My dear Tom,--The post hadn't left this five minutes yesterday, when I
remembered what I wanted to say to you. Wednesday, the 26th, is fixed
for the happy occasion; and if nothing should intervene, you may insert
the following paragraph in the "Tipperary Press," under the accustomed
heading of "Marriage in High Life": "The Baron Adolf Heinrich
Conrad Hapsburg von Wolfenschafer, Lord of the Manors of Hohendeken,
Kalbsbratenhausen, and Schweinkraut, to Mary Anne, eldest daughter of
Kenny James Dodd, Esq., of Dodsborough, in this county." Faith, Tom, I
was near saying "universally regretted by a large circle of afflicted
survivors," for I was just wishing myself dead and buried! But you must
put it in the usual formula of "beautiful and accomplished," and take
care it is not applied to the bridegroom, for, upon my conscience, his
claim to the first epithet couldn't be settled by even a Parliamentary
title! My heart is heavy about it all, and I wish it was over!
If anything exemplifies the vanity of human wishes, it is our efforts to
marry our daughters, and our regrets when the plans succeed. Tom goes
to India, and Billy to sea, and there is scarcely a gap in the family
circle. "The boys" were seldom at home,--they were shooting in Scotland,
or hunting in England, or fishing in Norway. They never, so to say, made
part of the effective garrison of the house; they came and went with
that rackety good-humor that even in quiet families is pleasurable; but
your girls are household gods: lose _them_, even one of them, and the
altar is despoiled. The thousand little unobtrusive duties, noiseless
cares, that make home better a hundred-fold than anywhere else, be
it ever so rich and splendid, the unasked solicitude, the watchful
attention that provides for your little daily wants and habits, are all
_their_ province. And just fancy, then, what scheming and intriguing we
practise to get rid of them! You 'll say that this shows we are above
the selfishness of only considering our own enjoyment, and that we
sacrifice all for their happiness. There you mistake; our sole aim is
a rich man,--our one notion of a good marriage is that the husband be
wealthy. It's not a man like myself, who has sometimes paid fifty, ay,
sixty per cent for money, that can afford to sneer at and despise it;
but this I will say, that the mere possession of it will not suffice for
happiness. I know fellows with fifteen thousand a year that have not
the heart to spend five hundred. I know others that, with as much, are
always over head and ears in debt, raising cash everywhere and anyhow!
What kind of life must a girl lead that marries either of these? And
yet would you or I think of refusing such a match for a daughter? Let me
tell you, Tom, that for people of small fortune, the nunneries were fine
things! What signifies serge and simple diet to the wearisome drudgery
of a governess! If I was a woman, I think I'd rather sit in my quiet
cell, working an embroidered suit of body clothes for Father O'Leary,
than I'd be snubbed by the family of some vulgar citizen, tortured by
the brats, and insulted by the servants.
I don't suppose that it signifies a straw one way or other, but I
feel some compunctions of conscience at the way I have been assigning
imaginary estates, mines, woods, and collieries to Mary Anne for the
last three days. I know it's mere greed makes the Baron so eager on the
subject, since he is enormously wealthy. James and I rode twelve miles,
this morning, through a forest that belongs to the castle, and the
arable land stretches more than that distance in another direction; but
who knows how he 'll behave when he discovers she has nothing! To
be sure, we can always ascribe our ruin to political causes, and, in
verification, exhibit ourselves as poor as need be; but still I don't
like it And this is one of the blessed results of a false position,--one
step in a wrong direction very frequently necessitates a long journey.
Yesterday I protested to my affluence; to-day I vouched for the nobility
of my family. Heaven only can tell what I won't swear to to-morrow! And
again I am interrupted by Mrs. D., who has just come to inform me that
though the bride's finery can all be had at Paris,--whither the
happy couple are to repair for the honeymoon,--there are certain
indispensables must be obtained at once from Baden; and she begs that
I will privately write a few lines to Morris, who will, of course,
undertake the commission. It is not without shame that I enclose a list
of purchases to make, which, to a man who knew what we were in Ireland,
will appear preposterous; but the false position we have attained to is
surrounded with interminable mortifications of the same kind.
Ah, Tom! I remember the time when, if a bride changed her smart white
silk and muslin that she wore at the altar for a good brown or blue
satin pelisse to travel in, we thought her a miracle of fashion and
finery; but now the millinery of a wedding is the principal thing. There
is a stereotyped formula, out of which there is no hope of conjugal
happiness; and the bride that begins life without Brussels lace enters
upon her career with gloomy omens! Now, a scarf of this alone costs
thirty guineas; you may, if you like, go as high as a hundred and fifty.
Why can't people wait for the ruin that is so sure to overtake them,
without forestalling it in this way? Twenty pounds for clothes, and a
trip to Castle Connel or Kilkee for the honeymoon, would have satisfied
every wish of Alary Anne's heart in Ireland; and if she drove away in a
post-chaise with four horses for the first stage, she 'd have been the
envy of all the marriageable girls for miles round.
But now I have had to ask Morris to buy a travelling-carriage, because
Mrs. D., in one of those expansions of splendor that occasionally attack
her, said to the Baron, "Oh, take one of our carriages, we have left
several of them at Baden." The excellent woman cannot be brought to
perceive that romance of this kind is a most expensive amusement. I have
drawn a bill on you for four hundred at three months, to meet these, and
sent it to Morris to "get done." I hope he 'll succeed, and I hope you
'll pay it when it comes due; so that come what will, Tom, my intentions
are honorable!
If Mrs. D. and myself had been upon better terms, we might have
discussed this marriage question more fully and confidentially, but
there are now so many cabinet difficulties that we rarely hold a
council, and when we do, we are sure to disagree. This is another
blessed result of our continentalizing. Home had its duties, and with
them came that spirit of concord and agreement so essential to family
happiness; but in this vagabond kind of existence, where every-thing is
feigned, unreal, and unnatural, all concert and confidence is completely
lost.
Now I have told you frankly and fairly everything about us, and don't
take advantage of my candor by giving advice, for there is nothing
in this world I have so little taste for. There's no man above the
condition of an idiot that is n't thoroughly aware of his failings and
shortcomings, but all that knowledge does n't bring him an inch nearer
the cure of them. Do you think I 'm not fully alive to everything
you could say of my wasteful habits, my improvidence, indolence,
irritability, and so forth? I know them all better than you do,--ay, and
I feel them acutely, too, for I know them to be incurable! Reformation,
indeed! Do you know when a man gives up dancing, Tom? When he's too
stiff in the knees for it. There's the whole philosophy of life. When
we grow wiser, as they are pleased to call it, it is always in spite of
ourselves!
I find that by enclosing this to Morris, he can forward it to you by the
bag of the Legation. Once more let me remind you of our want of cash,
and believe me, very faithfully your friend,
Kenny I. Dodd.