"Let me tell you, then," I said, "that I am an anarchistic polygamist,
that I am opposed to all forms of government, that I object to any kind
of revealed religion, that I regard the state and property and marriage
as the mere tyranny of the bourgeoisie, and that I want to see class
hatred carried to the point where it forces every one into brotherly
love. Now, do I get in?"
The official looked puzzled for a minute. "You are not Irish, are you,
sir?" he said.
"No."
"Then I think you can come in all right." he answered.
The journey from Liverpool to London, like all other English journeys,
is short. This is due to the fact that England is a small country: it
contains only 50,000 square miles, whereas the United States, as every
one knows, contains three and a half billion. I mentioned this fact to
an English fellow passenger on the train, together with a provisional
estimate of the American corn crop for 1922: but he only drew his rug
about his knees, took a sip of brandy from his travelling flask, and
sank into a state resembling death. I contented myself with jotting down
an impression of incivility and paid no further attention to my fellow
traveller other than to read the labels on his lug gage and to peruse
the headings of his newspaper by peeping over his shoulder.
It was my first experience of travelling with a fellow passenger in
a compartment of an English train, and I admit now that I was as yet
ignorant of the proper method of conduct. Later on I became fully
conversant with the rule of travel as understood in England. I should
have known, of course, that I must on no account speak to the man. But I
should have let down the window a little bit in such a way as to make a
strong draught on his ear. Had this failed to break down his reserve I
should have placed a heavy valise in the rack over his head so balanced
that it might fall on him at any moment. Failing this again, I could
have blown rings of smoke at him or stepped on his feet under the
pretence of looking out of the window. Under the English rule as long as
he bears this in silence you are not supposed to know him. In fact, he
is not supposed to be there. You and he each presume the other to be a
mere piece of empty space. But let him once be driven to say, "Oh, I beg
your pardon, I wonder if you would mind my closing the window," and he
is lost. After that you are entitled to tell him anything about the corn
crop that you care to.
But in the present case I knew nothing of this, and after three hours of
charming silence I found myself in London.