"Es geht nicht"--literally, "It 's no go "--"my worthy friend. We are
not the officials of England. We are Badenere. We are the functionaries
of an independent sovereign. You can't bully us here with your
line-of-battle ships, your frigates, and bomb-boats."
"No. Gott bewahr!" echoed the company; "that will do elsewhere,--but
Baden is free!"
The enthusiasm, the sentiment evoked brought all the guests from the
several tables to swarm around us.
I assured the meeting that Cobden and Co. were not more pacifically
minded than I was; that as to anything like threat, menace, or insolence
towards the Grand-Duchy, it never came within thousands of miles of
my thoughts; that I came to make the civilest of requests, in the very
humblest of manner; and if by ill-luck the distinguished functionary I
had the honor to address should not deem either the time opportune, or
the place suitable--
"You'll make it an affair for your House of Commons," broke he in.
"Or your 'Ti-mes' newspaper!" cried another, converting the title of the
Thunderer into a strange dissyllable.
"Or your Secretary of State will tell us that you are a 'Civis
Romanue,'" wheezed out a small man, that I heard was Archivist of
something, somewhere.
"Britannia rule de waves, but do not rule de Grand-Duchy," muttered a
fourth, in English, to show that he was thoroughly imbued, not alone
with our language, but the spirit of our Constitution.
"Really, gentlemen," said I, "I am quite at a loss for any reason for
this audible outburst of nationality. I dis-claim the very remotest
idea of offending Baden, or anything belonging to it. I entertain
no intention of converting my case into a question of international
dispute. I simply wait my passport, and free permission to leave the
Grand-Duchy and all belonging to it."
This declaration was unanimously pronounced insolent, offensive, and
insulting; and a vast number of unpleasant remarks poured down upon
England and Englishmen, which, I need not tell you, are not worth
repetition. The end of all was that I lost temper too,--the wonder is
how I kept it so long,--and ventured to hint that people of my country
had sometimes the practice of righting themselves, when wronged, instead
of tormenting their Government or pestering the "Times" newspaper; and
that if they had any curiosity as to the _how_, I should be most happy
to favor any one with the information that would follow me into the
street.
There was a perfect Babel of angry vociferation as I said this; the
meaning of which I might guess, though the words were unintelligible;
and as I issued forth into the street, expressions of angry indignation
and insult were actually showered upon me. I reached Lichtenthal late
at night; the governor was in bed, and I hastened to "report myself"
to him. This done, I sat down to give you this full narration of
our doings; and only regret that I must conclude without telling you
anything of our future plans, of which I know actually nothing. I should
have spared you the uninteresting scene with the authorities, if you had
not asked me, in your last, "Whether the respect felt towards England by
every foreign nation did not invest the travelling Englishman with many
privileges and immunities unknown to others?" I have heard that such was
once the case. I believe, indeed, there was a time that any absurdity
or excess of John Bull would have been set down as mere eccentricity,--a
dash of that folly ascribable to our insular tastes and habits; but this
is all changed now! Partly from our own conduct, in part from real and
sometimes merely imputed acts of our rulers, and partly from the tone of
our Press, which no foreigner can ever be brought to understand aright,
we have got to be thought a set of spendthrift, wealthy, reckless
misers, lavish and economical by tarns, socially proud and exclusive,
but politically red republican and levelling,--tyrants in our
families, and democrats in the world; in fact, a sort of living mass of
contradictory qualities, not rendered more endurable by coarse tastes
and rude manners! This, at least, Morris told me, and he is a shrewd
observer, like many of those sleepy-eyed, quiet "coves" one meets with.
Not that he reads individuals like Tiverton! No: George is unequalled
in ready dissection of a man's motives, and will detect a dodge before
another begins to suspect it. I wish he were back; I feel frequently
so helpless without his counsel and advice. The turf is, surely, a
wonderful school for sharpening a man's faculties, and it gives you the
habit of connecting words with motives, and asking yourself, "What
does So-and-so mean by that?" "What is he up to now?" that at last you
decipher character, let its lines be written in the very faintest ink!
Our post leaves at daybreak, so that I shall just have time for this.
When I write next, I 'll answer--that is, if I can--all your questions
about myself, what I mean to do, and when to begin it.
Not, indeed, that they are themes I like to touch upon, for somehow all
the quiet pursuits of life look wonderfully slow and tiresome affairs in
comparison with the panoramic effects of travel. The perpetual change
of scene, actors, and incidents supplies in itself that amount of
excitement which, under other circumstances, calls for so much exertion
and effort. There is another thing, also, which has always given me
great discouragement. It is that the humbler walks of life require not
only an amount of labor, but of actual ability, that are never called
for in higher positions. Think of the work a fellow does as a doctor
or a lawyer; and think of the brains, too, he has to bring to these
careers, and then picture to yourself a man in a Government situation,
some snug colonial governorship, or something at home,--say, he's
Secretary-at-War, or has something in the household. He writes his name
at the foot of an occasional report or a despatch, and he puts on his
blue ribbon, or his grand cross, as it may be, on birthdays. There's the
whole of it! As Tiverton says, "One needs more blood and bone nowadays
for the hack stakes than the Derby;" he means, of course, in allusion to
real life, and not to the turf! Don't fancy that I take it in ill part
any remarks you make upon my idleness, nor its probable consequences.
We are old friends, Bob; but even were we not, I accept them as sin-cere
evidence of true interest and regard, though I may not profit by them
as I ought. The Dodds are an impracticable race, and in nothing more
so than by fully appreciating all their faults, and yet never making an
effort for their eradication.
Some people are civil enough to say how very Irish this is; but I think
it is only so in half, inasmuch as our perceptions are sharp enough to
show us even in ourselves those blemishes which your blear-eyed Saxon
would never have discovered anywhere. Do you agree with me? Whether
or not, my dear Bob, continue to esteem and believe me ever your
affectionate friend,
James Dodd.
Though I am totally innocent as to our future, it is better not to write
till you hear again from me, for of course we shall leave this at once;
but where for? that's the question.