_My Quarters._
After making arrangements for commencing work in the morning, I took my
leave, and retired to my own room, intent upon carrying out with more
minuteness the survey I had already commenced: several cupboards in the
wall, and one or two doors, apparently of closets, had especially
attracted my attention. Strange was its look as I entered--as of a room
hollowed out of the past, for a memorial of dead times. The fire had
sunk low, and lay smouldering beneath the white ashes, like the life of
the world beneath the snow, or the heart of a man beneath cold and grey
thoughts. I lighted the candles which stood upon the table, but the
room, instead of being brightened looked blacker than before, for the
light revealed its essential blackness.
As I cast my eyes around me, standing with my back to the hearth (on
which, for mere companionship’s sake, I had just heaped fresh wood), a
thrill ran suddenly throughout my frame. I felt as if, did it last a
moment longer, I should become aware of another presence in the room;
but, happily for me, it ceased before it had reached that point; and I,
recovering my courage, remained ignorant of the cause of my fear, if
there were any, other than the nature of the room itself. With a candle
in my hand, I proceeded to open the various cupboards and closets. At
first I found nothing remarkable about any of them. The latter were
quite empty, except the last I came to, which had a piece of very old
elaborate tapestry hanging at the back of it. Lifting this up, I saw
what seemed at first to be panels, corresponding to those which formed
the room; but on looking more closely, I discovered that this back of
the closet was, or had been, a door. There was nothing unusual in this,
especially in such an old house; but the discovery roused in me a strong
desire to know what lay behind the old door. I found that it was secured
only by an ordinary bolt, from which the handle had been removed.
Soothing my conscience with the reflection that I had a right to know
what sort of place had communication with my room, I succeeded, by the
help of my deer-knife, in forcing back the rusty bolt; and though, from
the stiffness of the hinges, I dreaded a crack, they yielded at last
with only a creak.
The opening door revealed a large hall, empty utterly, save of dust and
cobwebs, which festooned it in all quarters, and gave it an appearance
of unutterable desolation. The now familiar feeling, that I had seen the
place before, filled my mind the first moment, and passed away the next.
A broad, right-angled staircase, with massive banisters, rose from the
middle of the hall. This staircase could not have originally belonged to
the ancient wing which I had observed on my first approach, being much
more modern; but I was convinced, from the observations I had made as to
the situation of my room, that I was bordering upon, if not within, the
oldest portion of the pile. In sudden horror, lest I should hear a light
footfall upon the awful stair, I withdrew hurriedly, and having secured
both the doors, betook myself to my bedroom; in whose dingy four-post
bed, with its carving and plumes reminding me of a hearse, I was soon
ensconced amidst the snowiest linen, with the sweet and clean odour of
lavender. In spite of novelty, antiquity, speculation, and dread, I was
soon fast asleep; becoming thereby a fitter inhabitant of such regions,
than when I moved about with restless and disturbing curiosity, through
their ancient and death-like repose.
I made no use of my discovered door, although I always intended doing
so; especially after, in talking about the building with Lady Hilton, I
found that I was at perfect liberty to make what excursions I pleased
into the deserted portions.
My pupils turned out to be teachable, and therefore my occupation was
pleasant. Their sister frequently came to me for help, as there happened
to be just then an interregnum of governesses: soon she settled into a
regular pupil.
After a few weeks Lord Hilton returned. Though my room was so far from
the great hall, I heard the clank of his spurs on its pavement. I
trembled; for it sounded like the broken shoe. But I shook off the
influence in a moment, heartily ashamed of its power over me. Soon I
became familiar enough both with the sound and its cause; for his
lordship rarely went anywhere except on horseback, and was booted and
spurred from morning till night.
He received me with some appearance of interest, which immediately
stiffened and froze. Beginning to shake hands with me as if he meant it,
he instantly dropped my hand, as if it had stung him.
His nobility was of that sort which stands in constant need of repair.
Like a weakly constitution, it required keeping up, and his lordship
could not be said to neglect it; for he seemed to find his principal
employment in administering continuous doses of obsequiousness to his
own pride. His rank, like a coat made for some large ancestor, hung
loose upon him: he was always trying to persuade himself that it was an
excellent fit, but ever with an unacknowledged misgiving. This misgiving
might have done him good, had he not met it with renewed efforts at
looking that which he feared he was not. Yet this man was capable of the
utmost persistency in carrying out any scheme he had once devised.
Enough of him for the present: I seldom came into contact with him.
I scarcely ever saw Lady Alice, except at dinner, or by accidental
meeting in the grounds and passages of the house; and then she took no
notice of me whatever.