Germany is declared to have built a submarine that can go to the United
States and back. Future insults therefore will be delivered by hand.
***
Municipal fishshops are to be established in Germany. They will be
closely associated, it is understood, with the Overseas News Agency, and
will make a speciality of supplying a fish diet to sailors who are
unfortunately prevented by circumstances from visiting the high seas.
***
In his lecture before the Royal Institute last week Dr. E. G. RUSSELL
told his audience that there are 80,000,000 micro-organisms in a
tablespoonful of rich cucumber soil. If we substitute German casualties
for micro-organisms and deduct the average monthly wastage as shown by
the private lists from the admitted official total of available
effectives--but we are treading on Mr. BELLOC'S preserves.
***
The Government has announced itself as "satisfied with the measures
taken to prevent Canadian nickel from reaching the Germans." Except, of
course, in oblong pellets of insignificant size.
***
Answering a question of Sir ARTHUR MARKHAM in the House of Commons last
week, Mr. TENNANT said, "If there was a large force of troops in Egypt,
as to which it is undesirable that I should make any statement, it is
quite conceivable that the presence of a hundred and seventeen Generals
might be necessary." After all, if every one of them were just a
Brigadier-General, they wouldn't require more than half-a-million men to
keep them occupied.
***
Naval inspectors of cookery, it is officially announced, will hereafter
wear a narrow stripe of white cloth on their cuff. This is a simplified
form of the ancient heraldic emblem of the cook's guild, which was a
hair _frizzé naiant_ in a dish of soup _maigre_.
***
All kinds of cleaning and washing are to be dearer, and a patriotic
movement is already on foot among the younger set to do away with these
luxuries altogether in the interests of patriotic economy.
***
As a reward of its efforts to save the lives of war-horses, the
R.S.P.C.A. has now been officially recognized by the A.V.C. Some
hindrance to their work is however feared as the result of strong
protests lodged by the Westphalen Pie-makers' Association of Rotterdam,
which the Government, in its anxiety not to deal harshly with the
neutrals, is said to be carefully considering.
***
The owners of certain proprietary whiskeys have decided to put them up
sixpence a bottle. In response to this move the owners of certain
proprietary sixpences have decided not to put them down.
***
A correspondent of _The Times_ states that large numbers of Owls have
taken to visiting the trenches in Flanders. The War Office, strangely
enough, professes to know nothing of the circumstance.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE ROYAL GONDOLIERS.
WE UNDERSTAND THAT OUR COURTEOUS ALLIES IN VENICE HAVE OFFERED TO SUPPLY
FLOATING FACILITIES FOR OUR TROOPS IN THE FLOODED TRENCHES OF FLANDERS.]
* * * * *
For Conscientious Objectors.
"VARICOSE VEINS.--We stock all sizes, in best quality
only."--_Advt. in Irish Paper._
* * * * *
British Frightfulness.
"A young woman was fried as a spy in London the other
day."--_Sunday Pictorial._
* * * * *
A Leap-Year Reminder.
"February 29, 1916.--Last day for single men."--_Liverpool Daily
Post._
* * * * *
"We ... are no haters of peace. We want it more than anything in
the world--except the triumph of evil."--_Star._
"A fallen star," we fear.
* * * * *
"Mr. Lloyd George said that Cabinet Ministers had agreed to take
one-fourth of their salaries in Exchequer bombs."
_Provincial Paper._
The times call for strong measures, but we think this is going a little
too far.
* * * * *