Den I dook him around to a lamp-post on de next plock und gave him
taffy like a step-father.
“My friend,” I said, “you haf a mother?”
He replied dot dere vos a tradition to dot effect.
“Vell,” I recommenced, “vot vould your mother gif to see you in this
condition?”
“She vould gif six dousand dollars,” he sobbed.
“Vot, to see you staggering?”
“Yes, she vos blind from her birth.”
Dot settled it--dot is to say, it settled dot branch of de subject--but
I vent for him on de demperance issue pald-headed.
He realized dot I vos not in fun, and he signed de pledge never to use
liquor, except as a beverage, until he died--or got married.
He has kept his word--it is aboud all he has to keep now--und is now
employed by the city as a plumber for de bird houses in de Central Bark.
But von thing I must speak on before I gonclude.
It vos about de ladies.
It is hard to resist de demptation to drink; not many haf de courage
like I haf, nefer to refuse.
But it is specially hard for a young man to refuse, when a young and
lovely lady presents a tomato-can full of Pilsener and sweetly says:
“Take a bath, George?”
But I must end.
My fire-insurance policy runs out to-night, und I wish to escape mit my
life.
In conclusion let me say, never drink, young man, never drink--_alone_!