Three days passed. I had a secret prompting to go to the Ratschs'. I
fancied that in their house I should be sure to find a solution of all
that absorbed my mind, that I could not make out.... But I should have
had to meet the veteran.... That thought pulled me up. One tempestuous
evening--the February wind was howling angrily outside, the frozen snow
tapped at the window from time to time like coarse sand flung by a
mighty hand--I was sitting in my room, trying to read. My servant came,
and, with a mysterious air, announced that a lady wished to see me. I
was surprised... ladies did not visit me, especially at such a late
hour; however, I told him to show her in. The door opened and with swift
step there walked in a woman, muffled up in a light summer cloak and a
yellow shawl. Abruptly she cast off the cloak and the shawl, which were
covered with snow, and I saw standing before me Susanna. I was so
astonished that I did not utter a word, while she went up to the window,
and leaning her shoulder against the wall, remained motionless; only her
bosom heaved convulsively and her eyes moved restlessly, and the breath
came with a faint moan from her white lips. I realised that it was no
slight trouble that had brought her to me; I realised, for all my youth
and shallowness, that at that instant before my eyes the fate of a whole
life was being decided--a bitter and terrible fate.
'Susanna Ivanovna,' I began, 'how...'
She suddenly clutched my hand in her icy fingers, but her voice failed
her. She gave a broken sigh and looked down. Her heavy coils of black
hair fell about her face.... The snow had not melted from off it.
'Please, calm yourself, sit down,' I began again, 'see here, on the
sofa. What has happened? Sit down, I entreat you.'
'No,' she articulated, scarcely audibly, and she sank on to the
window-seat. 'I am all right here.... Let me be.... You could not
expect... but if you knew... if I could... if...'
She tried to control herself, but the tears flowed from her eyes with a
violence that shook her, and sobs, hurried, devouring sobs, filled the
room. I felt a tightness at my heart.... I was utterly stupefied. I had
seen Susanna only twice; I had conjectured that she had a hard life, but
I had regarded her as a proud girl, of strong character, and all at once
these violent, despairing tears.... Mercy! Why, one only weeps like that
in the presence of death!