"Dem dere barze not de biggest. In de Barze of Diocletian four tousand
peoples all could chomp in de water same time. In all de barze in Rome
forrrty tousand could chomp in same time."
"I wonder," says A., "how they got 'em all together and started them
jumping?"
"Vell, dey not all chomp togesser every day same peoples, but ven de
barze all full den forrrty tousand chomp in same time."
_At the Bosco Sacro._
"Now," remarks the guide, "I tell you fonny story--make you laugh. Ven
dem eight honderd robbers foundated Rome dey live on a 'ill and dey
haf no religion. Den come de King Numa Pompilio: he say 'dey most haf
religion,' so he can goffern dem better. Den 'e go to diss _bosco_,
and ven he come back he tell dem robbers he haf seen de Naimp
_Egeea_----"
"The Nymph _Egeria_," A. intervenes, with superiority.
"Vell, I say de Naimp _Egeea_. He say he haf seen her, dat she haf
appareeted to him, and so dey get deir religion."
A. laughs dubiously.
"Yes," concludes the guide, "dat iss a fonny story."
_By the Circus of Maxentius_.
"Diss is de Circus of Massenzio. He build 'im ven his son Romulus die.
No, diss is not de same Romulus who foundated Rome, but anosser one, a
leetle boy, de son of de Emperor Massenzio. He die ven he vos a leetle
boy. In dem days it not permitted to make sacrifice of men, so dey
build a race-course instead: it is de same ting, for some of de
charioteers alvays get dem killed, and Massenzio tink dey go play wiz
Romulus."
_In the Catacombs._
"Ven de _martiri_ condemnated to dess and dey kill dem, dey safe some
drops blood in a leetle bottle and dey put dem bottles in de valls.
Dere iss a bit, you see. San Sebastiano 'e vos condemnated to de
arrows--dey shotted 'im--and afterward dey smash his head on a column.
Dere is de column."
"What was that you were telling us about Caracalla just now?"
"Caracalla he no like 'is brozzer Geta--so he kill 'im. Den he make
'im a god and tell peoples to vorship him, and 'e say 'I did not like
my brozzer ven he vos a man, but I like him very moch ven he is a
god.' Dat is anosser funny story."
* * *
AT BOULOGNE.--_Mrs. Sweetly_ (_on her honeymoon_). "Isn't it funny,
Archibald, to see so many foreigners about? And all talking French!"
[Illustration: FROM "LA CÔTE D'AZUR"
_Fritz the Waiter_ (_to Lady and Gent just arrived, and a little at
sea as to the sort of a kind of a place it is_). "Yes, madame, dere
is such a lot of _Swift_ people here. More dan half de peoples what is
here is _Swift_."]
[Illustration: O FLATTERY, THY NAME IS FRENCHWOMAN!
John Henry Jones thinks he will do a little bit of marketing for
himself, and asks the price of tomatoes. With a killing glance and a
winning smile, the vendor replies that for him they will be a franc
apiece, but that he mustn't mention it. The modest J. H. J. blushes,
and buys, in spite of some misgiving that for anybody else they would
be about sixpence a dozen.]
[Illustration: OUR COMPATRIOTS ABROAD