XVIII

They began to jog down the winding road to the valley at old Dan's

languid pace. Charity felt herself sinking into deeper depths of

weariness, and as they descended through the bare woods there were

moments when she lost the exact sense of things, and seemed to be

sitting beside her lover with the leafy arch of summer bending over

them. But this illusion was faint and transitory. For the most part she

had only a confused sensation of slipping down a smooth irresistible

current; and she abandoned herself to the feeling as a refuge from the

torment of thought.

Mr. Royall seldom spoke, but his silent presence gave her, for the first

time, a sense of peace and security. She knew that where he was there

would be warmth, rest, silence; and for the moment they were all she

wanted. She shut her eyes, and even these things grew dim to her....

In the train, during the short run from Creston to Nettleton, the warmth

aroused her, and the consciousness of being under strange eyes gave her

a momentary energy. She sat upright, facing Mr. Royall, and stared out

of the window at the denuded country. Forty-eight hours earlier, when

she had last traversed it, many of the trees still held their leaves;

but the high wind of the last two nights had stripped them, and the

lines of the landscape' were as finely pencilled as in December. A

few days of autumn cold had wiped out all trace of the rich fields and

languid groves through which she had passed on the Fourth of July; and

with the fading of the landscape those fervid hours had faded, too. She

could no longer believe that she was the being who had lived them; she

was someone to whom something irreparable and overwhelming had happened,

but the traces of the steps leading up to it had almost vanished.

When the train reached Nettleton and she walked out into the square at

Mr. Royall's side the sense of unreality grew more overpowering. The

physical strain of the night and day had left no room in her mind for

new sensations and she followed Mr. Royall as passively as a tired

child. As in a confused dream she presently found herself sitting with

him in a pleasant room, at a table with a red and white table-cloth

on which hot food and tea were placed. He filled her cup and plate and

whenever she lifted her eyes from them she found his resting on her with

the same steady tranquil gaze that had reassured and strengthened

her when they had faced each other in old Mrs. Hobart's kitchen. As

everything else in her consciousness grew more and more confused

and immaterial, became more and more like the universal shimmer that

dissolves the world to failing eyes, Mr. Royall's presence began to

detach itself with rocky firmness from this elusive background. She had

always thought of him--when she thought of him at all--as of someone

hateful and obstructive, but whom she could outwit and dominate when

she chose to make the effort. Only once, on the day of the Old Home Week

celebration, while the stray fragments of his address drifted across

her troubled mind, had she caught a glimpse of another being, a being so

different from the dull-witted enemy with whom she had supposed herself

to be living that even through the burning mist of her own dreams he

had stood out with startling distinctness. For a moment, then, what he

said--and something in his way of saying it--had made her see why he had

always struck her as such a lonely man. But the mist of her dreams had

hidden him again, and she had forgotten that fugitive impression.

It came back to her now, as they sat at the table, and gave her, through

her own immeasurable desolation, a sudden sense of their nearness to

each other. But all these feelings were only brief streaks of light in

the grey blur of her physical weakness. Through it she was aware that

Mr. Royall presently left her sitting by the table in the warm room, and

came back after an interval with a carriage from the station--a closed

“hack” with sun-burnt blue silk blinds--in which they drove together

to a house covered with creepers and standing next to a church with a

carpet of turf before it. They got out at this house, and the carriage

waited while they walked up the path and entered a wainscoted hall and

then a room full of books. In this room a clergyman whom Charity had

never seen received them pleasantly, and asked them to be seated for a

few minutes while witnesses were being summoned.

Charity sat down obediently, and Mr. Royall, his hands behind his back,

paced slowly up and down the room. As he turned and faced Charity, she

noticed that his lips were twitching a little; but the look in his eyes

was grave and calm. Once he paused before her and said timidly: “Your

hair's got kinder loose with the wind,” and she lifted her hands and

tried to smooth back the locks that had escaped from her braid. There

was a looking-glass in a carved frame on the wall, but she was ashamed

to look at herself in it, and she sat with her hands folded on her knee

till the clergyman returned. Then they went out again, along a sort of

arcaded passage, and into a low vaulted room with a cross on an altar,

and rows of benches. The clergyman, who had left them at the door,

presently reappeared before the altar in a surplice, and a lady who was

probably his wife, and a man in a blue shirt who had been raking dead

leaves on the lawn, came in and sat on one of the benches.

The clergyman opened a book and signed to Charity and Mr. Royall to

approach. Mr. Royall advanced a few steps, and Charity followed him as

she had followed him to the buggy when they went out of Mrs. Hobart's

kitchen; she had the feeling that if she ceased to keep close to him,

and do what he told her to do, the world would slip away from beneath

her feet.

The clergyman began to read, and on her dazed mind there rose the memory

of Mr. Miles, standing the night before in the desolate house of the

Mountain, and reading out of the same book words that had the same dread

sound of finality:

“I require and charge you both, as ye will answer at the dreadful day

of judgment when the secrets of all hearts shall be disclosed, that if

either of you know any impediment whereby ye may not be lawfully joined

together...”

Charity raised her eyes and met Mr. Royall's. They were still looking

at her kindly and steadily. “I will!” she heard him say a moment later,

after another interval of words that she had failed to catch. She was so

busy trying to understand the gestures that the clergyman was signalling

to her to make that she no longer heard what was being said. After

another interval the lady on the bench stood up, and taking her hand put

it in Mr. Royall's. It lay enclosed in his strong palm and she felt

a ring that was too big for her being slipped on her thin finger. She

understood then that she was married....

Late that afternoon Charity sat alone in a bedroom of the fashionable

hotel where she and Harney had vainly sought a table on the Fourth of

July. She had never before been in so handsomely furnished a room. The

mirror above the dressing-table reflected the high head-board and fluted

pillow-slips of the double bed, and a bedspread so spotlessly white that

she had hesitated to lay her hat and jacket on it. The humming radiator

diffused an atmosphere of drowsy warmth, and through a half-open door

she saw the glitter of the nickel taps above twin marble basins.

For a while the long turmoil of the night and day had slipped away from

her and she sat with closed eyes, surrendering herself to the spell of

warmth and silence. But presently this merciful apathy was succeeded by

the sudden acuteness of vision with which sick people sometimes wake out

of a heavy sleep. As she opened her eyes they rested on the picture

that hung above the bed. It was a large engraving with a dazzling white

margin enclosed in a wide frame of bird's-eye maple with an inner scroll

of gold. The engraving represented a young man in a boat on a lake

over-hung with trees. He was leaning over to gather water-lilies for the

girl in a light dress who lay among the cushions in the stern. The scene

was full of a drowsy midsummer radiance, and Charity averted her eyes

from it and, rising from her chair, began to wander restlessly about the

room.

It was on the fifth floor, and its broad window of plate glass looked

over the roofs of the town. Beyond them stretched a wooded landscape in

which the last fires of sunset were picking out a steely gleam. Charity

gazed at the gleam with startled eyes. Even through the gathering

twilight she recognized the contour of the soft hills encircling it, and

the way the meadows sloped to its edge. It was Nettleton Lake that she

was looking at.

She stood a long time in the window staring out at the fading water. The

sight of it had roused her for the first time to a realization of what

she had done. Even the feeling of the ring on her hand had not brought

her this sharp sense of the irretrievable. For an instant the old

impulse of flight swept through her; but it was only the lift of a

broken wing. She heard the door open behind her, and Mr. Royall came in.

He had gone to the barber's to be shaved, and his shaggy grey hair had

been trimmed and smoothed. He moved strongly and quickly, squaring his

shoulders and carrying his head high, as if he did not want to pass

unnoticed.

“What are you doing in the dark?” he called out in a cheerful voice.

Charity made no answer. He went up to the window to draw the blind, and

putting his finger on the wall flooded the room with a blaze of light

from the central chandelier. In this unfamiliar illumination husband

and wife faced each other awkwardly for a moment; then Mr. Royall said:

“We'll step down and have some supper, if you say so.”

The thought of food filled her with repugnance; but not daring to

confess it she smoothed her hair and followed him to the lift.

An hour later, coming out of the glare of the dining-room, she waited in

the marble-panelled hall while Mr. Royall, before the brass lattice

of one of the corner counters, selected a cigar and bought an

evening paper. Men were lounging in rocking chairs under the blazing

chandeliers, travellers coming and going, bells ringing, porters

shuffling by with luggage. Over Mr. Royall's shoulder, as he leaned

against the counter, a girl with her hair puffed high smirked and nodded

at a dapper drummer who was getting his key at the desk across the hall.

Charity stood among these cross-currents of life as motionless and inert

as if she had been one of the tables screwed to the marble floor. All

her soul was gathered up into one sick sense of coming doom, and she

watched Mr. Royall in fascinated terror while he pinched the cigars in

successive boxes and unfolded his evening paper with a steady hand.

Presently he turned and joined her. “You go right along up to bed--I'm

going to sit down here and have my smoke,” he said. He spoke as easily

and naturally as if they had been an old couple, long used to each

other's ways, and her contracted heart gave a flutter of relief. She

followed him to the lift, and he put her in and enjoined the buttoned

and braided boy to show her to her room.

She groped her way in through the darkness, forgetting where the

electric button was, and not knowing how to manipulate it. But a white

autumn moon had risen, and the illuminated sky put a pale light in the

room. By it she undressed, and after folding up the ruffled pillow-slips

crept timidly under the spotless counterpane. She had never felt such

smooth sheets or such light warm blankets; but the softness of the bed

did not soothe her. She lay there trembling with a fear that ran through

her veins like ice. “What have I done? Oh, what have I done?” she

whispered, shuddering to her pillow; and pressing her face against it

to shut out the pale landscape beyond the window she lay in the darkness

straining her ears, and shaking at every footstep that approached....

Suddenly she sat up and pressed her hands against her frightened heart.

A faint sound had told her that someone was in the room; but she must

have slept in the interval, for she had heard no one enter. The moon was

setting beyond the opposite roofs, and in the darkness outlined

against the grey square of the window, she saw a figure seated in the

rocking-chair. The figure did not move: it was sunk deep in the chair,

with bowed head and folded arms, and she saw that it was Mr. Royall who

sat there. He had not undressed, but had taken the blanket from the

foot of the bed and laid it across his knees. Trembling and holding her

breath she watched him, fearing that he had been roused by her movement;

but he did not stir, and she concluded that he wished her to think he

was asleep.

As she continued to watch him ineffable relief stole slowly over her,

relaxing her strained nerves and exhausted body. He knew, then... he

knew... it was because he knew that he had married her, and that he

sat there in the darkness to show her she was safe with him. A stir

of something deeper than she had ever felt in thinking of him flitted

through her tired brain, and cautiously, noiselessly, she let her head

sink on the pillow....

When she woke the room was full of morning light, and her first glance

showed her that she was alone in it. She got up and dressed, and as

she was fastening her dress the door opened, and Mr. Royall came in. He

looked old and tired in the bright daylight, but his face wore the same

expression of grave friendliness that had reassured her on the Mountain.

It was as if all the dark spirits had gone out of him.

They went downstairs to the dining-room for breakfast, and after

breakfast he told her he had some insurance business to attend to. “I

guess while I'm doing it you'd better step out and buy yourself whatever

you need.” He smiled, and added with an embarrassed laugh: “You know I

always wanted you to beat all the other girls.” He drew something from

his pocket, and pushed it across the table to her; and she saw that he

had given her two twenty-dollar bills. “If it ain't enough there's more

where that come from--I want you to beat 'em all hollow,” he repeated.

She flushed and tried to stammer out her thanks, but he had pushed back

his chair and was leading the way out of the dining-room. In the hall he

paused a minute to say that if it suited her they would take the three

o'clock train back to North Dormer; then he took his hat and coat from

the rack and went out.

A few minutes later Charity went out, too. She had watched to see in

what direction he was going, and she took the opposite way and walked

quickly down the main street to the brick building on the corner of

Lake Avenue. There she paused to look cautiously up and down the

thoroughfare, and then climbed the brass-bound stairs to Dr. Merkle's

door. The same bushy-headed mulatto girl admitted her, and after the

same interval of waiting in the red plush parlor she was once more

summoned to Dr. Merkle's office. The doctor received her without

surprise, and led her into the inner plush sanctuary.

“I thought you'd be back, but you've come a mite too soon: I told you

to be patient and not fret,” she observed, after a pause of penetrating

scrutiny.

Charity drew the money from her breast. “I've come to get my blue

brooch,” she said, flushing.

“Your brooch?” Dr. Merkle appeared not to remember. “My, yes--I get so

many things of that kind. Well, my dear, you'll have to wait while I get

it out of the safe. I don't leave valuables like that laying round like

the noospaper.”

She disappeared for a moment, and returned with a bit of twisted-up

tissue paper from which she unwrapped the brooch.

Charity, as she looked at it, felt a stir of warmth at her heart. She

held out an eager hand.

“Have you got the change?” she asked a little breathlessly, laying one

of the twenty-dollar bills on the table.

“Change? What'd I want to have change for? I only see two twenties

there,” Dr. Merkle answered brightly.

Charity paused, disconcerted. “I thought... you said it was five dollars

a visit....”

“For YOU, as a favour--I did. But how about the responsibility and the

insurance? I don't s'pose you ever thought of that? This pin's worth a

hundred dollars easy. If it had got lost or stole, where'd I been when

you come to claim it?”

Charity remained silent, puzzled and half-convinced by the argument,

and Dr. Merkle promptly followed up her advantage. “I didn't ask you for

your brooch, my dear. I'd a good deal ruther folks paid me my regular

charge than have 'em put me to all this trouble.”

She paused, and Charity, seized with a desperate longing to escape, rose

to her feet and held out one of the bills.

“Will you take that?” she asked.

“No, I won't take that, my dear; but I'll take it with its mate, and

hand you over a signed receipt if you don't trust me.”

“Oh, but I can't--it's all I've got,” Charity exclaimed.

Dr. Merkle looked up at her pleasantly from the plush sofa. “It seems

you got married yesterday, up to the 'Piscopal church; I heard all about

the wedding from the minister's chore-man. It would be a pity, wouldn't

it, to let Mr. Royall know you had an account running here? I just put

it to you as your own mother might.”

Anger flamed up in Charity, and for an instant she thought of abandoning

the brooch and letting Dr. Merkle do her worst. But how could she leave

her only treasure with that evil woman? She wanted it for her baby: she

meant it, in some mysterious way, to be a link between Harney's child

and its unknown father. Trembling and hating herself while she did it,

she laid Mr. Royall's money on the table, and catching up the brooch

fled out of the room and the house....

In the street she stood still, dazed by this last adventure. But the

brooch lay in her bosom like a talisman, and she felt a secret lightness

of heart. It gave her strength, after a moment, to walk on slowly in the

direction of the post office, and go in through the swinging doors. At

one of the windows she bought a sheet of letter-paper, an envelope and a

stamp; then she sat down at a table and dipped the rusty post office pen

in ink. She had come there possessed with a fear which had haunted her

ever since she had felt Mr. Royall's ring on her finger: the fear that

Harney might, after all, free himself and come back to her. It was a

possibility which had never occurred to her during the dreadful hours

after she had received his letter; only when the decisive step she had

taken made longing turn to apprehension did such a contingency seem

conceivable. She addressed the envelope, and on the sheet of paper she

wrote:

I'm married to Mr. Royall. I'll always remember you. CHARITY.

The last words were not in the least what she had meant to write; they

had flowed from her pen irresistibly. She had not had the strength to

complete her sacrifice; but, after all, what did it matter? Now that

there was no chance of ever seeing Harney again, why should she not tell

him the truth?

When she had put the letter in the box she went out into the busy sunlit

street and began to walk to the hotel. Behind the plateglass windows of

the department stores she noticed the tempting display of dresses and

dress-materials that had fired her imagination on the day when she and

Harney had looked in at them together. They reminded her of Mr. Royall's

injunction to go out and buy all she needed. She looked down at her

shabby dress, and wondered what she should say when he saw her coming

back empty-handed. As she drew near the hotel she saw him waiting on the

doorstep, and her heart began to beat with apprehension.

He nodded and waved his hand at her approach, and they walked through

the hall and went upstairs to collect their possessions, so that Mr.

Royall might give up the key of the room when they went down again for

their midday dinner. In the bedroom, while she was thrusting back into

the satchel the few things she had brought away with her, she suddenly

felt that his eyes were on her and that he was going to speak. She stood

still, her half-folded night-gown in her hand, while the blood rushed up

to her drawn cheeks.

“Well, did you rig yourself out handsomely? I haven't seen any bundles

round,” he said jocosely.

“Oh, I'd rather let Ally Hawes make the few things I want,” she

answered.

“That so?” He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and his eye-brows

projected in a scowl. Then his face grew friendly again. “Well, I wanted

you to go back looking stylisher than any of them; but I guess you're

right. You're a good girl, Charity.”

Their eyes met, and something rose in his that she had never seen there:

a look that made her feel ashamed and yet secure.

“I guess you're good, too,” she said, shyly and quickly. He smiled

without answering, and they went out of the room together and dropped

down to the hall in the glittering lift.

Late that evening, in the cold autumn moonlight, they drove up to the

door of the red house.

Summer(#166) · 第 19 / 19 题