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[Illustration: OUR PARTY.]
THE SOCK STORIES,
BY "AUNT FANNY'S" DAUGHTER.
NEIGHBOR NELLY SOCKS:
BEING
THE SIXTH AND LAST BOOK OF THE SERIES.
BY
"AUNT FANNY'S" DAUGHTER,
THE AUTHOR OF "THE LITTLE WHITE ANGEL."
NEW YORK:
LEAVITT & ALLEN, 21 & 23 MERCER ST.
1863.
ENTERED, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1862, by
S. L. BARROW,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States
for the
Southern District of New York.
JOHN F. TROW,
PRINTER, STEREOTYPER, AND ELECTROTYPER,
50 Greene Street, New York.
TO
MY DEAR FATHER,
TO WHOSE KINDLY AND CHARMING WAYS WITH THE
"LITTLE FOLK"
I OWE THE CHARACTER OF "NEIGHBOR OLDBIRD,"
THIS BOOK
IS LOVINGLY DEDICATED.
CONTEXTS OF VOL. VI.
PAGE
NEIGHBOR NELLY. IN THREE STORIES.
1. THE OLD BACHELOR'S STORY, 7
2. THE BIG BOY'S STORY, 45
3. THE FAT GENTLEMAN'S STORY, 86
POSTSCRIPT BY THE OLD BACHELOR, 90
CONCLUSION, 132
NEIGHBOR NELLY.
IN THREE STORIES.
THE OLD BACHELOR'S STORY.
IN the city block where I live, there are just twenty-four houses on the
other side of the street, and twenty-four on this side, six lamp posts,
and eight ailanthus trees in green boxes. Oh, dear me, what a tiresome
row! That's what I thought when I first came to lodge here; for, as I am
an old bachelor, I don't want a whole house to myself; but now, when I
sit at my window and look out at the street, I find no end of things to
amuse and interest me; particularly when the gas is lighted of an
evening, and I can see a little way into the parlors of the opposite
neighbors. I suppose they know that an old bachelor like Josiah Oldbird
can do no harm by looking on at their evening amusements; so they do not
pull the blinds down if they chance to see me, sitting lonely at my
window, and willing to accept such crumbs of their society and happiness
as I can glean over the way.
First, then, is the family at No. 7, three maiden sisters and a bachelor
brother. As I don't in the least know their names, I have dubbed them
the Bluejays, because the three maiden sisters always wear blue merino
gowns in winter, and blue muslin ones in summer; and because they are
all so fond of singing that no family of birds could be more musical.
They have a pet poodle and a pet squirrel, too. The poodle is very fat,
and his hair sticks out so much all over him, that he looks perpetually
astonished, as if he had just seen a spook. He always stands on the
window sill, when the sash is raised of an afternoon, and glares into
the street until he sees the bachelor brother coming. Then he achieves a
series of frantic yells and bounces, until somebody comes to open the
door and lets him out, when he waddles to the front steps to meet his
master, wagging his tail to that tremendous extent, that it looks like
the shuttle of a steam power loom.
The squirrel is slim and sleek, and seems to enjoy life amazingly, he
hops about so. When one of the Miss Bluejays takes him in her arms, he
won't stay there, but gets away, and walks all over her head and
shoulders; and at last runs down her back and disappears.
Then, at No. 11, a very fat gentleman lives with his fat and pretty
wife, and round dumpling of a baby. As I don't know him either, I call
him Mr. Fatty, and he seems to be a "good-natured giant." I saw a little
boy actually stop short to stare at him the other day, when he was
sitting out at his front door--he is such a regular roly-poly of a
gentleman--but he only laughed good-temperedly, and never got vexed in
the least. I don't advise you to try this with all fat gentlemen though;
they might accidentally sit down on a chair--where you were--afterward,
and that would be the last of you. This piece of advice, however, is a
great secret between you and me!
[Illustration]
He is so glad to meet the fat baby when he comes home at night, that I
can see him in the parlor first kissing it almost black and blue, and
then tossing it up in the air until I feel as though its head must come
bump against the ceiling, but it doesn't--and at last, carrying it off
perched on his shoulder, and looking very much perturbed in its spirits.
But the pleasantest neighbors of all live exactly opposite, at No. 9.
They take tea every evening in the back parlor; and as the front window
shades are up, and only the back room lighted, I can always see them at
their cheerful meal. The rooms are furnished in winter with dark red
velvet carpets and furniture; with red damask curtains and red velvet
paper hangings. In summer they put up white curtains, and carpets and
furniture have cool, cream-colored linen coverings, so that the parlors
look cozy and charming at all seasons.
As for the family there is a papa and mamma, of course, and a dear
little girl and boy. The little girl is about ten years old, I should
think, with great, dark-blue eyes, and curling auburn hair. Her cheeks
are as rosy as ripe peaches, and her teeth as white as so many pearls.
Her nose does turn up at the end a little, to be sure; but that is
rather saucy and becoming than otherwise; and she always looks so sweet
tempered, and full of fun, too, when I see her of an evening, that I am
sure she is as good as pie, and as merry as a cricket! Her little
brother, who is a year or two younger, looks very much like her, and
their obedient and pretty behavior at table is something really
beautiful to observe.
It is nearly a year now, since I moved into my lodging at "No. 10," and
began to wonder what No. 9's name was; and now I must make haste and
tell you how, only last June, I became acquainted with these dear little
neighbors of mine.
One pleasant Friday morning, after breakfast, I put on my old-fashioned
beaver hat, and taking my gold-headed cane in one hand and my market
basket in the other, I trotted out to buy something nice for dinner;
for, you see, I am a particular old bachelor, and like to market for
myself.
Just as I was coming down the steps, the door of No. 9 opened, and the
little girl ran down _her_ steps. She looked so bright and pretty in her
cunning round straw hat with the blue ribbons, and white Marseilles
cloak, carrying her satchel of books and lunch basket in her hand, that
I could not help nodding to her. So she nodded to me, and then _I_
nodded again and smiled, and we each walked along on our own side of the
way. When we came to the corner I thought I would cross over and scrape
some more acquaintance with my little neighbor. Now on the side of her
satchel, I saw, when I came near her, was printed in gold letters,
"Nelly Lawson;" so I said, as cheerily as I could, in my old, quavering
voice:
"Good morning, Neighbor Nelly!"
The little maiden looked up in my face in a shy fashion at first; but
when she saw what a mild, gray-headed old bachelor had bade her good
morning, she took courage, and answered, "Good morning, sir."
"So you are going to school this fine day?"
"Yes; I go to school, but brother Jimmy doesn't; he learns at home. I
think he is going next year. Have you got a baby at your house? We
have."
"No," said I, sighing; "I haven't got any baby; I am an old bachelor.
Will you marry me?"
"Oh, I am too little," she replied quite seriously. "You will have to
wait until I grow up to you."
I laughed, and asked her, "Don't you want to go to market with me before
you go to school? There is plenty of time."
"No," replied my little neighbor, firmly; "I can't go anywheres that
mamma does not know of."
"That's right!" I said. "Don't do anything your mother would disapprove.
Well, Neighbor Nelly, since you won't go to market with me, I must go to
school with you; and tell your mother that Neighbor Josiah Oldbird would
like you to take a walk with him to-morrow; will you?"
"Oh yes! that would be real nice!" said my little neighbor with a
joyous skip.
By this time we were walking along hand in hand; and soon, seeing my
little neighbor look in at the window of the candy shop round the corner
from our street, I thought I would take her in and buy her some candy.
So in we marched, Nelly's great blue eyes dancing with pleased
expectation, and stood close by the counter, waiting for our turn to
come. There were a good many people in the candy shop, and we had to
wait some time; so, to amuse ourselves, Neighbor Nelly and I turned
round, and began looking at the funny folks near us.
There was one very fat old country woman, who seemed to be buying
"quarter or pound," as she said, of every kind of candy in the shop. As
soon as the papers were handed to her she began eating out of them, and
before she left, I should think, she had eaten about two pounds of
candy. Besides the old woman, there were a great many little children,
who only wanted a penny's worth each; but they hesitated so long whether
to have "taffie" or "molasses," a lemon-candy horse, or a cinnamon-candy
trumpet, that they were the most troublesome customers of anybody. Then
there were several older boys and girls; some, I am sorry to say,
picking up a loose bit of candy every time the shopman turned away--as
if that were not stealing; and finally, there was Neighbor Nelly and I,
who did none of these things, but just looked on, and waited until the
shopman came to serve us.
I bought some lemon candy, as clear as a bit of yellow glass, and some
pungent cinnamon, and delectable chocolate; and then I popped the papers
into Neighbor Nelly's satchel, and we hurried on to school. We had not
far to go now, and when we came to the house, my little new friend bid
me good-by, and thanked me so sweetly, that I went away quite a happy
old bachelor.
In the evening I was looking out of my window as usual, when I saw the
servant girl come in to light the gas in the back parlor at No. 9, with
Neighbor Nelly and the little brother Jimmy behind her. While she was
setting the tea table, the children came running to the window, and both
nodded and smiled at me. Presently the little boy thrust both hands in
his pockets, and held them up crammed full of candy. "Thank you, Mr. Old
Bachelor!" he shouted; "we like you real well!"
That made me real happy; for I am not a crabbed old bachelor by any
means. In a minute more their father came home; and as they all sat
around the pleasant tea table, I hope they talked of their lonely old
neighbor, who watched them from his window.
The next morning, as I was reading the paper, in came the servant and
gave me the funniest little note! It was addressed on the outside, "To
my neighbor Oldbird," and ran thus:
"MY DEAR NEIGHBOR:
"Mamma says I may take a walk with you this
morning, because you are a good old bachelor.
Jimmy wants to go, and Gipsey. Gipsey is my dog.
He is black and tan, and his tail curls round so,
that papa says you might use it for a cork-screw.
Jimmy and I mean to try some time. Gipsey likes to
be on the seashore, and so does baby. We are going
there next week--to Long Branch. I hope you will
write me a letter when I am gone, and I am
Your affectionate
"NEIGHBOR NELLY.
"Saturday Morning."
You may believe how pleased I was with this dear little note, and I
thought I would answer it. So I sat down at my writing desk, found a
cunning little sheet of paper, with a flag on it, and commenced.
Now I happened to think, at that moment, of some very comical letters
written by the great poet, Tom Hood, to his little friends on the
seashore; and as they were ever so much funnier than anything I could
have written, I copied one of them out, and sent it to my little new
friend.
"MY DEAR NEIGHBOR NELLY:
"I am very glad you are to walk with me, and very
sorry you are going away so soon. Do you like to
be on the seashore? I did, when I was a boy. I
and my brother chucked hundreds of stones into the
sea, when we were there, but we came away before
we could fill it up. Then there is the fun of
finding shiny pebbles and jelly fish on the beach.
I used to think jelly fish were made of
sea-calves' feet, and no flavoring. I suppose the
mermaids eat them at their parties.
"Then there's fishing on the seaside. I used to
catch flat fish sometimes, with a long string
line, it was like swimming a kite. If you go out
in a surf boat, take care it does not "flounder"
and get "squamped," as some people say, instead of
founder and swamped.
"Have you ever been bathed in the sea? I was,
and, dear me! how I kicked and screamed; or, at
least, tried to scream, but the sea, ships and
all, began to run into my mouth, and so I shut it
up. Remember, when you are bathing, if you meet
with a shark, the best way is to bite off his
legs, if you can, before he walks away with yours;
and pray, pray, pray take care of yourself in the
sea, for in some places, they say, it has not even
a bottom to go to.
"Could you bring me a little crab off the beach?
If you would catch one for me, and teach it to
shake hands without nipping and biting, it would
make me quite happy, for I have not had any toys
or playthings in a long time. It would be a good
plan to hire a little crab to teach the baby to
crawl, if he can't walk yet. Bless him! But I must
not write on him any more; he is so soft, and I
have nothing but steel pens.
"Now good-by; give my love to everybody, and my
compliments to all the rest, and believe me, up
hill and down dale,
"Your affectionate neighbor,
"JOSIAH OLDBIRD."
Then I put my letter in a flag envelope, sealed it up tight, and wrote
on it, "To my dear Neighbor Nelly," and had the maid take it to her.
Presently I could see two little figures flitting about in one of the
upper chambers, and soon after all four of us, Nelly, Jimmy, I, and
Gipsey, were in the street. Gipsey was a "toy terrier" that ought to
have belonged to "Commodore Nutt," the dwarf at "Barnum's," and ran
along on three legs most of the time, with the fourth, and his
cork-screw tail elevated in the air for joy at being allowed to join the
party; while the children were all hop, skip, and jump, and kept tight
hold of a hand of mine apiece, as though they were afraid of flying away
if they let go. Meanwhile, I walked quietly along, with my market basket
on my arm, a sober old bachelor. I expect the people who passed us in
the street thought me a rather incongruous addition to such a frisky
party; but then, you know, children _must_ caper about. Bless your
heart! it would never do in the world to see children mincing solemnly
along, like little old men and women; it would be as absurd as to have
my Neighbor Nelly wearing her great-grandmother's coal-scuttle bonnet!
The last idea struck me as so odd, that I drew a little picture of
Neighbor Nelly in this guise when I got home, and here it is. How do you
like it?
[Illustration]
We thought we would go to market first. So we walked slowly down Fourth
Avenue, and crossed over to the market where the Seventh Regiment armory
is, opposite the Cooper Institute.
"My cousin is a Seventh Regimenter!" said Jimmy as we climbed up the
iron steps; "he often let us look on at his company drills last winter,
and afterward Nelly and I drilled in our yard. The big boy who comes to
see the old ladies next door, looked over the fence and laughed at us,
but we didn't care; and we mean to fight for our country like everything
when we are bigger; that is, I mean to, and Nelly would like to, but
she's only a girl, you know."
"Only a girl!" repeated Nelly, tossing her long curls; "girls are a
great deal of use, too; I mended all his stockings and all papa's this
week--think of that, neighbor Oldbird!"
"That was really splendid!" said I; and just then we entered the market.
The very first thing we met was a horrid big dog, that belonged to some
butcher; and, bless me! how he began to show his great rows of teeth,
and growl at Gipsey! Nelly gave a little scream, and tried to hide
behind me; Jimmy valiantly flew at the big dog with my walking stick;
and poor little Gipsey nearly stood on the end of his tail with fright,
and squealed dismally. What a fuss we were all in, to be sure! So at
last, to quiet the disputants, I caught Gipsey up, and put him in my
coat pocket, where he sat, looking out at the top, very much comforted.
Then we turned to the right, and went by the brightest and prettiest
stall in the whole market. It was kept by a Frenchman, who, in his own
language, would be called a "_charcutier_;" but Jimmy and Nell shouted
out together "Oh, there's the _pig man_!" as loud as ever they could,
and then stopped, blushing very much, because they were afraid the pork
merchant heard them. I expect he did; for he looked very funny when we
came close, and smoothing down his snowy apron with his fat hands, said
"Bonjour, mademoiselle!" and laughed good humoredly. There was a great
"head cheese" on the pig man's marble counter, moulded in the shape of a
boar's head. The tusks were made of white carrots, the eyes of red
jelly, and the sides of the dish it was on were beautifully ornamented
with white roses, cut out of turnips, and parsley foliage. Then there
were ever so many pork pies, with the most elegant wreaths of flowers on
the top crust, comical little hams already cooked, and fat dumplings of
sucking pigs, as pink as baby himself!
When we had looked about us a little, we concluded to buy a pork pie of
the pig man; and while that was being nicely packed up in paper, out
popped Gipsey from my pocket, and stood triumphant on the counter, in
the midst of the little pigs and savory pastries. I don't know what
forays he would not have made upon them, if he had not been captured by
the pig man, Jimmy, and me; but he did contrive to jump right into the
very middle of another pork-pie! and then we had to pay for that, too;
and wipe the gravy off Gipsey's feet and the ends of his tail and nose,
and button him up tight in the market basket for half an hour, as a
punishment for his naughtiness. As to the pie we had bought, Jimmy
carried that, and Gipsey cut up so many antics inside the basket, that
he nearly wriggled it out of my hand altogether.
After that we went on, and found, dear me! such a comfortable old market
woman, who sold us a nice little chicken, and some fresh vegetables, and
gave the children each a great handful of cherries; but we had to tell
her to send them home, with our pie, because Gipsey had the basket in
possession.
Then we walked into the street again, and when we had let Gipsey out of
prison, concluded to leave the basket at my baker's, and take a walk in
Broadway. Dear, dear me! what quantities of shop windows there were to
stare into, and how we flattened our three noses, and spread our six
hands all over every one of them, while we admired the splendid picture
books, the stores of sugar plums, or the wonders of toys they contained!
While we were occupied in this way, a little girl, poorly dressed, and
lugging a large bundle of work in both arms, came along, and stopping
beside us at the window of the most splendid toy shop, stood looking
wistfully in.
Neighbor Nelly straightway twitched my hand, and whispered, "Oh look,
Neighbor Oldbird! what a poor little girl! I don't suppose she ever saw
a doll before in her life. How she must wish she had one!"
"Suppose we ask her?" I said.
"Will you ask?" she answered; "I don't like to."
"Nonsense! ask her yourself; she won't eat you, or Gipsey either;" for
Gipsey was sidling away between my feet, as if he were alarmed too; the
saucy scamp!
Thereupon Nelly moved closer to the poor girl, and said, in a kind,
little, timid voice, "Do you like dolls?"
"Yes, very much!" said the child, with a surprised look.
"Oh, so do I!" cried Nelly, rapturously. "I have lots of them at home;
let me see, there's Jenny, and Willie, and old black Nanny, and--" she
stopped short, seeing the other look wistfully at her, and then said,
"Oh, I forgot! you have none, perhaps; would you like to have one?"
"Oh yes, miss!" said the child; "not so much for myself, though, as my
little sister; she is sick, and can't do anything, poor Clara! but I
work, and help my mother!" she added, proudly.
"What does your mother do?" asked Jimmy.
"She makes shirts for the army; and I do all the button holes."
"I can't make a button hole," said Nelly, regretfully.
Here I proposed we should walk into the shop, and after we had looked
all we wanted to at the pretty things, and the children, with screams of
delight, had ridden in turn on a "spring rocking horse," that sent them
flying half way to the top of the glass cases behind the counter, I gave
Jimmy and Nelly each two shillings, and told them to buy whatever the
little girl would like best. The poor little thing's eyes sparkled with
happiness when Nelly bought her the composition doll she chose out of a
heap that were piled in a great basket, gorgeously dressed in pink
mosquito netting, as I thought, but which Nelly informed me was a
"tarletane;" and Jimmy laid out his money on a tiny bowl and pitcher of
sprigged china ware, and an astonished china baby sitting in a bath, and
looking as if it had turned on the hot water, and couldn't turn it off
again.
Then we trundled Gipsey about a little in a wicker wagon we found, and
put him in the patent baby-jumper to take an airing; and at last, when
we had teased him till he barked like one of the toy poodles on the
shelves, we took ourselves off, and sent the poor child on her way
rejoicing.
But it was getting late, and time to trot home, before His Majesty the
Sun roasted us all like so many eggs. Our street is always shady and
cool, it seems to me, and we were glad enough to find ourselves once
more on its pavement. I invited Nelly and Jimmy and Gipsey all to take
lunch with me, and didn't we have fun! We ate the pork pie, and stuffed
Gipsey with lumps of sugar, and discovered a pot of raspberry jam in the
closet, and ornamented ourselves with red rims round our mouths, digging
it out; and sliced, and buttered, and disposed of almost half a loaf of
French bread, and hardly stopped laughing, chattering, and barking a
single minute.
And then, after all this was over, my little neighbors bid me good-by,
and Gipsey barked at me and poked his cold nose into my hand, which
meant "Good-by and thank you," all the same, and the three went home as
merry as crickets.
I could not see much of my little neighbors before they went away the
next Tuesday, but I was invited to take tea at No. 9 the very last
evening; and then, what should I find out but that Nelly's mamma was the
daughter of an old friend of mine whom I had not seen for years! So we
felt quite like relations right away. Just as tea was over, lo and
behold! there was a tremendous hullaballoo on the back piazza, and when
we poked our heads out of the window to see what the matter was, there
was Gipsey high and dry on the back of Miss Bluejay's fat poodle--having
squeezed through the railing which separated the two piazzas--with the
squirrel, which had come to the rescue of his friend, hanging on to his
tail! and all three setting up a squeal of remonstrance. Gipsey's plight
was so extremely well deserved, that we wouldn't go to his rescue; but
at last, with a tremendous twist, he snatched away his cork-screw tail,
and ran to hide himself and his injured feelings under the sofa in the
front room. How we laughed at him! and how Nelly tried to make him come
out and be lump-sugared into good humor, but he wouldn't; so, to make
up, we coaxed the fat poodle, which had been staring in at the
performance and sniffing satisfaction, to sit up and beg for us until we
gave him the lump of sugar. Then Mrs. Lawson sat down to the piano, and
began playing a funny little hornpipe tune that sounded just like a
banjo; and, to our astonishment, the fat poodle developed another
accomplishment; for, getting on his hind legs, he gravely hopped up and
down on the piazza, keeping time to the music, until we nearly died of
laughter.
You may fancy, after all these comical doings, that we managed to spend
a merry evening, and when I at last bid my neighbors good night, it was
no longer with the feeling that I was a lonely old bachelor.
I did find the street pretty lonely though, after they had gone, next
day, with two great big trunks strapped on behind the carriage, a
middling sized trunk hoisted up in front, and several small carpet bags,
and tiny tawny bundles and baskets in every place where room could be
found. I fancy Gipsey was in one of the baskets, by the way it bounced
and wriggled about in Neighbor Nelly's lap; but I don't know; I only saw
it from my window, whence I waved an adieu to them as they rolled away.
A few days after they had gone, I thought I would amuse myself, in their
absence, by trying to find out if any of the other neighbors knew
anything about my neighbor, Nelly. I succeeded in learning what two of
them knew, and they shall tell it for themselves in the stories that
follow, and which I have written out. And now, if any other dear little
children have been pleased with me, in what I have told of my walks and
talks with Neighbor Nelly, just let them come to No. 10, and meet the
hearty greeting and loving welcome of the
OLD BACHELOR!
THE BIG BOY'S STORY.
YOU want me to tell you what I know about the pretty little girl next
door? Well, I'm ready to begin, if you won't mind my talk; I'm only a
boy, you know, and can't use fine words--that's all humbug.
My name is Tom Halstead. I am nephew to the Miss Brandlaws, who live at
No. 7. The idea of calling my darling old friskies "The Bluejays!" (If
you don't give me that Australian post stamp I saw in your desk, I'll
tell 'em, too!) However, to go on with my story.
One morning last winter, just at the end of the Christmas holidays,
while I was on a visit there, I didn't know what on earth to do with
myself. So I caught Poddles (that's the poodle), dressed him up in Aunt
Elsie's nightcap, tied a life preserver round him, and put him in the
portable shower-bath, just for fun; it didn't hurt him a bit, and--would
you believe it? the hateful thing hopped out, squealing murder, shook
himself all over the carpet, scratched off the nightcap, and danced
round the room with it in a fury, till it was in perfect rags.
Up rushed Aunt Elsie, and was so horrified when she saw the carpet and
her cap in such a mess, and "darling doggie" all "wetsey-petsey," that
she locked me up in my room for the rest of the day on bread and water!
and there was gingerbread, with raisins in it, baking down stairs!!
Horrid!!!
Of course I couldn't spend my time sucking my thumbs; so, like a
sensible fellow, I set myself to find some better employment, and soon a
grand idea came into my head. I had just finished reading a jolly
old-fashioned novel I found in Uncle Herbert's room, called "The Castle
Spectre: a Tale of Spain;" where a goose of a lover, such a spooney! had
scrambled down from the top of a castle, hanging on to his bedclothes.
_Now_, don't you see it? Perhaps not, so I'll explain.
My bedroom is the third floor, back room, always; and you know that
piazza at the back of the house? Well, what did I do, but twitch off
_my_ bedcover--nice white one it was, too--tie it to the bedpost, and
let the end hang out of the window. Then I scrambled out, and slid down
the wall like a streak of lightning! You can't think what jolly fun it
was!
There was lots of amusement in the yard; twelve cats on the fence to
plague, and no end of snow to make balls and pelt the cook with; beside,
the gingerbread was just baked, and I got a _brown corner_! So! there!
while I was eating it, and it was so hot that it almost sizzled, all at
once I heard a lot of noise in the next yard. Some boys seemed to be
having a drill there; so I ran up the steps leading from the piazza to
the ground, and looked over the fence. But lor now! what do you think?
one of the boys was a girl! She had on long india-rubber boots, and I
called out, "Go it, Boots!"
Then the little boy that was with her, who seemed to be her brother,
looked so mad at me! and, really and truly, I couldn't help plaguing
them a little. I know you think I was real mean; but if you had seen how
funny they looked, in paper cocked hats, with turkey tails for feathers,
and the little boy thumping a big tin saucepan for a drum, you would
have laughed, too; so you needn't look so provoked, Neighbor Oldbird!
"Gee up, awkward squad!" I said; "double quick halt on the right flank!
Ha-ahup!"
But the little girl only laughed good humoredly, and said: "Jimmy and I
belong to the Seventh Regiment, and drill in the last fashion. Don't you
want to come and learn the Lefferts Tactics?"
Wasn't she a nice little thing! Never got mad or anything, but just gave
me back as good as I sent. I declare, I fell right smack in love with
her that minute, and I don't care a fig now for the girl I met in
dancing school, upon my word I don't; so I rushed back into the
kitchen, coaxed the cook to give me two more hunks of gingerbread, and
called out, "Won't you have some cake?"
They came running up on the piazza like lamplighters; and while they
were eating the gingerbread, _I_ was eating something I got especially
for myself at the same time. Did you ever try it? You have a great big
sour apple, as cold as it can be, and a tremendous pickled pepper, as
hot as it can be; then you take first a bite of the pepper, and nearly
burn all the skin off your throat, and then a bite of the apple to cool
it again; and so on. It's gorgeous, I tell you!
Presently the little boy (whose name, as I said, was Jimmy), stopped
his eating to ask me, "Do you live in New York?"
"No, I live at White Plains. I go to the Military Academy there; don't
you want me to show you some drill?"
"Oh, Cousin Charley is going to teach us some time. He belongs to the
Seventh Regiment. We love to be soldiers, though, and we know a boy,
Freddy Jourdain his name is, who got up a whole regiment, and has
parades, and went into camp, and everything."
"We have a camp at White Plains," I told them. "Do you ever go there in
summer, Miss----" here I stopped, rather awkwardly, not knowing what her
name was.
"Oh, I'm not 'Miss' anybody;" she said; "I'm Nelly; but we go to the
seashore in summer 'most always."
"Can't you dress up in your uniform, and show us how you look at
school?" said Jimmy.
"Yes, if you like;" here I remembered that the key of my room was in
Aunt Elsie's pocket, and had to say, "but I can't get into my room now;
I was locked in, and Aunt Elsie has the key."
"How do you come to be here, then?" said Nelly; "why, dear me, just look
at the counterpane hanging out of the window; how funny!"
"Why, that's the way I got out!" I said; and so I told them all about
"The Castle Spectre," and "Lord Alonzo Algernon" Spooneyman, and we got
into such a perfect _gig_ of laughter, that we nearly rode off in it!
(Now, don't say that's not a good joke, or I'll not tell another word of
my story.)
Just then out came Poddles, looking as surprised as ever; and Nelly
exclaimed, "Oh, there's that funny old dog! what do you call him?"
"His name is Poddles!" said I; "_I_ christened him."
"What a queer name!" said Jimmy; "let's take him into our house and see
what Gipsey and he will do!"
"Good!" said I. So, without remembering that plaguey white spread, I cut
over the piazza railings with Poddles under one arm, and we all three
rushed up stairs together.
They had such a famous play room, with a splendid swing, and a
teetertorter, and ten-pins, and I don't know what beside; and there was
the nattiest little dog! but you know him, that "toy-terrier" of theirs.
Poddles looked a greater fright than ever beside him; so, to pay him
off, we put that wretched Pod into a basket, tied it fast to the swing,
and swung him up to the ceiling. It frightened him half to death, and
serve him right, for being so ugly! after which he and Gipsey went to
sleep in a big rocking chair, as friendly as possible. Then I gave Nelly
a splendid swing, "ran under," and cracked my cocoanut three times,
beside making my arms ache like everything; but I didn't care, she was
such a dear little thing.
Afterward Jimmy went and got a great plateful of rosy apples; and just
as we were eating them, and having such fun, up came one of our girls,
and said that "Miss Brandlaw wanted Master Tom right home!" Wasn't it
hateful? But, of course, I had to go; so I bundled Poddles under my arm
again, bid them good-by, and walked off with Mary; but I poked her ribs
and set Poddles at her all the way, which was some comfort.
I expected a scolding when I came home, and I didn't have one--oh no!
Aunt Elsie wanted to know where I thought I should die when I went
to--(no, I believe it was the other way, but never mind)--if I hung
best bed spreads out of the window, and left my room without permission?
besides informing me that she should write to ma', and have me sent for.
Finally, she marched me up stairs again; and when I said I _must_ have
something to do to keep me out of mischief, she gave me a Sunday school
book to read, and took herself off.
Of course you will say I was dreadfully wicked not to like the Sunday
school book, but I couldn't. It was so full of hard names and long
words, and was all about sanctification and justification and
regeneration, and how was I to understand a word of it? I love Bible
stories, but I don't think there is a boy or girl who _understands hard
doctrines_. Do you, Neighbor Oldbird?
I pretty soon gave up that employment, and amused myself instead with
pelting the cats on the fence with a few marbles, and trying on my
uniform, to see how I looked in it; until Aunt Elsie relented, I
suppose, for she came up and asked me through the keyhole if I was
sorry, and wouldn't do any more. You can fancy what my answer was, and
after dinner I got permission to go out and play on the sidewalk.
Neighbor Nelly and Jimmy joined me there pretty soon, and we had such
fun playing "tag" and driving hoop. It wasn't hoop _time_, to be sure,
but that was no matter. Then, when we were tired of that, we all sat
down together on the upper step of No. 9, and began talking about their
school and mine, and what we learned.
"Do you ever learn pieces of poetry?" asked Nelly. "My teacher, Miss
Backboard, always gives the girls each a piece of poetry every Friday;
so we call that poetry day."
"I used to learn pieces too," I said; "but I don't care much for poetry
unless it's funny."
"Tell us a funny piece," said Jimmy.
"Ah yes, do!" added Nelly; and, of course, when a _lady_ asked me I had
to, though I felt pretty bashful; so I began.
A DAY OF MISHAPS.
(AS TOLD BY BOBBY BREAKWINDOW, A SCHOOLBOY.)
[Illustration]
[Illustration: BOBBY AND ROVER.]
[Illustration]
Oh dear! was there ever anybody so unlucky as I am,
From General ----, who lost that battle t'other day,
all the way back to Priam!
Come, sit down--do, and let me tell you all about it,
and what's the matter;
Perhaps it will do me good to have a nice, comfortable,
miserable chatter.
To begin, then. This morning I woke, and thought I was
up with the sun.
So never hurried myself; but dressed slow, and came down,
to find breakfast all done,
And nothing left for me but one cold slapjack, and all
the chicken gone,
Unless, to be sure, I could have eaten the drumsticks,
and one perfectly clean breast bone!
And, of course, I had to make haste, for it was nine
o'clock and after,
And the master had offered a prize to the earliest boy--and
here was I beaten by even lazy Tommy Shafter!
But it was no use to fret, so I snatched up my satchel, and
would have been off in a minute,
When lo and behold! my geography was gone; and though we hunted
the house, it was plain it wasn't in it,
Till at last I remembered that yesterday I had gone after school
to the dog pound,
And then been fishing with Fred Lee; so, probably, it was at the
bottom of the frog pond!
Well, off to school I went, and came in after every schoolmate;
So, to pay me off, the schoolmaster and all the boys called me
Bobby Toolate!
But that wasn't all; for the class was just up for spelling,
And I didn't know the lesson, and Tommy Shafter prompted me to
spell boots _butes_; and that's all I got for telling,
Besides going to the foot of the class, and having to get the
lesson over;
I tell you what! a hand-organ monkey's life, compared to a
schoolboy's, is perfect rolling in clover!
And I wish I was a monkey, if I did get beaten--yes, that I do--
In a red coat all over spangles, and blue trowsers, and a long
tail behind to come through!
Well, thank goodness, it's over; but that's not the half of my
pother;
For the very minute I got out of school, Tommy Shafter began
to plague and bother,
And wanted me to ride on the gate with him that goes in to his
grandfather Chowser's;
So I did; but there's spikes on the top of that gate; and,
confound it, I went to work and tore my trowsers!
Just then along came Miss Kitty Snow, and didn't I look dashing,
And that hateful Tommy Shafter bawled out "How are you, trowsers?"
and jumped down and walked off with her; but just see if I
don't give him a thrashing!
To pay him off for what he did and more too; for, when I came home
weeping and wailing,
Pa boxed my ears, and said I was such a bad boy I shouldn't go
with him now out sailing;
So I had the pleasure of seeing the rockaway drive up to the door,
And pa and ma getting in, and sister Tilly, and brother Sam, and
ever so many more,
All looking so happy and gay, and not caring a bit for poor Bobby,
Just as if I _wanted_ to get into scrapes, and mischief and
bad conduct were quite my hobby!
Then off they whirled; and as I was left alone, I thought I might
as well be up and doing.
Oh, good gracious, why didn't I sit still? but how could I tell
what was brewing?
So I went to the stable to see our big dog Rover, and thought
I would take him out with me;
When, just as I had slipped his chain, he broke loose, and ran,
I don't know where! and, I'm sure, pa will never forgive me!
For he thought so much of Rover. Oh, dear me, what shall I do?
If it would be any use in the world, I really think I should begin
to boohoo!
The stable boy told me not to take him; but I should like to see
myself minding him _rather_;
And of course, out of revenge, he'll just go and make the worst
of it to father.
Well, one would think that was enough; but when I came back to
the house, oh jolly!
There was our big cat just making a spring at sister Tilda's
pretty polly!
And in my haste to save the bird I threw the poker at the cat
and killed her!
And got myself in for a scolding from ma, and no great thanks
from Tilda.
It's six o'clock now; so, I suppose, they'll soon be home as
cross as any Tartar,
To give it to me for being such a bad boy, though I'm sure
I'm a regular martyr;
Don't you think so now, after all that I've just been telling?
No breakfast, no geography, late at school, tore my trowsers,
kept at home, lost the dog, killed the cat, and didn't know
my spelling!
I think the best thing I can do is to go to bed, put my head
under the clothes,
And in a good, comfortable sleep try to forget all my sorrows
and my woes;
But you may be sure, after this, I shall not neglect to take
warning,
And begin to-morrow all right, without any sort of fail, by
getting up early in the morning!
"There!" said I, when I had finished, and it quite wore my tongue thin
to repeat such a long piece of poetry. "What do you think of _that_ for
a story?"
"I think it is real funny," said Nelly, laughing; "I wish I knew
something to tell."
"I can say a funny piece!" shouted Jimmy.
"Well, say it, then," we two--Nelly and I--put in.
Up he jumped right off, struck a funny attitude, and began:
"The boy stood on the burning deck,
Peeling potatoes by the peck!
The flames rolled on and scorched his shins,
As he stood peeling potato skins!
'Oh pa'!' he cried, 'the flames is hot,
Come, put the potatoes in the pot!'
But his father, alas! ne'er came to sup,
So the flames rolled on and frizzled him up!"
"Did you ever hear anything so ridiculous as that?" cried Nelly. "Poor
Casabianca! I used to cry over him dreadfully; but I shall never think
of him now without laughing. Where did you learn that, Jimmy?"
"Oh, Harry Agnew told it to me; he said he repeated it one day in
school, when the master asked him if he could say a piece of poetry, and
everybody burst out laughing. The master laughed too; so he couldn't put
anybody down for a bad mark, though Harry was afraid he would."
"That was almost equal to the trick we played at school," said I. "We
wanted the doctor to give us a holiday, but he didn't seem to see it; so
when we were called up for our reading after recess, we were told to
read Montgomery's poem called 'Questions to Birds and their Answers.'
One of the verses is about the swallow, and reads thus:
"'Swallow, why homeward turned thy joyful wing?'
'In a far land I heard the voice of spring;
I found myself that moment on the way,
My wings, my wings, they had not power to stay.'
--but we changed it as though the doctor was asking us a question and we
were answering--this way:
"'Boys! why are you forever on the wing,
Wanting a holiday for everything?'
'From you we are so glad to get away,
Our legs, our legs, they will not let us stay.'"
How we all laughed over this; it was real true, too; and pretty soon
after, as it was getting dark, I bid them good-by and ran home.
Next morning, what should Aunt Elsie and Aunt Ruth (Aunt Priscilla was
away on a visit) take into their heads, but that they hadn't had any fun
house-cleaning--(I suppose they must think it's fun, or they wouldn't do
it so often)--for ever so long; so nothing would suit them but to set
the whole house in an uproar as quick as possible. Of course, I was in
the way, whether I stayed in the garret or the kitchen; knocked down
three pails and a scrubbing brush every time I went down stairs, nearly
drowned Poddles in hot soapsuds, splashed myself all over with whitewash
trying to "do" the kitchen ceiling (on my own account, when nobody was
by), until I looked as if I had been out in a snowstorm, and watering
the windows outside with the long hosepipe, until every one of them was
dripping _inside_ like a waterfall.
Now, Neighbor Nelly and Jimmy had been looking out of their parlor
window, and advising me which were the best parts of our windows to play
on, when, all of a sudden, Nelly said:
"Why, Tom, it doesn't half clean the panes to do them that way; they
ought to be washed with soap and hot water. Suppose we try it? Only
think!" she went on, "how much your aunties would be obliged to us if we
were to find out a new way to make windows clean, ever so much better
than the old one!"
"Splendid!" said I and Jimmy together. "Come, let's try it right away!"
With that, Nelly and Jimmy came into our house, and into the front
basement; Aunt Elsie and Aunt Ruth were both up stairs; so we had the
two lower stories all to ourselves.
As Nelly was afraid of spoiling her frock, I dived into the cook's
dresser drawer, where she keeps her own table covers and clean dish
cloths, and fished out a great big brown roller-towel, which we pinned
round her neck, making her look in front as if she was tied up in a
potato sack, with only her head left out. Then Jimmy and I took off our
nice jackets, rolled up our shirt sleeves, lugged in three big yellow
dishes full of hot water, spilling plenty on the way, found a long bar
of brown soap, and helped ourselves to three more of Bridget's clean
towels; and then we all three began scrubbing away at the windows!
Such fun as we had! We put on the greatest lot of soap, and paid away
with both hands, so as to make them good and _clean_, laughing and
talking all the time; and when we thought the water had been used
enough, or, rather when it was nearly all spilt, we took up our yellow
bowls and marched into the kitchen for more.
Our boiler, you must know, is a tin affair, like a large soup kettle
without the handle, and has a faucet in front to draw the water off. We
put it on the middle of the range, and keep it always full and boiling;
and now, instead of filling our dishes right away, we began playing the
kitchen was a steamboat, and the water heater the boiler, just ready to
burst; so, of course, it was necessary to let off steam, which we did by
drawing a little water at a time from the faucet into one of our yellow
dishes, and tilting it back again as soon as the dish was full, beside
"tooting," as loud as we could, to represent the commotion going on to
perfection. We were soon so busy over this, that we forgot all about
the front basement windows for ever so long, until we heard Aunt Elsie
calling out, "Tom! Tom! where are you?"
"Here I am, Aunt Elsie! come right along! Here we all are, washing the
windows for you as nice as anything!"
Down marched Aunt Elsie, short order; and the minute she came into the
basement we heard her give an "O----h!" about a quarter of a mile long.
We all rushed to ask what was the matter; and such a pickle as the
windows were in you never did see. The soap was in streaks, and smears,
and lumps all over the panes, making them look as if somebody had spilt
a lot of hasty pudding on them, and it had stuck fast. Of course, as we
left them so long, the soap had hardened on; and poor Nelly, frightened
half out of her wits, began to cry. That put me up, I can tell you; I
was determined Aunt Elsie shouldn't scold her; so I begged her not to be
angry with anybody but me, for it wasn't their fault at all.
"And I must say you are old enough to know better, Tom," said my aunt,
looking at me reproachfully over the tops of her spectacles; "and as a
punishment, you must get all the soap off the window before you have any
dinner. The children had better go home."
But now, what do you think that darling of a Nelly, and Jimmy did? They
declared I shouldn't do it all alone by myself, but they would stay and
help me; so, after Aunt Elsie had been coaxed to let us, we filled our
dishes again, and went to work as busy as bees. It was pretty hard work
getting the soap off, but we made a joke of it, and by the time the
windows were fairly polished up, as bright as new pins, we were in a
perfect frolic. I expect Nelly's bright eyes had something to do with
it, for Aunt Elsie, after we had finished, and come shouting to her with
our faces as red as fire, and considerable brown soap on us in spots,
said, "we were famous workpeople," and gave us New Year's cookies, and
almonds, and raisins for lunch. I had a Philopoena among my nuts,
which I ate with Nelly; and pretty soon after they went home.
I did hope she would catch me on the Philopoena, because I had
something that I meant to give her all along; and this would be a famous
chance. It was a nest of little boxes, made of plaid papier-mache, about
a dozen, one inside the other; and when you came to the very last, and
had opened that, there was a gold thimble and scissors, and a little
gold bodkin, a needlecase full of tiny needles, and a puncher, just big
enough for the queen of the fairies; I won it at a raffle on Christmas
Eve, and kept it to give to some little girl, for, of course, it wasn't
any use to me; what could I do with a thimble and needles? Sure enough,
when I looked out of the back parlor window next morning, Neighbor Nelly
looked out of _her_ window, said with a saucy smile, "Good morning, Mr.
Tom--Philopoena!" and popped back again.
"Good!" I said. So, after breakfast, I asked Aunt Elsie for a nice sheet
of paper and a new pen, and then I ran up to my own room, and sat down
to write a little note to my neighbor. I'm sure, that showed how much I
liked her, if anything could, for I'd rather do a sum in compound
fractions, or a French exercise, than write a note. It quite gives me
the toothache; but at last I wrote something very pretty, as, I'm sure,
you will say when I repeat it to you. This is what I said:
"MY DEAR MISS NELLY:
"I hope you will accept the little present I send
you for a Philopoena, because I like you very
much. I am real glad you caught me, for perhaps
this will remind you of me when I go back to
school. I hope the needles will sew all the holes
in your clothes, that the thimble will keep you
from pricking your pretty little finger, and that
"If you loves I as I loves you,
The scissors won't cut our love in two.
"Good-by.
"From your affectionate friend
"TOM."
Then I packed up the boxes and the letter in nice white paper, and
coaxed Mary to take it in right away; and you can't tell how many
pretty, smiling thanks I had in return.
But you think I am making my story too long, Neighbor Oldbird? Well,
perhaps I am, but there seems to be so much to tell about Nelly, and the
nice times we had together, that I don't know when to stop. I am 'most
through now.
The day I sent her the Philopoena present was the last of my stay in
town; and after I had packed up my clothes ready to start (with a
gorgeous plum cake and two jars of raspberry jam in a box, which my dear
old Friskies gave me,--they always do make everything of me, in spite of
their lectures), I went to Uncle Herbert's room to bid him good-by, for
I knew I should not see him again before I started, and he made me the
best present of all. It was a dear little watch and chain; for he said,
as I was nearly fifteen, I was quite old enough to take care of one.
Wasn't that kind of him?
Well, dear me, I don't want to say good-by a bit, and I did not then;
but, of course, it had to come, and I shook hands with my dear little
friends, only wishing to goodness that I lived in New York.