OTHER DISAGREEABLE CLAIMANTS: FOREIGN FOIBLES INTRODUCED, ONLY TO BE
EXPUNGED WITH CHARACTERISTIC PUGNACITY.
Let us now look for a moment into the reigns of Harold I. and
Hardicanute, a pair of unpopular reigns, which, although brief, were yet
long enough.
Queen Emma, of course, desired the coronation of Hardicanute, but,
though supported by Earl Godwin, a man of great influence and educated
to a high degree for his time, able indeed, it is said, at a moment's
notice, to add up things and reduce things to a common denominator, it
could not be.
Harold, the compromise candidate, reigned from 1037 to 1040. He gained
Godwin to his side, and together they lured the sons of Emma by
Ethelred--viz., Alfred and Edward--to town, and, as a sort of royal
practical joke, put out Alfred's eyes, causing his death.
Harold was a swift sprinter, and was called "Harefoot" by those who were
intimate enough to exchange calls and coarse anecdotes with him.
He died in 1040 A.D., and nobody ever had a more general approval for
doing so than Harold.
Hardicanute now came forth from his apartments, and was received as king
with every demonstration of joy, and for some weeks he and dyspepsia had
it all their own way on Piccadilly. (Report says that he drank! Several
times while under the influence of liquor he abdicated the throne with a
dull thud, but was reinstated by the Police.)
[Illustration: "KING HAROLD IS DEAD, SIRE."]
Enraged by the death of Alfred, the king had the remains of Harold
exhumed and thrown into a fen. This a-fensive act showed what a great
big broad nature Hardicanute had,--also the kind of timber used in
making a king in those days.
Godwin, however, seems to have been a good political acrobat, and was on
more sides of more questions than anybody else of those times. Though
connected with the White-Cap affair by which Alfred lost his eyesight
and his life, he proved an alibi, or spasmodic paresis, or something,
and, having stood a compurgation and "ordeal" trial, was released. The
historian very truly but inelegantly says, if memory serves the writer
accurately, that Godwin was such a political straddle-bug that he early
abandoned the use of pantaloons and returned to the toga, which was the
only garment able to stand the strain of his political cuttings-up.
The _Shire Mote_, or county court of those days, was composed of a dozen
thanes, or cheap nobles, who had to swear that they had not read the
papers, and had not formed or expressed an opinion, and that their minds
were in a state of complete vacancy. It was a sort of primary jury, and
each could point with pride to the vast collection he had made of things
he did not know, and had not formed or expressed an opinion about.
[Illustration: "ORDEAL" OF JUSTICE.]
If one did not like the verdict of this court, he could appeal to the
king on a _certiorari_ or some such thing as that. The accused could
clear himself by his own oath and that of others, but without these he
had to stand what was called the "ordeal," which consisted in walking on
hot ploughshares without expressing a derogatory opinion regarding the
ploughshares or showing contempt of court. Sometimes the accused had to
run his arm into boiling water. If after three days the injury had
disappeared, the defendant was discharged and costs taxed against the
king.
[Illustration: DYING BETWEEN COURSES.]
Hardicanute only reigned two years, and in 1042 A.D. died at a nuptial
banquet, and cast a gloom over the whole thing. In those times it was a
common thing for the king or some of the nobility to die between the
roast pig and the pork pie. It was not unusual to see each noble with a
roast pig _tête-à-tête_,--each confronting the other, the living and the
dead.
At this time, it is said by the old settlers that hog cholera thinned
out the nobility a good deal, whether directly or indirectly they do not
say.
The English had now wearied of the Danish yoke. "Why wear the Danish
yoke," they asked, "and be ruled with a rod of iron?"
Edward, half brother of Edmund Ironside, was therefore nominated and
chosen king. Godwin, who seemed to be specially gifted as a versatile
connoisseur of "crow,"[A] turned up as his political adviser.
[Footnote A: "Eating crow" is an expression common in modern American
politics to signify a reluctant acknowledgement of humiliating
defeat--HISTORIAN.]
Edward, afterwards called "the Confessor," at once stripped Queen Emma
of all her means, for he had no love left for her, as she had failed
repeatedly to assist him when he was an outcast, and afterwards the new
king placed her in jail (or gaol, rather) at Winchester. This should
teach mothers to be more obedient, or they will surely come to some bad
end.
Edward was educated in Normandy, and so was quite partial to the
Normans. He appointed many of them to important positions in both church
and state. Even the See of Canterbury was given to a Norman. The See
saw how it was going, no doubt, and accepted the position. But let us
pass on rapidly to something else, for thereby variety may be given to
these pages, and as one fact seems to call for another, truth, which for
the time being may be apparently crushed to earth, may rise again.
[Illustration: EDWARD STRIPS EMMA OF HER MEANS.]
Godwin disliked the introduction of the Norman tongue and Norman customs
in England, and when Eustace, Count of Boulogne and author of the
sausage which bears his name, committed an act of violence against the
people of Dover, they arose as one man, drove out the foreigners, and
fumigated the town as well as the ferry running to Calais.
This caused trouble between Edward and Godwin, which led to the
deposition of the latter, who, with his sons, was compelled to flee. But
later he returned, and his popularity in England among the home people
compelled the king to reëstablish him.
[Illustration: GODWIN AND HIS SONS FLYING FROM ENGLAND.]
Soon afterwards Godwin died, and Harold, his son, succeeded him
successfully. Godwin was an able man, and got several earldoms for his
wife and relatives at a time when that was just what they needed. An
earldom then was not a mere empty title with nothing in it but a blue
sash and a scorbutic temperament, but it gave almost absolute authority
over one or more shires, and was also a good piece of property. These
historical facts took place in or about the year 1054 A.D.
Edward having no children, together with a sort of misgiving about ever
having any to speak of, called home Edward "the Outlaw," son of Edmund
Ironside, to succeed to the throne; but scarcely had he reached the
shores of England when he died, leaving a son, Edgar.
William of Normandy, a cousin of the king, now appears on the scene. He
claimed to be entitled to the first crack at the throne, and that the
king had promised to bequeath it to him. He even lured Harold, the heir
apparently, to Normandy, and while under the influence of stimulants
compelled Harold to swear that he would sustain William's claim to the
throne. The wily William also inserted some holy relics of great potency
under the altar used for swearing purposes, but Harold recovered when he
got out again into the fresh air, and snapped his fingers at William and
his relics.
[Illustration: WILLIAM COMPELLING HAROLD TO SWEAR.]
January 5, 1066, Edward died, and was buried in Westminster Abbey,
which had just been enclosed and the roof put on.
Harold, who had practised a little while as earl, and so felt that he
could reign easily by beginning moderately and only reigning forenoons,
ascended the throne.
Edward the Confessor was a good, durable monarch, but not brilliant. He
was the first to let people touch him on Tuesdays and Fridays for
scrofula, or "king's evil." He also made a set of laws that were an
improvement on some of the old ones. He was canonized about a century
after his death by the Pope, but as to whether it "took" or not the
historian seems strangely dumb.
[Illustration: WILLIAM OF NORMANDY LEARNS THAT HAROLD IS ELECTED KING.]
He was the last of the royal Saxon line; but other self-made Saxons
reigned after him in torrents.
Edgar Atheling, son of Edward the Outlaw, was the only surviving male of
the royal line, but he was not old enough to succeed to the throne, and
Harold II. accepted the portfolio. He was crowned at Westminster on the
day of King Edward's burial. This infuriated William of Normandy, who
reminded Harold of his first-degree oath, and his pledge that he would
keep it "or have his salary cut from year to year."
Oh, how irritated William was! He got down his gun, and bade the other
Normans who desired an outing to do the same.
Trouble also arose with Tostig, the king's brother, and his Norwegian
ally, Hardrada, but the king defeated the allied forces at Stamford
Bridge, near York, where both of these misguided leaders bit the dust.
Previous to the battle there was a brief parley, and the king told
Tostig the best he could do with him. "And what can you give my ally,
Hardrada?" queried the astute Tostig. "Seven feet of English ground,"
answered the king, roguishly, "or possibly more, as Hardrada is rather
taller than the average," or words to that effect. "Then let the fight
go on," answered Tostig, taking a couple of hard-boiled eggs from his
pocket and cracking them on the pommel of his saddle, for he had not
eaten anything but a broiled shote since breakfast.
That night both he and Hardrada occupied a double grave on the
right-hand side of the road leading to York.