THE TWINS
The twins went fortune-seeking in a more complaisant way. They were big
and hardy and the world had no real terrors for them. As twins should
go, they fared forth together in quest of the road to wealth. They had
been told that it lay toward the West and that it grew broader as one
drew nearer the land of the setting sun. The West was the place for
young men with ambitions. That expression had been ding-donged into
their ears by college mates from Los Angeles and Seattle ever since
they had learned that these two towns were something more than mere
dots on the map.
They had heard so much of the two cities that they decided to try Omaha
or some other place of that character before definitely putting their
strength against the incomprehensibly sagacious gentlemen who were
responsible for the supremacy of Seattle and Los Angeles over all other
towns on the continent.
As was their wont, they went about the thing casually and without
worry. They could not buckle down to work until after the wedding of a
friend in Chicago, a classmate at college. He had asked them to act as
ushers. The twins were especially well-qualified to serve as ushers.
Since graduating they had performed that service for no fewer than
twenty members of the class and were past-masters at the trade. It was
only fair and right that they should usher for old Charley Whistler,
although the name was not quite as familiar as it ought to have been.
They couldn't quite place him, but so long as he had done them the
honour to ask them to take part in his wedding, they were reasonably
secure in the belief that he was all right. Before leaving New York,
they spent several hundred dollars on a joint wedding present, a habit
acquired when they first came out of college and which clung to them
through many marriages, no doubt because of the popularity of the
phrase: "Know all men by these presents, etc."
They were somewhat surprised on reaching Chicago to learn that Charley
Whistler did not live there at all, but in W----, a thriving city not
far removed from the Illinois metropolis. They could not have been
expected to know that dear old Charley lived in W---- when they didn't
even know there was such a place as W---- to live in. They heard all
about the place from Charley, however. It seemed to be a city of
distilleries. Everybody there was rich because everybody owned a
distillery.
"Come out and visit us," said Charley after he had told them what a
wonderful place it was. "I'm so busy I can't take more than two weeks
for a honeymoon. Any time after the first of June will be convenient,
boys. I'll show you a REAL town."
"There's only one real town," said Jefferson, his mind drifting back to
Manhattan Island.
"Only one," said Ripley.
"Bosh! Say, how many distilleries has New York got? Answer that, will
you?"
"I don't know, but I'll bet ten dollars we could drink up in three
months all the whiskey you can make in W---- in a whole year."
Charley was silenced. He could only remark: "Well, there's more money
in making it than there is in drinking it." The twins assented.
"Anyhow, I wish you fellows could come out and see what we've got
there. I'd like to get some of the Van Winkle millions interested in
our village."
The twins exchanged glances. "The Van Winkle money is pretty well tied
up," said Jeff.
"Well, it won't be forever, will it? I want to get you young fellows
interested. And say, I can introduce you to some of the finest girls
this side of Paradise. The burg is full of 'em. Why, I've heard New
Yorkers say that they'd never seen so many pretty women or better
dressed ones than we've got right there in--"
"I know," interrupted Rip. "That's what you hear in every city in
America, big or little. And it's always the poor, impressionable New
Yorker who says it, the fellow who has to put up with the depressing
homeliness and dowdiness of Fifth Avenue. Give us a rest, Charley."
"Have you got a baseball team there?" demanded Jeff sarcastically.
"Sure! A peach, too. We're leading the league."
"What league?"
"The Peewee Valley League, of course. Two country clubs, too, with
brand new golf courses. Oh, we're getting to the front, let me tell--"
"Why two?"
Charley stared. "Great Scott! Haven't you heard? It's been in all the
papers. The row in the Wayside Country Club? It's only two years old,
but, by George, they've had enough quarrels to last a New York club a
century. There was a split last fall, and a new club was formed--the
Elite Country Club. All the nicest people in town belong to the Elite.
Lot of muckers run the Wayside. If you---"
"Which one has the distilleries?" asked Pip. "Both. The whiskey people
can't very well discriminate, don't you see? Same as the breweries.
It's good business for them to support both clubs. Good Lord, it's six
o'clock. You fellows will have to be at the church at seven sharp, you
know. Better dress pretty soon. So long. See you later."
The long and short of it was that the Van Winkle twins DID go out to
W----. They remained in Chicago for three weeks looking for work at
teas, bridge-parties, theatre-parties and luncheons at all of the
country clubs. They played golf and tennis when not engaged in looking
for work. Their joint four thousand dollars, pooled, had dwindled to
barely half that amount, but they were cheerful. Their only prayer was
that no one else in the class of '08 would decide to get married before
the summer was over.
W---- is a thriving, bustling, aggressive town in the Mississippi
Valley. It is not necessary to describe it in detail. The Van Winkles
were put up at the Commercial Club, the W---- Club and the two country
clubs. Charley Whistler attended to that. He was so proud of his two
distinguished ushers that he sadly neglected his bride in showing them
off to acquaintances during the first week of their stay.
Almost the first thing he did was to introduce them to the Barrows
sisters, treasured by W---- as her "fairest daughters." Every one in
town, including the editors, spoke of them familiarly as "Toots" and
"Beppy" Barrows, applying nicknames that had grown up with them and had
no connection whatever with the names they received when christened.
They were young, rich, lovely and apparently heart-whole. Charley
Whistler, being newly-wedded, wanted every one else in the world to get
married. He was continually saying that there was "nothing like it,"
and resented some of the ironic rejoinders of men who had been married
all their lives, to hear them talk about it. So he made haste to
introduce the twins to the beautiful Barrows girls.
With a perfectly beautiful fidelity to the fitness of things, the two
Van Winkles fell prostrate before the charms of the two young ladies,
and spent nearly a month looking for work in their delightful company.
It was not until they realised that their funds were reduced to almost
nothing that they came down to earth with a thud. They had less than
one hundred dollars between them and destitution.
Sitting in the shade of a huge old oak near the first tee on the Elite
Club course, awaiting the appearance of the young women with whom they
were to play a mixed foursome, the twins fell to discussing a subject
they had dreaded to contemplate much less to broach.
"Jeff," said Rip, poking a dandelion with the head of his mashie, "lend
me fifty till next week."
"Fifty what?" enquired Jeff gloomily.
"Cents, of course," said Rip. "But I'll take it in dollars if you
happen to have them."
"We're up against it, old boy," said his brother, lighting a fresh
cigarette. "What's to be done?"
"I suppose we'll have to clear out," sighed Rip. "We can't go on in
this way. They are the finest, best girls I've ever known, and it's a
bloody shame to--to go on."
"Right-o! We've just got to clear out while our credit is good. I hate
to do it, though. I--I don't mind confessing that I'm heels over head
in love with her. It's a damned shame, isn't it?"
"You're no worse off than I am," groaned Rip. "We are a nice pair of
Romeos, aren't we? Good Lord, what will they think of us when they find
us out?"
"Well," mused Jeff, "they're sensible darlings. Maybe they'll
understand."
"Never! These western girls are not brought up to understand such
blighters as we are. We are a species known only to the effete East.
No; they will not understand. God knows I'm willing to work. The
trouble is, I haven't time."
"Well, we'll have to work, steal or starve."
"I can't steal and I won't starve. I'm afraid we'll have to move on
farther west. Cow-punching isn't bad if one--Here they come. Not a
word, old boy. We'll talk it over tonight. It's my notion we'd better
move on tomorrow while we've got the wherewithal. I'm not mean enough
to borrow money from Whistler and I haven't the face to ask Uncle
George to help us out. Darn him, I think he's the one who put it into
father's head to do this--"
"Sh!" hissed the other, coming to his feet as the trim, trig figures of
the Barrows girls drew near.
"Sorry to keep you waiting," said Toots, the elder of the two. "Mrs.
Garvin was telling a story in the locker room." Toots was an exquisite
blonde, tall, slender and lithesome.
"I've been slicing horribly of late, Mr. Van Winkle," said Beppy,
frowning prettily. "Can you straighten me out? What am I doing that's
wrong?" She was dark and brilliant, and quite as tall as her sister.
One would go miles to find two more comely maids than these.
"Standing too far away from the ball," said Jeff, to whom the remark
was addressed.
"I don't see why the club doesn't hire a professional," complained she.
"He could get rich showing the members how to play the sort of golf
they needn't be ashamed of."
"Three fourths of them don't know the difference between a mashie and a
mid-iron," said Toots. "We learned in England, you know."
"By Jove!" exclaimed Rip, apropos of nothing. A great light beamed in
his face.
"By Jove!" repeated Jeff, divining his thought.
Then, just to prove that they understood each other, they drove at
least two hundred and fifty yards off the first tee, straight down the
course. Jeff showed Beppy how to overcome the slice. She got a hundred
and fifty yard ball.
"For heaven's sake!" she exclaimed, surprised by her own prowess. "How
wonderful! And how easy, when you know how."
With singular coincidence of purpose, the two Van Winkles set about to
teach their partners how to play better golf than they had ever played
before. By the time they were playing the long eighth hole, the young
men were so exercised over the discovery of a vocation that they sliced
badly into the rough. Trudging side by side through the tall grass,
looking for balls which the caddies had lost, they addressed each other
in excited undertones.
"Nothing could suit me better," said Jeff.
"It's like finding money. Lessons at three dollars an hour and the
privilege of selling all the golf balls to the players. How's that?
Shall we tackle it?"
Jeff experienced a momentary pang of doubt. "Of course we'd lose our
standing as amateurs. We'd be professionals, you know."
"What's the odds? Even amateurs have to live, old son."
"What will the girls think of us?" dolefully.
"They can't blame us for earning an honest dollar."
"A Van Winkle earning an honest dollar!" scoffed Jeff, with a short
laugh. "It's incredible. No one will believe it."
"Here's what I think," said Rip seriously. "We ought to make a clean
breast of everything those girls. Tell 'em just how we stand. I'll
stake my head they'll stand for it."
"Tell 'em we've been kicked out by the governor?" gasped Jeff.
"Sure. A rich man's sons earning their daily bread by the sweat of
their brow. Horrible ogre of a father, d'ye see? Romance of the highest
order. By ginger, Jeff, I'm strong for it. It's honest work and I'm not
ashamed of it."
The Barrows girls witnessed the strange spectacle of two brothers in
quest of golf-balls shaking hands with each other in the centre of a
wire-grass swamp, and blinked their beautiful eyes in amazement.
At the "nineteenth hole," over tea and highballs, the Van Winkle twins
made humble confession to the high priestesses of W----. They did not
spare themselves. On the contrary, they confessed their utter
worthlessness and paid homage to the father who had sent them out in
the world to retrieve themselves.
"And what do you think of the scheme?" asked Rip at the end of a
lengthy and comprehensive explanation of the project in mind.
"Fine!" cried the two girls in a breath. "Then, the first thing to do
is to convince the club that it needs a professional," said Jeff
eagerly. He was looking into Beppy's big brown eyes.
"But it doesn't need TWO," spoke Toots.
The four faces fell. "I never thought of that," murmured Jeff.
"The Wayside Club has no instructor," cried Rip, grasping at a straw.
"But no one thinks of going to Wayside," protested Toots. "They are
perfectly dreadful."
"Still they could be taught how to play golf," said Rip. "In any event,
beggars can't be choosers. We both want to stay in W----."
"Well, there's only one way out of it," said Beppy quickly. "You,
Ripley, apply to the Wayside for the position. Jefferson has already
spoken for the place here."
"He has not!" exclaimed Toots indignantly.
"He has! I am on the golf committee, so that settles it. I'll call a
meeting of the committee tomorrow--"
"I don't see why Ripley should be sacrificed--"
"Wait, girls," broke in Ripley with a laugh. "It's very flattering to
us, but please don't quarrel on our account. We can settle it nicely by
flipping a coin."
"Heads," said Jefferson without hesitation. He won. "Sorry, old chap."
"We shall have to join Wayside," lamented Toots. "Oh, how I hate it."
"I wouldn't join until you see whether I land the place," advised
Ripley. "I suppose I COULD go to some other city."
Both girls uttered such a harmonious protest against that alternative,
that he said he wouldn't consider leaving his brother for anything in
the world.
"I know the president of Wayside," said Beppy consolingly. "He used to
be in business with father. I'll see him tomorrow and tell him---"
"See him TODAY," advised Toots firmly.
"You are adorable," whispered Rip as he walked beside her toward the
automobile. "I wish I could do something to show how much I appreciate
your--your friendship." Her response was a most enchanting smile. Under
his breath he said: "Gad, I'd like to kiss you!" It is barely possible
that thoughts speak louder than words and that she heard him, for she
said something in reply under her own breath that would have made it a
very simple matter for him to kiss her if he had been acquainted with
the silent tongue.
The Van Winkle twins, in anticipation of success crowning their efforts
to become professional instructors in the two country clubs, outlined a
splendid and cunning campaign for themselves. By inspiring a fierce
rivalry between the would-be golfers of the two clubs, they could build
up a thriving practice in their chosen profession. The rivalry was
already bitter along other lines. If they could get the men of the
clubs into a fighting humour over the golf situation, there would be no
end to the lessons they would demand of their instructors. By using a
little strategy, the twins figured they could keep the clubs in a state
of perpetual tournament. The results would be far-reaching and
gratifying.
Before the end of the week, the redoubtable sons of old Bleecker Van
Winkle, "leaders of cotillions in the Four Hundred and idols of Newport
and Bar Harbor," (according to the local press), were installed as
instructors in the rival clubs. Everybody in town, except the
conspiring Barrows girls, regarded the situation as a huge joke. The
fashionable young "bloods" were merely doing it for the "fun of the
thing." That was the consensus of opinion. The news was telegraphed to
the New York papers and the headlines in Gotham were worth seeing. The
twins winked at each other and--played golf.
Be it said to their credit, they were soon earning twenty-five or
thirty dollars a day--and saving half of it!
So intense was the golf fever in W---- that the middle of July found
the links of both clubs so crowded that it was almost impossible to
play with anything except a putter. Nearly every foursome had a gallery
following it and no one spoke above a whisper after he entered the club
grounds, so eager were the members to respect the proprieties of golf.
Men who had but lately scoffed at the little white ball now talked of
stymies and lies and devits as if they had known them all their lives.
Hooks, tops and slices were on every man's tongue, and you might have
been pardoned for thinking that Bunker Hill was smack in the centre of
W----, and that Col. Bogie had come there to be beaten to death in
preference to being executed in any other city in the world.
The merry Van Winkles, good fellows and good sports that they were,
thrived with the game, and kept straight down the course of true love
as well.
"Jeffy," said Rip one evening after returning from a rather protracted
call on Toots Barrows, "I have asked her to marry me."
"So have I," said Jeff, who had returned with him from the Barrows
home. "I wonder what the governor will say?"
"I'm not worrying about him. I'm wondering what the girls' mother will
say."
"No one will say we are marrying them for their money, that's positive.
Everybody here thinks we've got millions and millions."
"Oh, by the way, did she accept you!"
"Certainly. Did she accept you?"
"Of course. Another thing, did she say anything to you about hurrying
the thing along a bit, so as to have it over with before her mother
gets wind of it?"
"By George, she did. That's odd, isn't it? She's afraid her mother will
object to her marrying a New Yorker. Got some silly prejudice against
the Four Hundred. I said it couldn't happen any too soon for me. We had
a sort of a notion next week would be about right."
"It suits me," said the other. They shook hands. "I want to say, here
and now, that I love her with all my heart and soul, and I'll never let
her rue the day she married me. I love her, old son."
"Not a blamed bit more than I do," said Jeff fervently. "She's the best
ever!"
The next morning they saw by the newspaper that their father had
married his night nurse in the hospital and was going up into Maine to
recover!
That same day, on the seventh tee of the Elite course, Toots promised
to marry Ripley two weeks from Wednesday. At Wayside Beppy told
Jefferson she would marry him at the same time, but I think it was on
the ninth green.
"Mother will be wild when we cable the news to her," said she.