(_Before Mr. Justice Reason._)
His Lordship asked whether _Brown_ v. _Jones_ was ready?
_Mr. Bands._ No, my Lord. I am requested by my learned friend, Mr.
WIGGE (who is in the Strand), to say that unfortunately----
_His Lordship_ (_interrupting_). Oh, very well! if the parties do not
take sufficient interest in the matter to appear here at the proper
time, I shall assume that the whole affair is frivolous, and strike it
out. Next case please.
A Mr. SMITH rose in the body of the Court and said that he appeared in
person.
_His Lordship._ Is the defendant here?
_Mr. Bands._ I appear for the defendant, my Lord, Mr. SNOOKS. Allow me
to say that----
_His Lordship_ (_interrupting_). No, no, Mr. BANDS; your turn will
come by-and-by. I will hear what the plaintiff has to say first. Now
you, Sir--I mean Mr. SMITH--what is it all about?
The plaintiff then entered into a lengthy narrative of certain
negotiations about the purchase of a house.
_His Lordship_ (_interrupting_). Do you want to buy the place, now?
_Mr. Smith._ No, my Lord, at least----
_His Lordship._ You said no, and I suppose you meant what you said.
And now, Mr. BANDS, does you client want to sell the house?
_Mr. Bands_ (_promptly_). Certainly not, my Lord; but perhaps you will
allow me to explain.
_His Lordship._ Explanation absolutely unnecessary. No order, and
Mr. SNOOKS, as he has gone to the expense of instructing (to my mind
absolutely unnecessarily) counsel, will have the pleasure of paying
for the luxury. Next case.
In this instance both the litigants appeared in person. The question
in dispute was a right-of-way.
_His Lordship._ Now, gentlemen, although you have elected to appear
before me without any intermediary, I am bound to tell you that if
the matter is carried further--to superior courts--you will find
yourselves both landed in heavy costs. What do you say, Mr. JOHNSON?
_Mr. Johnson_ (_one of the litigants_). Well, of course, my Lord, I
don't want that; but if I win my cause, why Mr. THOMPSON will have to
pay for us both.
_His Lordship._ Come, come; I see there is a good deal of personal
feeling in this matter. Take my advice and settle it amicably. I do
not sit on this bench to encourage gambling, but if either of you has
in his possession, what I believe was called by Mr. BOX in the case
of _Box_ versus _Cox_, a "tossing" sixpence, you might come to an
understanding in five minutes. I will wait until you have conferred
with one another.
The litigants upon this invitation held a consultation.
_Mr. Johnson._ It is all right, my Lord. I called heads, and----
_His Lordship_ (_interrupting_). I don't want to hear anything about
that so long as BOX and COX--I should say, JOHNSON and THOMPSON--are
satisfied, the rest is immaterial. And now, is there any further
business before me?
His Lordship was informed that there were ten causes to be heard, and
that all the parties were in attendance.
_His Lordship._ Am I to understand that not only counsel but their
clients are present.
_Mr. Bands_ (_after consultation_). Certainly, my Lord.
_His Lordship._ Then allow me to address them _en bloc_. Now I am
quite sure that a few minutes' conversation amongst yourselves will
set everything right. Commence with the very sensible assumption that
anything is better than litigation, and see what comes of it. I will
retire to my room to let you have a chat in comfort. When you are all
ready, send for me. But mind, take my advice, and hold to the sensible
assumption that anything is better than litigation.
His Lordship then retired, and the parties interested acted upon his
suggestion. After a quarter of an hour's conference the Judge was
summoned into Court.
_His Lordship._ Well, and what is the decision?
_Mr. Bands_ (_in a melancholy tone_). May it please your Lordship all
the cases have been settled out of court.
_His Lordship._ So much the better. And now as I have cleared off my
entire list, I bid you an affectionate farewell.
The Court was then adjourned _sine die_.
* * * * *
SHAKSPEARE'S ADVICE AFTER THE L. C. C. ELECTION.--"Furnish out a
Moderate Table."--_Timon of Athens_, Act III., Scene 4.
* * * * *
[Illustration: SO VERY NATURAL.
_First Friend_ (_sympathetically_). "GOING STRONG, OLD CHAP?"
_Second Friend_ (_preoccupied with recent elections_). "MODERATE. AND
YOU?"
_First Friend._ "UM--PROGRESSING."
_Second Friend_ (_with only one idea_). "PROGRESSIVE! THEN WE SHALL
FIGHT IN THE L. C. C."
_First Friend._ "L. C. C.! NO, NO! I MEANT THE INFLUENZA!"]
* * * * *