Mary was allowed to pay the rent which gave her so much uneasiness, and
she exerted every nerve to prevail on her father effectually to succour
the family; but the utmost she could obtain was a small sum very
inadequate to the purpose, to enable the poor woman to carry into
execution a little scheme of industry near the metropolis.
Her intention of leaving that part of the country, had much more weight
with him, than Mary's arguments, drawn from motives of philanthropy and
friendship; this was a language he did not understand; expressive of
occult qualities he never thought of, as they could not be seen or
felt.
After the departure of her mother, Ann still continued to languish,
though she had a nurse who was entirely engrossed by the desire of
amusing her. Had her health been re-established, the time would have
passed in a tranquil, improving manner.
During the year of mourning they lived in retirement; music, drawing,
and reading, filled up the time; and Mary's taste and judgment were both
improved by contracting a habit of observation, and permitting the
simple beauties of Nature to occupy her thoughts.
She had a wonderful quickness in discerning distinctions and combining
ideas, that at the first glance did not appear to be similar. But these
various pursuits did not banish all her cares, or carry off all her
constitutional black bile. Before she enjoyed Ann's society, she
imagined it would have made her completely happy: she was disappointed,
and yet knew not what to complain of.
As her friend could not accompany her in her walks, and wished to be
alone, for a very obvious reason, she would return to her old haunts,
retrace her anticipated pleasures--and wonder how they changed their
colour in possession, and proved so futile.
She had not yet found the companion she looked for. Ann and she were not
congenial minds, nor did she contribute to her comfort in the degree she
expected. She shielded her from poverty; but this was only a negative
blessing; when under the pressure it was very grievous, and still more
so were the apprehensions; but when exempt from them, she was not
contented.
Such is human nature, its laws were not to be inverted to gratify our
heroine, and stop the progress of her understanding, happiness only
flourished in paradise--we cannot taste and live.
Another year passed away with increasing apprehensions. Ann had a hectic
cough, and many unfavourable prognostics: Mary then forgot every thing
but the fear of losing her, and even imagined that her recovery would
have made her happy.
Her anxiety led her to study physic, and for some time she only read
books of that cast; and this knowledge, literally speaking, ended in
vanity and vexation of spirit, as it enabled her to foresee what she
could not prevent.
As her mind expanded, her marriage appeared a dreadful misfortune; she
was sometimes reminded of the heavy yoke, and bitter was the
recollection!
In one thing there seemed to be a sympathy between them, for she wrote
formal answers to his as formal letters. An extreme dislike took root in
her mind; the found of his name made her turn sick; but she forgot all,
listening to Ann's cough, and supporting her languid frame. She would
then catch her to her bosom with convulsive eagerness, as if to save her
from sinking into an opening grave.