_Antwerp_ That you will be bored to death by Rubens.
_Boulogne_ That you will lose a small fortune in
tenth-rate gambling.
_Calais_ That you will soon tire of your Continental
trip, and stop prematurely.
_Dieppe_ That you will have about as much change
and comfort as at Brighton in November.
_Etretat_ That you will be fortunate if you can
secure comfortable lodgings.
_Florence_ That you will never enter another
picture-gallery for years.
_Geneva_ That you will want to go away before
you have fairly arrived.
_Heidelberg_ That you can never have been abroad
before.
_Interlaken_ That you will hear the opinions of a
number of Mr. Cook's tourists on
the Jungfrau.
_Jerusalem_ That if you have been advised to go
there by your friends, you must be
very unpopular.
_Karlsbad_ That if you intend taking the
waters, you had better insure your
life before commencing the operation.
_Lucerne_ That if you want to ascend either the
Righi or Mont Pilatus, if you are
judicious you will purchase a railway
ticket.
_Milan_ That you will find little difference between
the Passage Victor Emanuel
and the Burlington Arcade.
_Naples_ That you had better keep a sharp look
out on the returns of the cholera.
_Ouchy_ That you are likely to have a good
time of it at the Hôtel Beau Rivage
if "Perambulating Parsons" have
let it alone.
_Paris_ That you are quite subservient to the
wishes and dress-requirements of
your wife.
_Quebec_ That you can see what some of the
Colonists have exchanged for the
indiscriminating hospitality of the
Mother Country.
_Rome_ That you wish to do a good turn to the
doctors by choosing such a time for
your visit.
_Sedan_ That you will develop a taste for the
collection of Brummagem relics.
_Turin_ That you will want a good rest after
doing Mont Cénis.
_Unter den_ That you will be lured to visit a City
_Linden_ well worth seeing by the unearned
fame of one of its smallest
attractions.
_Vevey_ That you had better stay there than go over
the Simplon into tourist-teeming Italy.
_Wiesbaden_ That if you can't get "Trente et Quarante"
or "Rouge et Noir" at the Kursaal,
you may yet play at chess.
_Zurich_ That by the date you get there it will be time
to think of coming home again.
[Illustration: GOING TO THE BATTLE OF FLOWERS AT NICE]
[Illustration: SUDDEN INTERRUPTION OF THE BATTLE OF FLOWERS AT NICE.
"SAUVE QUI PEUT!"]
[Illustration: "L'ENTENTE CORDIALE"