CONCERNING MAGAZINES, AND THE FORMER AND PRESENT RACE OF ALPHABET-MEN.
_Altri gli han messo nome Santa Croce,
Altri lo chiaman l' A. B. C. guastando
La misura, gl' accenti, et la sua voce._
SANSOVINO.
The reader has now been informed who Mrs. Dove was, and what she was
on that day of mingled joy and grief when the bells of St. George's
welcomed her to Doncaster as a bride. Enough too has been related
concerning the Doctor in his single state, to show that he was not
unworthy of such a wife. There is, however, more to be told; for any
one who may suppose that a physician at Doncaster must have been
pretty much the same sort of person in the year 1761 as at present,
can have reflected little upon the changes for better and worse which
have been going on during the intervening time. The fashions in dress
and furniture have not altered more than the style of intellectual
upholstery.
Our Doctor flourished in the Golden Age of Magazines, when their pages
were filled with voluntary contributions from men who never aimed at
dazzling the public, but came each with his scrap of information, or
his humble question, or his hard problem, or his attempt in verse.
In those days A was an Antiquary, and wrote articles upon Altars and
Abbeys and Architecture. B made a blunder, which C corrected. D
demonstrated that E was in error, and that F was wrong in Philology,
and neither Philosopher nor Physician, though he affected to be both.
G was a Genealogist: H was an Herald, who helped him. I was an
inquisitive inquirer, who found reason for suspecting J to be a
Jesuit. M was a mathematician. N noted the weather. O observed the
stars. P was a poet, who piddled in pastorals, and prayed Mr. Urban to
print them. Q came in the corner of the page with his query. R
arrogated to himself the right of reprehending every one who differed
from him. S sighed and sued in song. T told an old tale, and when he
was wrong U used to set him right. V was a virtuoso. W warred against
Warburton. X excelled in algebra. Y yearned for immortality in rhyme;
and Z in his zeal was always in a puzzle.
Those were happy times when each little star was satisfied with
twinkling in his own sphere. No one thought of bouncing about like a
cracker, singeing and burning in the mere wantonness of mischief, and
then going out with a noise and a stink.
But now
——‘when all this world is woxen daily worse,’[1]
see what a change has taken place through the whole Chriscross Row! As
for A, there is Alaric Watts with his Souvenir, and Ackerman with his
Forget-me-not, and all the rest of the Annual Albumers. B is a
blackguard, and blusters in a popular Magazine. C is a coxcomb who
concocts fashionable novels for Colburn; and D is a dunce who admires
him. E being empty and envious, thinks himself eminently qualified for
Editor of a Literary Gazette. F figures as a fop in Knight's
Quarterly. G is a general reformer, and dealer in Greek scrip. H is
Humbug and Hume; and for my I, it may always be found with Mr. Irving
and Mrs. Elizabeth Martin. J jeers at the Clergy in Mr. Jeffery's
journal. K kicks against the pricks with his friend L, who is Leigh
Hunt, the Liberal. M manufactures mischief for the Morning Chronicle.
N is nobody knows who, that manufactures jokes for John Bull, and
fathers them upon Rogers. O is an obstreperous orator. P was Peter
Pindar, and is now Paul Pry. Q is the Quarterly Review, and R S Robert
Southey, who writes in it. T tells lies in the Old Times. U is a
Unitarian who hopes to be Professor of Theology at the London
University. V is Vivian Grey. W is Sir Walter Scott. X the Ex-Sheriff
Parkins. Y was the Young Roscius; and Z,—Zounds, who can Z be, but
Zachary Macauley?
[Footnote 1: SPENSER.]
Oh,—
——_se oggidi vivesse in terra
Democrito, (perchè di lagrimare
Io non son vago, e però taccio il nome
D' Eraclito dolente;) or, se vivesse
Fra' mortali Democrito, per certo
Ei si smascellerebbe della risa,
Guardando le sciocchezze de' mortali._[2]
[Footnote 2: CHIABRERA.]