What shall I do, if he comes again?--You see how I am.--I cannot fly from
him now--If he has any pity left for the poor creature whom he has thus
reduced, let him not come.--But have you heard from him lately? And will
he come?
I hope not, Madam. I have not heard from him since Thursday last, that
he went out of town, rejoicing in the hopes your letter gave him of a
reconciliation between your friends and you, and that he might in good
time see you at your father's; and he is gone down to give all his
friends joy of the news, and is in high spirits upon it.
Alas! for me: I shall then surely have him come up to persecute me again!
As soon as he discovers that that was only a stratagem to keep him away,
he will come up, and who knows but even now he is upon the road? I
thought I was so bad that I should have been out of his and every body's
way before now; for I expected not that this contrivance would serve me
above two or three days; and by this time he must have found out that I
am not so happy as to have any hope of a reconciliation with my family;
and then he will come, if it be only in revenge for what he will think a
deceit, but is not, I hope, a wicked one.
I believe I looked surprised to hear her confess that her letter was a
stratagem only; for she said, You wonder, Mr. Belford, I observe, that I
could be guilty of such an artifice. I doubt it is not right: it was
done in a hurry of spirits. How could I see a man who had so mortally
injured me; yet pretending a sorrow for his crimes, (and wanting to see
me,) could behave with so much shocking levity, as he did to the honest
people of the house? Yet, 'tis strange too, that neither you nor he
found out my meaning on perusal of my letter. You have seen what I
wrote, no doubt?
I have, Madam. And then I began to account for it, as an innocent
artifice.
Thus far indeed, Sir, it is an innocent, that I meant him no hurt, and
had a right to the effect I hoped for from it; and he had none to invade
me. But have you, Sir, that letter of his in which he gives you (as I
suppose he does) the copy of mine?
I have, Madam. And pulled it out of my letter-case. But hesitating--
Nay, Sir, said she, be pleased to read my letter to yourself--I desire
not to see his--and see if you can be longer a stranger to a meaning so
obvious.
I read it to myself--Indeed, Madam, I can find nothing but that you are
going down to Harlowe-place to be reconciled to your father and other
friends: and Mr. Lovelace presumed that a letter from your sister, which
he saw brought when he was at Mr. Smith's, gave you the welcome news of
it.
She then explained all to me, and that, as I may say, in six words--A
religious meaning is couched under it, and that's the reason that neither
you nor I could find it out.
'Read but for my father's house, Heaven, said she, and for the
interposition of my dear blessed friend, suppose the mediation of my
Saviour (which I humbly rely upon); and all the rest of the letter will
be accounted for.' I hope (repeated she) that it is a pardonable
artifice. But I am afraid it is not strictly right.
I read it so, and stood astonished for a minute at her invention, her
piety, her charity, and at thine and mine own stupidity to be thus taken
in.
And now, thou vile Lovelace, what hast thou to do (the lady all
consistent with herself, and no hopes left for thee) but to hang, drown,
or shoot thyself, for an outwitted boaster?
My surprise being a little over, she proceeded: As to the letter that
came from my sister while your friend was here, you will soon see, Sir,
that it is the cruellest letter she ever wrote me.
And then she expressed a deep concern for what might be the consequence
of Colonel Morden's intended visit to you; and besought me, that if now,
or at any time hereafter, I had opportunity to prevent any further
mischief, without detriment or danger to myself, I would do it.
I assured her of the most particular attention to this and to all her
commands; and that in a manner so agreeable to her, that she invoked a
blessing upon me for my goodness, as she called it, to a desolate
creature who suffered under the worst of orphanage; those were her words.
She then went back to her first subject, her uneasiness for fear of your
molesting her again; and said, If you have any influence over him, Mr.
Belford, prevail upon him that he will give me the assurance that the
short remainder of my time shall be all my own. I have need of it.
Indeed I have. Why will he wish to interrupt me in my duty? Has he not
punished me enough for my preference of him to all his sex? Has he not
destroyed my fame and my fortune? And will not his causeless vengeance
upon me be complete, unless he ruin my soul too?--Excuse me, Sir, for
this vehemence! But indeed it greatly imports me to know that I shall be
no more disturbed by him. And yet, with all this aversion, I would
sooner give way to his visit, though I were to expire the moment I saw
him, than to be the cause of any fatal misunderstanding between you and
him.
I assured her that I would make such a representation of the matter to
you, and of the state of her health, that I would undertake to answer for
you, that you would not attempt to come near her.
And for this reason, Lovelace, do I lay the whole matter before you, and
desire you will authorize me, as soon as this and mine of Saturday last
come to your hands, to dissipate her fears.
This gave her a little satisfaction; and then she said that had I not
told her that I could promise for you, she was determined, ill as she is,
to remove somewhere out of my knowledge as well as out of your's. And
yet, to have been obliged to leave people I am but just got acquainted
with, said the poor lady, and to have died among perfect strangers, would
have completed my hardships.
This conversation, I found, as well from the length as the nature of it,
had fatigued her; and seeing her change colour once or twice, I made that
my excuse, and took leave of her: desiring her permission, however, to
attend her in the evening; and as often as possible; for I could not help
telling her that, every time I saw her, I more and more considered her as
a beatified spirit; and as one sent from Heaven to draw me after her out
of the miry gulf in which I had been so long immersed.
And laugh at me if thou wilt; but it is true that, every time I approach
her, I cannot but look upon her as one just entering into a companionship
with saints and angels. This thought so wholly possessed me, that I
could not help begging, as I went away, her prayers and her blessing,
with the reverence due to an angel.
In the evening, she was so low and weak, that I took my leave of her in
less than a quarter of an hour. I went directly home. Where, to the
pleasure and wonder of my cousin and her family, I now pass many honest
evenings: which they impute to your being out of town.
I shall dispatch my packet to-morrow morning early by my own servant, to
make thee amends for the suspense I must have kept thee in: thou'lt thank
me for that, I hope; but wilt not, I am sure, for sending thy servant
back without a letter.
I long for the particulars of the conversation between you and Mr.
Morden; the lady, as I have hinted, is full of apprehensions about it.
Send me back this packet when perused; for I have not had either time or
patience to take a copy of it. And I beseech you enable me to make good
my engagements to the poor lady that you will not invade her again.