_House of Commons, Monday, August 12._--"Are you ready? Go!" No
mistaking the voice. It was the clear, sharp notes of HEMPRER JOE,
ringing from behind SPEAKER'S Chair, high above buzz of talk and
bustle of movement in crowded House. Wondering what it might portend,
when discovered PRINCE ARTHUR and SQUIRE OF MALWOOD entering
simultaneously, after the fashion of the Bounding Brothers from the
Breathless Baltic. Only, if you remember, those eminent _artistes_
appeared in ring from directly opposite approaches, advancing towards
each other with startling, though graceful evolutions. PRINCE and
SQUIRE, on contrary, started from door at back of SPEAKER'S Chair,
advanced fair toe and heel to table; walked step by step together
along either front bench, till each reached the seat kept vacant for
him.
House so surprised at this performance it almost forgot to shout. What
usually happens on like occasions is for one Leader of Party to take
his seat amid loud cheers from his friends, taken up with strident
voice from other side when their man comes in. Now cheers, if indulged
in, would mingle, and might be misunderstood. A welcome meant for
PRINCE ARTHUR might seem to be bestowed upon SQUIRE, and _vice versâ_,
as Mr. ANSTEY once said. Whilst perturbed House looked on, HEMPRER
JOE, having watched his men, fairly started, reach their goal,
followed with swinging step and the inevitable orchid.
To see him seat himself on Treasury Bench, the right-hand man of a
Tory Government, too much for the feelings of TIM HEALY, usually held
in stern reserve. During interval of General Election TIM been holding
sweet converse with his colleagues in general, BLAKE and TAY PAY
in particular. By odd chance he, taking his place in new Parliament
to-day, found himself seated between his two friends, to whom
presently entered the "dear JUSTIN" of a voluminous missive. Soothed
by such companionship TIM in melting mood. But sight of HEMPRER JOE
finally crossing the gangway, formally completing marvellous journey
from Birmingham to Hatfield, too much for trained equanimity. TIM
groaned aloud. SWIFT MACNEILL roared as if in anguish. Dr. TANNER
(figuratively of course) cut himself with knives, emitting sounds that
nearly frightened to death two new members seated on either side
of him. L'HEMPRER smiled benignly. Clerk at Table, dexterously
interposing, pointed spectral forefinger at JOHN MOWBRAY, who rose
to "move that the Right Hon. WILLIAM COURT GULLY do take the Chair as
Speaker."
A delicate task, seeing that a few short months back he had run WHITE
RIDLEY for the Chair against the man whose price to-day he fixed far
above rubies. Admirably performed; made easier by fact that meanwhile
GULLY had filled the Chair, acquitting himself in manner that
justified choice of friends and extorted admiration on other side.
"All very well," says SARK, "to talk about preserving cherished
traditions and best precedents of House. But suppose GULLY had been--I
won't say a failure, but--anything short of perfect manner in the
Chair, where would he have been to-day?"
Certainly not in the Chair, whither MOWBRAY led him, escorted by JOHN
ELLIS, and where PRINCE ARTHUR welcomed him in terms which indicated
that now was the dearest desire of his heart fulfilled. As for SQUIRE
OF MALWOOD, he was so affected that he fell into his most funereal
manner.
"One would think," said CHAPLIN, himself in the highest spirits, "that
he had come to bury GULLY, not to praise him."
_Business done._--SPEAKER re-elected.
_Tuesday._--"Our army may have sworn terribly in Flanders," said Mr.
MILMAN, tossing back the wig from his throbbing brow and rearranging
his crumpled gown; "it was nothing to what the House of Commons can do
when called upon."
Four o'clock now. House met at noon, and ever since they've been
swearing away. PRINCE ARTHUR and SQUIRE OF MALWOOD led off, in company
with HICKS-BEACH, GOSCHEN and HENRY FOWLER. He no longer the Great
Mogul. Has folded up his turban, put away his kaftan, hung up his
yataghan, and once more resumed the dress of commonplace Englishman.
House loses something of its picturesqueness. But, FOWLER says, change
of estate has some compensations. At least now he has not to receive
the SHAHZADA in his family circle, handing him round tea and cakes,
and attempting to converse with him in the Afghan tongue, imperfectly
acquired by study of OLLENDORF. Sense of renewed freedom made
Ex-Secretary for India throw added fervour into his bout of swearing.
[Illustration: The Elect of Whitehaven!
_A-g-st-s H-ld-r, Esq., M.P_. "Well really, now they come to mention
it, the likeness between myself and Sir William Harcourt is _very
remarkable indeed!_"]
A little excitement at first in crowded House. No reason why Members
should insist on being sworn-in right away. Might look in later in
afternoon, when pressure was over; or call to-morrow; or stroll in all
by themselves on Thursday or Friday. Human instinct irrepressible even
in Members of Parliament. Must be in the first flight, whatever is
going on. So swarmed round table, made dashes for stray copies of
the New Testament, snatched at slices of cardboard containing form of
oath, as the anonymous drowning man clutched at the fortuitous straw.
MILMAN, standing at table, administering oath, had a hot time of it
for an hour. Thereafter excitement began to tone down, and just now
flickered out.
_Business done._--Swearing in Members.
_Thursday._--"Accidental relations in directorial capacity with a
great railway corporation have," said DAVID PLUNKET, "brought to my
knowledge the fact that when signals on the line show a green light,
caution is necessary. This afternoon, when I observed TANNER come in
with flaming green necktie I feared the worst."
The worst didn't befall till midnight approached. But things in
immediate neighbourhood of TANNER been seething for some time. His
topographical position a little trying. Faced by triumphant majority
of anti-Home-Rulers, distinctly seeing on Treasury Bench two BALFOURS
where formerly only one had sat, he was irritated by having on his
flank the REDMOND _frères_, HARRINGTON, CLANCY and other compatriots
almost worse than SAXONS, not to mention the pain to a man of peace
of consciousness that between his friends and colleagues TIM HEALY
and JOHN DILLON there was something lacking in the way of perfect
loving-kindness. Then there was BOANERGES RUSSELL on the Treasury
Bench. Bad enough to have had him sitting on corner of top bench
immediately opposite. To see him curling up his legs on Treasury
Bench, one of Her Majesty's Ministers, drawing a salary quarterly with
regulation and despatch, was more than a humble but patriotic medical
practitioner could stand. "T. W. RUSSELL!" cried TANNER, with fine
irony, and bold disregard of Parliamentary usage, which forbids
mention of Members by name. The observation was by way of postscript
to inquiry as to whether the Government really intend to try and
prevent the murder of any more missionaries in China, and bring in an
Irish Land Bill?
[Illustration: A Piece of Crown-Derby Ware!
Design for Bemrose-and-Drage Ornament for the Chimney-piece. No
publican's parlour should be without this charming memento of a great
victory.]
No satisfaction forthcoming on these points. TANNER sat and brooded
by the hour over fresh wrongs of Ireland, complicated by these
proceedings in China. It was HARRINGTON who accidentally and
unintentionally dropped the spark which, as a Member once observed,
let slip the dogs of war. "That's a lie!" remarked TANNER, by way
of criticising one of HARRINGTON'S statements. Remark made in quite
ordinary way; just as if he had been moved to say "How d' you do?"
or, "It's a fine day." Friends and countrymen sitting near not in
slightest degree disturbed. Only TANNER'S way. HARRINGTON, in fact,
had commenced next sentence, when voice of long-suffering SPEAKER
heard, inquiring whether he had heard aright, one Member accusing
another of being a liar?
TANNER a little flustered at this extraordinary and unexpected
punctilio. If objection taken had not been so sudden, the Doctor, most
amiable and good-natured of men, who wouldn't hurt a fly much less
flout a SPEAKER, would have apologised. But House angrily roared;
SPEAKER remained standing; HEMPRER JOE, leading House in temporary
absence of PRINCE ARTHUR, appeared on scene with bit of paper he had
in his pocket, containing, by rare chance, written formula for moving
suspension of disorderly Member. So TANNER was "named," and presently
escorted from House by Deputy-Sergeant-at-Arms, shaking his fist at
unoffending Secretary for the Colonies, shouting "Judas! Judas!" at
top of strident voice, probably restrained only by general hurry of
proceedings from demonstrating how L'HEMPRER was at bottom of the
murder of missionaries in China.
_Business done._--Address moved. So was TANNER--out of House.
ROBERTSON, M.P. for South Hackney, delightful in seconding Address.
Confided to House that he was first genuine East-Ender ever placed in
such position.
[Illustration: _As he was_. The Seconder of the Address. _As he ought
to have been_.
"Hon. Members would probably be interested in seeing what a dweller
in the East End was really like, especially when he was to be in some
costume suitable to the occasion."]
_Friday._--Unprecedented scene to-night. ATTORNEY-GENERAL FOR IRELAND,
rising from Treasury Bench, opposed JOHN DILLON'S amendment to
Address; SOLICITOR-GENERAL FOR IRELAND, springing up from Front
Opposition Bench, warmly supported it. Both maiden speeches; manner
distinctly different. ATKINSON prim, severe, official; HEMPHILL
friendly, genial, richly eloquent.
"I fancy," said PRINCE ARTHUR, with one of his sweet smiles, "our
SOLICITOR-GENERAL has studied his Parliamentary manner by observing
the graces of a popular conductor on taking his seat in the
orchestra." _Business done._--Still debating Address.
* * * * *