Dear Bob,--Here we are, living another kind of life from our old
existence at Dodsborough! We have capital quarters at the "Bellevue,"--a
fine hotel, excellent dinners, and, what I think not inferior to either,
a most obliging Jew money-changer hard by, who advances "moderate loans
to respectable parties, on personal security,"--a process in which I
have already made some proficiency, and with considerable advantage to
my outward man. The tailors are first-rate, and rig you out with gloves,
boots, hat, even to your cane,--they forget nothing. The hairdressers
are also incomparable. I thought, at first, that capillary attraction
was beyond _me_; but, to my agreeable surprise, I discover that I boast
a very imposing _chevelure_, and a bright promise of moustache which, as
yet, is only faintly depicted by a dusky line on my upper lip.
It's all nonsense to undervalue dress: I'm no more the same man in my
dark-green paletot, trimmed with Astracan, that I was a month ago in my
fustian shooting-jacket, than a well-plumed eagle is like a half-moulted
turkey. There is an inseparable connection between your coat and your
character; and few things so react on the morality of a man as the cut
of his trousers. Nothing more certainly tells me this than the feeling
with which I enter any public place now, compared to what I experienced
a few weeks back. It was then half shame, half swagger,--a conflict
between modesty and defiance. Now, it is the easy assurance of being
"all right,"--the conviction that my hat, my frock, my cravat, my
vest, can stand the most critical examination; and that if any one be
impertinent enough to indulge in the inquiry through his eye-glass, I
have the equal privilege to return stare for stare, with, mayhap, an
initiatory sneer into the bargain. By the way, the habit of looking
unutterably fierce seems to be the first lesson abroad. The passport
people, as you land, the officers of the Customs, the landlord of your
inn, the waiters, the railroad clerks, all "get up" a general air of
sovereign contempt for everybody and everything, rather puzzling at
first, but quite reassuring when you are trained to reciprocity. For the
time, I rather flatter myself to have learned the dodge well; not but,
I must confess to you, Bob, that my education is prosecuted under
difficulties. During the whole of the morning I 'm either with the
governor or my mother, sight-seeing and house-hunting,--now seeking
out a Rubens, now making an excursion into the market, and making
exploratory researches into the prices of fish, fowl, and vegetables;
cheapening articles that we don't intend to buy,--a process my mother
looks upon as a moral exercise; and climbing up "two-pair," to see
lodgings we have no intention to take: all because, as she says, "we
ought to know everything;" and really the spirit of inquiry that moves
her will have its reward,--not always, perhaps, without some drawbacks,
as witness what happened to us on Tuesday. In our rambles along the
Boulevard de Waterloo, we saw a smart-looking house, with an _affiche_
over the door, "A louer;" and, of course, mother and Mary Anne at once
stopped the carriage for an exploration. In we went, asked for the
proprietor, and saw a small, rosy-cheeked little man, with a big wig,
and a very inquiet, restless look in his eyes. "Could we see the house?
Was it furnished?" "Yes," to both questions. "Were there stables?"
"Capital room for four horses; good water,--two kinds, and both
excellent." Upstairs we toiled, through one _salon_ into another,--now
losing ourselves in dark passages, now coming abruptly to unlock-able
doors,--everlastingly coming back to the spot we had just left, and
conceiving the grandest notions of the number of rooms, from the manner
of our own perambulations. Of course you know the invariable incidents
of this tiresome process, where the owner is always trying to open
impracticable windows, and the visitors will rush into inscrutable
places, in despite of all advice and admonition. Our voyage of discovery
was like all preceding ones; and we looked down well-staircases and up
into skylights,--snuffed for possible smells, and suggested imaginary
smoke, in every room we saw. While we were thus busily criticising
the domicile, its owner, it would seem, was as actively engaged in an
examination of _us_, and apparently with a less satisfactory result, for
he broke in upon one of our consultations by a friendly "No, no, ladies;
it won't do,--it won't do at all. This house would never suit;"
and while my mother stared, and Mary Anne opened wide her eyes in
astonishment, he went on: "We 're only losing time, ladies; both your
time and mine will be wasted. This is not the house for _you_." "I beg
to observe, sir, that I think it is," interposed my mother, who, with
a very womanly feeling, took a prodigious fancy to the place the moment
she discovered there was a difficulty about it. The owner, however,
was to the full as decided; and in fact hurried us out of the rooms,
downstairs, and into the street, with a degree of haste savoring far
more of impatience than politeness. I rather was disposed to laugh
at the little man's energetic rejection of us; but my mother's rage
rendered any "mirthful demonstration inopportune," as the French would
say; and so I only exchanged glances with Mary Anne, while our eloquent
parent abused the "little wretch" to her heart's content. Although the
circumstance was amply discussed by us that evening, we had well-nigh
forgotten it in the morning, when, to our astonishment, our little
friend of the Boulevard sent in his name, "Mr. Cherry," with a request
to see papa. My mother was for seeing him herself; but this amendment
was rejected, and the original motion carried.
After about five minutes' interview, we were alarmed by a sudden noise
and violent cries; and on rushing from the drawing-room, I just caught
sight of Mr. Cherry making a flying leap down the first half of the
staircase, while my father's uplifted foot stood forth to evidence what
had proved the "vis à tergo." His performance of the next flight was
less artistic, for he rolled from top to bottom, when, by an almost
preternatural effort, he made his escape into the street. The governor's
passion made all inquiries perilous for some minutes; in fact, this
attempt to make "Cherry-bounce," as Cary called it, seemed to have got
into his head, for he stormed like a madman. At last the _causa belli_
came out to be, that this unhappy Mr. Cherry had come with an apology
for his strange conduct the day before,--by what think you? By his
having mistaken my mother and sister for what slang people call "a case
of perhaps,"--a blunder which certainly was not to be remedied by
the avowal of it. So at least thought my father, for he cut short the
apology and the explanation at once, ejecting Mr. Cherry by a more
summary process than is recognized in the law-courts.
My mother had hardly dried up her tears in crying, and I mine in
laughing over this strange incident, when there came an emissary of the
gendarmerie to arrest the governor for a violent assault, with intent,
&c. &c, and it is only by the intervention of our Minister here that
bail has been accepted; my father being bound to appear before the
"Court of Correctional Police" on Monday next. If we remain much longer
here, we are likely to learn something of the laws, at least in a way
which people assure you is always most indelible,--practically. If we
continue as we have commenced, a little management on the part of the
lawyers, and a natural desire on the part of my father to obtain
justice, may prolong our legal affairs far into the spring; so that we
may possibly not leave this for some months to come, which, with the aid
of my friend, Lazarus Simrock, may be made pleasurable and profitable.
[Illustration: 058]
It's all very well to talk about "learning French, seeing galleries and
studying works of art," my dear Bob, but where's the time?--that's the
question. My mother and the girls poach my entire morning. It's the
rarest thing in the world for me to get free of them before five
o'clock; and then I have just time to dash down to the club, and have a
"shy" at the écarté before dinner. Smart play it is, sometimes seventy,
ay, a hundred Naps, on a game; and such players too!--fellows that sit
for ten minutes with a card on their knee, studying your face,
watching every line and lineament of your features, and reading you,
by Jove,--reading you like a book. All the false air of ease and
indifference, all the brag assurance you may get up to conceal a "bad
hand," isn't worth sixpence. They laugh at your puerile efforts, and
tell you "you are voled" before you've played a card. We hear so much
about genius and talent, and all that kind of thing at home, and you,
I have no doubt, are full of the high abilities of some fellowship
or medallist man of Trinity; but give _me_ the deep penetration, the
intense powers of calculation, the thorough insight into human nature,
of some of the fellows I see here; and for success in life, I 'll back
them against all your conic section and x plus y geniuses, and all the
double first classes that ever breathed. There's a splendid fellow here,
a Pole, called Koratinsky; he commanded the cavalry at Ostrolenca,
and, it is said, rode down the Russian Guard, and sabred the Imperial
Cuirassiers to a man. He's the first écarté and piquet player in Europe,
and equal to Deschapelles at whist. Though he is very distant and cold
in his manner to strangers, he has been most kind and good-natured to
me; has given me some capital advice, too, and warned me against several
of the fellows that frequent the club. He tells me that he detests and
abhors play, but resorts to it as a distraction. "Que voulez-vous?"
said he to me the other day; "when a man who calls himself Ladislaus
Koratinsky, who has the blood of three monarchs in his veins, who has
twice touched the crown of his native land, sees himself an exile and a
'proscrit,' it is only in the momentary excitement of the gaming-table
he can find a passing relief for crushing and withering recollections."
He could be in all the highest circles here. The greatest among the
nobles are constantly begging and entreating him to come to their
houses, but he sternly refuses. "Let me know one family," says he, "one
domestic circle, where I can go uninvited, when I will,--where I can
repose my confidence, tell my sorrows, and speak of my poor country;
give me one such, and I ask for no more; but as for dukes and grand
seigneurs, princesses and duchesses, I've had but too much of them." I
assure you, Bob, it 's like a page out of some old story of chivalry to
listen to him. The splendid sentiments, the glorious conceptions, and
the great plans he has for the regeneration of Europe; and how he abhors
the Emperor of Russia! "It's a 'duel à mort entre Nicholas et moi,'"
said he to me yesterday.
"The terms of the conflict were signed on the field of Ostrolenca; for
the present the victory is his, but there is a time coming!" I have been
trying all manner of schemes to have him invited to dine with us. Mother
and Mary Anne are with me, heart and hand; but the governor's late
mischances have soured him against all foreigners, and I must bide my
time. I feel, however, when my father sees him, he'll be delighted with
him; and then he could be invaluable to us in the way of introductions,
for he knows every crowned head and prince on the Continent.
After dinner, pretending to take an evening lesson in French, I'm off to
the Opera. I belong to an omnibus-box,--all the fast fellows here,--such
splendid dressers, Bob, and each coming in his brougham. I'm deucedly
ashamed that I've nothing but a cabriolet, which I hire from my friend
Lazarus at twelve pounds a month. They quiz me tremendously about my
"rococo" taste in equipage, but I turn off the joke by telling them that
I'm expecting my cattle and my "traps" from London next week. Lazarus
promises me that I shall have a splendid "Malibran" from Hobson, and two
grays over by the Antwerp packet, if I give him a bill for the price, at
three months; and that he'll keep them for me at his stables till I
'm quite ready to pay. Stickler, the other job-master here, wanted the
governor's name on the bills, and behaved like a scoundrel, threatening
to tell my father all about it It cost me a "ten-pounder" to stop him.
After the theatre we adjourn to Dubos's to supper, and I can give you
no idea, Bob, of what a thing that supper is! I remember when we used
to fancy it was rather a grand affair to finish our evening at Jude's or
Hayes's with a vulgar set-out of mutton-chops, spatchcocks, and devilled
kidneys, washed down with* that filthy potation called punch. I shudder
at the vile abomination of the whole when I think of our delicate
lobster en mayonnaise^ or crouton aux truffes, red partridges in Rhine
wine, and maraschino jelly, with Moët frappé to perfection. We generally
invite some of the "corps," who abound in conversational ability, and
are full of the pleasant gossip of the stage. There is Mademoiselle
Léonine, too, in the ballet, the loveliest creature ever was seen. They
say Count Maerlens, aide-de-camp of the King, is privately married
to her, but that she won't leave the boards till she has saved a
million,--but whether of francs or pounds, I don't remember.
When our supper is concluded, it is generally about four o'clock, and
then we go to D'Arlaen's rooms, where we play chicken-hazard till our
various houses are accessible.
I 'm not much up to this as yet; my forte is écarté, at which I am the
terror of these fellows; and when the races come on next month, I
think my knowledge of horseflesh will teach them a thing or two. I have
already a third share in a splendid horse called Number Nip, bred out
of Barnabas by a Middleton mare; he's engaged for the Lacken Cup and
the Salle Sweepstakes, and I 'm backing him even against the field for
everything I can get. If you 'd like to net a fifty without risk, say so
before the tenth, and I 'll do it for you.
So that you see, Bob, without De Porquet's Grammar and "Ollendorff's
Method," my time is tolerably full. In fact, if the day had forty-eight
hours, I have something to fill every one of them.
There would be nothing but pleasure in this life, but for certain
drawbacks, the worst of which is that I am not alone here. You have no
idea, Bob, to what subterfuges I 'm reduced, to keep my family out
of sight of my grand acquaintances. Sometimes I call the governor my
guardian; sometimes an uncle, so rich that I am forced to put up with
all his whims and caprices. Egad! it went so far, f other day, that I
had to listen to a quizzing account of my aunt's costume at a concert,
and hear my mother shown up as a _précieuse ridicule_ of the first
water. There's no keeping them out of public places, too; and how they
know of all the various processions, Te Deums, and the like I cannot
even guess. My own metamorphosis is so complete that I have cut them
twice dead, in the Park; and no later than last night, I nearly ran over
my father in the Allée Verte with my tandem leader, and heard the whole
story this morning at breakfast, with the comforting assurance that "he
'd know the puppy again, and will break every bone in his body if he
catches him." In consequence of which threat, I have given orders for a
new beard and moustache of the Royal Albert hue, instead of black, which
I have worn heretofore. I must own, though, it is rather a bore to
stand quietly by and see fellows larking your sister; but Mary Anne is
perfectly incorrigible, notwithstanding all I have said to her. Cary's
safety lies in hating the Continent and all foreigners, and that is just
as absurd.
The governor, it seems, is perpetually writing to Vickars, our member,
about something for _me_. Now, I sincerely hope that he may not succeed;
for I own to you that I do not anticipate as much pleasure and amusement
from either a "snug berth in the Customs" or a colonial situation; and
after all, Bob, why should I be reduced to accept of either? Our estate
is a good one, and if a little encumbered or so, why, we 're not worse
off than our neighbors. If I must do something, I 'd rather go into a
Light Cavalry Regiment--such as the Eleventh, or the Seventeenth--than
anything else. I say this to you, because your uncle Purcell is bent on
his own plans for me, which would be nothing short of utter degradation;
and if there's anything low-bred and vulgar on earth, it's what they
call a "Profession." You know the old adage about leading a horse to the
water; now I frankly declare to you that twenty shall not make me drink
any of the springs of this knowledge, whether Law, Medicine, or Divinity
lie at the bottom of the well.
It does not require any great tact or foresight to perceive that not
a man of my "set" would ever know me again under such circumstances.
I have heard their opinions often enough on these matters not to be
mistaken; and whatever we may think in Ireland about our doctors and
barristers, they are what Yankees call "mighty small potatoes" abroad.
Lord George Tiverton said to me last night, "Why doesn't your governor
put you into 'the House'? You'd make a devilish good figure there." And
the notion has never left me since. Lord George himself is Member for
Hornby, but he never attends the sittings, and only goes into Parliament
as a means of getting leave from his regiment. They say he's the
"fastest" fellow in the service; he has already run through seventeen
thousand a year, and one hundred and twenty thousand of his wife's
fortune. They are separated now, and he has something like twelve
hundred a year to live on; just enough for cigars and brandy and water,
he calls it. He's the best-tempered fellow I ever saw, and laughs and
jokes about his own misfortunes as freely as possible. He knows the
world--and he's not yet five-and-twenty--perhaps better than any man
I ever saw. There is not a bill-discounter, not a betting-man, nor a
ballet-dancer, he is not acquainted with; and such amusing stories as he
tells of his London life and experiences. When he found that he had run
through everything--when all his horses were seized at Ascot, and his
house taken in execution in London, he gave a splendid _fête_ at Hornby,
and invited upwards of sixty people down there, and half the county to
meet them. "I resolved," said he, "on a grand finish; and I assure you
that the company did not enjoy themselves the less heartily because
every second fellow in my livery was a sheriff's officer, and that
all the forks and spoons on the table were under seizure. There was
a 'caption,' as they term it, on everything, down to the footmen's
bag-wigs and knee-buckles. We went to supper at two o'clock; and I took
in the Duchess of Allington, who assuredly never suspected that there
was such a close alliance between my drawing-room and the Queen's Bench.
The supper was exquisite; poor Marriton had exhausted himself in the
devices of his art, and most ingeniously intimated his appreciation
of my situation by a plate of ortolans _en salmi, sautés à la
Fonblanque_,--a delicate allusion to the Bankrupt Commissioner. I nearly
finished the dish myself, drank off half a bottle of champagne, took out
Lady Emily de Maulin for the cotillon, and then, slipping away, threw
myself into a post-chaise, arrived at Dover for the morning mail-packet,
and landed at Boulogne free as William Tell, or that eagle which he
is so enthusiastic in describing as a most remarkable instance of
constitutional liberty." These are his own words, Bob; but without you
saw his manner, and heard his voice, you could form no notion whatever
of the careless, happy self-satisfaction of one who calls himself
irretrievably ruined.
From all that I have been jotting down, you may fancy the set I am
moving in, and the class with whom I associate. Then there is a German
Graf von Blumenkohl, and a Russian Prince Kubitzkoy, two tremendous
swells; a young French Marquis de Tregues, whose mother was
granddaughter, I believe, of Madame du Barri, and a large margin of
inferior dons, Spanish, Italian, and Belgian. That your friend Jemmy
Dodd should be a star, even a little one, in such a galaxy, is no small
boast; and such, my dear Bob, I am bound to feel it. Each of these
fellows has a princely fortune, as well as a princely name, and it is
not without many a clever dodge and cunning artifice that, weighted as I
am, I can keep pace with them. I hope you'll succeed, with all my heart,
for the scholarship or fellowship. Which is it? Don't blame me for the
blunder, for I have never, all my life through, been able to distinguish
between certain things which I suppose other persons find no resemblance
in. Thus I never knew exactly whether the word "people" was spelled "eo"
or "oe." I never knew the Derby from the Oaks, nor shall I ever, I'm
certain, be able to separate in my mind Moore O'Ferral from Carew
O'Dwyer, though I am confidently informed there is not a particle of
similarity in the individuals, any more than in the names.
Write to me when your match is over,--I mean your examination,--and say
where you 're placed. I 'll take you against the field, at the current
odds, in "fives."
And believe me, ever your attached friend,
J. Dodd.