SCENE.--_Short and Sweet's Lodgings, near the Crystal Palace--a
handsomely furnished Apartment, door, C.--backed by landing and
staircase, doors, L. 1. E. and 2 E.--fireplace, L. in flat--looking
glass over mantelpiece--vases and ornaments on mantelpiece--fender,
fireirons, &c.--door, R. 2 E.--a large round table, R., laid for
luncheon for four--chairs--an easy chair, L. of table--sofa against R.
in flat--sideboard against L. in flat--a work table and chairs,
L.--footstool near sofa._
_MRS. SWEET is seen, R., arranging the remains of a luncheon, from
which she and MRS. SHORT are supposed to have just risen--MRS. SHORT
sitting working at table, L._
MRS. SWEET. That tiresome husband of mine! What has he done with
himself?
MRS. SHORT. Compose yourself, my dear; men of business, you know, are
not always their own masters. _My_ good man, you see, has not found
his way back yet.
MRS. SWEET. Ah, you quite spoil Mr. Short. You know we don't agree
upon that subject. (_calls_) Come, come, William, come and take your
lunch!
SWEET. (_within, R. door_) In one minute, my dear. I'm only just
drying my hands.
MRS. SWEET. Vexatious! We shan't get the things cleared away all day.
_Enter MR. SWEET, door, R. 2 E._
SWEET. Sorry to keep you waiting--couldn't help it, upon my honour.
Just as I was leaving the office, as the deuce would have it, in came
a gentleman on business--large transfer of stock, &c. &c.--and so I
lost the train. Never mind, there's plenty of time, so I'll just snap
up a bit of something, and be ready in the crack of a whip. (_sit at
table, R., and eats voraciously_)
MRS. SWEET. Why, how you are eating, William! One would think you
hadn't tasted anything before to-day.
SWEET. Nor more I have--to speak of--I was so late this morning, that
I was obliged to run away without my breakfast.
MRS. SHORT. Oh, Mr. Sweet, how can you say so? Why, I helped you to
half a dozen kidneys, at least--there wasn't one left in the dish for
Mr. Short, when he came down after you left.
MRS. SWEET. Ha, ha, ha!
SWEET. No--did you, though? My impression was I only took a cup of
tea; (_eats voraciously_) but the fact is, I have so much upon my
stomach--I mean upon my mind--in the way of business, that really
these things make very little impression. However, hang business for
to-day, at all events--we shall have a splendid afternoon for our
ride--you'll enjoy it, I know, Mrs. Short, immensely.
MRS. SHORT. Oh, yes, that I shall of all things--I haven't been out
for a ride once since my marriage, and I used to be such a horsewoman.
SWEET. No; Short don't like it, I know.
MRS. SWEET. I should like to see Mr. Short on horseback,
amazingly--ha, ha!--since Gilpin's ride to Edmonton--ha, ha!
MRS. SHORT. Ha, ha, ha! (_checking herself_) And yet, though Henry is
rather inclining to be stout, you must admit that he carries himself
remarkably well.
SWEET. (_to MRS. SWEET_) Really, my dear, you are too severe upon
Short.
MRS. SWEET. I beg your pardon, Louise, I'm sure--I'm such a simpleton,
I must always laugh when I shouldn't--however, I think you had better
make your arrangements independently of him, for although I don't want
to be a wet blanket, I am convinced he won't go.
SWEET. No, no--I'll undertake to persuade him when he comes in.
(_STEPHEN is seen to cross C. from R. to L._) Isn't that Stephen going
down stairs? Here, Stephen.
_Enter STEPHEN, L. C._
Step over the way, to the livery stables, and tell them to send round
the horses I chose on my way to town this morning--then go on to Mr.
Billington's--my compliments, and we shall be happy to join him this
afternoon for a ride, at the appointed time--two o'clock. Let's see,
where did the note say we were to meet him?
MRS. SHORT. (_eagerly_) In front of the Crystal Palace.
SWEET. Ah, exactly--don't forget, Stephen--two o'clock precisely.
STEPH. Two o'clock, sir--yes, sir.
_Exit, L. C._
SWEET. (_rising and rubbing his hands_) Come, that's nicely
arranged--we shall have a charming ride over to Dulwich, see the
pictures, and get back in plenty of time to dress before we start to
dine with Billington, and then with the box at the opera, which he has
so politely presented us with, we shall have made out the day, in a
very superior, and I think I may almost venture to say, aristocratic
manner. Come ladies, make haste, get your habits on, or the horses
will be here before you are ready, and you know I can't bear to be
kept waiting.
MRS. SWEET. I like that vastly.
SWEET. What's the matter?
MRS. SWEET. You can't bear to be kept waiting! but you don't mind
keeping other people waiting--then, too, I am to be ordered about at
beck and call--everything arranged for me beforehand!--I think at
least you might have enquired whether I felt _disposed_ to join you.