_House of Commons, Monday, March 4._--PRINCE ARTHUR still away,
dallying with influenza. Recent experience of carefully considered,
but not altogether successful effort at leadership by other wing of
allied army doesn't make Opposition irrepressibly anxious for more.
At least, not just at present. JOKIM shunted off the main line;
HICKS-BEACH takes charge of train in temporary absence of regular
guard. To-night Ireland coyly comes again to front; JOHN MORLEY brings
in still another Land Bill. In such circumstances PRINCE ARTHUR'S
absence, always regrettable, becomes peculiarly unfortunate. He knows
Ireland thoroughly, and where knowledge fails he supplies the lack
with inflexible opinion; which, in an Irish Minister or Ex-Minister,
is the next best thing to knowledge.
Happily there is CARSON and ST. JOHN BRODRICK. They represented Front
Opposition Bench in Committee on Land Question which sat last year. At
one crisis, things not going in Committee exactly as they desired to
conduct them, they haughtily rose and left the room. A striking scene,
never to be effaced from memory of those who witnessed it. It was,
or should have been, like withdrawal of props that sustain mighty
masonry. The temple should forthwith have toppled, burying in its ruin
the ten or twelve Members who had differed from middle-aged youth.
Nothing happened except the Committee went on with its work just as if
it were still sustained by presence and counsel of the retiring two.
Report was completed in sense of majority, and here was presented to
House a Bill founded on its recommendations.
To-night the two props of the Constitution resumed their useful
service of sustentation. CARSON, as he mentally struggled with the
problem of governing Ireland, unconsciously fell into PRINCE ARTHUR'S
early but now abandoned trick of sitting with his feet on the table.
Near him, diligently making notes whilst JOHN MORLEY expounded
his Bill, sat ST. JOHN BRODRICK. "There," said CARSON who has not
forgotten his POPE--
"There ST. JOHN mingles with my friendly bowl
The feast of reason and the flow of soul."
The brew thus blended did not prove very exhilarating. Word passed
round Opposition benches Land Bill not to be ruthlessly opposed at
this stage. With Boanerges RUSSELL approving it on behalf of Ulster
farmers, won't do for Unionists to show themselves implacable. So the
friendly bowl turns out to be something of the texture of a cup of
tea, lukewarm and oversweetened withal. More sad even than compulsory
meekness of two statesmen on front bench is depression of SAUNDERSON.
The Colonel must needs ramp in on such a question, but is pledged to
fight with button on his foil. After this unwonted spectacle House
could stand no more; gratefully gave leave to bring in Bill.
_Business done._--Irish Land Bill brought in.
_Tuesday._--Quite like old times to-night. The hum of the B's is heard
once more in the land, albeit the thermometer registers ten degrees of
frost, and every other Cabinet Minister is down with influenza. It is
true BYRNE and BUTCHER have not yet put in appearance; but BARTLEY is
here and TOMMY B., and Private HANBURY, who is perhaps more of a wasp
than a bee. It is the sunshine of Committee of Supply that has brought
them out. Came to the front in discussion round money voted for
improvements in arrangements of House of Commons completed in
recess. These were undertaken by direction of Select Committee, which
thoroughly went into matter. HERBERT GLADSTONE, who has taken to
delicate duties of First Commissioner as if he had been born in one
of the Parks, devoted much time and personal attention to seeing
improvements carried out. Members coming back to labours of new
Session found House swept and garnished. New dining-room and large
smoking-room; baths and wash-houses, where Parliamentary dirty linen
may be renovated.
HERBERT too modest to anticipate vote of thanks for his labours,
though almost any other man would in circumstances look for such
recognition. Still, if something of that sort had been incidentally
done, no one would have been much surprised. So far from any little
embarrassment of that kind arising here, HANBURY, in deepest chest
notes and most inflated manner, accusing him of undertaking large and
costly works without first obtaining sanction of House.
"Most unconstitutional!" cries TOMMY BOWLES, in severest tones.
Ministry gone through long succession of crises since Session opened.
Pulled through somehow; but this new unsuspected flank attack seemed
irresistibly fatal. The buzzing of the B's was so interminable,
'ANBURY was so hangry, that it seemed there really must be some fire
under the smoke. SIDNEY HERBERT chivalrously came to assistance
of political adversaries, thanking First Commissioner on behalf of
Kitchen Committee for what he had done.
The B's, fearful of consequences of this diversion, hurried on
division; if the thing was to be done must be done quickly. Approach
of dinner-hour had drawn away Members; critical division unexpected.
HANBURY beheld vision of butler in Berkeley Square entering PREMIER'S
sick room with basin of beef-tea and the message, "My Lord, the
Government's hoff." TOMMY BOWLES began to think what coat he should
wear when the QUEEN sent for him. House cleared for division; tellers
returning made known that twenty-four had voted with the busy, now
belated bees, 173 against, rushing the ministerial majority at a
single bound up to 149.
_Business done._--In Committee of Supply.
_Thursday._--Another pleasing night in Committee of Supply.
Opportunity favourable for showing how varied, comprehensive,
illimitable is knowledge of the Busy B's. On Supplementary Estimates,
the business of to-night, variety of topics succeed each other.
Private HANBURY at home with every one of them. There is nothing TOMMY
BOWLES doesn't know. If there were, BARTLEY would supply omission.
Performance a little hampered by accident of GOLDSMID'S being in
Chair. Something about JULIAN depressing to high spirits. When he
takes Chair and submits vote, he succeeds in some subtle way
in investing the proceedings with unmistakable church service
associations. He intones the vote, and when, having put the question,
he adds, "The Ayes have it," it is exactly as in another place it is
remarked, "Here endeth the first lesson."
TOMMY B. doesn't mind that. He would as soon gambol in a church as
on the quarter-deck. But it's different with GEORGE CRISTOPHER TROUT
BARTLEY, who was brought up respectably, and Private HANBURY is not
altogether comfortable.
Besides this, GOLDSMID has a way of spoiling sport unknown under the
more benignant sway of MELLOR, whom, every one is sorry to know, is
down with influenza. To-night, after three hours' discussion upon
amendment to vote for expenses in extradition proceedings against
JABEZ BALFOUR, Committee divided; amendment negatived; VICARY GIBBS
proposes another amendment on exactly same lines. Had it been put
from the Chair, another three hours might have been pleasantly spent
repeating what had earlier been said. GOLDSMID positively declined to
submit amendment, and before astonished, outraged B's had recovered
their breath the main question was put; Committee divided; no chance
of returning to subject.
Then he's depressing in other ways. When vote been talked round for an
hour, he attempts to put question. Up jumps TOMMY BOWLES.
_Chairman._ "The question is that a sum of----"
_Tommy Bowles._ "Sir JULIAN GOLDSMID."
_Chairman_ (_continuing, without noticing him_). "----£70,000 be
granted----"
_Tommy_ (_raising his voice_). "Sir JULIAN!"
_Chairman._ "----to HER MAJESTY to complete the sum of----"
_Tommy_ (_in default of a speaking-trumpet, putting his hand to his
mouth_). "Sir JULIAN, I would like to----"
_Chairman_ (_looking round, and throwing into his voice tone of
infinite pathetic, despairing reproach_). "Mr. BOWLES!"
Then TOMMY, thus called upon, makes his speech.
_Business done._--Very little in Committee of Supply.
_Friday._--Success attending new device of issuing tickets whereby
seats may be appropriated before prayers, naturally leads to further
development. Now proposed that replica in wax shall be made of all
Members. These stored in crypt. When Member arrives just takes up his
wax image, carries it under arm, pops it down on his seat, and is at
liberty to wander about at pleasure. Of course, if Member intends to
be in his place continuously, won't bring out the wax figger; be in
his seat himself. But five times out of six only looks in now and
then, and likes to know that his seat is being kept.
New custom will be particularly convenient on Treasury Bench. SQUIRE
OF MALWOOD frets at continuous absence of his colleagues during
debate. Sometimes goes out to look for them, and stays away long time
himself. With wax figgers all this trouble obviated. Treasury Bench
always full, either with flesh or figger. If Minister called away,
pulls out label, hangs it over figger's neck with legend, "Back in ten
minutes," or the like. Whilst convenience of Members thus cared for,
satisfaction of strangers in galleries largely increased. No more
beggarly array of empty benches. Possibly during dinner-hour there may
be noticeable a certain fixed smile on faces along crowded benches;
but that better than what we've long been accustomed to.
_Business done._--Busy B's took care that not too many Votes in Supply
should be granted.
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[Illustration: THE ROOT OF THE MATTER.
SIMPLE SUGGESTION TO MASTERS OF HOUNDS (FOX OR HARRIERS) FOR INSURING
THE DIRECTION IN WHICH THEIR PACKS SHOULD RUN.
["If persons went out hunting, and, by means of their hounds,
did damage to other people who were in proper use of the
highway, they must take the consequences. There ought to be
such command over hounds that they should not be allowed to
rush over the highway."--_Opinion of His Honour Judge L-w-s
in Action brought by Mr. H-gh M-rr-s against Hon. C. H.
W-nn._--"_Yorkshire Post._"]
]
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