"I niver blame a man f'r bein' avaricyous in his ol' age. Whin a
fellow gits so he has nawthin' else to injye, whin ivrybody calls
him 'sir' or 'mister,' an' young people dodge him an' he sleeps
afther dinner, an' folks say he's an ol' fool if he wears a
buttonhole bokay an' his teeth is only tinants at will an' not
permanent fixtures, 'tis no more thin nach'ral that he shud begin
to look around him f'r a way iv keepin' a grip on human s'ciety.
It don't take him long to see that th' on'y thing that's vin'rable
in age is money an' he pro-ceeds to acquire anything that happens
to be in sight, takin' it where he can find it, not where he wants
it, which is th' way to accumylate a fortune. Money won't prolong
life, but a few millyons judicyously placed in good banks an'
occas'nally worn on th' person will rayjooce age. Poor ol' men
are always older thin poor rich men. In th' almshouse a man is
decrepit an' mournful-lookin' at sixty, but a millyonaire at sixty
is jus' in th' prime iv life to a frindly eye, an' there are no
others.
"It's aisier to th' ol' to grow rich thin it is to th' young. At
makin' money a man iv sixty is miles ahead iv a la-ad iv
twinty-five. Pollytics and bankin' is th' on'y two games where
age has th' best iv it. Youth has betther things to attind to,
an' more iv thim. I don't blame a man f'r bein' stingy anny more
thin I blame him f'r havin' a bad leg. Ye know th' doctors say
that if ye don't use wan iv ye'er limbs f'r a year or so ye can
niver use it again. So it is with gin'rosity. A man starts arly
in life not bein' gin'rous. He says to himsilf: "I wurruked f'r
this thing an' if I give it away I lose it." He ties up his
gin'rosity in bandages so that th' blood can't circylate in it.
It gets to be a superstition with him that he'll have bad luck if
he iver does annything f'r annybody. An' so he rakes in an' puts
his private mark with his teeth on all th' movable money in th'
wurruld. But th' day comes whin he sees people around him gettin'
a good dale iv injyemint out iv gin'rosity an' somewan says: 'Why
don't ye, too, be gin-rous? Come, ol' green goods, unbelt, loosen
up, be gin-rous.' 'Gin'rous?' says he, 'what's that?' 'It's th'
best spoort in th' wurruld. It's givin' things to people.' 'But
I can't,' he says. 'I haven't annything to do it with,' he says.
'I don't know th' game. I haven't anny gin'rosity,' he says.
'But ye have,' says they. 'Ye have as much gin'rosity as annywan
if ye'll only use it,' says they. 'Take it out iv th' plasther
cast ye put it in an' 'twill look as good as new,' says they. An'
he does it. He thries to use his gin'rosity, but all th' life is
out iv it. It gives way undher him an' he falls down. He can't
raise it fr'm th' groun'. It's ossyfied an' useless. I've seen
manny a fellow that suffered fr'm ossyfied gin'rosity.
"Whin a man begins makin' money in his youth at annything but games
iv chance, he niver can become gin'rous late in life. He may make
a bluff at it.
Some men are gin'rous with a crutch. Some men get the use of their
gin'rosity back suddenly whin they ar-re in danger. Whin Clancy
the miser was caught in a fire in th' Halsted Sthreet Palace hotel
he howled fr'm a window: 'I'll give twinty dollars to annywan
that'll take me down.' Cap'n Minehan put up a laddher an' climbed
to him an' carrid him to the sthreet. Half-way down th' laddher
th' brave rayscooer was seen to be chokin' his helpless burdhen.
We discovered aftherwards that Clancy had thried to begin negotyations
to rayjooce th' reward to five dollars. His gin'rosity had become
suddenly par'lyzed again.
"So if ye'd stay gin'rous to th' end niver lave ye'er gin'rosity
idle too long. Don't run it ivry hour at th' top iv its speed,
but fr'm day to day give it a little gintle exercise to keep it
supple an' hearty an' in due time ye may injye it."