But when our father came not here,
I thought if we could find the sea
We should be sure to meet him there,
And once again might happy be.--Ballad.
“What was Dr. Lucas saying to you?” asked Carey, sitting up in bed after
her breakfast.
“He said, my dear, that you were really well now,” said Mrs. Lucas,
tenderly; “and that you only wanted rousing.”
She clasped her hands together.
“Yes, I know it. I have been knowing it all yesterday and last night. It
hasn’t been right of me, keeping you all this time, and not facing it.”
“I don’t think you could, my dear.”
“Not at first. It seems to me like having been in a whirlpool, and those
two went down in it.” She put her hands to her temples. “But I must do
it all now, and I will. I’ll get up now. Oh! dear, if they only would
let me come down and go about quietly.” Then smiling a piteous smile.
“It is very naughty, but of all things I dread the being cried over and
fondled by Ellen!”
Mrs. Lucas shook her head, though the tears were in her eyes, and
bethought her whether she could caution Mrs. Robert Brownlow not to be
too demonstrative; but it was a delicate matter in which to interfere,
and after all, whatever she might think beforehand, Caroline might miss
these tokens of feeling.
She had sat up for some hours the evening before, so that there was no
fear of her not being strong enough to get up as she proposed; but how
would it be when she left her room, and beheld all that she could not
have realised?
However, matters turned out contrary to all expectation. Mrs. Lucas was
in the drawing-room, talking to the Colonel’s wife, and Janet up stairs
helping her mother to dress, when there was a sound of feet on the
stairs, the door hastily opened for a moment, and two rough-headed,
dusty little figures were seen for one moment, startling Mrs. Brownlow
with the notion of little beggars; but they vanished in a moment, and
were heard chattering up stairs with calls of “Mother! Mother Carey!”
And looking out, they beheld at the top of the stairs the two little
fellows hanging one on each side of Carey, who was just outside her
door, with her hair down, in her white dressing gown, kneeling between
them, all the three almost devouring one another.
“Jockie! Armie! my dears! How did you come? Where are the rest?”
“Still at Kyve,” said Jock. “Mother we have done such a thing--we came
to tell you of it.”
“We’ve lost the man’s boat,” added Armine, “and we must give him the
money for another.”
“What is it? What is it, Caroline?” began her sister-in-law; but Mrs.
Lucas touched her arm, and as a mother herself, she saw that mother
and sons had best be left to one another, and let them retreat into the
bedroom, Carey eagerly scanning her two little boys, who had a battered,
worn, unwashed look that puzzled her as much as their sudden appearance,
which indeed chimed in with the strange dreamy state in which she had
lived ever since that telegram. But their voices did more to restore her
to ordinary life than anything else could have done; and their hearts
were so full of their own adventure, that they poured it out before
remarking anything,--
“How did you come, my dear boys?”
“We walked, after the omnibus set us down at Charing Cross, because we
hadn’t any more money,” said Armine. “I’m so tired.” And he nestled
into her lap, seeming to quell the beating of her aching heart by his
pressure.
“This is it, mother,” said Jock, pulling her other arm round him. “We
two went down to the beach yesterday, and we saw a little boat--Peter
Lary’s pretty little boat, you know, that is so light--and we got in to
rock in her, and then I thought I would pull about in her a little.”
“Oh! Jock, Jock, how could you?”
“I’d often done it with Allen and Young Pete,” said Jock, defensively.
“But by yourselves!” she said in horror.
“Nobody told us not,” said Jock rather defiantly; and Armine, who, with
his little sister Barbara, always seemed to live where dreamland and
reality bordered on each other, looked up in her face and innocently
said--
“Mrs. Acton read us about the Rocky Island, and she said father and
granny had brought their boats to the beautiful country, and that we
ought to go after them, and there was the bright path along the sea, and
I thought we would go too, and that it would be nicer if Jock went with
me.”
“I knew it did not mean that,” said Jock, hanging his mischievous black
head a little, as he felt her shudder; “but I thought it would be such
fun to be Columbus.”
“And then? Oh! my boys, what a fearful thing! Thank God I have you
here.”
“I wasn’t frightened,” said Jock, with uplifted head; “we could both
row, couldn’t we, Armie? and the tide was going out, and it was so
jolly; it seemed to take us just where we wanted to go, out to that
great rock, you know, mother, that Bobus called the Asses’ Bridge.”
Carey knew that the current at the mouth of the river did, at high tide,
carry much drift to the base of this island, and she could understand
how her two boys had been floated thither. Jock went on--
“We had a boat-hook, and I pulled up to the island; I did, mother, and
I made fast the boat to a little stick, and we went out to explore the
island.”
“It has a crater in the top, mother, and we think it must be an instinct
volcano,” said Armine, looking up sleepily.
“And there were such lots of jolly little birds,” went on Jock.
“Never mind that now. What happened?”
“Why, the brute of a boat got away,” said Jock, much injured, “when I’d
made her ever so fast. She pulled up the stick, I’m sure she did, for I
can tie a knot as well as Pete.”
“So you could not get away?”
“No, and we’d got nothing to eat but chocolate creams and periwinkles,
and Armie wouldn’t look at them, and I don’t think I could while they
were alive. So I hoisted a signal of distress, made of my tie, for we’d
lost our pocket-handkerchiefs. I was afraid they would think we were
pirates, and not venture to come near us, for we’d only got black flags,
and it was a very, very long time, but at last, just as it got a little
darkish, and Armie was crying--poor little chap--that steamer came
by that always goes between Porthole and Kyvemouth on Tuesdays and
Thursdays. I hailed and I hailed, and they saw or heard, and sent a boat
and took us on board. The people all came and looked at us, and one of
them said I was a plucky little chap; he did, mother, and that I’d the
making of an admiral in me; and a lady gave us such a jolly paper of
sandwiches. But you see the steamer was going to Porthole, and the
captain said he could not anyhow put back to Kyve, but he must take us
on, and we must get back by train.”
Mother Carey understood this, for the direct line ran to Porthole, and
there was a small junction station whence a branch ran to Kyvemouth,
from which Kyve St. Clements was some three miles distant.
“Were you carried on?” she asked.
“Well, yes, but we meant it,” said Jock. “I remembered the boat. I knew
father would say we must buy another, so I asked the captain what was
the price of one, for Armine and I had each got half-a-sovereign.”
“How was that?”
“An old gentleman the day before was talking to Mr. Acton. I think he is
some great swell, for he has got a yacht, and servants, and a carriage,
and lots of things; and he said, ‘What! are those poor Brownlow’s boys?
bless me!’ and he tipped us each. Allen and Bobus were to go with Mr.
Acton and have a sail in his yacht, but they said we should be too many,
so we thought we’d get a new boat, but the Captain--”
“Said your money would go but a little way,” put in Caroline.
“He laughed!” said Jock, as a great offence; “and said that was a matter
for our governor, and we had better go home and tell as fast as we
could. There was a train just starting when we got in to Porthole, and
somebody got our tickets for us, and Armie went fast off to sleep, and
I, when I came to think about it, thought we would not get out at the
junction, but come on home at once, Mother Carey, and tell you all about
it. When Armie woke--why, he’s asleep now--he said he would rather come
home than to Kyve.”
“Then you travelled all night?”
“Yes, there was a jolly old woman who made us a bed with her shawl,
only I tumbled off three times and bumped myself, and she gave us
gooseberries, and cake, and once when we stopped a long time a porter
got us a cup of tea. Then when we came to where they take the tickets,
I think the man was going to make a row, but the guard came up and told
him all about it, and I gave him my two half-sovereigns, and he gave me
back fourteen shillings change, for he said we were only half-price and
second class. Then when once I was in London,” said Jock, as if his foot
was on his native heath, “of course I knew what to be at.”
“Have you had nothing to eat?”
“We had each a bun when we got out at Charing Cross, but I’m awfully
hungry, mother!”
“I should think so. Janet, my dear, go and order some breakfast for
them.”
“And,” said Janet, “must not the others be dreadfully frightened about
them at Kyve?”
That question startled her mother into instant action.
“Of course they must! Poor Clara! poor Allen! They must be in a dreadful
state. I must telegraph to them at once.”
She lifted Armine off gently to her bed, scarcely disturbing him,
twisted up her hair in summary fashion, and the dress, which her friends
had dreaded her seeing, was on, she hardly knew how, as she bade old
nurse see to Jock’s washing, dressing, and making himself tidy, and
then amazed the other ladies by running into the drawing-room crying
breathlessly--
“I must telegraph to the Actons,” and plunging to the depths of a drawer
in the davenport.
“Caroline, your cap!”
For it was on the back of the head that had never worn a cap before. And
not only then, but for the most part whenever they met, those tears and
caresses, that poor Mother Carey so much feared, were checked midway by
the instinct that made Aunt Ellen run at her with a great pin and cry--
“Caroline, your cap.”
She was still, after having had it fixed, kneeling down, searching for
a form for telegraphing, when the door was opened, and in came Colonel
Brownlow, looking very pale and fearfully shocked.
“Ellen!” he began, “how shall I ever tell that poor child? Here is Mr.
Acton.”
But at that moment up sprang Mother Carey, and as Mr. Acton entered the
room she leapt forward--
“Oh! I was just going to telegraph! They are safe! they are here! Jock,
Jock!”
And downstairs came tumbling and rushing that same little imp, while the
astonishment of his uncle and aunt only allowed them to utter the one
word, “John!”
Mr. Acton drew a long breath, and said, “You have given us a pretty
fright, boy.”
“Here’s the paper,” added Carey; “telegraph to Clara at once. Ring the
bell, Jock; I’ll send to the office.”
All questions were suspended while Mr. Acton wrote the telegram, and
then it appeared that the boat had been picked up empty, with Armine’s
pocket-handkerchief full of shells in it, and the boys had been given up
for lost, it having been concluded that, if they had been seen, the boat
also would have been taken in tow, and not cast loose to tell the tale.
The two elder boys were almost broken-hearted, and would have been wild
to come back to their mother, had it not been impossible to leave poor
little Barbara, who clung fast to them, as the only shreds left to her
of home and protection. They would at least be comforted in the space of
a quarter of an hour!
Carey was completely herself and full of vigour while Mr. Acton was
there, consoling him when he lamented not having taken better care, and
refusing when he tried to persuade her to accompany him back to Kyve.
Neither would Janet return with him, feeling it impossible to relax such
watch as she could keep over the Magnum Bonum papers, even though she
much longed for her brothers.
“I should insist on her going,” said Aunt Ellen, “after all she has gone
through.”
“I don’t think I can,” said Carey. “You would not send away your
Jessie?”
Ellen did not quite say that her pretty, sweet, caressing Jessie was
different, but she thought it all the same.
Carey did not fulfil her intentions of going into matters of business
with her brother-in-law that day, for little Armine, always delicate,
had been so much knocked up by his course of adventures, that he needed
her care all the rest of the day. Nor would she have been fit for
anything else, for when his aunt recommended a totally different
treatment for his ailments, she had no spirit to argue, but only
looked pale and determined, being too weary and dejected to produce her
arguments.
Jock was sufficiently tired to be quiescent in the nursery, where she
kept him with her, feeling, in his wistful eyes, and even in poor little
Armine’s childish questions, something less like blank desolation than
her recent apathy had been, as if she were waking to thrills of pain
after the numbness of a blow.
Urged by a restless night and an instinctive longing for fresh air, she
took a long walk in the park before anyone came down the next morning,
with only Jock for her companion, and she came to the breakfast table
with a freshened look, though with a tremulous faintness in her voice,
and she let Janet continue tea maker, scarcely seeming to hear or
understand the casual remarks around her; but afterwards she said in a
resolute tone, “Robert, I am ready whenever you wish to speak to me.”
So in the drawing-room the Colonel, with the two wills in his hand,
found himself face to face with her. He was the more nervous of the two,
being, much afraid of upsetting that composure which scandalised his
wife, but which he preferred to tears; and as he believed her to be a
mere child in perception, he explained down to her supposed level,
while she listened in a strange inert way, feeling it hard to fix her
attention, yet half-amused by the simplicity of his elucidations. “Would
Ellen need to be told what an executor meant?” thought she.
She was left sole guardian of the children, “the greatest proof of
confidence a parent can give,” impressively observed the Colonel,
wondering at the languor of her acquiescence, and not detecting the
thought, “Dear Joe! of course! as if he would have done anything else!”
“Of course,” continued the Colonel, “he never expected that it would
have proved more than a nominal matter, a mere precaution. For my own
part, I can only say that I shall be always ready to assist you with
advice or authority if ever you should find the charge too onerous for
you.”
“Thank you,” was all she could bring herself to say at that moment,
feeling that her boys were her own, though the next she was recollecting
that this was no doubt the reason Joe had bidden her live at
Kenminster, and in a pang of self-reproach, was hardly attending to the
technicalities of the matters of property which were being explained to
her.
Her husband had not been able to save much, but his life insurance was
for a considerable sum, and there was also the amount inherited from his
parents. A portion of the means which his mother had enjoyed passed to
the elder brother, and Mrs. Brownlow had sunk most of her individual
property in the purchase of the house in which they lived. By the terms
of Joseph’s will, everything was left to Caroline unreservedly, save
for a stipulation that all, on her death, should be divided among the
children, as she should appoint. The house was not even secured to
Allen, so that she could let or sell it as she thought advisable.
“I could not sell it,” said Carey quickly, feeling it her first and only
home. “I hope to see Allen practising there some day.”
“It is not in a situation where you could sell it to so much advantage
as you would have by letting it to whoever takes the practice.”
She winced, but it was needful to listen, as he told her of the offers
that had been made for the house and the good-will of the practice.
What he had thought the best offer was, however, rejected by her with
vehemence. She was sure that Joe would never stand that man coming in
upon his patients, and when asked for her reasons, would only reply,
that “None of us could bear him.”
“That is no reason why he should not be a good practitioner and
respectable man. He may not be what you like in society, and yet--”
“Ask Dr. Lucas,” hastily interrupted Carey.
“Perhaps that will be the best way,” said the Colonel gravely. “Will you
promise to abide by his decision?”
“I don’t know! I mean, if everyone decided against me, _nothing_ should
induce me to let _that_ Vaughan into Joe’s house to meddle with his
patients.”
Colonel Brownlow made a sign of displeased acquiescence, so like his
brother when Carey was a little impetuous or naughty, that she instantly
felt shocked at herself, and faltered, “I beg your pardon.”
He seemed not to notice this, but went on, “As you say, it may be wise
to consult Dr. Lucas. Perhaps, putting it up to competition would be the
best way.”
“Oh, no,” said Caroline. “Have you a letter from Dr. Drake?”
“No.”
“Then depend upon it he must have too much delicacy to begin about it so
soon. I had rather he had it than anyone else.”
“Can he make a fair offer for it? You cannot afford to throw away a
substantial benefit for preferences,” said the Colonel. “At the outside,
you will not have more than five hundred pounds a year, and I fear you
will feel much straitened after what you are used to, with four boys,
and such ideas as to their education,” he added smiling.
“I don’t know, but I am sure it is what Joe would wish. He had rather
trust his patients to Harry--to Dr. Drake--than to anyone, and he is
just going to be married, and wants a practice; I shall write to him. It
is so nice of him not to have pressed forward.”
“You will not commit yourself?” said Colonel Brownlow. “Remember that
your children’s interests are at stake, and must not be sacrificed to a
predilection.”
Again Caroline felt fiery and furious, and less inclined than ever to
submit her judgment as she said, “You can inquire, but I know what Joe
thought of him.”
“His worthiness is not the point, but whether he can indemnify you.”
“His worthiness not the point!” cried Caroline, indignantly. “I think it
all the point.”
“You misunderstand me; you totally misunderstand me,” exclaimed the
Colonel trying hard to be gentle. “I never meant to recommend an
unworthy man.”
“You wanted Vaughan,” murmured Mother Carey, but he did not regard the
words, perhaps did not hear them, for he went on: “My brother in such
a case would have taken a reasonable view, and placed the good of his
children before any amiable desire to benefit a--a--one unconnected with
him. However,” he added, “there is no reason against writing to him,
provided you do not commit yourself.”
Caroline hated the word, but endured it, and the rest of the interview
was spent upon some needful signatures, and on the question of her
residence at Kenminster, an outlook which she contemplated as part of
the darkness into which her life seemed to have suddenly dashed forward.
One place would be much the same as another to her, and she could only
hear with indifference about the three houses, possible, and the rent,
garden, and number of rooms.
She was very glad when it was over, and the Colonel, saying he should go
and consult Dr. Lucas, gave her back the keys he had taken from Janet,
and said that perhaps she would prefer looking over the papers before
he himself did so, with a view to accounts; but he should advise all
professional records to be destroyed.
It may be feared that the two executors did not respect or like each,
other much the better for the interview, which had made the widow feel
herself even more desolate and sore-hearted.
She ran, downstairs, locked the door of the consulting room, opened the
lid of the bureau, and kneeling down with her head among all the papers,
she sobbed with long-drawn, tearless sobs, “O father! O Joe! how could
you bid me live there? He makes me worse! They will make me worse and
worse, and now you are gone, and Granny is gone, there’s nobody to make
me good; and what will become of the children?”
Then she looked drearily on the papers that lay before her, as if his
hand-writing at least gave a sort of nearness. There was a memorandum
book which had been her birthday present to him, and she felt drawn to
open it. The first she saw after her own writing of his name was--
“‘Magnum Bonum. So my sweet wife insists on calling this possibility, of
which I will keep the notes in her book.
“‘Magnum Bonum! Whether it so prove, and whether I may be the means of
making it known, must be as God may will. May He give me the power of
persevering, to win, or to fail, or to lay the foundation for other men,
whichever may be the best, with a true heart, heeding His glory, and
acting as His servant to reveal His mysteries of science for the good of
His children.
“‘And above all, may He give us all to know and feel the true and only
Magnum Bonum, the great good, which alone makes success or failure, loss
or gain, life or death, alike blessed in Him and through Him.’”
Carey gazed on those words, as she sat in the large arm-chair, whither
she had moved on opening the book. She had always known that religion
was infinitely more to her husband than ever it had been to herself. She
had done what he led her to do, and had a good deal of intellectual and
poetical perception and an uprightness, affection, and loyalty of
nature that made her anxious to do right, but devotion was duty, and
not pleasure to her; she was always glad when it was over, and she was
feeling that the thoughts which were said to comfort others were quite
unable to reach her grief. There was no disbelief nor rebellion about
her, only a dull weariness, and an inclination which she could hardly
restrain, even while it shocked her, to thrust aside those religious
consolations that were powerless to soothe her. She knew it was not
their fault, she did not doubt of their reality; it was she who was not
good enough to use them.
These words of Joe were to her as if he were speaking to her again. She
laid them on her knee, murmured them over fondly, looked at them, and
finally, for she was weak still and had had a bad night, fell fast
asleep over them, and only wakened, as shouts of “Mother” were heard
over the house.
She locked the bureau in a hurry, and opened the door, calling back to
the boys, and then she found that Aunt Ellen had taken all the three out
walking, when Jock and Armine, with the remains of their money burning
in their pockets, had insisted on buying two little ships, which must
necessarily be launched in the Serpentine. Their aunt could by no means
endure this, and Janet did not approve, so there seemed to have been a
battle royal, in which Jock would have been the victor, if his little
brother had not been led off captive between his aunt and sister,
when Jock went along on the opposite side of the road, asserting his
independence by every sort of monkey trick most trying to his aunt’s
rural sense of London propriety.
It was very ridiculous to see the tall, grave, stately Mrs. Robert
Brownlow standing there describing the intolerable naughtiness of
that imp, who, not a bit abashed, sat astride on the balustrade in the
comfortable conviction that he was not hers.
“I hope, at least,” concluded the lady, “that you will make them feel
how bad their behaviour has been.”
“Jock,” said Carey mechanically, “I am afraid you have behaved very ill
to your aunt.”
“Why, Mother Carey,” said that little wretch, “it is just that she
doesn’t know anything about anything in London.”
“Yes,” chimed in little Armine, who was hanging to his mother’s skirts;
“she thought she should get to the Park by Duke Street.”
“That did not make it right for you not to be obedient,” said Carey,
trying for severity.
“But we couldn’t, mother.”
“Couldn’t?” both echoed.
“No,” said Jock, “or we should be still in Piccadilly. Mother Carey, she
told us not to cross till it was safe.”
“And she stood up like the Duke of Bedford in the Square,” added Armine.
Janet caught her mother’s eye, and both felt a spasm of uncontrollable
diversion in their throats, making Janet turn her back, and Carey gasp
and turn on the boys.
“All that is no reason at all. Go up to the nursery. I wish I could
trust you to behave like a gentleman, when your aunt is so kind as to
take you out.”
“I _did_, mother! I did hand her across the street, and dragged her out
from under all the omnibus horses,” said Jock in an injured tone, while
Janet could not refrain from a whispered comparison, “Like a little
steam-tug,” and this was quite too much for all of them, producing an
explosion which made the tall and stately dame look from one to another
in such bewildered amazement, that struck the mother and daughter as so
comical that the one hid her face in her hands with a sort of hysterical
heaving, and the other burst into that painful laughter by which
strained spirits assert themselves in the young.
Mrs. Robert Brownlow, in utter astonishment and discomfiture, turned and
walked off to her own room. Somehow Carey and Janet felt more on
their ordinary terms than they had done all these sad days, in their
consternation and a certain sense of guilt.
Carey could adjudicate now, though trembling still. She made Jock own
that his Serpentine plans had been unjustifiable, and then she added,
“My poor boy, I must punish you. You must remember it, for if you are
not good and steady, what _will_ become of us.”
Jock leapt at her neck. “Mother, do anything to me. I don’t mind, if you
only won’t look at me like that!”
She sat down on the stairs, all in a heap again with him, and sentenced
him to the forfeit of the ship, which he endured with more tolerable
grace, because Armine observed, “Never mind, Skipjack, we’ll go partners
in mine. You shall have half my cargo of gold dust.”
Carey could not find it in her heart to check the voyages of the
remaining ship, over the uncarpeted dining-room; but as she was going,
Armine looked at her with his great soft eyes, and said, “Mother Carey,
have you got to be the scoldy and punishy one now?”
“I must if you need it,” said she, going down on her knees again to
gather the little fellow to her breast; “but, oh, don’t--don’t need it.”
“I’d rather it was Uncle Robert and Aunt Ellen,” said Jock, “for then I
shouldn’t care.”
“Dear Jock, if you only care, I think we sha’n’t want many punishments.
But now I must go to your aunt, for we did behave horribly ill to her.”
Aunt Ellen was kind, and accepted Carey’s apology when she found that
Jock had really been punished. Only she said, “You must be firm with
that boy, Caroline, or you will be sorry for it. My boys know that what
I have said is to be done, and they know it is of no use to disobey. I
am happy to say they mind me at a word; but that John of yours needs
a tight hand. The Colonel thinks that the sooner he is at school the
better.”
Before Carey had time to get into a fresh scrape, the Colonel was
ringing at the door. He had to confess that Dr. Lucas had said Mrs. Joe
Brownlow was right about Vaughan, and had made it plain that his offer
ought not to be accepted, either in policy, or in that duty which the
Colonel began to perceive towards his brother’s patients. Nor did he
think ill of her plan respecting Dr. Drake; and said he would himself
suggest the application which that gentleman was no doubt withholding
from true feeling, for he had been a favourite pupil of Joe Brownlow,
and had been devoted to him. He was sure that Mrs. Brownlow’s good sense
and instinct were to be trusted, a dictum which not a little surprised
her brother-in-law, who had never ceased to think of “poor Joe’s fancy”
as a mere child, and who forgot that she was fifteen years older than at
her marriage.
He told his wife what Dr. Lucas had said, to which she replied, “That’s
just the way. Men know nothing about it.”
However, Dr. Drake’s offer was sufficiently eligible to be accepted.
Moreover, it proved that the most available house at Kenminster could
not be got ready for the family before the winter, so that the move
could not take place till the spring. In the meantime, as Dr. Drake
could not marry till Easter, the lower part of the house was to be given
up to him, and Carey and Janet felt that they had a reprieve.