I haf been unvited dis evening, fellow drunkards, to speak to you on de
subject of demperance, by a large majority of demperance men who never
drink--unless dey vos asked.
I didn’t used to be a demperance man myself vonce. I vos a hard case,
and used to go into a beer saloon, rap against my umbrella mit de
gounter, und holler oud: “Gif me a lemonade straight--mid no water.”
But I haf seen de error of my vays.
Von night ven I vas in a hodel, swigging down cider und vichy, and
German seltzer, und all of dose thoroughbred drinks, und hafing lods of
fun mit de gang, a gentleman come ub to me.
He vos aboud half full, und dere vos a tear as big as a balloon on de
end of his nose as he caught me by de throat, und whispered:
“I vant to see you alone for aboud a veek.”