(_A School-Board Chronicle._)
"Utterly impossible!" replied the official. "A good plain cook! No,
the Board does not create persons of that kind. If you had wanted a
_chef_ for a club, or a _cordon bleu_ for a West End hotel, we might
have accommodated you. But a good plain cook! No--utterly impossible!"
"But surely cookery is taught in the schools," pleaded the Ratepayer.
"Assuredly. And very well taught too. But whom would be satisfied with
a mutton-chop? We aim at something higher. Our scholars are equal to
producing _sole à gratin_, or _suprême de volaille_. And you don't
require those _plats_ every day of your life, now do you?"
"Then, can I have a housemaid?"
"I am afraid not. Since music has become one of the recognised
branches of study, we do not obtain many candidates for the task of
stair-sweeping. And it is not surprising. A girl who can play the
piano, or lead a chorus, is surely worthy of a better fate than
that which usually falls to the lot of a servant in a middle-class
establishment."
"I suppose it is useless to ask you if you can give me the name of a
boy in buttons?"
"Quite. To tell you the truth, we do not encourage such appointments.
Our lads are wanted at their studies until they are growing too old
to be young pages. Then, when they have reached the required standard
their literary attainments entitle them to something superior to the
post of a drudge in the pantry."
"Then what do you propose doing with your charges?" asked the
Ratepayer, who was rapidly becoming resigned to his position.
"Well, our _chefs_ must wait until the time arrives when there will
be enough clubs and West End hotels to secure the benefit of their
services."
"And the musicians?"
"They, too, at present are rather a drug in the market. But who knows?
Some day there may be a huge demand for pianoforte players."
"And the literary lads?"
"Most admirably adapted for clerkships, but the clerical labour market
is as dull as the proverbial ditchwater. Still, things may revive. But
for the present they must hope and wait."
"And I provide the funds for all this?" cried the Ratepayer.
"You do," returned the official promptly. "This year it will be
elevenpence halfpenny in the pound, and next probably considerably
higher. But then you see--_it is quite worth the money!_"
* * * * *