I was the less inclined to write what I heard between the Admiral and
My Lady at the banquet both because it was a delicate matter to write
upon such a subject from memory, and the more so because in the
Journal the Admiral (if he wrote it) has committed his own meditations
to paper.
EXTRACT FROM THE JOURNAL.
"And so good-night! A wonderful woman! We have been together hours--I
do not know how many--to-day, but for the most part with very much
company till the very end, when we drove home from the Queen's party
and found Sir William retired with a touch of fever, which concerned
the dear creature very much. She would not wait one second to pull off
her wrap, but flew to him, only to find him sufficiently recovered to
have sunk into the profound sleep which precedes health. Sir William
was ailing when we left, I do not know how early in the morning, to
see the ruins lately excavated of an ancient Roman city buried by an
eruption of the volcano about the time of St. Paul--a circumstance to
be noted, because it enables us to judge somewhat the manner of men
those Romans were, whom the founders of our wonderful religion were
called on in a way to defy. I am inclined to think favourably of
them. Pompeji, that was the name of the city, was a favourite haunt of
the leading Romans, who founded and administered an empire which our
own is only just now beginning to rival in extent, its riches being
out of the question. The richest men in Pompeji were content with
houses which no farmer in England would tolerate. You could put any
house in Pompeji into the big barn at Burnham Thorpe, and they had no
marble in them except for fountains and the like; the walls of the
rooms and the pillars of the courts both being covered with a hard
stucco, simply but elegantly painted. I could have wished that all the
relics which the Queen has so carefully collected at her palace at
Portici had been left rooted to the spot where they had been found. I
wanted to see the brazier full of coals, which were half burnt when
the eruption came down, standing where it was when Roman hands filled
it with those coals; I wanted to see the charred bread on the table
where it was waiting to be eaten; I wanted to see the skeleton of the
sentry guarding the place where its owner had looked death in the
face. At Portici they are only the playthings of an idle court, which
might destroy them if it thought about them. Indeed, I have great
fears for them: I must speak to Emma, who takes a scholar's interest
in them, and a more human intelligent interest in them than Sir
William, who of course taught her, and is the first _sçavant_ in
Italy. The Queen would, I doubt not, give them to her if she asked for
them; and if they are not to be at Pompeji, and this country is in a
shockingly disturbed condition just now, they had better be put on
board the first of my ships that has to go home, and be taken to the
Royal Museum in London.
"Marvellously interesting I found it, and the good Queen had a fresh
house excavated on purpose for me to see how the things looked when
they were found. It was a fine house--one of the best in the city. The
frescoes on the walls were equal to most which they have peeled off
and carried to Portici. There was a very handsome white marble
fountain; there were some fair statuettes and stelæ (whatever are
these last for? I had the name from Emma); but the very things I most
wished to see were absent--the ruins of a meal on a table, and
skeletons in the position in which they were overtaken in the storm.
Any articles of household furniture, which Emma says were mostly of
bronze, and therefore would not have been consumed, I should have
desired to see in the places where they were being used when the end
came. But this house might have been the ruins of part of the Pope's
Museum at Rome!
"However, I must confess that the chief interest of the day to me was
watching that wonderful woman as she led the way through all these
marvels of antiquity, her beautiful face beaming with intelligence and
consideration for us; and she was no dry-as-dust, for, in the midst of
a disquisition, she would find time to say to me--'Nelson, I had this
shepherdess hat out from England: tell me, am I not too old for it?'
she all the while looking like a girl in the freshness of her teens.
All through the day she heaped delicious favours upon unworthy me. It
was only perhaps a hand caressingly laid on my shoulder when I was to
look at something; or thrust through my arm and let to rest on it when
there was an unusually trying walk from excavation to excavation; or a
drawing in of skirts to make room for me at her side when a party of
us, headed by Emma and the Queen, sat down to the second breakfast
with our legs in the deepest fountain we could find. It was dry, and
perhaps two feet deep; and I daresay we cut a comical figure enough,
looking as if the table and our legs had gone through the floor and
left us squatting round a hole. It was Emma's idea.
"Then there was a storm, which drove us for refuge into the custode's
quarters. Emma was sorely frighted. We were alone, huddled up in a
narrow passage. She was so prostrated, and near fainting, that I had
to strive to win her with the gentlest caresses to prevent her from
succumbing; but when she came to, the storm beginning to abate, she
was not angry, but suffered me most graciously. Then we had the drive
to Resina. I was driving her _caless_, and she let herself rest
against me in sheer weariness after the agitation of the afternoon,
but very trustful.
"Then came that mad supper in the tavern-kitchen, in which Emma,
revived by her resting, was a queen of the revels again. What a scene
it was! these uncouth beings made to provide a feast, such as one sees
in a buffo-comedy, for their Queen, with Emma spurring them on to
fresh extravagances, and the Neapolitan Commodore Caracciolo, as I
judged, airing a sardonic wit which I missed, being no Italian. And
when I could not partake of the dishes of the country, which were
mightily rich with their pork and their oil, Emma flew away from the
table herself, and catching one of her lackeys made him bring a basket
from which she gave me biscuits and fruit, of which I partook
sparingly, really that it might not be a fool's errand for her. Mine
host's wine was very fair. Emma is a splendid creature, with superb
health, about which she takes not a thought. She ate their oily
dainties with the greatest gusto, because, as she said, their
simplicity and plainness were refreshing after the artificial feasts
to which she was bound as Ambassador's wife.
"Refreshed in this simple, plain and hearty fashion, she was all
_esprit_ on the remainder of the drive into Naples through the dusk.
She was wonderfully animated; and I had from her, in her own natural
words, for my benefit, all that she had had from the learned Sir
William about the flourishing ports and bathing places, served mostly
by Greeks, which had clustered round the vine-clad slopes of Vesuvio
before the eruption. I could almost see their destruction, so
eloquent were her gestures. And very frequently she would break off
suddenly, saying--'But I am wearying you--I am letting my enthusiasm
run away with me. Forgive me, Nelson,' and this so penitently, with a
timid little touch.
"In our _caless_ we drove post haste, so soon as we had left the
Queen, to Sir William's palace on the Chiaja. For we had to dress for
dinner with Her Majesty, and a beautiful woman needs time for her
toilet; though in this respect Emma is so speedy that 'tis plain that
she relies on Nature first, and but little on Art. I had not got into
my state uniform above a few minutes, when I beheld her a vision of
loveliness.
"We had hoped to have Sir William with us. Common prudence had indeed
bade him forego the expedition to Pompeji, from which, with the
drenchings we had, he would certainly have come back in a raging
fever, even if he could have borne the long hot drive in the morning
and the chance of a cold wind coming up as the hours began to throw
their shadows. The ruined city is noted for its draughtiness: the wind
comes very keenly round the mountain; and I doubt not there is an
aguishness in the newly turned soil.
"I cannot well describe my feelings as I sat beside her in the
Ambassador's coach. All day long in her shepherdess hat, she had been
half tomboy, half affectionate daughter, always like a fresh young
girl. And now, after bare leisure to cool down as I should have
thought, she was sitting by my side in a most superb costume--the
great lady all over--a veritable queen in condescension. In the short
drive from the Embassy to the Royal Palace she was all solicitude for
me, fearing a return of the fever after the drenching of the
afternoon; but, praise God, I felt no ill result. It is truly
wonderful what effect my spirits have upon my health. When I have the
enemy within cannon-shot, or the society of those I love, nothing
mortal seems able to hurt me.
"I have wrote 'love,' and must confess to you, my Pen, that it
startles me when I see it in black upon the white paper; and yet I
suppose it is so. And why should I not love? It is the purest, I am
sure, of human feelings, such love as mine: God knows I would die for
Emma, as I would die for my country. I pray that I may never be the
villain to her. There has been love, I know, perfectly pure between a
man and woman, which has yet been most disastrous for the man, if not
for his country also. But, thank Heaven, this is not so with Emma. It
has been entirely for the advancement of our country, of which I have
been permitted to be the instrument. Without that wonderful woman we
should never have got to my battle at all: it was she who secured us
our supplies at Syracuse; a very little malevolence might have turned
the sea into the drinking water, and sent the provisions out of reach
into the interior. And now it is she who is working upon the innate
slothfulness, I might say cowardice, and irresponsibility of those who
administer this unhappy kingdom, to support its noble Queen in that
active policy against the French which will lead to so much glory and
send that lying and apostate race, the enemies of mankind, packing out
of the Peninsula. In after days no one shall say that Nelson was
dragged down by his friendship for Emma, or wiled from his duty into
hanging attendance, but rather that it was she who inspired him to
fresh exertions and had no thought but for his country.
"All this passed through my mind in that short coach-drive, as she
laid her cool hand anxiously upon my lately-heated head, and reassured
herself that there was no fever in my pulse.
"At the dinner, she was on my right hand, I on Her Majesty's right
hand. Her Majesty is a noble woman, a true daughter of the great
Empress. A masculine intelligence; a man's courage, vigour and
decision; of which by all accounts there is much need, for the King,
though a man of great stature and bodily strength, and with plenty of
mere bravery, has no thought for the morrow, nor indeed for his
kingdom except as an institution to supply him with plenty of wild
beasts for the chase and a sufficiency of money, which he never finds
sufficient, to keep his friends, if one may call them such, round him.
He is not even faithful to that noble woman; and she, with a fine
scorn, akin to pity, condones his infidelity in return for his
refraining from injuring his kingdom, as he would if he interfered
with her wise counsels. For Ferdinand would treat politics as he
treats his ducats--squander them for the gratification of the unworthy
whim of the moment. He is indeed a despicable man.
"The Queen has her softer moments, too; she is beautiful, and can be
very tender. The first time that we were alone, when I looked for a
grateful Queen condescending to the Admiral who had led the allies of
her country to conquest, I found a weeping girl. I do not mean that
she is young--she is by this past forty--but at that moment she was a
girl back in her Austrian home with her unfortunate sister, the lovely
martyr Marie Antoinette, whom those fiends insensately murdered. I
could see that they were, as it were, girls together again in their
childhood's home. Then, all in a moment, Marie Antoinette had been for
years Queen of France, and murdered! I knew all this, though I could
not translate the burning words which she poured into my ear in a
passion of grief that turned into a passion of triumph--for suddenly
tears and grief were swept from that inspired face, and she hailed me
avenger of the martyr.
"From that moment she was my intimate and affectionate friend; she
would have me not treat her as a Queen, but rather as a well-loved
lady of my acquaintance to whom I had rendered great service, and who
had therefore admitted me to the footing of a relation.
"She has divined, I feel certain, the respect that I feel for Emma,
and my admiration for her rare graces of mind--and I may say to you,
Pen, of person--for during the banquet she said to me, 'You look after
dear Lady Hamilton: my kingdom owes everything to her after you.' And
she herself was most condescending to Tom Troubridge, who stood the
fire. He is the finest sailor in His Majesty's Service, and not to be
swayed either by royal condescension or considerations of personal
friendship, when--to give his expression, which means more to him than
any officer engaged in the late battle--he is sounded.
"I could not say exactly what our conversation tended to at the
banquet; I believe I talked better than I ever talked before. A good
listener can inspire conversation. I do not know if an extraordinary
desire to please fosters or chills it; I found myself talking on about
myself. Perhaps the general tendency of our conversation was at first
directed to the models in history upon which I had based my strategy
and endeavoured to mould my conduct.
"From this the conversation must have wandered to an interchange--a
recognition, almost an enumeration of signs of sympathy between us. I
never found a woman so sympathetic, so completely the ideal of the
feminine influence which should inspire a man. In this part of the
conversation I do not remember that we actually used many words--it
was more as if atoms were flying between us; and all the time there
were those eyes looking like a Madonna's from that saintly head, and
that wonderful smile with half-parted lips.
"After the banquet, when we were in the reception-room with Her
Majesty and the rest of the company, she went to the window, and
flinging open the shutters, painted in the new Pompejan way, let in a
flood of moonlight, and stepped out on to the broad terrace, looking
in her white robes (Emma is fond of white) like a statue of a goddess
against the glittering amethyst of the sky. I followed her, and gazed
where she pointed over the black shining mirror of sea on which the
moonlight lay in a great silver shaft; but I had barely time to note
the little red glow in the rifted head of Vesuvio, and the great cone
of Monte St. Angelo, when she said--'Not now, Nelson, with all these
magnetic human hearts so near us. I could walk for ever with you in a
scene like this, but I feel the Mesmer attraction broken by those
disturbing currents.' Then she tripped quickly back into the
presence-chamber, with the girlishness which is so much part of her.
And then we joined my officers, who, in spite of the very marked
friendliness of Her Majesty, were all collected in the exact centre of
the room, at the point farthest from the Queen and her ladies, at one
end, and the politicians, who ruin the country, at the other. They
were better at the French than at court: they did not take naturally
to this hobby-nobbying with Royalty. They were not like Emma, who up
to this had never--except when we were for a brief visit to
Naples--had any great acquaintance with His Majesty's officers, but
now it seemed as if she were talking privately to every single man of
them at the same time. She is a host in herself.
"We stayed on late; for, going up to the Queen to pay our respects
before leaving, we were by her detained, though my officers took their
leave earlier, and when we entered My Lady's coach to drive back to
the Embassy the moon was down.
"We regretted the more our detention, because when we arrived at home
we were met at the door by the news that Sir William was almost in a
high fever.
"As I have wrote, Emma was distracted: she ... _Postscript written
over leaf._
* * * * *
"2 a.m.--As I was throwing the sand upon these words, in order to turn
the page, I heard a timid knock at my door; and going to it quickly,
for I had not get begun to undress, I beheld Emma, looking more
heavenly beautiful than I had ever seen her before, in her white
dressing-robe made in the simple antique fashion, fastened only with a
girdle under the bosom, and with her glorious hair pouring over her
shoulders and almost to her knees, as I perceived when she glided back
the minute afterwards, lest her husband should have opened his eyes
and missed her healing presence.
"'Dear friend,' she said, 'I came to tell you that my dear husband has
taken the turn, and will now sleep. I cannot forgive myself for having
left him to-day: I had not anticipated any increase in the fever so
long as he stayed at home, or wild horses should not have dragged me.
Forgive me, Nelson, for leaving you so abruptly.' With that she gave
me her hands; and, looking at her tender face, I perceived that it was
stained with weeping. I folded her to my heart; and presently she
gently disengaged herself, and fled back to sit by Sir William's
bedside through the night, to make sure of having Sir William fit on
the morrow for the twenty-mile drive to Caserta, where the Queen is to
join the King in the morning, in order to bring about a meeting
between me and the Austrian General Mack, whom the Emperor has sent
down to command the Neapolitan forces in the contemplated movement
against the French in the Papal States."