Bibles
and Testaments arrive from Bussorah, I purpose, the Lord
willing, perhaps even in about two months, going by the way of
Mosul, Merdin, Diarbekr, Orsa, and Beer to Aleppo, there to
consult and to be refreshed, should the Lord graciously smile
upon us, and in my way to distribute his word and see the state
of the places above mentioned.
When Mr. Newman was at the worst, and they had given up all
hopes of him, they anointed him with oil according to the 14th
of the 5th of James, and prayed over him, and the Lord had
mercy on them, yea, and on me also, and restored him. It seems
to me truly scriptural, and if the Church of Rome has perverted
it to superstitious ends, ought we therefore to cast aside so
plain a precept? By many it would be called plain popery, but
this we must bear. I can feel a happiness in submitting to
these directions of the Lord by the Spirit; they seem to us
little, but surely whatsoever is of sufficient importance for
the Spirit to command or direct, is sufficiently important for
us worms to obey. With regard to miracles my mind is not at
present prepared to embrace them fully: but this I do feel that
the Apostle Paul, in Corinthians 12 and 14, when speaking of
supernatural gifts for the edifying the Church and doing the
work of God, points them out as things to be desired and prayed
for then, and if they were desired to be prayed for then, why
not now? I look on the argument from experience in the churches
as of no weight, for unless it can be proved the churches have
received faith on these powers, their not possessing the
power is according to the whole analogy of faith. That
distinguishing between apostolic times and present times is to
my mind so dangerous a principle, and puts into the hands of
any one so disposed, a sword that seems to me to reach the very
vitals of the Gospel.
I would have you pray for me, especially that Christ may be in
me daily, my glorious loving Lord and satisfying portion, whose
presence can make even this waste howling wilderness like the
garden of Eden. Little did I think how poor I was in the
anointed Lamb of God till he stripped me bare, and left me here
to stand months alone with himself, and then I saw how much of
that apparent love and zeal I felt flowed from human fountains.
I bless his name, he left me yet a little while untainted to
cheer, support, and comfort me, but my stature, my dear friend,
I pray I may not again, mistake nor think I am approaching
towards manhood when a very child in spiritual growth. When
surrounded by all the love and kindness I experienced amongst
you, encouraged by your sympathy and prayers, those thousand
weaknesses I since have felt I hardly know the smart of. Amidst
dangers, sorrows, and death I have walked for many months; and
these scenes have tried the very foundation, yet it was most
gracious of the Lord, when he let the plague reach me and laid
me on my couch to give me the sweetest comfort from a full
assurance of his favour and forgiveness, when there was as I
thought but a step between me and death. Yet whilst he has
never left me without the sense of being his, He has shewn me
how much I have to aim at, how earnestly to desire to be filled
with all his fulness.
BAGDAD, _Dec. 25th, 1831_.
Your most kind and welcome letter arrived this day, together
with several others from my beloved friends in England, all by
Bombay. It does, indeed, truly refresh my heart, to hear of the
Lord's love to you all. Do you not praise God for these dear
brothers and sisters he has given us? How rich we are in our
sweet little church; a more loving, holy, and blessed little
family cannot surely be found upon earth. Unworthy as I am to
be one of you, yet I bless God that I am one. My heart is
running over with thankfulness at the Lord's goodness to you
all, and to me through you, and be not discouraged because I am
blasted, and my bough no longer green, as it once was, the Lord
has yet dealt most bountifully with me. In all but my dear
Mary's place my path is opening again. I have hired one
schoolmaster, and expect another. My English boys are most
zealous and attached: my prospects of Bible circulation in
Persia much opening. To the Jews here I have sold all my Hebrew
Bibles, at about 3s. 6d. each: this is more to them than 12s.
would be in England, and though it seems little, it answers an
end of getting God's word amongst them. I had an Armenian
bishop with me the other day, asking for Persian Testaments to
send to Ispahan; and a Roman Catholic merchant has promised to
take a parcel for me to Teheran, and to distribute them there.
Besides these there are others whom I hope to find subservient
to this end. For some days I had been making preparations to
cross the desert, in order to consult with my dear brethren
there about our future measures; but when I came to put
together all the items of expense, I found I had not money
enough, so I gave up the plan of going with my dear boys, and
proposed waiting till Major Taylor came, and leaving them in
the Residency, under his and dear Mrs. Taylor's kind care, to
go alone. Your letter, however, has relieved all my pecuniary
difficulties, and we shall now go altogether or remain
together. The love of you all in thinking of and caring for me
quite overwhelms me, as I see it to be the Lord's love in and
through you all. He not only feeds us in this wilderness, but
also provides for the school, so as to overwhelm me with a
sense of his care over the most unworthy of his servants. My
wonder is, how it is possible for me to love him so little.
Since I left England, this is the first purpose I really
thought desirable, that the want of sufficient money has put a
stop to; and this you see but for a moment; not but that I can
get money at any time, but I am determined not to borrow money
till my affairs come to the utmost straits, and then only for
the simplest necessaries.
I have received a letter from England, which gives me a painful
impression of the state of most of the religious societies.
Indeed, I fear they cannot stand on their present basis. May
the Lord gently lead them right. The spirit of compromise to
gain the world has ruined all; yet are there some sweet spirits
amongst them. I would rather have the love that could love
amidst a thousand faults, than the zeal that will endure but
one. Some, I know, would call this a sickly sort of feeling,
but the more I see of their fiery condemnation and sarcastic
scorn, the more I am sure it is not of Christ. It is only
turning the truth of God into a sort of chimney for the escape
of nature's pride and passion.
My second plan for going to Aleppo has been defeated by my
having heard a very bad account of the Arab Sheikh of the
Caravan. The Lord graciously gave me an opportunity of seeing
his true character before I was alone involved with him in the
desert, where, indeed, you are fearfully at their mercy, and
where they have so many means of oppressing you.
_Dec. 29._--How gracious it was of the Lord to send me your
letter, just before expense became inevitable, for either for
the journey, or for shutting up; you must expend money, as
during the time of the plague raging, you can obtain nothing,
not even bread, and, if you could, you would be afraid to use
it. What unspeakable peace it brings to the soul to have Jesus
to look to, and to know that his eye is not averted, though all
seems dark. Blessed doctrines of grace! how they comfort when
the soul would sink under sin: to know that for Christ's sake
we are pardoned. Yea, though we have played the harlot with
many lovers, the Lord has restored us, and decked us for his
bride against the day of his espousals. Oh what a day, the day
of the marriage supper of the Lamb will be, may our hearts be
waiting for it, with holy expectation. Pray for me that my
faith fail not, nor my Lord's love even appear little in my
eyes; but that I may always be enabled to say, "Though he slay
me yet will I trust in him." If it be, that all my hopes
finish, may his holy blessed will be done. I often wonder how
he keeps up my hope as he does; but still I do hope even
against hope: and I would call upon you, and all my dear
friends, brethren, and sisters in Christ, to rejoice with me at
the prospect of that blessed day which is dawning upon us, when
we shall see our beloved as he is, and dwell with him for ever,
when our vile bodies will be changed and made like unto his
glorious body, when the whole number of his elect family will
be completed, and we shall reign with him in glory.
_Jan. 16, 1832._--My dear little boy, Frank, is just laid down
in a fever, so I cannot now go to Aleppo. Thus the Lord
frustrates all our plans and purposes.
THE END.
End of Project Gutenberg's Journal of a Residence at Bagdad, by Anthony Groves