THE CYNICISM OF ABSOLUTE MONARCHIES

The King was dying.

‘Go at once and bring the Court Historians,’ he cried; ‘the recital of

our many wonderful virtues and deeds will charm our last remaining

hours.’ The Historians came and read aloud the glorious history of his

reign, but, after a little while, the King waved them aside. ‘You bore

us,’ he said. ‘Let us have music,’ the King commanded, and the most

skilled musicians in the kingdom came and played before him. But the

music was so passionately sorrowful, joyous, heart-stirring, that the

King wept. ‘Go away,’ he cried, ‘we would make Death easy, but your

music is the enemy of Death!’

Then the Monarch ordered all the members of the Royal Family to come to

his bedside, that he might spend his last hours in loving discourse with

his kindred. But when they came, they wept so bitterly, that the King’s

heart was turned to water within him, and he commanded them to depart.

The King was fretful.

‘How many different religions are there in the kingdom?’ he enquired of

the chamberlain.

‘Sire, there are six great religions, and one hundred and seventy-two

different sects,’ replied that worthy.

The King mused for a moment, then said: ‘Bring the Chief Priests of the

six great religions!’

The Chief Priests came, and assembled near the royal bed, looking very

wise.

The King raised himself wearily from his pillow, and said in a faint

voice: ‘We have commanded your presence here that you may explain the

means we must adopt to secure the happiness of our immortal soul in the

next world. You may begin.’ And he sank back again into his pillows.

Then the six Chief Priests all began to talk at once, explaining their

different systems, and they quarrelled and argued one with another,

until nothing could be heard in the Palace but the sound of their

voices. Hour after hour went by and still they wrangled, but the King

had long since passed away, a happy smile upon his face.

Brief Diversions: Being Tales, Travesties and Epigrams · 第 35 / 64 题