honour of the Admiral.
No one is ever likely to forget the entertainment given by the
Ambassador and Lady Hamilton in honour of the Admiral's birthday.
Eighty sat down to dinner, mind you, in a private house; but I will
not attempt to describe by hearsay what happened there--the toasts
that were given, the _furore_ with which they were received; for,
naturally, I was not present, being only a midshipman at the time. But
at the ball which followed I was present from the opening to the end,
and it was a truly wonderful affair. There were about seventeen
hundred present, and eight hundred of us sat down to supper, and the
supper was rich enough to have been a dinner.
There was more dancing here and at Count Esterhazy's ball than there
had been at Syracuse; for many English of consideration went to Naples
in those days, and the ladies of high Neapolitan society had made it a
fashion to learn the English dances; but the midshipmen and the
younger lieutenants, fresh from the sea-fare of a long cruise, supped
more than danced. You can be sure that there was no lack of toasting,
for which the Admiral's stepson, Josiah Nisbet, whom he always treated
as his own son, was a fair mark. Some one coupled a toast with his
name, and the jest took, and after that he had no respite; and before
the night was over Josiah had taken a good deal more than his share
of the Ambassador's very excellent wine, and had become well
accustomed to the sound of his own voice.
But even boys cannot sup all night, and slowly we found our way back
towards the ball-room. I passed in with Josiah, for I had not Will
with me, he being in attendance on the Admiral, and indeed at no time
disposed for drinking parties: they would not allow of the barrier of
reserve which it was his intention to maintain.
Well, as we passed on our way into the ball-room, we saw Will standing
alone in an ante-chamber and made for him, only to find him posted at
a gentlemanly distance from the Admiral, who was sitting on a couch
with his left arm stretched over the end, and My Lady with her right
hand on his empty sleeve pouring out a woman's hero-worship with soft
speech and glistening eye and gentle attitude. Right-down hero-worship
I felt convinced it was. Every one in Naples was intoxicated with
Nelson, and she above all, who from the time his fleet was come into
the Mediterranean, had wrestled with all her might and main to second
his efforts to find and finish the French. Indeed, we have it in the
Admiral's writing that it was owing to her aid in the matter of
getting the ships watered that we ever got to the Nile in time.
I do not doubt that she was asking him for the fiftieth time how he
felt when he took the risk of sailing between the French and the
shore--between the French and their anchors, or how he felt when the
_Orient_ blew up, or was telling him he was the greatest hero that
ever lived. But Josiah thought otherwise, and swashing up to the
Admiral in the most offensive style, struck an attitude before him,
and began another of the speeches which had been affording us such
excellent entertainment while we were supping, as he grew braver and
braver with his wine. The language he used I shall not repeat. It was
the request of the gallant Captain, whose conduct crushed out the
spark which threatened such a blaze, that the officers who were
present should not repeat what they had heard. But as there have been
many allusions to the incident since, I do not think that I shall be
betraying confidence if I give a general outline of it as I had the
pain of seeing it. The general tenor of it was that he called upon the
Admiral in the name of "my mother and your wife" to tear himself from
the embraces of that ----, and here he applied to My Lady the epithets
for which silence was desired, as I have mentioned.
I do not say but that at a later period some sort of remonstrance
might have come with fair grace and proper spirit from Josiah in the
name of his mother, the Admiral's wife, anent Lady Hamilton; but at
this period I feel certain that it was wholly unjust and uncalled for,
and that it was so is proved by the very cordial relations existing a
few months later between Josiah and that remarkable woman, who added
to her other magnificent qualities a fine forgivingness.
For the moment all Naples might have gone ablaze with the British
Admiral and the British Ambassador set by the ears over an alleged
intrigue of this kind, and the work of the Battle of the Nile might
almost have been undone so far as the Two Sicilies were concerned. I
looked to see what Will would do. It was one of the few occasions in
his life upon which I have ever seen him waver. The position was
certainly difficult. The Admiral's stepson was his senior in rank, and
the outrage being offered to the Admiral was, in a way, a family
affair, in which a stranger might be considered to have no right to
interfere. On the other hand, the Admiral being but one-armed and
lately recovered of a fever, could not turn Josiah out of the room,
and Will had for some months been treated by the Admiral as if he were
his own son. Indeed, the Admiral's relations with Will were of a more
unbroken and cordial nature than his relations with Josiah; but as
Josiah went on raising his voice and crying out more and more
outrageous things, Will quitted his hesitation and was advancing with
set face to do--I tremble to think what--when he found himself pushed
aside by a big, burly form in a post-captain's uniform; and, to our
intense relief, we saw Captain Troubridge and Captain Ball rush into
the room. Troubridge, the Admiral's brother-in-arms for a quarter of a
century, took in the situation at a glance, and, affecting to consider
the whole matter a drunkard's folly, caught Josiah up in his herculean
embrace, and carried him off kicking like a naughty child. To his own
ship, I think, for the Captain did not appear again, although his not
appearing may have been due to the idea that he could thus escape the
discussion of so difficult a matter, which would have been almost
inevitable if he had been near the Admiral again that night.
The most affecting part, for us of the fleet, was the feeling that it
was our duty to stand by until the matter with Josiah was settled. The
Admiral hated shirking an ordeal above everything in the world. It was
to him a form of cowardice, which he called the root of all evil. He
himself was absolutely undeterred by risk or responsibility.
"Madam," said the Admiral, "I fear that I must leave this hospitable
home to-night." This we heard with our own ears before we left to
follow the two Captains and the struggling Josiah to the grand
stairway, where a look from Captain Troubridge's eye told us that we
should go no further.
What happened after this was, of course, known only to the Admiral and
Lady Hamilton, seeing that ordinary manners prompted the withdrawal of
all spectators from the ante-room in which this deplorable incident
took place. For occasions like this I shall quote from the Admiral's
Journal, which came into Will's hands under such extraordinary
circumstances. I cannot vouch for its authenticity, coming through
such hands; but Mrs. Hunter certainly seemed to us three witnesses to
be giving a truthful account. And as I have said, to us who knew the
Admiral so well--his temperament, his habits, his mode of expressing
himself, and the turns of his handwriting--the Journal presented every
outward evidence of being genuine, though to Will it seemed well-nigh
impossible that the Admiral should have filled three such bulky
volumes without his ever having occasion to suspect their existence.
EXTRACT FROM THE ADMIRAL'S JOURNAL, DATED SEPT. 30TH, 1798.
"I take up my pen as the only object to which I can make confession.
Heretofore my confidante has been Lady Nelson. Since our marriage I
have written to her in the fullest and freest manner upon all matters
personal to me; but something prompts me not to vex her with the
matter. She is the best creature in the world; but her mind is of the
slower kind which does not, at a glance, distinguish between what is
essential or merely accidental. She would have made no commander,
though she could have been trusted to defend her post till Death.
"A most unfortunate occurrence happened last night. My stepson, Josiah
Nisbet, of whom I had written to his mother when we were in Naples
before, to say that Lady Hamilton had been so wonderfully kind and
fond of him, introducing him to all manner of exalted people, and
taking him everywhere as her escort in her carriage, chose to make an
extraordinary exhibition of himself last night. The young man had been
supping with his messmates at a ball Sir William and Lady Hamilton had
given in my honour; and he had, I doubt not, partaken too freely of
the potent South Italian wines. He was decidedly unsteady, when
perceiving me, as he returned from the supper-room, sitting by Lady
H., in the presence of others, he reeled up to us, applying the
grossest epithets to her Ladyship, and insinuating that relations
existed between us incompatible with my character as a gentleman.
"I have no reason for stifling the truth to you, my pen, and you will
be content with my plain asseveration that all which he insinuated was
gross falsehood. Unfortunately to you only, or to Sir William, who
persists in ignoring handsomely the whole incident, can I discuss the
matter. I could not write of it to Lady Nelson without raising the
very suspicions which justice demands should be allayed; and my rank
makes it impossible for me to consult my oldest friends, like
Troubridge, who occupy positions under my command.
"I hope I am not a bad man to have passages in my behaviour which it
is not expedient to discuss with my wife. I have now lived thirty-nine
years, and I have ever, I think, been eminently amenable to the gentle
influence of women. But, not even excepting the young lady at Quebec
whom I should have left the service to marry, becoming a
fellow-settler with the United Empire loyalists in Upper Canada, if it
had not been for the wise persuasions of my valued friend Alexander
Davison, I have never known but two of them in the intimate fashion
which is open to landsmen. I am telling the strict truth when I say
that I never kissed a lady until I married Lady Nelson, nor after till
within this few days; though what harm there be in it I know not, if
it be conducted in decent and not outrageous fashion. It seems to me a
natural mode of expression of sympathy between a man and a woman who
are friends sufficient, and I feel confident that I never did it
before solely from the fact that my seafaring life, up to the time I
was married, prevented my forming a friendship close enough to require
such expression. And in the years that I was on shore before St.
Vincent, my life was filled with the friendship and companionship of
my wife and father.
"It is now a day above a week since I landed in Naples more dead than
alive; and that I am now alive, though very unwell, and weary of this
country of fiddlers and poets, and ----, and scoundrels, is due, I may
say, solely to my Lady Hamilton, who took me into the Embassy and by
giving me the best chamber in Naples for an ailing man, and the
best-chosen nourishment, and her own unremitting attention, gave me
life and strength for this very trying week.
"It has ever been my belief that in making and keeping men well--I am
speaking now of ships' crews exposed to the ailments that come of
prolonged cruises, such as scurvy and the rest--the keeping them
entertained plays the most important part; and for this reason I have
promoted all manner of diversions and educational exercises among
them. And this is the treatment my Lady applied to me.
"The fever with which I was prostrate at my landing is now
intermittent; and though I wake every morning with a headache raging,
and shaking fits, and a most disordered tongue, with proper care, as
the day wears on, I regain my strength, and am passably fit to be
taken to this and the other banquet and festa in the evening--things
which I hate, but cannot refuse for fear of giving offence and
damaging His Majesty's Service. There is not only Their Majesties to
consider, but the Ambassadors of the friendly Powers, and the leading
nobles. These last are very important; for it cannot be denied that
though the _lazzaroni_ and the humbler class generally are devoted to
the good Queen and her husband, there is among the younger members of
the noble families a wicked and pernicious tendency to welcome the new
and infernal doctrines begotten in France. I do not myself believe
that they are with the French at heart, but there is in the mind of
the educated Italian a certain levity which makes him scoff at
anything established, be it religion or the laws of his country, and
disposed to trifle with the last new toy in theories.
"I am writing at too great length that which is only written for the
writing, and never to be seen of the public eye; but I feel that I
must defend myself to myself, since it is the first time that my
conscience has doubted me.
"It was necessary that I should attend these assemblages, whose
miserable conduct maddens my irritable temper. But I could not have
done it were it not for the goodness, the overpowering goodness, of
Lady Hamilton. Not only has she given me this chamber and nourished me
with this extreme care, but every morning she would do something to
take me out of my poor wretched self, to stop the thumping my head
gives from the hurt I had at the Nile. One morning, after light
refreshment had been brought in and I had eaten what I could, and lay
back on my pillow trying, by closing my eyes, to hide myself from the
pain and feeling of sickness, while Comyn and Campbell and Will and
the boy [myself--T. T.], and perhaps Troubridge, were standing or
sitting round in affectionate and respectful silence, waiting for me
to be able to raise my head and give directions for the ordering of
the squadron, I heard Lady Hamilton's glorious rich voice singing in
some part of the palace at the distance to be soothing; and as a
morning or two later, I mended, I opened my eyes to see her, before an
enraptured audience expressing their applause with silent admiration,
in those Attitudes all Europe has heard of for their wonderful grace
and fidelity to what they represent.
"Then as the day advanced, and I had back strength enough to be
dressed, and had got through the business of the fleet, she would
have me come into her own salon, the pleasantest room in the house
after my chamber, to rest upon a couch until it should be time for the
midday meal, which they take here in Naples very early. While I was on
the couch she would pull one of the long Italian stools by my side,
and, half sitting, half kneeling on it in the most graceful attitude
in the world, leaning her elbow at times on my couch for the balance,
read or talk or be silent, as my mood was, and if my head troubled me,
press it gently but firmly with her hands, which were very full of
restoring energy. She would do this, which is very fatiguing when done
from below, until she had charmed away the pain by some hand-healing
powers well known to the Italians. And when it was over, and I was
dozing off, she would rest her own head against me. At first this was
to snatch a moment of needed rest, but it soothed me. The contact with
her, I think, carried on that current of energy or sympathy which I
found so curative.
"I wonder,--no, I cannot think it was wicked of me to caress with my
fingers that beautiful head which was so kind to me; to train back the
auburn curls running over it, when they strayed in front of her little
pink ears; to press it lightly with my lips in the hope that she would
just perceive and the hope that she would just not perceive this
suggestion of gratitude and appreciation. Only yesterday morning,
after a week of this tender nursing, her head was a little nearer to
me; and feeling that this was the last of such mornings, I being now
sufficiently the better to be able to resume my ordinary day, I
ventured to press my lips firmly upon the bright hair just above the
noble forehead,--so intellectual, so exquisite, in the contour of its
brows,--intending to signify gratitude for her care, and the end of my
pleasant ailing. But she would not have it, and, in its place, turned
up to me her face, the very type of rosy beauty, and radiant with
tenderness for my infirmity. My infirmity, alas! of another sort was
not proof, and I kissed her tenderly, gratefully and respectfully, and
taking her hand in mine held it for I know not how long, pouring out
my thanks for her goodness.
"Those were the beginnings, the foundations for what happened last
night in consequence of Josiah's really outrageous behaviour. It might
be supposed that something of this had come to Josiah's ears and
caused the outbreak. But I have no shadow of reason for believing so.
Having free access to me in my chamber and elsewhere, he knew that
Lady Hamilton was nursing me, but that there had been any kind of
tenderness between us he was not aware. He is, however, of a violent
and jealous disposition, and being now a man, and inflamed by her
gracious beauty, he cannot but remember how she caressed him and never
had him out of her company when he was a boy and we were last in
Naples; and he is maddened by her countenance being totally withdrawn
from him now, not from any fault she has against him, but because she
has turned herself into a nurse for my recovery.
"He has, I suppose, learned of her betrayal when she was little more
than a child; though I hardly know it myself, not being disposed to
listen to tales bringing the impeachment of an unfortunate past
against the present position of those I respect, especially if they be
my benefactors. The gross epithets he applied to Lady Hamilton last
night must allude to this buried past, and the insinuations against my
conduct must have been based upon the same. He was robbed of his
reason by wine until he was incapable of distinguishing; and then gave
vent, by making coarse and impossible suggestions, to his irritation
at her previous kindness to him being lost in the devotion she has
shown to my nursing.
"I felt inexpressibly pained and outraged, and was quite at a loss
what to do in keeping with the respect due to her Ladyship and my
position in His Majesty's service, when trusty Troubridge, hearing the
heated voice, flew in and literally carried him off. I think I may say
that my pain and shame were shared by all present, for almost before I
could notice, the anteroom was empty but for our two selves, and the
doors gently closed.
"I was sitting on a kind of couch, with Lady Hamilton at my right
side, when J. flung himself before us. She rose with womanly dignity
to stand up, as it were, for her good and virtuous name. I had already
sprung to my feet to confront the young ruffian, and until he had been
carried off, and we were left, she maintained her courage wonderfully.
But when the occasion had passed, and we were alone, she almost
fainted; she could hardly stagger back to the couch. I never saw such
womanly emotion. I flung myself on my knees in front of her and
entreated her not to lose her courage now that the storm was past, but
the tears poured from her eyes and she was the very picture of womanly
weakness. In vain I tried to persuade her.
"A strange fire had been running through my veins all day since that
meeting in the morning. I felt as elated as if I were a god. There was
enough indeed to elate me without that: it was my fortieth birthday,
and I could remind myself that before my fortieth birthday I had won
the Battle of the Nile. In honour of my birthday the Ambassador and
Lady H. had given a party of unprecedented magnificence. Above eighty
sat down to dinner; above seventeen hundred not only accepted, but
came to the ball which followed. Supper was laid for eight hundred. In
the ball-room there was a rostral column erected in my honour under a
magnificent canopy, never to come down while we remain at Naples, and
the Ambassador whispered to me that he had it on good authority that
I should have a peerage at least, if not a viscounty. In the middle
of the entertainment, 'God Save the King' was sung, without
foreknowledge on my part, by the crew of my barge, with an additional
verse in my honour writ by Miss Knight.
"All this until that boy's conduct threatened to pull down the house
about my ears! The King and all his court were there, too, lavishing
compliments upon me which I felt to be extravagant, though I was
sensible that I had probably saved his kingdom for him. The whole room
buzzed with my name. 'H. N.' or 'Nelson and Victory,' met my eye
everywhere, and the room was full of the heroes who had won my victory
for me, and yet offered me its whole honour. It was a marvellous
night, and if it had been in London and not in Naples, with my own
nation round me, surely no mortal man could have known a more
intoxicating moment.
"All this until that boy!... And yet I can confess to you, Pen, that
in the midst of all this justifiable elation, I did not forget what
had happened in the morning when that glorious beauty had been held up
for the moment for my kiss of friendship. I could not help reminding
myself that a new friendship had begun for me of an intoxicating
sweetness, not known to me in my earlier friendships: a friendship in
which sympathy of the mind and tastes was accompanied by the light
touch which I had previously associated with the beginnings of first
love, and not with the more solid sympathies of friendship. All this
until that boy....
"I found myself on my knees before Lady H., endeavouring to persuade
her from her tears, and I was startled to find that the sense of
elation which I had ascribed to the unparalleled honour showered on me
through the evening, and now abruptly broken off by the unfortunate
incident, continued hardly diminished. And then the mad spirit of
temptation entered into me to try and kiss the lovely, tearful face,
willingly surrendered to me for that moment in the morning, into
forgetfulness of the humiliation. I kissed the eyes and cheeks, and
then the unresisting lips, and made I don't know what hot
protestations of sympathy to win her from her shame. And at the last I
succeeded; for, kissing me back, she rose from her tears radiant like
Venus rising from the foam of the sea, and said, 'Let us forget it,
Admiral: to-morrow he will be all penitence.'
"This is to-morrow, and _I_ am all penitence. I wonder if I am very
wicked? I know that I am intoxicated with the companionship of Lady
H., but I know too that I have no feelings which are not of the
purest. Is it wrong, under these circumstances, to appreciate the
affectionate companionship of such a woman among women? Or were we
intended to be happy, and in a world in which so much of happiness
depends upon the affectionate companionship of women, to enjoy
whatever such companionships come in our way without impurity?
"To-day or to-morrow I shall sail away to Malta. It needs my presence,
and I shall be away from this miserable court, which is still more
distasteful to me now that I no longer feel myself to have the right
of despising my neighbours for their views.
"I do not feel that I can stay in this house longer."
* * * * *
I remember the emotion with which I first read this portion of the
Admiral's Journal: it cleared things up for me a little. For I had
often wondered how such a man as the Admiral with his lofty soul had
first become entangled with My Lady. I have often spoken with her, and
she was uniformly kind to me as a boy. She called me her good Tubby,
and I liked her so well as to like it. She was indeed the
best-hearted woman in the world, infinitely good to us midshipmen and
the younger lieutenants, or I don't know how we could have stood the
spectacle of our beloved Admiral at the feet of a woman, however
distractingly lovely.
She was at this time distractingly lovely. She was indeed no longer
quite slender; but being of a good height, and her throat and arms
being of an exquisite colour and form, her _embonpoint_ had only the
effect of superb softness and roundness--though her movements were
said to be a little stiff when she was off her guard. She had such an
unwearying spirit, such a fine actress's gift for remembering the part
she was playing, that I never at this period of her life remember
seeing her off her guard in this matter, though I have seen her at
balls and revelling suppers, and in the most awful storm at sea which
it was ever my lot to witness in all my years of service. That any
woman in all the long reign of his late Majesty, the longest in our
English history, had a face of such intoxicating beauty I hardly
believe; its shape and moulding were perfect. In particular the
arching of the brows and the way her lips parted as she smiled were
miracles, and such teeth I never saw both for their colour and the way
they were set. And when she was smiling, with these teeth glittering
like snow, and soft dimples in her lovely cheeks, and kindness rising
from her eyes like the fragrant smoke of incense, she was the most
graciously beautiful piece of womanhood in the wide world. She had,
too, the habit of lightly laying her hand on you as she spoke, or if
you were walking, slipping it a little way through your arm and taking
a few paces with you. And she had a fascinating sense of delight in
her own beauty, without any trace of the arrogance and spoiled child's
pettishness which so frequently accompany it. Indeed, she craved to
have the warm liking of all who came into contact with her. Knowing
now the temptations to which she had been exposed in her bringing up,
and her habit of blindly obeying merely her own instincts in the
matter of right and wrong, I cannot but give her the highest credit
for the constancy and exclusiveness with which she bestowed her heart.
Though she was gracious and had a manner to all, she never loved--she
never showed herself in love with but three men: Mr. Greville (whom I
never saw--but I hear that she gave him all the best of her heart),
Sir William, and the Admiral.
While he was on shore now, she was courier as well as hostess to the
still ailing Admiral. With that immense establishment of the British
Embassy on her hands, no matter what the time of day, or what the
function was that required to be attended, all he had to do was to
take his place beside the smiling beauty, and find himself at the
point where his duties began. She was the centre of life, the ear and
tongue of royal favour at Naples.
A man like the Admiral, so inexhaustible in emergencies, but so prone
to sink back into a low state of vitality between whiles, was more
than ordinarily likely to slip into such an arrangement easily.
Attending state banquets and galas was always peculiarly exhausting to
him, except where he had some diplomatic problem that roused his
energy, or companionship in which he delighted.
By what I knew of the Admiral I do not see that there is anything in
the portion of the Journal above quoted which might not have been
written by him. The sole difficulty is to account for the existence of
such a journal without his trusted Will ever having seen a trace of
it, in his constant personal attendance.