I've had a Puzzel put into my hands by a heminent Common Councilman
which has puzzeld me orfully, but which he says is as plane as the
hobjects of a County Counsellor. It is as follows:--
"Amalgamation is Wexation,
Unefecation is as Bad,
The Royal Commission puzzels me,
And their practises drives me Mad!"
In course the hole thing is a Commondrum to a pore Waiter like me; but
my frend tells me that it all means, that as the City Copperation is
the popularest body in all the hole Country, and the London County
Counsel about the most unpopularest, as they are allers a hinterfering
unnessasarily with the comforts and amusements of some class or other
of the peeple, they acshally has the hordasity to propose that the
grand old Copperation shoud be abolished altogether, and ancient
Gildhall and the honored Manshun House, with all their sacred
contents, handed over to the County Counsellors! and that in future
there shoud be no reel City of London, but that all the hole place,
with its five millions of peeple, shoud be muddled up together, and
put under the loving care of the London County Counsel!
Well, I do happen to have a pretty large acquaintance one way and
another, and I wentures to say, most truthfully, that I haven't come
across one singel one on 'em but what has ether amost bust hisself
with larfter, or amost screamed hisself hoarse with hindignation, when
I have told him my almost unposserbel tail!
I did wenture to ask the Common Councilman, the other day, whether he
reelly thort as there was any possibility of such a hideous skeme a
being carried out, when we all knowd what a splendid caracter the
old Copperation had borne for ages past for Generossity, for
Horsepitallerty, and for Eddication. His arnser was, "My dear ROBERT,
we lives in sitch rum times that one hesitates to say that any
habsurdity is impossible, but the great trust of all of us is, that
should things get to the werry worst, and ewen the House of Commons
throw us over--tho I have heard their great Leader himself declare, in
Gildhall itself, that the history of the City Copperation reflected an
amount of credit upon those who had governed it for generations that
it would be differcult to surpass--the same nobel and hindependent
Body as only a few munse ago saved the country from disruption, and
thereby raised themselves greatly in the estimation of all thinking
men, would again step forward and save the grate Capital from such a
ridickulus, and contemtible, and silly absurditty as was never equaled
in the history of the world!"
Ah, well, these was nice comforting words for me to hear, and sent me
about my ofishal dooties with quite renewed wiggour, and when shortly
afterwards I wentured to repeat them to one of the most importantest
of our gests, he turned round and acshally shook my hand, and
exclaimed, "Ah, my good ROBERT, we may trust to them, for many and
many a time have I heard some of our gratest men exclaim, 'Thank God
we have a House of Lords!'"