_House of Commons, Monday, July 11._--Another Child of Victory up to-day
in person of BALLANTINE, who won Coventry for the Liberals. "We shall
have quite a family soon," said GLADSTONE, who sat on Front Bench,
arrayed in wonderful summer suit. "Blessings in disguise," GRANDOLPH
calls the new recruits to Opposition forces. But it comes to same thing.
Old Morality created sensation by openly avowing himself a Separatist.
Is firm with respect to Union with Wales and Ireland, but weak on
Scotland. Confession made in connection with promised Boundary Bill.
PULESTON asked whether Wales was to be included in measure.
"I have not been able," said RITCHIE, with fine sarcasm, "to separate
Wales from England in my own mind."
"Is Scotland in the Bill?" asked ANDERSON.
"No," said Old Morality.
"Then," said TIM HEALY, "you separate Scotland in your own mind?" This
was awkward; but the truth must be told, and Old Morality told it.
"I separate Scotland in my own mind," he said, in a voice low but firm.
Profound sensation on Ministerial Benches. Things looking bad for
Ministry lately, what with Spalding, North Paddington, Coventry, and
Miss CASS. But now, Leader of House having avowed himself a Separatist,
outlook black indeed.
Elated with having brought out this damaging fact, TIM HEALY went on
rampage for rest of sitting. ARTHUR BALFOUR moved Second Reading of
Irish Land Bill. CHAMBERLAIN, breaking long silence, delivered speech in
support of measure. TIM kept up running commentary, growling, laughing
spasmodically, and interjecting remarks. CHAMBERLAIN an ugly customer to
tackle when at bay. Gave TIM as much as he brought. Wrangling getting a
little high, when SPEAKER interposed, threatened to name TIM.
"Name away!" TIM sang out, cheerily; but knowing from experience that
SPEAKER not to be trifled with, presently subsided.
On the whole a small House, and only whilst CHAMBERLAIN speaking any
evidence of interest in proceedings. Next to the unexpected disclosure
of Old Morality's falling away, most startling event of the evening was
announcement by FERGUSON that WOLFF'S pic-nic had already cost the
country L27,000.
"L27,000!" exclaimed CODDINGTON, making his maiden speech, and that
_sotto voce_. "I'll undertake to say that if it had been proposed to him
at first, WOLFF would have taken the odd seven thousand and closed the
bargain, leaving the tax-payer a clear gain of L20,000." And the Member
for Blackburn softly whistled, and feebly rattled the loose change in
his pocket.
_Business done._--Irish Land Bill introduced.
_Tuesday._--WOLFF at door of both Houses. In fact he's there every night
now. Peers and Commons are Unionists in desire to know when the pic-nic
will be over, or, as BRYCE put it to-night amid cheers, "When will
finally and positively terminate the unparalleled and undignified
position in which the country is placed?" In Lords the Markiss disowned
a capital retort the reporters invented for him. On Monday, ROSEBERY
understood to ask whether WOLFF was supposed to be in a state of
suspended animation what time the SULTAN made up his mind. The Markiss
reported to have replied that WOLFF was "rather in a state of animated
expectancy." Capital capping of a joke, only it appears Markiss isn't
personally responsible for it.
[Illustration: "L27,000!"]
"It would," he said, with a wink at GRANVILLE, "be disrespectful to use
language like that with respect to Her Majesty's Ambassador."
HERSCHEL says, Markiss is only mad because he didn't think of it at the
time, and is jealous of the more nimble fancy of the reporters. In the
Commons, BRYCE announces that he will continue nightly to inquire about
WOLFF till he gets satisfactory answers.
A hot dull night and the Irish Land Bill again. JOHN DILLON had the best
of it, delivering a lively speech to full audience. After this, Members
began to go to dinner, and forgot to return. A full muster on both Front
Benches. GLADSTONE again in summer costume, with a rose in his coat and
a gleam in his eye. Has grown ten years younger in the last fortnight.
Spalding wiped off five years, North Paddington two, and Coventry the
rest.
"A few more triumphs at the poll," says JOHN MORLEY, "and he'll be
younger than any of us."
After dinner, GORST made a speech on behalf of Bill. Shrewd, pointed,
and weighty with argument. "Another proof of fatuity of Government,"
said PARNELL, who has come back in a brown billycock hat, "that they
don't make more use of GORST. Worth a bushelful of GEORGY HAMILTONS,
GIBSONS, MATTHEWSES, or even SMITHS."
[Illustration: H(ere) C(omes) E(verybody) Ch-ld-rs.]
When spirits of House properly attuned, H. C. E. CHILDERS appeared on
the scene, and delivered prodigious speech, through which the few
Members present gently dozed.
_Business done._--Irish Land Bill.
_Thursday._--Cheerful presence of ASHBOURNE diffused over Ministerial
Bench in Lords to-night. Not often here. Has given up to Dublin what was
meant for mankind. Always unfeignedly delighted to get back to
Westminster. Business to-night to move the Second Reading of Coercion
Bill. Considerable gathering of Peers, expecting debate, and possible
division. Amazed to find Front Opposition Bench almost empty. GRANVILLE
rises to explain that it is useless to fight measure, and therefore
don't intend to raise debate. ARGYLL furious. Had meant to smash
Opposition, and they had run away! SELBORNE sleekly sarcastic. Admitted
he, too, had speech ready, but would wait for audience on Front Bench
opposite. General feeling of disappointment. Several Peers who had come
down, expecting lively entertainment, wanted their money returned at the
doors. Markiss referred them to GRANVILLE, but GRANVILLE had already
smiled his way out. Bill read Second Time, and sitting comically
collapsed.
Commons crowded. GRANDOLPH'S name underlined on the bills. Understood he
meant to "go for" the Government. Expectation fully realised. Took the
Land Bill out of BALFOUR'S hands, publicly danced on it, kicked it up
and down floor of House, and finally tore it to shreds.
"I trust," he said, when, at end of hour's exercise of this kind,
nothing was left of the Bill but its title, "that I have not by these
observations added to the difficulties of the situation."
"Not at all, not at all," said Old Morality, polite to the last.
After GRANDOLPH'S finished performance, HARCOURT a little heavy. Humour
rose to highest level when he alluded to JESSE COLLINGS as "the Member
for Three Acres and a Cow." HENRY JAMES deeply offended at levity of
HARCOURT'S tone. This last hit too much for him. Rose and quitted House
amid hilarious cheers from Parnellites.
[Illustration: "That's the worst of these fellows."]
"That's the worst of these fellows," said Mr. LEAHY, looking on
reflectively from the Bar. "Now they've begun to associate with
gentlemen, our company's not good enough for them."
More speeches, including one from PARNELL and another from GLADSTONE.
But GRANDOLPH'S speech worth more than a division; so Second Reading of
Land Bill passed without challenging one. _Business done._--Lords read
Coercion Bill Second Time, Commons the Land Bill.
_House of Lords, Friday._--Glad it's all over, and nobody shot. At one
time homicide seemed imminent. GRANVILLE, taking note of complaint of
absence of Opposition on previous night, skilfully touched a chord of
human nature. Explained that he had been present till eight o'clock, an
hour which suggested dinner. More than one mouth watered, and a sob of
sympathy was heard from Bench where new Peer, formerly known as
SCLATER-BOOTH, sat. NORTHBROOK, however, obdurate. Introduced statement,
which drew from GRANVILLE quiet remark, "That is not true." NORTHBROOK
hotly resumed his seat, as he said, to give GRANVILLE opportunity for
explanation. Here was a pretty go! LORD CHANCELLOR, with great presence
of mind, adroitly, and apparently accidentally, covered Sword of State
under heap of papers. Who could say what might happen if a bloodthirsty
eye rested on this fortuitous means of attack? GRANVILLE, cool and
self-possessed, repeated his abrupter ejaculations in more delicate,
round-about fashion.
"I certainly," he observed, defiantly eyeing NORTHBROOK, "said, as far
as my knowledge goes, the statement is inaccurate."
A moment's breathless silence. The offence was repeated, with the added
insult of mocking phrase. Would NORTHBROOK ask GRANVILLE to "come
outside," or would he swallow the affront? NORTHBROOK looked a moment at
the veteran Leader, noted his resolute look, his straightened figure,
and the forefinger of his right hand dallying with a corner of a paper
containing the Orders of the day, as if he were playing with
pistol-trigger. On the whole, he thought he'd change the subject; which
he did, to the relief of the excited ring of spectators. _Business
done._--Lords passed two stages of Coercion Bill right off. Commons in
Supply.
* * * * *
[Illustration: SIR WILLIAM'S SKETCH OF THE GIPSIES ON THE TREASURY
BENCH, JULY 14.
"Gipsies, said the play, disfigured the children they stole in order
that they might pass them for their own. (_Laughter._) The gipsies on
the Treasury Bench (_renewed laughter_) stole the Bankruptcy Clauses of
the Right Hon. Member for West Birmingham, and disfigured them in order
that they might pass them for their own. (_Cheers and laughter._)"]
* * * * *
New Novel, dedicated to Dr. JACKSON of New York: _The Coming Man; or,
The Lost Hair of the Ages_. By BALDER DASH.
* * * * *
Mrs. RAM says, of all uniforms she prefers that of the Horrible
Artillery Company.
* * * * *
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