(_By Our Special Scientific Experimentalist._)
It was with great satisfaction that I received my orders to visit
Aldershot on the occasion of the Royal Review, "to deduce from the
display the exact position occupied by England amongst the Powers of
Europe as a Military Nation." I felt that hardly a better man could have
been chosen for the task. My experience in the four divisions of the
globe, my knowledge of the wars of the last three quarters of a century,
exactly fitted me for the task. I said to myself, "I am intrusted with
the performance of a solemn and sacred duty. I am asked to carefully
report upon the condition of a large body of men, with a view to
sampling the entire British Army. The large body of men shall have my
careful consideration." Actuated by these worthy motives, I left
Waterloo in the early morn (it was scarcely nine o'clock), and travelled
to Aldershot.
On my way down I entered into discussion with four civilians, whose
interest in the day's proceedings seemed to be centred in the great
question of lunch. It was in vain that I attempted to sound them upon
the efficiency or the reverse of the Auxiliary Forces (they were all
more or less connected with the Volunteers), because they confined their
conversation to where they were likely to find So-and-So's drag on
Bourley Wood, and where the ---- Volunteer Battalion of the Royal
Such-and-Such a Regiment was situated.
"What do you think of canvass as a shelter?" I asked, note-book in hand.
"Oh, a mess-tent is as good a place as anywhere else if the cookery and
wines are all right," was the only reply I received that had the
slightest bearing on the military situation. Then my companions refused
to talk of anything further save the racing fixtures for the following
fortnight.
At Aldershot I found a number of omnibuses drawn up, labelled "House of
Commons," which were soon occupied by elderly ladies, who appeared to be
excellent representatives of our Legislators. Seeing that the flymen had
arranged a tariff that measured distances with sovereigns, and hours
with bank-notes, I determined to walk to the Long Valley, and my example
was largely followed. Smartly-gowned ladies, and men whose attire
suggested the shady side of Pall-Mall, dispensed with all conveyances,
and sturdily trudged to the review ground, to the intense disgust of the
cabmen, whose harvest could not have been particularly lucrative. The
only vehicles that we saw on the road were waggons filled with
country-folk, and harnessed to heavy lumbering cart-horses, that moved
very deliberately and slowly, and now and again a London coach. A
specimen of the last came up to me just as I was getting out of the
town--it was occupied by a company of ladies and gentlemen with an
up-all-night look about them. As a matter of fact, I believe it had
started shortly after midnight, or thereabouts. I recognised one of the
occupants, who, until he caught my eye, had seemed rather depressed, but
who, upon exchanging greetings with me, assumed a most jovial air, and
seemed quite to wake up. He subsequently told me that he had never
enjoyed himself so much. "Up over-night, you see, then a long drive in
the dawn and early morning, getting to Aldershot before the QUEEN.
Review, lunch, and home again." The last item, I fancy, must have been
rather an anti-climax, although my friend would not admit it. However, I
have a kind of instinct that should there be another big Review, he will
choose the rail in preference to the road.
As I passed the barracks I could not help admiring the waggery of the
Military Authorities in setting up placards requesting "the Public not
to walk on the grass." The light-hearted Authorities (it is scarcely
necessary to say to those who know the latent humour in the breasts of
the Head-quarters' Staff) had selected a site for these posters where no
grass would grow. From the hurry-skurry observable on all sides, I
gathered that the Procession was on its way--a supposition that was
turned into certainty by the boom of a Royal Salute. And yet I was miles
from my seat! There was only one thing to do--to force my way down a
road that had been closed since nine o'clock. The entrance to this
pathway was guarded by a mounted sentry. I approached him, and showed
him my pass, which made me free of all "camps and bivouacs." He
complained that he was not a "camp," but had nothing to urge in denial
when I insisted that "then he must be a bivouac." As some dozens of
others were attempting to force the passage, he allowed me to pass, and
from that moment practically the British Army was at my mercy. No
provision had been made to deal with spectators when once the gallant
Scots Grey had been passed. Thus I was able to lead the Royal
Procession, and was greatly pleased to find every one on the alert.
Battalion after battalion seemed to me well set up, and the Duke of
CAMBRIDGE with his drawn sabre left nothing to be desired. I inspected
them all, and can certainly say that I had not to stop to re-arrange a
belt or even a general-officer's scabbard. This being the case, my
movements were rapid, but not faster than those of the Derby Dog. In the
fearful heat I found my seat (a very comfortable one) close to the
saluting point, and then was prepared to see the march-past. The bands
struck up. "GEORGE RANGER" waved his sword and there was a shout. Then
came the tramp of armed men, and it occurred to me that after a very
long run, I could scarcely do better than close my eyes. I found by
doing this that I could think the matter out. What had perplexed me on
the road down was how I should find the mess of the particular regiment
that had honoured me with a card of invitation for luncheon.
I soon made up my mind that I had better ask my way. This I did, and
found the country Constabulary most intelligent. As I had come to
Aldershot to see the soldiers, rather than to enjoy the pleasures of the
table, it would perhaps be out of place to mention here how good lobster
salad is when you are really hungry, and how very grateful to the palate
claret cup appears when one has had nothing to drink for many hours.
Enough to say, I enjoyed myself thoroughly, and catching a train to
Waterloo, was once more at home.
On reading my notes I find that I have left unanswered the question with
which I commenced this article. I was sent to Aldershot to "deduce from
the display, the exact position occupied by England amongst the Powers
of Europe as a Military Nation." Quite so. Well--but perhaps on second
thoughts I had better get the Editor to send me to another review before
I attempt to solve the problem.
[Certainly: try it.--ED.]
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