_Somewhere in Germany,_
_April 1st, 1916._
I had just partaken of the frugal breakfast to which I had been invited
General Headquarters and was in the act of helping my distinguished
host, Feldmarschall von und zu Grosskopf-Esel, to remove some fragments
of sauerkraut from his ears, when a superbly-mounted orderly dashed
up and handed me a missive bearing the significant superscription,
"General Staff." I must confess that to me the messenger's manner
seemed sufficiently deferential. Not to my friend the Major-General,
who, with a sudden and well-placed kick in the stomach, sent the
unfortunate despatch-bearer hurtling down the steps. It was not for
me to inquire what the trouble was, and I mention the incident as one
more illustration of the iron discipline that has driven the gallant
troops of the Fatherland to victory on all fronts.
Imagine my gratification on finding that the letter was an invitation to
inspect on the following morning the latest Zeppelin sheds at ---- and
to be a passenger on board one of the new airships that was scheduled
to pay a surprise visit to the fortress of London that same evening,
weather permitting.
Punctually at seven on the following morning I found von und zu
Grosskopf-Esel waiting for me in the huge twenty-cylinder roadster
which the General Staff customarily places at the disposal of American
newspaper correspondents. Within the hour we were at ----, where I was
turned over to the good offices of Herr Ober-Leutnant von Dachswurst,
of the Imperial Flying Corps, who immediately conducted me to the shed
from which (when the weather is propitious) the aerial monsters depart
upon their errands of doom.
I had expected to see two, or at most three, Zeppelins in the great
shed. Imagine my astonishment on beholding no fewer than a hundred
huge engines of destruction tugging impatiently at their moorings. I
was speechless. But the Ober-Leutnant read my thoughts. "What would you
say," he asked, smiling drily, "if I were to tell you that Germany to-day
possesses no fewer than one hundred such fleets of airships as you see
before you?" So overcome was I that I scarcely had the strength to ask
him why, up to that time, attacks had been usually carried out with
two or three ships only. He smiled still more at enigmatically. "You
must not ask me that," he said, "or at least you must first ask the
Grand Admiral why his five hundred submersible battle cruisers are
still at anchor in Kiel Harbour, or the General Staff why five million
of Germany's finest veteran troops are still doing the goose-step in
the Potsdam Thiergarten, or Herr HELFFERICH why the rate of exchange has
not been corrected by releasing some small portion of the ten thousand
billion marks that lie in the Imperial treasury at Spandau! Be patient,"
he added. "Our perfidious enemies will bite the dust whenever it suits
our glorious leaders to say the word."
I muttered something about the enormous German casualty lists. The
Ober-Leutnant smiled more enigmatically than ever. "A ruse to deceive
our enemies," he said. "Would it surprise you to know that up to date
the total German losses on all fronts amount to seventeen killed and
ninety-one wounded and missing, while our material losses have so far
been confined to three field guns left over from the Franco-German War
and five dozen cases of collapsible sausage rolls?"
It was incredible, yet I could not but accept the statement as true,
and have in fact had ample opportunity since of verifying the assertions
of the gallant officer.
"But come," he said; "it is time we were on board."
The Zeppelins that were actually selected to conduct the proposed
operations were housed in another shed, and thither we repaired. We were
greeted at the gangway by the famous Captain Sigismund von Muenchhausen,
a gruff but hearty old mariner, who immediately escorted me into his
cabin and insisted on my enjoying a cigar and a glass of schnapps with
him. Once again I was struck with that almost Oriental charm of manner
which seems to lift the German Higher Command above the plane occupied
by the rest of the Occidental world.
It was no doubt my impatience that caused me to interrupt the gallant
Captain's delightful flow of racy anecdote to ask when we should
start. My host smiled enigmatically. "By now," he said, "we should be
somewhere over the Dogger Bank."
It was true. So perfectly had all things been appointed that while
I had been consuming a single glass of schnapps the huge airship had
completed half the journey.
We now emerged from the cabin. As we approached the rail a sailor stepped
up to the Captain, saluted and asked permission to speak. As far as I
could gather, the wretched man complained of seasickness and asked to be
put ashore. There was no mistaking the Captain's answer. "Ja wohl!" he
roared, and with a mighty kick sent the luckless seaman hurtling over
the rail and into the abyss below. A momentary sense of pity seized me,
but it quickly occurred to me that only by such drastic means could be
kept alive the splendid spirit of chivalry that has made the German
airman victorious throughout the firmament.
It was now quite dark, but far beneath us could be seen with the aid
of a telescope little points of light. Perfidious England, the author
of all Germany's troubles, lay helpless beneath us.
(_To be continued._)
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[Illustration: "YOU ADVERTISED AS CHAUFFEURETTE-MAID."
"YES, MADAM."
"WHAT WERE YOUR DUTIES AT YOUR LAST PLACE?"
"I DROVE AND CLEANED THE CARS SINGLE-HANDED."
"AND AS MAID?"
"I TOOK DOWN MY LADY AT NIGHT AND ASSEMBLED HER IN THE MORNING, MADAM."]
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