Then he sat looking at the fire, and then he began to laugh in a sort of
confidence with the fire, and then he said, folding his arms across my
esteemed friend's lap, and raising his bright face to hers. "Would you
like to hear a boy's story, Gran?"
"Of all things," replied my esteemed friend.
"Would you, godfather?"
"Of all things," I too replied.
"Well, then," said Jemmy, "I'll tell you one."
Here our indisputably remarkable boy gave himself a hug, and laughed
again, musically, at the idea of his coming out in that new line. Then
he once more took the fire into the same sort of confidence as before,
and began:
"Once upon a time, When pigs drank wine, And monkeys chewed tobaccer,
'Twas neither in your time nor mine, But that's no macker--"
"Bless the child!" cried my esteemed friend, "what's amiss with his
brain?"
"It's poetry, Gran," returned Jemmy, shouting with laughter. "We always
begin stories that way at school."
"Gave me quite a turn, Major," said my esteemed friend, fanning herself
with a plate. "Thought he was light-headed!"
"In those remarkable times, Gran and godfather, there was once a boy,--not
me, you know."
"No, no," says my respected friend, "not you. Not him, Major, you
understand?"
"No, no," says I.
"And he went to school in Rutlandshire--"
"Why not Lincolnshire?" says my respected friend.
"Why not, you dear old Gran? Because _I_ go to school in Lincolnshire,
don't I?"
"Ah, to be sure!" says my respected friend. "And it's not Jemmy, you
understand, Major?"
"No, no," says I.
"Well!" our boy proceeded, hugging himself comfortably, and laughing
merrily (again in confidence with the fire), before he again looked up in
Mrs. Lirriper's face, "and so he was tremendously in love with his
schoolmaster's daughter, and she was the most beautiful creature that
ever was seen, and she had brown eyes, and she had brown hair all curling
beautifully, and she had a delicious voice, and she was delicious
altogether, and her name was Seraphina."
"What's the name of _your_ schoolmaster's daughter, Jemmy?" asks my
respected friend.
"Polly!" replied Jemmy, pointing his forefinger at her. "There now!
Caught you! Ha, ha, ha!"
When he and my respected friend had had a laugh and a hug together, our
admittedly remarkable boy resumed with a great relish:
"Well! And so he loved her. And so he thought about her, and dreamed
about her, and made her presents of oranges and nuts, and would have made
her presents of pearls and diamonds if he could have afforded it out of
his pocket-money, but he couldn't. And so her father--O, he WAS a
Tartar! Keeping the boys up to the mark, holding examinations once a
month, lecturing upon all sorts of subjects at all sorts of times, and
knowing everything in the world out of book. And so this boy--"
"Had he any name?" asks my respected friend.
"No, he hadn't, Gran. Ha, ha! There now! Caught you again!"
After this, they had another laugh and another hug, and then our boy went
on.
"Well! And so this boy, he had a friend about as old as himself at the
same school, and his name (for He _had_ a name, as it happened) was--let
me remember--was Bobbo."
"Not Bob," says my respected friend.
"Of course not," says Jemmy. "What made you think it was, Gran? Well!
And so this friend was the cleverest and bravest and best-looking and
most generous of all the friends that ever were, and so he was in love
with Seraphina's sister, and so Seraphina's sister was in love with him,
and so they all grew up."
"Bless us!" says my respected friend. "They were very sudden about it."
"So they all grew up," our boy repeated, laughing heartily, "and Bobbo
and this boy went away together on horseback to seek their fortunes, and
they partly got their horses by favour, and partly in a bargain; that is
to say, they had saved up between them seven and fourpence, and the two
horses, being Arabs, were worth more, only the man said he would take
that, to favour them. Well! And so they made their fortunes and came
prancing back to the school, with their pockets full of gold, enough to
last for ever. And so they rang at the parents' and visitors' bell (not
the back gate), and when the bell was answered they proclaimed 'The same
as if it was scarlet fever! Every boy goes home for an indefinite
period!' And then there was great hurrahing, and then they kissed
Seraphina and her sister,--each his own love, and not the other's on any
account,--and then they ordered the Tartar into instant confinement."
"Poor man!" said my respected friend.
"Into instant confinement, Gran," repeated Jemmy, trying to look severe
and roaring with laughter; "and he was to have nothing to eat but the
boys' dinners, and was to drink half a cask of their beer every day. And
so then the preparations were made for the two weddings, and there were
hampers, and potted things, and sweet things, and nuts, and
postage-stamps, and all manner of things. And so they were so jolly,
that they let the Tartar out, and he was jolly too."
"I am glad they let him out," says my respected friend, "because he had
only done his duty."
"O, but hadn't he overdone it, though!" cried Jemmy. "Well! And so then
this boy mounted his horse, with his bride in his arms, and cantered
away, and cantered on and on till he came to a certain place where he had
a certain Gran and a certain godfather,--not you two, you know."
"No, no," we both said.
"And there he was received with great rejoicings, and he filled the
cupboard and the bookcase with gold, and he showered it out on his Gran
and his godfather because they were the two kindest and dearest people
that ever lived in this world. And so while they were sitting up to
their knees in gold, a knocking was heard at the street door, and who
should it be but Bobbo, also on horseback with his bride in his arms, and
what had he come to say but that he would take (at double rent) all the
Lodgings for ever, that were not wanted by this a boy and this Gran and
this godfather, and that they would all live together, and all be happy!
And so they were, and so it never ended!"
"And was there no quarrelling?" asked my respected friend, as Jemmy sat
upon her lap and hugged her.
"No! Nobody ever quarrelled."
"And did the money never melt away?"
"No! Nobody could ever spend it all."
"And did none of them ever grow older?"
"No! Nobody ever grew older after that."
"And did none of them ever die?"
"O, no, no, no, Gran!" exclaimed our dear boy, laying his cheek upon her
breast, and drawing her closer to him. "Nobody ever died."
"Ah, Major, Major!" says my respected friend, smiling benignly upon me,
"this beats our stories. Let us end with the Boy's story, Major, for the
Boy's story is the best that is ever told!"
In submission to which request on the part of the best of women, I have
here noted it down as faithfully as my best abilities, coupled with my
best intentions, would admit, subscribing it with my name,
J. JACKMAN.
THE PARLOURS.
MRS. LIRRIPER'S LODGINGS.