MILLY'S LETTER.
The half-year wore itself slowly away. There were no incidents to mark
the time, no change except the slow changes of the seasons; and my only
pleasures were letters from home or from Emily Darrell.
Of the home letters I will not speak--they could have no interest
except for myself; but Milly's are links in the story of a life. She
wrote to me as freely as she had talked to me, pouring out all her
thoughts and fancies with that confiding frankness which was one of the
most charming attributes of her mind. For some time the letters
contained nothing that could be called news; but late in September
there came one which seemed to me to convey intelligence of some
importance.
'You will be grieved to hear, my darling Mary,' she wrote, after a
little playful discussion of my own affairs, 'that my stepmother and I
are no nearer anything like a real friendship than we were when you
left us. What it is that makes the gulf between us, I cannot tell; but
there is something, some hidden feeling in both our minds, I think,
which prevents our growing fond of each other. She is very kind to me,
so far as perfect non-interference with my doings, and a gracious
manner when we are together, can go; but I am sure she does not like
me. I have surprised her more than once looking at me with the
strangest expression--a calculating, intensely thoughtful look, that
made her face ten years older than it is at other times. Of course
there are times when we are thrown together alone--though this does not
occur often, for she and my father are a most devoted couple, and spend
the greater part of every day together--and I have noticed at those
times that she never speaks of her girlhood, or of any part of her life
before her marriage. All that came before seems a blank page, or a
sealed volume that she does not care to open. I asked some trifling
question about her father once, and she turned upon me almost angrily.
"I do not care to speak about him, Milly," she said; "he was not a good
father, and he is best forgotten. I never had a real friend till I met
my husband."
'There is one part of her character which I am bound to appreciate. I
believe that she is really grateful and devoted to papa, and he
certainly seems thoroughly happy in her society. The marriage had the
effect which I felt sure it must have--it has divided us two most
completely; but if it has made him happy, I have no reason to complain.
What could I wish for beyond his happiness?
'And now, Milly, for my news. Julian Stormont has been here, and has
asked me to be his wife.
'He came over last Saturday afternoon, intending to stop with us till
Monday morning. It was a bright warm day here, and in the afternoon he
persuaded me to walk to Cumber Church with him. You remember the way we
drove through the wood the day we went to the Priory, I daresay; but
there is a nearer way than that for foot passengers, and I think a
prettier one--a kind of cross-cut through the same wood. I consented
willingly enough, having nothing better to do with myself, and we had a
pleasant walk to church, talking of all kinds of things. As we returned
Julian grew very serious, and when we were about half way upon our
journey, he asked me if I could guess what had brought him over to
Thornleigh. Of course I told him that I concluded he had come as he
usually did--for rest and change after the cares of business, and to
talk about business affairs with papa.
'He told me he had come for something more than that. He came to tell
me that he had loved me all his life; that there was nothing my father
would like better than our union if it could secure my happiness, as he
hoped and believed it might.
'I think you know, Mary, that no idea of this kind had ever entered my
mind. I told Julian this, and told him that, however I might esteem him
as my cousin, he could never be nearer or dearer to me than that. The
change in his face when he heard this almost frightened me. He grew
deadly pale, but I am certain it was anger rather than disappointment
that was uppermost in his mind. I never knew until then what a hard
cruel face it could be.
"Is this irrevocable, Emily?" he asked, in a cold firm voice; "is there
no hope that you will change your mind by and by?"
"No, Julian; I am never likely to do that."
"There is some one else, then, I suppose," he said.
"No, indeed, there is no one else."
"Highly complimentary to me!" he cried, with a harsh laugh.
'I was very sorry for him, in spite of that angry look.
"Pray don't imagine that I do not appreciate your many high qualities,
Julian," I said, "or that I do not feel honoured by your preference for
me. No doubt there are many women in the world better deserving your
regard than I am, who would be able to return it."
"Thank you for that little conventional speech," he cried with a sneer.
"A man builds all his hopes of happiness on one woman, and she coolly
shatters the fabric of his life, and then tells him to go and build
elsewhere. I daresay there are women in the world who would condescend
to marry me if I asked them, but it is my misfortune to care only for
one woman. I can't transfer my affection, as a man transfers his
capital from one form of investment to another."
'We walked on for some time in silence. I was determined not to be
angry with him, however ungraciously he might speak to me; and when we
were drawing near home, I begged that we might remain friends still,
and that this unfortunate conversation might make no difference between
us. I told him I knew how much my father valued him, and that it would
distress me deeply if he deserted Thornleigh on my account.
"Friends!" he replied, in an absent tone; "yes, we are still friends of
course, and I shall not desert Thornleigh."
'He seemed gayer than usual that evening after dinner. Whether the
gaiety was assumed in order to hide his depression, or whether he was
really able to take the matter lightly, I cannot tell. Of course I
cannot shut out of my mind the consideration that a marriage with me
would be a matter of great worldly advantage to Julian, who has nothing
but the salary he receives from my father, and who by such a marriage
would most likely secure immediate possession of the business, in which
he is already a kind of deputy principal.
'I noticed that my stepmother was especially kind to Julian this
evening, and that she and he sat apart in one of the windows for some
time talking to each other in a low confidential tone, while my father
took his after-dinner nap. I wonder whether he told her of our
interview that afternoon?
'He went back to Shields early next morning, and bade me good-bye quite
in his usual manner; so I hoped he had forgiven me; but the affair has
left an unpleasant feeling in my mind, a sort of vague dread of some
trouble to arise out of it in the future. I cannot forget that hard
cruel look in my cousin's face.
'When he was gone, Mrs. Darrell began to praise him very warmly, and my
father spoke of him in the same tone. They talked of him a good deal as
we lingered over our breakfast, and I fancied there was some intention
with regard to me in the minds of both--they seem indeed to think alike
upon every subject. Dearly as I love my father, this is a point upon
which even his influence could not affect me. I might be weak and
yielding upon every other question, never upon this.
'And now let me tell you about my friend Peter, Rebecca Thatcher's
half-witted grandson. You know how painfully we were both struck by the
poor fellow's listless hopeless manner when we were at the cottage on
the moor. I thought of it a great deal afterwards, and it occurred to
me that our head-gardener might find work for him in the way of
weeding, and rolling the gravel paths, and such humble matters. Brook
is a good kind old man, and always ready to do anything to please me;
so I asked him the question one day in August, and he promised that
when he next wanted extra hands Peter Thatcher should be employed,
"Though I don't suppose I shall ever make much of him, miss," he said;
"but there's naught I wouldn't do to please you."
'Well, my dear Mary, the boy came, and has done so well as quite to
surprise Brook and the other two gardeners. He has an extraordinary
attachment to me, and nothing delights him so much as to wait upon me
when I am attending to my ferns, a task I always perform myself, as you
know. To see this poor boy, standing by with a watering-pot in one
hand, and a little basket of dead leaves in the other, watching me as
breathlessly as if I were some great surgeon operating upon a patient,
would make you smile; but I think you could scarcely fail to be touched
by his devotion. He tells me that he is so happy at Thornleigh, and he
begins to look a great deal brighter already. The men say he is
indefatigable in his work, and worth two ordinary boys. He is
passionately fond of flowers, and I have begun to teach him the
elements of botany. It is rather slow work impressing the names of the
plants upon his poor feeble brain; but he is so anxious to learn, and
so proud of being taught, that I am well repaid for my trouble.'
Milly was very anxious that I should spend Christmas at Thornleigh; but
it was by that time nearly a year since I had seen the dear ones at
home, and ill as my dear father could afford any addition to his
expenses, he wished me to spend my holidays with him; and so it was
arranged that I should return to Warwickshire, much to my dear girl's
regret.
The holiday was a very happy one; and, before it was over, I received a
letter from Milly, telling me that Mr. and Mrs. Darrell were going
abroad for some months, and asking me to cut short my term at Albury
Lodge, and come to Thornleigh as her companion, at a salary which I
thought a very handsome one.
The idea of exchanging the dull monotony of Miss Bagshot's
establishment for such a home as Thornleigh, with the friend I loved as
dearly as a sister, was more than delightful to me, to say nothing of a
salary which would enable me to buy my own clothes and leave a margin
for an annual remittance to my father. I talked the subject over with
him, and he wrote immediately to Miss Bagshot, requesting her to waive
the half-year's notice of the withdrawal of my services, to which she
was fairly entitled. This she consented very kindly to do; and instead
of going back to Albury Lodge, I went to Thornleigh.
Mr. and Mrs. Darrell had started for Paris when I arrived, and the
house seemed very empty and quiet. My dear girl came into the hall to
receive me, and led me off to her pretty sitting-room, where there was
a bright fire, and where, she told me, she spent almost the whole of
her time now.
'And are you really pleased to come to me, Mary?' she asked, when our
first greetings were over.
'More than pleased, my darling. It seems almost too bright a life for
me. I can hardly believe in it yet.'
'But perhaps you will seen get as tired of Thornleigh as ever you did
of Albury Lodge. It will be rather a dull kind of life, you know; only
you and I and the old servants.'
'I shall never feel dull with you, Milly. But tell me how all this came
about. How was it you didn't go abroad with Mr. and Mrs. Darrell?'
'Ah, that is rather strange, isn't it? The truth of the matter is, that
Augusta did not want me to go with them. She does not like me, Mary,
that is the real truth, through she affects to be very fond of me, and
has contrived to make my father think she is so. What is there that she
cannot make him think? She does not like me; and she is never quite
happy or at her ease when I am with her. She had been growing tired of
Thornleigh for some time when the winter began; and she looked so pale
and ill, that my father got anxious about her. The doctor here treated
her in the usual stereotyped way, and made very light of her ailments,
but recommended change of air and scene. Papa proposed going to
Scarborough; but somehow or other Augusta contrived to change
Scarborough into Paris, and they are to spend the winter and spring
there, and perhaps go on to Germany in the summer. At first papa was
very anxious to take me with them; but Augusta dropped some little
hints--it would interrupt my studies, and unsettle me, and so on. You
know I am rather proud, Mary, so you can imagine I was not slow to
understand her. I said I would much prefer to stay at Thornleigh, and
proposed immediately that you should come to me and be my companion,
and help me on with my studies.'
'My dearest, how good of you to wish that!'
'It was not at all good. I think you are the only person in the world
who really cares for me, now that I have lost papa--for I have lost
him, you see, Mary; that becomes more obvious every day. Well, dear, I
had a hard battle to fight. Mrs. Darrell said you were absurdly young
for such a position, and that I required a matronly person, able to
direct and protect me, and take the management of the house in her
absence, and so on; but I said that I wanted neither direction nor
protection; that the house wanted no other management than that of Mrs.
Bunce the housekeeper, who has managed it ever since I was a baby; and
that if I could not have Mary Crofton, I would have no one at all. I
told papa what an indefatigable darling you were, and how
conscientiously you would perform anything you promised to do. So,
after a good deal of discussion, the matter was settled; and here we
are, with the house all to ourselves, and the prospect of being alone
together for six months to come.'
I asked her if she had seen much of Mr. Stormont since that memorable
Sunday afternoon.
'He has been here twice,' she said, 'for his usual short visit from
Saturday afternoon till Monday morning, and he has treated me just as
if that uncomfortable interview had never taken place.'
We were very happy together in the great lonely house, amongst old
servants, who seemed to take a pleasure in waiting on us. We spent our
mornings and evenings in Milly's sitting-room, and took our meals in a
snug prettily-furnished breakfast-room on the ground-floor. We read
together a great deal, going through a systematic course of study of a
very different kind from the dry labours at Albury Lodge. There was a
fine old library at Thornleigh, and we read the masters of English and
French prose together with unflagging interest and pleasure. Besides
all this, Milly worked hard at her music, and still harder at her
painting, which was a real delight to her.
Mr. Collingwood the rector, and his family, came to see us, and
insisted on our visiting them frequently in a pleasant unceremonious
manner; and we had other invitations from Milly's old friends in the
neighbourhood of Thornleigh.
There were carriages at our disposal, but we did not often use them.
Milly preferred walking; and we used to take long rambles together
whenever the weather was favourable--rambles across the moor, or far
away over the hills, or deep into the wood between Thornleigh and
Cumber.