SINCE her reinstatement in Miss Hatchard's favour Charity had not dared
to curtail by a moment her hours of attendance at the library. She
even made a point of arriving before the time, and showed a laudable
indignation when the youngest Targatt girl, who had been engaged to help
in the cleaning and rearranging of the books, came trailing in late
and neglected her task to peer through the window at the Sollas boy.
Nevertheless, “library days” seemed more than ever irksome to Charity
after her vivid hours of liberty; and she would have found it hard to
set a good example to her subordinate if Lucius Harney had not been
commissioned, before Miss Hatchard's departure, to examine with the
local carpenter the best means of ventilating the “Memorial.”
He was careful to prosecute this inquiry on the days when the library
was open to the public; and Charity was therefore sure of spending part
of the afternoon in his company. The Targatt girl's presence, and the
risk of being interrupted by some passer-by suddenly smitten with a
thirst for letters, restricted their intercourse to the exchange of
commonplaces; but there was a fascination to Charity in the contrast
between these public civilities and their secret intimacy.
The day after their drive to the brown house was “library day,” and
she sat at her desk working at the revised catalogue, while the Targatt
girl, one eye on the window, chanted out the titles of a pile of books.
Charity's thoughts were far away, in the dismal house by the swamp, and
under the twilight sky during the long drive home, when Lucius Harney
had consoled her with endearing words. That day, for the first time
since he had been boarding with them, he had failed to appear as usual
at the midday meal. No message had come to explain his absence, and Mr.
Royall, who was more than usually taciturn, had betrayed no surprise,
and made no comment. In itself this indifference was not particularly
significant, for Mr. Royall, in common with most of his fellow-citizens,
had a way of accepting events passively, as if he had long since come
to the conclusion that no one who lived in North Dormer could hope to
modify them. But to Charity, in the reaction from her mood of passionate
exaltation, there was something disquieting in his silence. It was
almost as if Lucius Harney had never had a part in their lives: Mr.
Royall's imperturbable indifference seemed to relegate him to the domain
of unreality.
As she sat at work, she tried to shake off her disappointment at
Harney's non-appearing. Some trifling incident had probably kept him
from joining them at midday; but she was sure he must be eager to see
her again, and that he would not want to wait till they met at supper,
between Mr. Royall and Verena. She was wondering what his first words
would be, and trying to devise a way of getting rid of the Targatt girl
before he came, when she heard steps outside, and he walked up the path
with Mr. Miles.
The clergyman from Hepburn seldom came to North Dormer except when he
drove over to officiate at the old white church which, by an unusual
chance, happened to belong to the Episcopal communion. He was a brisk
affable man, eager to make the most of the fact that a little nucleus of
“church-people” had survived in the sectarian wilderness, and resolved
to undermine the influence of the ginger-bread-coloured Baptist chapel
at the other end of the village; but he was kept busy by parochial work
at Hepburn, where there were paper-mills and saloons, and it was not
often that he could spare time for North Dormer.
Charity, who went to the white church (like all the best people in North
Dormer), admired Mr. Miles, and had even, during the memorable trip to
Nettleton, imagined herself married to a man who had such a straight
nose and such a beautiful way of speaking, and who lived in a
brown-stone rectory covered with Virginia creeper. It had been a shock
to discover that the privilege was already enjoyed by a lady with
crimped hair and a large baby; but the arrival of Lucius Harney had long
since banished Mr. Miles from Charity's dreams, and as he walked up the
path at Harney's side she saw him as he really was: a fat middle-aged
man with a baldness showing under his clerical hat, and spectacles on
his Grecian nose. She wondered what had called him to North Dormer on a
weekday, and felt a little hurt that Harney should have brought him to
the library.
It presently appeared that his presence there was due to Miss Hatchard.
He had been spending a few days at Springfield, to fill a friend's
pulpit, and had been consulted by Miss Hatchard as to young Harney's
plan for ventilating the “Memorial.” To lay hands on the Hatchard ark
was a grave matter, and Miss Hatchard, always full of scruples about her
scruples (it was Harney's phrase), wished to have Mr. Miles's opinion
before deciding.
“I couldn't,” Mr. Miles explained, “quite make out from your cousin what
changes you wanted to make, and as the other trustees did not understand
either I thought I had better drive over and take a look--though I'm
sure,” he added, turning his friendly spectacles on the young man, “that
no one could be more competent--but of course this spot has its peculiar
sanctity!”
“I hope a little fresh air won't desecrate it,” Harney laughingly
rejoined; and they walked to the other end of the library while he set
forth his idea to the Rector.
Mr. Miles had greeted the two girls with his usual friendliness, but
Charity saw that he was occupied with other things, and she presently
became aware, by the scraps of conversation drifting over to her, that
he was still under the charm of his visit to Springfield, which appeared
to have been full of agreeable incidents.
“Ah, the Coopersons... yes, you know them, of course,” she heard. “That's
a fine old house! And Ned Cooperson has collected some really remarkable
impressionist pictures....” The names he cited were unknown to Charity.
“Yes; yes; the Schaefer quartette played at Lyric Hall on Saturday
evening; and on Monday I had the privilege of hearing them again at the
Towers. Beautifully done... Bach and Beethoven... a lawn-party
first... I saw Miss Balch several times, by the way... looking extremely
handsome....”
Charity dropped her pencil and forgot to listen to the Targatt girl's
sing-song. Why had Mr. Miles suddenly brought up Annabel Balch's name?
“Oh, really?” she heard Harney rejoin; and, raising his stick, he
pursued: “You see, my plan is to move these shelves away, and open a
round window in this wall, on the axis of the one under the pediment.”
“I suppose she'll be coming up here later to stay with Miss Hatchard?”
Mr. Miles went on, following on his train of thought; then, spinning
about and tilting his head back: “Yes, yes, I see--I understand: that
will give a draught without materially altering the look of things. I
can see no objection.”
The discussion went on for some minutes, and gradually the two men moved
back toward the desk. Mr. Miles stopped again and looked thoughtfully at
Charity. “Aren't you a little pale, my dear? Not overworking? Mr. Harney
tells me you and Mamie are giving the library a thorough overhauling.”
He was always careful to remember his parishioners' Christian names,
and at the right moment he bent his benignant spectacles on the Targatt
girl.
Then he turned to Charity. “Don't take things hard, my dear; don't take
things hard. Come down and see Mrs. Miles and me some day at Hepburn,”
he said, pressing her hand and waving a farewell to Mamie Targatt. He
went out of the library, and Harney followed him.
Charity thought she detected a look of constraint in Harney's eyes. She
fancied he did not want to be alone with her; and with a sudden pang she
wondered if he repented the tender things he had said to her the night
before. His words had been more fraternal than lover-like; but she had
lost their exact sense in the caressing warmth of his voice. He had made
her feel that the fact of her being a waif from the Mountain was only
another reason for holding her close and soothing her with consolatory
murmurs; and when the drive was over, and she got out of the buggy,
tired, cold, and aching with emotion, she stepped as if the ground were
a sunlit wave and she the spray on its crest.
Why, then, had his manner suddenly changed, and why did he leave the
library with Mr. Miles? Her restless imagination fastened on the name
of Annabel Balch: from the moment it had been mentioned she fancied
that Harney's expression had altered. Annabel Balch at a garden-party at
Springfield, looking “extremely handsome”... perhaps Mr. Miles had seen
her there at the very moment when Charity and Harney were sitting in the
Hyatts' hovel, between a drunkard and a half-witted old woman! Charity
did not know exactly what a garden-party was, but her glimpse of the
flower-edged lawns of Nettleton helped her to visualize the scene, and
envious recollections of the “old things” which Miss Balch avowedly
“wore out” when she came to North Dormer made it only too easy to
picture her in her splendour. Charity understood what associations the
name must have called up, and felt the uselessness of struggling against
the unseen influences in Harney's life.
When she came down from her room for supper he was not there; and while
she waited in the porch she recalled the tone in which Mr. Royall had
commented the day before on their early start. Mr. Royall sat at her
side, his chair tilted back, his broad black boots with side-elastics
resting against the lower bar of the railings. His rumpled grey hair
stood up above his forehead like the crest of an angry bird, and the
leather-brown of his veined cheeks was blotched with red. Charity knew
that those red spots were the signs of a coming explosion.
Suddenly he said: “Where's supper? Has Verena Marsh slipped up again on
her soda-biscuits?”
Charity threw a startled glance at him. “I presume she's waiting for Mr.
Harney.”
“Mr. Harney, is she? She'd better dish up, then. He ain't coming.” He
stood up, walked to the door, and called out, in the pitch necessary to
penetrate the old woman's tympanum: “Get along with the supper, Verena.”
Charity was trembling with apprehension. Something had happened--she was
sure of it now--and Mr. Royall knew what it was. But not for the world
would she have gratified him by showing her anxiety. She took her usual
place, and he seated himself opposite, and poured out a strong cup of
tea before passing her the tea-pot. Verena brought some scrambled eggs,
and he piled his plate with them. “Ain't you going to take any?” he
asked. Charity roused herself and began to eat.
The tone with which Mr. Royall had said “He's not coming” seemed to her
full of an ominous satisfaction. She saw that he had suddenly begun to
hate Lucius Harney, and guessed herself to be the cause of this change
of feeling. But she had no means of finding out whether some act of
hostility on his part had made the young man stay away, or whether he
simply wished to avoid seeing her again after their drive back from the
brown house. She ate her supper with a studied show of indifference, but
she knew that Mr. Royall was watching her and that her agitation did not
escape him.
After supper she went up to her room. She heard Mr. Royall cross the
passage, and presently the sounds below her window showed that he
had returned to the porch. She seated herself on her bed and began to
struggle against the desire to go down and ask him what had happened.
“I'd rather die than do it,” she muttered to herself. With a word he
could have relieved her uncertainty: but never would she gratify him by
saying it.
She rose and leaned out of the window. The twilight had deepened into
night, and she watched the frail curve of the young moon dropping to
the edge of the hills. Through the darkness she saw one or two figures
moving down the road; but the evening was too cold for loitering, and
presently the strollers disappeared. Lamps were beginning to show here
and there in the windows. A bar of light brought out the whiteness of a
clump of lilies in the Hawes's yard: and farther down the street Carrick
Fry's Rochester lamp cast its bold illumination on the rustic flower-tub
in the middle of his grass-plot.
For a long time she continued to lean in the window. But a fever of
unrest consumed her, and finally she went downstairs, took her hat
from its hook, and swung out of the house. Mr. Royall sat in the porch,
Verena beside him, her old hands crossed on her patched skirt. As
Charity went down the steps Mr. Royall called after her: “Where you
going?” She could easily have answered: “To Orma's,” or “Down to the
Targatts'”; and either answer might have been true, for she had no
purpose. But she swept on in silence, determined not to recognize his
right to question her.
At the gate she paused and looked up and down the road. The darkness
drew her, and she thought of climbing the hill and plunging into
the depths of the larch-wood above the pasture. Then she glanced
irresolutely along the street, and as she did so a gleam appeared
through the spruces at Miss Hatchard's gate. Lucius Harney was there,
then--he had not gone down to Hepburn with Mr. Miles, as she had at
first imagined. But where had he taken his evening meal, and what had
caused him to stay away from Mr. Royall's? The light was positive proof
of his presence, for Miss Hatchard's servants were away on a holiday,
and her farmer's wife came only in the mornings, to make the young man's
bed and prepare his coffee. Beside that lamp he was doubtless sitting at
this moment. To know the truth Charity had only to walk half the length
of the village, and knock at the lighted window. She hesitated a minute
or two longer, and then turned toward Miss Hatchard's.
She walked quickly, straining her eyes to detect anyone who might be
coming along the street; and before reaching the Frys' she crossed over
to avoid the light from their window. Whenever she was unhappy she
felt herself at bay against a pitiless world, and a kind of animal
secretiveness possessed her. But the street was empty, and she passed
unnoticed through the gate and up the path to the house. Its white front
glimmered indistinctly through the trees, showing only one oblong of
light on the lower floor. She had supposed that the lamp was in Miss
Hatchard's sitting-room; but she now saw that it shone through a window
at the farther corner of the house. She did not know the room to which
this window belonged, and she paused under the trees, checked by a sense
of strangeness. Then she moved on, treading softly on the short grass,
and keeping so close to the house that whoever was in the room, even if
roused by her approach, would not be able to see her.
The window opened on a narrow verandah with a trellised arch. She leaned
close to the trellis, and parting the sprays of clematis that covered it
looked into a corner of the room. She saw the foot of a mahogany bed,
an engraving on the wall, a wash-stand on which a towel had been tossed,
and one end of the green-covered table which held the lamp. Half of
the lampshade projected into her field of vision, and just under it two
smooth sunburnt hands, one holding a pencil and the other a ruler, were
moving to and fro over a drawing-board.
Her heart jumped and then stood still. He was there, a few feet away;
and while her soul was tossing on seas of woe he had been quietly
sitting at his drawing-board. The sight of those two hands, moving with
their usual skill and precision, woke her out of her dream. Her eyes
were opened to the disproportion between what she had felt and the cause
of her agitation; and she was turning away from the window when one hand
abruptly pushed aside the drawing-board and the other flung down the
pencil.
Charity had often noticed Harney's loving care of his drawings, and the
neatness and method with which he carried on and concluded each task.
The impatient sweeping aside of the drawing-board seemed to reveal a new
mood. The gesture suggested sudden discouragement, or distaste for his
work and she wondered if he too were agitated by secret perplexities.
Her impulse of flight was checked; she stepped up on the verandah and
looked into the room.
Harney had put his elbows on the table and was resting his chin on his
locked hands. He had taken off his coat and waistcoat, and unbuttoned
the low collar of his flannel shirt; she saw the vigorous lines of his
young throat, and the root of the muscles where they joined the
chest. He sat staring straight ahead of him, a look of weariness and
self-disgust on his face: it was almost as if he had been gazing at a
distorted reflection of his own features. For a moment Charity looked at
him with a kind of terror, as if he had been a stranger under familiar
lineaments; then she glanced past him and saw on the floor an open
portmanteau half full of clothes. She understood that he was preparing
to leave, and that he had probably decided to go without seeing her. She
saw that the decision, from whatever cause it was taken, had disturbed
him deeply; and she immediately concluded that his change of plan was
due to some surreptitious interference of Mr. Royall's. All her old
resentments and rebellions flamed up, confusedly mingled with the
yearning roused by Harney's nearness. Only a few hours earlier she
had felt secure in his comprehending pity; now she was flung back on
herself, doubly alone after that moment of communion.
Harney was still unaware of her presence. He sat without moving, moodily
staring before him at the same spot in the wall-paper. He had not even
had the energy to finish his packing, and his clothes and papers lay on
the floor about the portmanteau. Presently he unlocked his clasped hands
and stood up; and Charity, drawing back hastily, sank down on the step
of the verandah. The night was so dark that there was not much chance
of his seeing her unless he opened the window and before that she would
have time to slip away and be lost in the shadow of the trees. He stood
for a minute or two looking around the room with the same expression of
self-disgust, as if he hated himself and everything about him; then
he sat down again at the table, drew a few more strokes, and threw
his pencil aside. Finally he walked across the floor, kicking the
portmanteau out of his way, and lay down on the bed, folding his arms
under his head, and staring up morosely at the ceiling. Just so, Charity
had seen him at her side on the grass or the pine-needles, his eyes
fixed on the sky, and pleasure flashing over his face like the flickers
of sun the branches shed on it. But now the face was so changed that she
hardly knew it; and grief at his grief gathered in her throat, rose to
her eyes and ran over.
She continued to crouch on the steps, holding her breath and stiffening
herself into complete immobility. One motion of her hand, one tap on
the pane, and she could picture the sudden change in his face. In every
pulse of her rigid body she was aware of the welcome his eyes and lips
would give her; but something kept her from moving. It was not the
fear of any sanction, human or heavenly; she had never in her life been
afraid. It was simply that she had suddenly understood what would happen
if she went in. It was the thing that did happen between young men and
girls, and that North Dormer ignored in public and snickered over on the
sly. It was what Miss Hatchard was still ignorant of, but every girl
of Charity's class knew about before she left school. It was what had
happened to Ally Hawes's sister Julia, and had ended in her going to
Nettleton, and in people's never mentioning her name.
It did not, of course, always end so sensationally; nor, perhaps, on the
whole, so untragically. Charity had always suspected that the shunned
Julia's fate might have its compensations. There were others, worse
endings that the village knew of, mean, miserable, unconfessed; other
lives that went on drearily, without visible change, in the same cramped
setting of hypocrisy. But these were not the reasons that held her
back. Since the day before, she had known exactly what she would feel
if Harney should take her in his arms: the melting of palm into palm and
mouth on mouth, and the long flame burning her from head to foot. But
mixed with this feeling was another: the wondering pride in his liking
for her, the startled softness that his sympathy had put into her heart.
Sometimes, when her youth flushed up in her, she had imagined yielding
like other girls to furtive caresses in the twilight; but she could not
so cheapen herself to Harney. She did not know why he was going; but
since he was going she felt she must do nothing to deface the image of
her that he carried away. If he wanted her he must seek her: he must not
be surprised into taking her as girls like Julia Hawes were taken....
No sound came from the sleeping village, and in the deep darkness of
the garden she heard now and then a secret rustle of branches, as though
some night-bird brushed them. Once a footfall passed the gate, and
she shrank back into her corner; but the steps died away and left a
profounder quiet. Her eyes were still on Harney's tormented face: she
felt she could not move till he moved. But she was beginning to grow
numb from her constrained position, and at times her thoughts were so
indistinct that she seemed to be held there only by a vague weight of
weariness.
A long time passed in this strange vigil. Harney still lay on the bed,
motionless and with fixed eyes, as though following his vision to its
bitter end. At last he stirred and changed his attitude slightly, and
Charity's heart began to tremble. But he only flung out his arms and
sank back into his former position. With a deep sigh he tossed the hair
from his forehead; then his whole body relaxed, his head turned
sideways on the pillow, and she saw that he had fallen asleep. The sweet
expression came back to his lips, and the haggardness faded from his
face, leaving it as fresh as a boy's.
She rose and crept away.