[Illustration: OLD AND NEW.
"Think of the glorious Mottoes," said a Major of the old school.
"'_Nil Desperandum_,' 'Death or Victory,' 'England Expects,' and so
forth!" Replied his friend, the modern Captain, "Bother your Mottoes!
Give us the 'Maxims'!"]
* * * * *
"Flibbertigibbet."
The fiend that now urges to--pen flippant novels
Is modern _Poor Tom's_ modish _Modo_,[*]
The work that in cynical worldliness grovels
Will soon be extinct as the Dodo!
[Footnote *: See _King Lear_.]
* * * * *
"HISTORY (NEARLY) REPEATS ITSELF."
(_A Peep into the Future._)
There was a general strike. The playing fields were deserted, and
trade was at a standstill. Not a cricket-ball or a foot-ball had
been made for months, and the lawn-tennis industry was paralyzed. The
papers of the day urged the Government to intervene. "After all, it
was only a matter of figures. Surely a compromise might be reached.
If players would only meet payers, all would be well." So a Cabinet
Council was held, and the most popular Member of the Ministry was
selected as arbitrator. The name was well-received by both sides, and
all seemed _en train_ for a satisfactory settlement.
"We must have a proper salary," said a representative of the foot-ball
profession: "if we don't, we shall have to give it up, and take to
soldiering, doctoring, brief-accepting, and the rest of it."
There was a murmur of disapproval at this suggestion. Was foot-ball
to perish because its professors could not get a "living wage"? No, a
thousand times no!
Then the Minister suggested that he had better hear the complaints of
the men, the women, and the children. So the cricketers, the golfers,
the polo-players, and the lovers of lawn-tennis spoke at length.
"And what may you want young lady?" asked the arbitrator, with a
smile.
"I must be paid for taking my doll for a walk," replied a small girl
of six or seven. "I have to keep the toy perambulator in repair, and
when Rose falls on her nose, I have to get her face replaced. How am
I to bear these expenses if I receive nothing? It is impossible,
unreasonable!"
"And I, too," cried a schoolboy. "How can I trundle my hoop or play at
marbles if I am not allowed something for my time?"
And there were other complaints. Everyone wanted a wage, and the cries
for salaries waxed louder and louder.
Then the Minister asked for a few minutes' grace, and began writing.
After he had finished his despatch, he put it in an envelope, and
requested someone to read it when he had taken his departure. Then he
went away.
"Dear me!" said the person to whom the despatch had been entrusted.
"This is highly unsatisfactory. I find the arbitrator has resigned
without making an award, and has left the matter in the hands of Lord
ROSEBERY."
Then there was a cry of sorrow. For it was known that as Lord ROSEBERY
had had quite enough of conflicts between capital and labour, he would
certainly refuse to be dragged into another quarrel.
So the war went on between players and payers, and "Merrie England"
became a byword of reproach in the comity of nations.
* * * * *
[Illustration: Popular Idea of the Costume of a Member of the Bar on
"Grand Day."]
* * * * *