MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
TUESDAY, AUG. 22.
I must write on, to divert myself: for I can get no rest; no refreshing
rest. I awaked just now in a cursed fright. How a man may be affected
by dreams!
'Methought I had an interview with my beloved. I found her all goodness,
condescension, and forgiveness. She suffered herself to be overcome in
my favour by the joint intercessions of Lord M., Lady Sarah, Lady Betty,
and my two cousins Montague, who waited upon her in deep mourning; the
ladies in long trains sweeping after them; Lord M. in a long black mantle
trailing after him. They told her they came in these robs to express
their sorrow for my sins against her, and to implore her to forgive me.
'I myself, I thought, was upon my knees, with a sword in my hand,
offering either to put it up in the scabbard, or to thrust it into my
heart, as she should command the one or the other.
'At that moment her cousin Morden, I thought, all of a sudden, flashed in
through a window, with his drawn sword--Die, Lovelace! said he; this
instant die, and be d----d, if in earnest thou repairest not by marriage
my cousin's wrongs!
'I was rising to resent this insult, I thought, when Lord M. ran between
us with his great black mantle, and threw it over my face: and instantly
my charmer, with that sweet voice which has so often played upon my
ravished ears, wrapped her arms around me, muffled as I was in my Lord's
mantle: O spare, spare my Lovelace! and spare, O Lovelace, my beloved
cousin Morden! Let me not have my distresses augmented by the fall of
either or both of those who are so dear to me!
'At this, charmed with her sweet mediation, I thought I would have
clasped her in my arms: when immediately the most angelic form I had ever
beheld, all clad in transparent white, descended in a cloud, which,
opening, discovered a firmament above it, crowded with golden cherubs and
glittering seraphs, all addressing her with Welcome, welcome, welcome!
and, encircling my charmer, ascended with her to the region of seraphims;
and instantly, the opened cloud closing, I lost sight of her, and of the
bright form together, and found wrapt in my arms her azure robe (all
stuck thick with stars of embossed silver) which I had caught hold of in
hopes of detaining her; but was all that was left me of my beloved
Clarissa. And then, (horrid to relate!) the floor sinking under me, as
the firmament had opened for her, I dropt into a hole more frightful than
that of Elden; and, tumbling over and over down it, without view of a
bottom, I awaked in a panic; and was as effectually disordered for half
an hour, as if my dream had been a reality.'
Wilt thou forgive my troubling thee with such visionary stuff? Thou wilt
see by it only that, sleeping or waking, my Clarissa is always present
with me.
But here this moment is Will. come running hither to tell me that his
lady actually returned to her lodgings last night between eleven and
twelve; and is now there, though very ill.
I hasten to her. But, that I may not add to her indisposition, by any
rough or boisterous behaviour, I will be as soft and gentle as the dove
herself in my addresses to her.
That I do love her, I all ye host of Heaven,
Be witness.--That she is dear to me!
Dearer than day, to one whom sight must leave;
Dearer than life, to one who fears to die!
The chair is come. I fly to my beloved.