Let us speak plainly with regard to the Rheims affair. We have
successively maintained that this over-rated monument of Arimaspian
decadence (1) was not injured in any way; (2) was only blown to pieces
in conformity with the rules of civilised warfare; (3) was mutilated and
fired by our unscrupulous and barbaric opponents themselves; (4) was
deliberately pushed into our line of fire on the night of the 19th
September; (5) never existed at all, being indeed an elaborate but
puerile fiction basely invented by a baffled enemy with the object of
discrediting our enlightened army in the eyes of neutral Powers. Any of
these was good enough, but what now appears is better. Exact
measurements have since demonstrated beyond all question of cavil that
Rheims Cathedral had been built with mathematical accuracy to shield our
contemptible enemy's trenches around Chalons from our best gun positions
outside Laon. This act of treachery proves that, instead of Germany
being the aggressor, France has been cunningly preparing ever since 1212
A.D. for the war which at last even our chivalrous diplomacy has been
powerless to avert.