JANE'S CONVERSION
On Sunday morning the children went to church by themselves. They
would rather have gone to Mass with Lull in the Convent Chapel, but
Lull said they were Protestants. Everybody else was a Roman
Catholic--Uncle Niel, Aunt Mary, Andy Graham, even ould Davy, though he
never went to Mass.
None of the children liked going to church; they went to please Lull.
The service was long and dull, and though each one of them had a
private plan to while away the time they found it very tedious.
Jane was the luckiest, for under the carpet in the corner where she
sat--Jane and Mick sat in the front pew--there was a fresh crop of
fungi every Sunday; all prayer-time she was occupied in scraping it off
with a pin. Honeybird came next; she had collected all the spare
hassocks into the second pew, and played house under the seat. So long
as they made no noise they felt they were behaving well, for old Mr
Rannigan, the rector, was nearly blind, and could not see what they
were doing. Sometimes Mick followed the service in the big
prayer-book, just for the fun of hearing Mr Rannigan making mistakes
when he lost his place or fell asleep, as he did one Sunday in the
middle of a prayer, and woke up with a start, and prayed for our
Sovereign Lord King William.
Fly played that she was a princess, but she always stopped pretending
when the Litany came. Not that she understood the strange petitions,
but she felt when she had repeated them all that there was no calamity
left that had not been prayed against.
The sermon was the most wearisome part for them all. When the text was
given out Jane read the Bible. Nebuchadnezzar was her favourite
character. She pictured the fun he must have had prancing round in the
grass playing he was a horse or a cow. Mick read the hymn-book, Fly
fell in love with the prince whom she saved up for the sermon, while
Patsy and Honeybird built a ship of hassocks, and sailed as pirates to
unknown seas.
One Sunday morning they had just settled themselves in their
seats--Jane had discovered what looked like a mushroom under the
carpet, and was waiting for the general confession that she might see
if it would peel--when the vestry door opened, and, instead of the
familiar little figure in a surplice trailing on the ground, that had
tottered in as long as the children could remember, a strange clergyman
came in. He began the service in a loud voice that startled them, and
read the prayers so quickly that the people were on their feet again
before Jane had half peeled the mushroom.
When he came to the Psalms he glared at the children till Jane thought
he was going to scold her for not reading too. She had not listened to
hear what morning of the month it was, but she got so frightened that
she had to pretend to be reading by opening and shutting her mouth.
But it was worse when he came to the sermon. Jane, who had not dared
to go back once to the mushroom, but had followed his movements all
through the service, saw with horror when he went into the pulpit that
Patsy and Honeybird had forgotten that he was not Mr Rannigan, and were
stowing away all the books they could reach in the hold of their pirate
ship. She reached over the back of the pew to poke Honeybird, but at
that moment a loud voice startled her.
"Except ye be converted ye shall all likewise perish," the clergyman
said. Then, fixing his eyes on a thin woman, who sat near the pulpit,
he repeated the text in a louder tone.
"Do you know what that means?" he said, pointing to Miss Green. "It
means that you will go to hell."
"What has she done?" Jane wondered. But the preacher had turned round,
and was pointing to old Mr Byers. "You will go to hell," he said.
Then he looked round the church. Jane saw that Patsy and Honeybird
were sitting on their seats watching him.
"You will go to hell," he said again. This time he picked out Mrs
Maxwell. Jane waited, expecting he would tell them some awful sins
these three had committed. But after a long pause he said: "Everyone
seated before me this morning will go to hell."
A chill seemed to have fallen on the congregation. Patsy said
afterwards he thought the devil was waiting outside with a long car to
drive them off at once. "Except ye be converted," the preacher added.
He went on to describe what hell was like, and told them a story of a
godless death-bed he had stood beside, where he had heard the sinner's
groans of remorse--useless then, for God had said he must perish.
Jane's eyes never for a moment wandered from the man's face. Even when
he turned to her she still looked at him, though she was cold with
fear. "The young too will perish except they be converted," he said.
At last the sermon came to an end. The children went out to the porch
to wait for the car. But the sermon had been so long that Andy Graham
was waiting for them. The others ran down the path, but Jane turned
back, and went into the church. All the people had gone. The strange
clergyman was just coming through the vestry door. Jane went up to
him. "I want to get converted," she said; "quick, for Andy Graham's
waitin'."
"Pray to God, and He will give you an assurance that your sins are
forgiven," the clergyman said.
"Come on, Jane," Patsy shouted at the porch door.
"Thank ye," said Jane, and went out to the car.
On Sunday afternoon they generally weeded Patsy's garden or played with
the rabbits, but this day Jane went up to the nursery the minute dinner
was over. Fly, who was sent up by Mick to tell her to come out, found
the door locked.
"Who's there?" said Jane.
"It's me; Mick wants ye," said Fly.
"I can't come."
"What're ye doin'?"
"Mind yer own business," was the reply.
"Let me in; I want a hanky," said Fly.
There was no answer, but as Fly went on trying to turn the handle and
banging at the door it suddenly opened, and Jane faced her.
"Can't ye go away ar that an' quit botherin' me?" she said.
"What're ye doin'?" said Fly, trying to look round the door, but Jane
slammed it in her face.
"If ye don't go away I'll give ye the right good thumpin'," she said.
Fly went downstairs.
At tea Jane appeared with a grave face.
"We'll play church after tea," she said, "an' I'll be the preacher."
They arranged the chairs for pews. Patsy rang the dinner bell. Fly
was the organist, and played on the table. Jane leant over the back of
an arm-chair to preach.
"Mind ye," she said, "I'm not making fun. I'm converted, an' ye've all
got to get converted too, or ye'll go to hell for iver and iver. An'
ye can't think about for iver an' iver, for it's for iver, an' then
it's for iver after that, till it hurts yer head to go on thinkin' any
more. We'll all have to quit bein' bad, an' niver fight any more an'
tell no lies an' niver think a cross word, an' if we say our prayers
God'll give us an insurance, an' then we'll be good for iver after."
Then she read a chapter out of the Bible. But it was not a part the
others liked--about Daniel or Joseph or Moses and the plagues--it was a
chapter of Revelation. They listened patiently to that, but when Jane
said she was going to pray Patsy got up.
"I'm tired," he said, "an' I don't want to get converted. I don't
believe that ould boy knowed what he was talkin' about. Andy Graham
said he was bletherin' when I told him about us all goin' to hell."
Fly and Honeybird said they wanted to paint, so Jane came out of the
pulpit.
"Ye'll just have to get converted by yer own selves," she said, "for
I'm not goin' to help ye any more."
When they went to bed Jane read the Bible to herself, and was such a
long time saying her prayers that Fly thought she had gone to sleep,
and tried to wake her.
"I'm niver goin' to be cross any more," she said as she got into bed.
The next day was wet, so wet that Lull would not allow them to go out.
Jane began the morning by making clothes for Bloody Mary, Honeybird's
doll. But Honeybird would have the clothes made as she liked. Though
Jane tried to persuade her that Bloody Mary had worn a ruff and not a
bustle Honeybird insisted on the bustle, and would not have the ruff.
At last Jane said she would make the clothes her own way or not at all.
"Then ye needn't make them at all," said Honeybird, picking up Bloody
Mary, and going out of the room.
When she got to the door she added, over her shoulder:
"Girney-go-grabby, the cat's cousin," and ran.
But Jane was at her heels, and caught her at the foot of the stairs.
She pulled Bloody Mary from under Honeybird's arm.
"I'll make a ruff, an' sew it on tight," she said grimly.
Honeybird began to cry. Jane was just going to give her back the doll
when Fly appeared at the top of the stairs, and looked over the
banisters.
"Let her alone," said Fly.
"Shut up," said Jane.
"I thought ye were converted," said Fly. In a minute Jane was at the
top of the stairs, and slaps and howls told that Fly's remark was
answered.
There was nothing Fly hated so much as being slapped. If they had
fought properly, and she had been beaten, she would not have minded so
much, but when Jane slapped her she felt she was degraded.
Having punished her Jane walked slowly downstairs. When she got to the
last step she looked up. Fly spat over the banister.
"Cat!" Jane yelled running up the stairs again two at a time; but Fly
raced down the passage, and was just in time to shut and lock the
nursery door in Jane's face.
"All right, me girl," Jane shouted through the keyhole. "You wait an'
see what ye'll get when ye come out."
"I'm not coming out," said Fly, "I'm goin' to see what ye've got in yer
drawer."
Jane went down to the schoolroom. No one was there. Honeybird had
gone to play in the kitchen. She sat down, with her elbows on the
table, her head in her hands.
"It wasn't my fault," she muttered--"I didn't want to fight--but I'll
kill her now when I catch her. I don't care. God had no business to
let her spit at me, an' I will just kill her."
Soon she heard Fly coming downstairs, and got under the table to wait
for her. Fly pushed the door open, looked in, then came in, and shut
the door behind her. She went up to the bookcase, and was looking for
a book when, with a yell of fury, Jane pounced on her. Jane thumped on
Fly's back and Fly tore Jane's hair. They rolled over on the ground,
biting and thumping, till Jane was on the top. She held Fly down, and
very deliberately slapped her, counting the slaps out loud, six times
on each hand. "That's for spittin'," she said as she got up.
Fly sobbed on the floor. Lull came in to lay the table for dinner.
"'Deed, ye ought to be ashamed a' yerselves," she said, "fightin' like
Kilkenny cats. What would yer mother say if she heard ye?"
Jane banged out of the schoolroom, and out of the house. She went
across the yard to the stables, climbed up into the loft, and threw
herself down on a bundle of hay.
Lull called her to come in to dinner, but she did not move. Mick and
Patsy came out to look for her. After a few minutes she heard them go
back into the house. When all was quiet again she sat up. "I'll go to
hell," she said--"an' I don't care a bit. I wisht I was dead." She
had thought only yesterday, when she was converted, and had been all
warm and happy inside, that God would never let her fight any more.
But God had failed her. He had allowed her to fight the very next day.
"He might 'a' made me good when I ast Him," she muttered. "I hate
fightin'; but I can't help it, an' now I'll niver be good."
By-and-by she heard Honeybird at the kitchen door. "Janie, come in,"
she was calling, "there's awful nice pancakes for pudden." Jane didn't
want the pancakes; she wanted very much to go in, and be happy, but
something held her. "Come on in, Jane," Honeybird called. "Fly's
awful sorry she spit at ye." Honeybird called once more, then Jane
heard the kitchen door shut.
"It's the divil," she muttered; "he won't let me be good." In a burst
of despair she beat her head against the wall till she fell back
exhausted on the hay.
The next thing she heard--she must have been asleep--was the tea bell
ringing. Still she did not go in, but when the loft began to get dark
she was so frightened that she crept down the ladder, and went into the
kitchen. There was no one in the kitchen but Lull.
"Och, now ye'll be sick if ye cry like that," said Lull. "Sit down
here by the fire, an' have a drop milk an' a bit a' soda bread."
But Jane could not eat. She managed to swallow the milk, then as Lull
stroked her rough hair she began to cry again.
"Whisht, whisht, chile dear," Lull said; "sure, ye can't help fightin'
now an' then. Come on upstairs, an' have a nice hot bath, an' go to
yer bed, an' ye'll be as good as Saint Patrick in the mornin'."
When the others came to bed she was asleep, but she woke before they
were undressed.
"I'm sorry I was cross," she said.
"So am I," said Fly.
"Ye were just as cross as I was yerself," Jane said sharply.
"That's what I mane," said Fly.
"Then ye should say what ye mane," said Jane. "Ye just want to make me
fight again."
"'Deed, I don't," Fly began.
But Jane threw back the clothes, and jumped out of bed. "There!" she
said, "ye've done it. Ye've made me cross again."
Fly and Honeybird both began to cry. They got undressed, crying all
the time. When they were ready for bed Fly said: "Aren't ye goin' to
get into bed, Jane?"
"No!" said Jane.
"But ye'll catch yer death a' cold," said Fly.
"I just wisht I could," said Jane. She sat down on the floor by the
window.
"I'll just sit here till I die," she said, "an' then I'll go to hell."
Fly and Honeybird began to howl. The boys came in from the
dressing-room.
"What's the matter?" said Mick.
"I'm goin' to hell," said Jane; "I can't help it. I don't want to go,
but Fly makes me fight. She's sendin' me to hell, an' I'll just sit
here till I'm dead."
Mick begged her to get back into bed. Fly and Honeybird sobbed and
shivered. "Don't go to hell, Jane," they pleaded; "get into bed, an'
we'll niver make ye cross any more."
But Jane shook her head. "I'm goin'; I can't help it," she said.
Patsy looked at her.
"Let her go if she wants to," he said, "I'm goin' to sleep." He went
back into the dressing-room. Jane looked after him, and then began to
laugh.
"I declare to my goodness I'm an ould divil myself," she said, "makin'
ye all miserable." She got up, and kissed them all.
"An I'll make Bloody Mary a bustle in the mornin'," she said as she got
into bed.
"I think I'd rather have a ruff," said Honeybird.
Next Sunday Mr Rannigan was at church. When he gave out his text Jane
looked at him. "Brethren, it is my duty to preach the simple gospel,"
he began, and Jane opened the Bible at Nebuchadnezzar.