(_Post-mark, Regent's Park_.)
Shall be glad to engage you for the Gardens. You will be expected to
look after the elephants and to make yourself generally useful with
the lions and tigers. As the Christmas holidays are approaching,
perhaps you might invent a little comic scene with the crocodiles. A
similar feature was supplied years ago by the French sailor in charge
of the seals with much effect. Of course we shall be glad if your
knowledge of the idiosyncrasies of the ourang-outang enables you
to suggest anything that could be worked up into a comic interlude.
Please bear in mind that the Gardens want waking up, and you have
a big opportunity. You would have Sunday off every other week. The
Gardens would reserve to themselves the right of regulating your
costume. Your boots and straw-hat may be ample in Africa, but in
the Regent's Park would be considered inappropriate. We think we can
clothe you in the very thing, if we can find a size large enough for
you. It is called "the boy's home-for-the-holidays lounging suit," and
is largely advertised. Shall expect you by next boat.
(_Post-mark, Westminster_). Glad to engage you for a month certain,
with power to increase the time to six weeks or longer. Could you
bring with you a pugilistic hippopotamus? It must be a young one, as
there is not much room for any side-shows. If you can jump, and don't
mind water, so much the better. If you would leap from the
organ-loft into a tank on to the stage, carrying on your back the
boxing-kangaroo, the feat might be accepted, and prove a feature.
Think this over on the journey to England. Perhaps something may
occur to you. If so, mind that we are deeply respected, and are highly
popular with the L. C. C. So please let your suggestions be as refined
as possible.
(_Post-mark, Paternoster Row_). Shall be glad to arrange with you for
the immediate production of your Recollections. Would be glad if they
were written in a bright, chatty style. You might give an account
of your connection with literary celebrities, torturers, scientific
expeditions, executions, sport in the far East, native war, and other
topics of interest that may have come under your personal observation.
If you could write up to some electros we have of a comic German
Christmas party so much the better. As the success of the book is
doubtful, we do not wish to incur unnecessary expense, and therefore
would be glad if you could see your way to introducing the following
blocks, of which we hold the copyright:--Covent Garden by Moonlight,
A Spanish Bull Fight, An Execution in front of the Old Bailey, A
Students' Ball in the Quartier Latin, H.R.H. opening a Newly-erected
Board-School, Snipe Shooting on the Norfolk Broads, Christmas in
a Storm at Sea, Hampstead Heath on Bank Holiday, Portrait of JOHN
WESLEY, A Lecture on Chemistry at the Royal Polytechnic Institution,
Exterior of the new Police Court at Bow Street, An Incident in the
Lord Mayor's Show, "Oxford wins," VAN TROMP sailing up the Thames,
Paris Fashions for February, Christmas Eve--the Last Omnibus, Hop
Pickers on the March, The new Uniform of the Grenadier Guards, and the
late Fire at the Borough Brewery. We shall be glad if you will put the
book in hand at once, as it is scarcely necessary to say that the
sale of a work of reminiscences depends to a large extent upon the
popularity of its author at the moment of publication. Terms, after
the sale of 5000 copies, one penny a volume royalty.
(_Post-mark, Drury Lane._) Engage you at once for ten years. Probably
shall not require you for more than three or four months, but shall
retain you for the rest of the time. May come in useful later on.
Place waiting for you in the Pantomime. Minute and a half in English
History in twenty minutes. Also comic scene with the Clown. The
engagement must have clause allowing transference. Can find places for
your wives (if they are really nice ones) in the Transformation Scene.
If you can imitate the cries &c., of wild beasts, &c., think I can get
you a turn at the Palace. Writing a first-rate part for you in Autumn
drama. A sort of gentlemanly demon, who appears in the West End during
the first and third Acts, and in the last scene, appears in national
costume with a real army and the whole bag of tricks. Bring as many of
your army with you as you can. Can find something for them to do until
the production of the Autumn drama. Collect a good lot of assegais and
other useful props. May see way to working you into the Opera season.
If you can sing, can give you a show at a concert. Might do for German
series. Terms as per usual. Special arrangement if wanted at Windsor.
Come over at once. On second thoughts, remain where you are. Will run
over to have a chat. Third, and last thought, come over yourself. Find
myself, with my engagements, just now a little pressed for time. _Au
revoir!_
* * * * *
[Illustration: A NOVELTY.
_Mr. Cylinder_ (_who always uses his Host's cartridges_). "WHAT POWDER
ARE THESE LOADED WITH, MY BOY?"
_Beater._ "AR DOAN'T RIGHTLY KNOW; BUT AR THINK THEY CALLS IT SERDLITZ
POODER!"]
* * * * *
Coal and Wood.
["_That a Board of Conciliation be constituted forthwith, to
last for one year at least, consisting of an equal number
of coalowners and miners' representatives, fourteen of
each_."--_Terms of the Collieries Strike Conference._]
Hooray for happy harmony so readily restored!
Thanks chiefly to young ROSEBERY, that shrewd and genial lord.
And _Mr. Punch_ is thankful, for such strikes we can't afford,
That in the Labour _platform_ the newest _plank_'s a _Board_!
* * * * *