NAPOLEON (intent on his map, but cramming himself mechanically with his
left hand). Don't talk. I'm busy.
GIUSEPPE (with perfect goodhumor). Excellency: I obey.
NAPOLEON. Some red ink.
GIUSEPPE. Alas! excellency, there is none.
NAPOLEON (with Corsican facetiousness). Kill something and bring me its
blood.
GIUSEPPE (grinning). There is nothing but your excellency's horse, the
sentinel, the lady upstairs, and my wife.
NAPOLEON. Kill your wife.
GIUSEPPE. Willingly, your excellency; but unhappily I am not strong
enough. She would kill me.
NAPOLEON. That will do equally well.
GIUSEPPE. Your excellency does me too much honor. (Stretching his hand
toward the flask.) Perhaps some wine will answer your excellency's
purpose.
NAPOLEON (hastily protecting the flask, and becoming quite serious).
Wine! No: that would be waste. You are all the same: waste! waste!
waste! (He marks the map with gravy, using his fork as a pen.) Clear
away. (He finishes his wine; pushes back his chair; and uses his
napkin, stretching his legs and leaning back, but still frowning and
thinking.)
GIUSEPPE (clearing the table and removing the things to a tray on the
sideboard). Every man to his trade, excellency. We innkeepers have
plenty of cheap wine: we think nothing of spilling it. You great
generals have plenty of cheap blood: you think nothing of spilling it.
Is it not so, excellency?
NAPOLEON. Blood costs nothing: wine costs money. (He rises and goes to
the fireplace. )
GIUSEPPE. They say you are careful of everything except human life,
excellency.
NAPOLEON. Human life, my friend, is the only thing that takes care of
itself. (He throws himself at his ease on the couch.)
GIUSEPPE (admiring him). Ah, excellency, what fools we all are beside
you! If I could only find out the secret of your success!
NAPOLEON. You would make yourself Emperor of Italy, eh?
GIUSEPPE. Too troublesome, excellency: I leave all that to you.
Besides, what would become of my inn if I were Emperor? See how you
enjoy looking on at me whilst I keep the inn for you and wait on you!
Well, I shall enjoy looking on at you whilst you become Emperor of
Europe, and govern the country for me. (Whilst he chatters, he takes
the cloth off without removing the map and inkstand, and takes the
corners in his hands and the middle of the edge in his mouth, to fold
it up.)
NAPOLEON. Emperor of Europe, eh? Why only Europe?
GIUSEPPE. Why, indeed? Emperor of the world, excellency! Why not? (He
folds and rolls up the cloth, emphasizing his phrases by the steps of
the process.) One man is like another (fold): one country is like
another (fold): one battle is like another. (At the last fold, he slaps
the cloth on the table and deftly rolls it up, adding, by way of
peroration) Conquer one: conquer all. (He takes the cloth to the
sideboard, and puts it in a drawer.)
NAPOLEON. And govern for all; fight for all; be everybody's servant
under cover of being everybody's master: Giuseppe.
GIUSEPPE (at the sideboard). Excellency.
NAPOLEON. I forbid you to talk to me about myself.
GIUSEPPE (coming to the foot of the couch). Pardon. Your excellency is
so unlike other great men. It is the subject they like best.
NAPOLEON. Well, talk to me about the subject they like next best,
whatever that may be.
GIUSEPPE (unabashed). Willingly, your excellency. Has your excellency
by any chance caught a glimpse of the lady upstairs?
(Napoleon promptly sits up and looks at him with an interest which
entirely justifies the implied epigram.)
NAPOLEON. How old is she?
GIUSEPPE. The right age, excellency.
NAPOLEON. Do you mean seventeen or thirty?
GIUSEPPE. Thirty, excellency.
NAPOLEON. Goodlooking?
GIUSEPPE. I cannot see with your excellency's eyes: every man must
judge that for himself. In my opinion, excellency, a fine figure of a
lady. (Slyly.) Shall I lay the table for her collation here?
NAPOLEON (brusquely, rising). No: lay nothing here until the officer
for whom I am waiting comes back. (He looks at his watch, and takes to
walking to and fro between the fireplace and the vineyard.)
GIUSEPPE (with conviction). Excellency: believe me, he has been
captured by the accursed Austrians. He dare not keep you waiting if he
were at liberty.
NAPOLEON (turning at the edge of the shadow of the veranda). Giuseppe:
if that turns out to be true, it will put me into such a temper that
nothing short of hanging you and your whole household, including the
lady upstairs, will satisfy me.
GIUSEPPE. We are all cheerfully at your excellency's disposal, except
the lady. I cannot answer for her; but no lady could resist you,
General.
NAPOLEON (sourly, resuming his march). Hm! You will never be hanged.
There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
GIUSEPPE (sympathetically). Not the least in the world, excellency: is
there? (Napoleon again looks at his watch, evidently growing anxious.)
Ah, one can see that you are a great man, General: you know how to
wait. If it were a corporal now, or a sub-lieutenant, at the end of
three minutes he would be swearing, fuming, threatening, pulling the
house about our ears.
NAPOLEON. Giuseppe: your flatteries are insufferable. Go and talk
outside. (He sits down again at the table, with his jaws in his hands,
and his elbows propped on the map, poring over it with a troubled
expression.)
GIUSEPPE. Willingly, your excellency. You shall not be disturbed. (He
takes up the tray and prepares to withdraw.)
NAPOLEON. The moment he comes back, send him to me.
GIUSEPPE. Instantaneously, your excellency.
A LADY'S VOICE (calling from some distant part of the inn). Giusep-pe!
(The voice is very musical, and the two final notes make an ascending
interval.)
NAPOLEON (startled). What's that? What's that?
GIUSEPPE (resting the end of his tray on the table and leaning over to
speak the more confidentially). The lady, excellency.
NAPOLEON (absently). Yes. What lady? Whose lady?
GIUSEPPE. The strange lady, excellency.
NAPOLEON. What strange lady?
GIUSEPPE (with a shrug). Who knows? She arrived here half an hour
before you in a hired carriage belonging to the Golden Eagle at
Borghetto. Actually by herself, excellency. No servants. A dressing bag
and a trunk: that is all. The postillion says she left a horse--a
charger, with military trappings, at the Golden Eagle.
NAPOLEON. A woman with a charger! That's extraordinary.
THE LADY'S VOICE (the two final notes now making a peremptory
descending interval). Giuseppe!
NAPOLEON (rising to listen). That's an interesting voice.
GIUSEPPE. She is an interesting lady, excellency. (Calling.) Coming,
lady, coming. (He makes for the inner door.)
NAPOLEON (arresting him with a strong hand on his shoulder). Stop. Let
her come.