Artful Cards

“Gambling I don’t ’old with,” said the night-watchman, pursing his

lips. “There’s gamblers and gamblers. There’s people like myself as

does it now and then out of good-nature to oblige, and there’s people

like that squint-eyed, ginger-whiskered mate on the _Queen Mary_. If

he ’ad spent as much time learning good manners as he ’as learning the

three-card trick, it would ha’ been better for both of us. Especially

me.

“He ain’t the only one. I remember teaching draughts to a man I met one

evening. He was a born fool to look at, and ’e looked just the same

when ’e bid me ‘Good night’ with seven-and-six o’ mine in ’is pocket.

I ’eard arterwards that he could do anything with draughts except make

’em speak.

“Most sailormen like a bit of a flutter. One chap I knew used to spend

all his time ashore backing ’orses. When ’e lost, ’e lost, and when

he won the bookie used to get lost. And the only time he did get his

winnings he got fourteen days for the way ’e spent ’em.

“I remember one time when old Sam Small got a perfeck craze for playing

cards. His idea was to make some money for ’is old age, and, instead of

going out and enjoying ’imself with Ginger Dick and Peter Russet, he

sat all day in the bedroom being taught by a young professional sharper

’e met in the Three Widders. He even learnt ’ow to do the three-card

trick--arter a fashion--and came round to show me one evening. We

played for ha’pennies at fust, and I lost seven right off. Then we

played for bobs, and it seemed as if I couldn’t lose. I never see

anybody so puzzled as Sam was, and then ’e turned round and said he’d

been doing it all wrong, and asked for ’is money back. I ’ad to be firm

with ’im--for his own sake.

“A man never knows ’is best friends. If he’d kept on playing cards

with me it would ha’ been better for both of us; instead o’ that, he

preferred to let strangers win ’is money. He used to take ’em to his

bedroom, and one night Ginger couldn’t get to bed because three or four

of ’em had ’ad it for a card-table and spilt a can of beer in it.

“He could have ’ad two beds next night, ’cos to their surprise Sam

didn’t come ’ome. He was still missing when they went out to brekfuss

next morning, and by the time arternoon came Ginger began to feel

uneasy about ’im.

“‘Mark my words,’ he ses to Peter Russet, ‘he’s been and gorn and got

into some trouble.’

“‘Any fool could see that,’ ses Peter. ‘’Ow much money ’ad he got on

’im? Besides the eight quid you are minding for ’im?’

“Ginger shook his ’ead. ‘It’s my belief he’s been made away with,’ he

ses, jingling the money in his trowsis-pocket. ‘It all comes of ’im

thinking he can play cards.’

“‘P’r’aps I’d better mind ’arf of the money, in case you get robbed,’

ses Peter.

“Ginger didn’t hear ’im. He was too busy thinking about pore Sam.

By the time twelve o’clock came, and no Sam, they felt certain that

something had ’appened to ’im, and Ginger kept Peter awake ’arf the

night talking to ’im about the ’appy times the three of them had ’ad

together.

“‘I suppose we must go out and try and eat something,’ he ses next

morning, shaking his ’ead.

“‘I s’pose so,’ ses Peter, very sorrowful; ‘but it’s wasting good

money.’

“They went downstairs very slow, and opened the door just as Sam’s

friend wot taught ’im ’ow to play cards knocked on it. Sharp-faced

young chap ’e was, with ’is eyes ’arf-closed and a fag stuck in the

corner of ’is mouth.

“‘’Ullo, Ginger,’ he ses, nodding.

“‘Wot do you want?’ ses Ginger, sniffing at ’im.

“‘I’ve got a letter for you,’ he ses.

“Ginger held out ’is ’and for it and, arter speaking sharp to Peter

Russet about good manners, stood reading it as though he couldn’t

believe ’is eyesight.

“‘It’s from Sam,’ he ses, at last. ‘He’s lost all ’is money at cards,

as I knew ’e would; and ’e wants me to send ’im five quid.’

“‘Wot ’e owes,’ ses the young chap.

“‘He can go on owing it, then,’ ses Ginger, very firm. ‘If ’e wants ’is

five quid let ’im come and fetch it.’

“‘He can’t,’ ses the young chap.

“‘Can’t? Why not?’ ses Ginger, turning on ’im.

“‘He’s lost other things besides money,’ ses the chap. ‘He played the

last two hands in ’is shirt and cap, and ’e can’t come ’ome in _them_.

’Ow would you like it yourself? Besides, think of the cold!’

“‘Shirt and cap?’ ses Ginger, staring at ’im.

“‘He made ’imself a skirt out of tater-sack this morning,’ ses the

young chap. ‘It’s a tight fit--still, it’s better than nothing.’

“‘All right,’ ses Ginger, arter a few words on the quiet with Peter

Russet, ‘we’ll come with you and see wot can be done. Where is he?’

“‘Find out,’ ses the chap. ‘Why don’t you give me the money same as

your pal tells you to? Wot are you wasting time like this for? It’s ’is

money. He ’asn’t ’ad nothing to eat since yesterday arternoon. D’you

want ’im to starve?’

“Ginger led Peter away again.

“‘We’ll lay low and foller ’im ’ome,’ he ses, in a whisper.

“‘Wot about brekfuss?’ ses Peter. ‘I want mine something cruel.’

“‘Plenty o’ time,’ ses Ginger. ‘Think o’ pore Sam; nothing to eat since

yesterday arternoon.’

“He turned back to the young man, wot was doing a double-shuffle on the

pavement and looking up at the chimbley-pots.

“‘Why don’t you tell us where ’e is?’ he ses, in a sharp voice.

“‘Fancy,’ ses the chap, lighting another fag.

“‘You won’t get no five pounds out o’ me,’ ses Ginger, ‘Come along,

Peter; we’ll go back indoors and wait for Sam to come ’ome. You go and

tell ’im wot I said,’ he ses, turning to the chap.

“‘Right-o,’ ses the young feller, turning away. ‘So long!’

“They stood peeping out of the doorway till he ’ad turned the corner,

and then they set off arter ’im. It was easy work in a way, ’cos he

never looked behind ’im; but ’e seemed to be fonder o’ walking than

wot they was, and besides, as Peter said, no doubt he had ’ad a good

brekfuss afore ’e started.

“‘P’r’aps he ain’t going ’ome,’ ses Ginger, looking puzzled. ‘This is

the third time he ’as been in the Minories.’

“They followed ’im into Tower Street--it was on’y the second time they

’ad been there--and then to their thankfulness he turned into a pub.

They went in too--into another bar--and Ginger ’ad just ordered two

pints in a whisper, and paid for ’em, when the chap finished his beer

and walked out. Pore Ginger didn’t even ’ave time to taste ’is, and

the one mouthful Peter ’ad time to take went the wrong way. It was a

big mouthful, and for a couple o’ minutes he thought it was ’is last.

Then he got ’is breath back, and, arter asking the landlord whether he

thought ’e was beating carpets, went out to look for Ginger. He caught

’im up arter a time, and they went on walking till they felt ready to

drop.

“‘I believe ’e knows we are follering ’im,’ ses Peter.

“They went on for another ’arf hour, and then to Peter’s joy they

saw the chap, arter standing a long time looking at the things in a

cook-shop winder, go inside.

“‘He’s going to ’ave his dinner,’ he ses, ‘and while he’s ’aving it

we’ll go and ’ave some bread and cheese and beer.’

“‘And suppose he slips out while we’re away?’ ses Ginger.

“‘Well, we’ll go one at a time,’ ses Peter.

“‘No, we won’t,’ ses Ginger. ‘I ain’t going to lose ’im arter all this

trouble, and when we _do_ find out where ’e lives I might want your

help.’

“They stood outside waiting for over a hour, and then the young feller

came out wiping his mouth on the back of his ’and. He stood for a

moment looking up and down the street till ’is eyes fell on Ginger, wot

was trying to get behind Peter, and Peter wot was trying to get behind

Ginger.

“‘’Ullo,’ he ses, coming up. ‘Fancy dropping acrost you agin like this!

’Ave you been ’aving a little walk to stretch your legs?’

“‘Yes; and we ain’t finished yet,’ ses Ginger very fierce.

“‘I’ll come with you, if you like,’ ses the chap. ‘I ain’t proud.’

“‘When we want your company we’ll ask you for it,’ ses Peter.

“‘Don’t get cross,’ ses the young feller, pretending to shiver. ‘’Cos

if you do I might get frightened and _run_. Last time I was frightened

by a ugly face I run three miles without stopping.’

“He lit a fag and stood there with ’is eyes ’arf closed, blowing smoke

through ’is nose. Peter and Ginger stood there, waiting while ’e smoked

two of ’em, and then waited outside a tobacco-shop while ’e went in to

buy another packet. He got larky arter coming out, and when ’e tried to

strike a match on Ginger’s trowsis people ’ad to step off the pavement

’cos Ginger was using it all.

“He moved off with Peter as he saw a policeman coming along, and then

to their surprise they found that the young feller was following

_them_. It upset their ideas altogether, and all of a sudden Ginger

stopped and turned on ’im.

“‘Why don’t you go ’ome?’ he ses.

“‘Wot’s the good without the money?’ ses the chap. ‘Wot’s the good of

going back and telling a starving old man in a tater-sack that his

pals won’t ’elp ’im?’

“‘Why can’t we take it to ’im?’ ses Peter.

“‘He wouldn’t like it,’ ses the chap. ‘He said so. Besides, when you

got there you might try and get ’im out without paying.’

“‘Well, we’ll give you the money now, and then come with you,’ ses

Ginger.

“‘Why couldn’t you say so afore?’ ses the other. ‘’Ere we’ve been

wasting the whole morning for nothing.’

“They all went into a pub and arter Ginger and Peter ’ad ’ad a pint or

two, and a crust o’ bread and cheese, Ginger handed over the money and

they all went out together, with the young man in the middle. Ginger’s

opinion of ’im went up as they walked along, and, when he led ’em into

another pub a little further on, and asked ’em wot they would ’ave, he

got to feel quite a liking for ’im.

“They ’ad a pint each, and, while Peter was resting ’arf-way through

his, the young man thought ’e saw a spider drop into it. Ginger ’elped

Peter to look for it, but they couldn’t find it, and arter that they

wasted a lot of time looking for the young man, but they couldn’t find

’im neither.

“‘If you’d kept your eye on ’im instead o’ fishing round in my beer

with your dirty finger, it ’ud ha’ been better,’ ses Peter.

“They walked ’ome, quarrelling all the way, and then they sat indoors

all the evening waiting for Sam to turn up so as they could tell ’im

wot they thought of ’im.

“They sat there till eleven o’clock, and then they went to bed

wondering wot had ’appened to ’im; and when they got up next morning

Ginger said he ’ad a feeling that they should never see ’im again.

“‘He’s gorn where we’ve all got to go,’ he ses, shaking his ’ead.

“‘Unless we join the Salvation Army,’ ses Peter. ‘There’s plenty o’

time afore we get to his age.’

“‘He’s been made away with, that’s my opinion,’ ses Ginger. ‘We shall

never see ’im agin, any more than we shall see that monkey-faced chap

that gave us the slip yesterday.’

“They went downstairs to go out and get some brekfuss, and the very

fust thing they saw was the young feller, leaning up agin the wall,

smoking a fag.

“‘’Ullo!’ he ses. ‘Did you find the spider?’

“Ginger couldn’t answer ’im for a minute. He stood there staring at him

as if he was a ghost.

“‘Wot did you run off for?’ he ses, at last, growling at ’im.

“‘Me?’ ses the other. ‘I didn’t run off. But I thought that if pore old

Sam ’ad to wait till you found that spider he’d never get ’is money.’

“‘Is he alive?’ ses Peter.

“‘_Alive?_’ ses the young feller. ‘I on’y ’ope I shall be ’arf as

lively at ’is age as wot he is. I’ve got another letter for you.’

“He fished it out of ’is pocket and handed it to Ginger, and then stood

sucking his teeth and looking at the winder opposite while Ginger read

it.

“It was a longer letter than the other. One thing was Sam called

’imself a silly fool two or three times over ’cos he ’ad gambled away

the five pounds. He wanted Ginger to send ’im the other three, and said

as ’ow he had ’ad awful bad luck, and never wanted to see a card agin

as long as ’e lived. He told Ginger to give the other three pounds to

’is friend Sid, wot took the five pounds, and said if they followed ’im

again he would never forgive ’im.

“‘Fair old cough-drop, ain’t he?’ ses the young feller.

“‘He’s fell into bad ’ands,’ ses Ginger, glaring at ’im.

“‘That’s right,’ ses Sid, ‘and we’ve got to get ’im out. You find the

ready, and I’ll do the rest.’

“Ginger read the letter agin, arter Peter ’ad done with it, and then

’e told the chap to wait while he went indoors for the money. Wot ’e

really went indoors for was to tell the land-lady’s gal, a smart

little kid of eleven, as ’ad two bilious attacks a week reg’lar to stay

at ’ome and ’elp ’er mother, to foller Mr. Sid ’ome.

“‘Here’s the three quid,’ ’e ses, coming out. ‘Take it and go.’

“‘And let’s ’ope he won’t lose that,’ ses Sid. ‘Are you coming to see

me as far as the--I mean, as far as you can?’

“‘I am not,’ ses Ginger.

“‘Ah, well, I don’t blame you,’ ses Sid. ‘It’s a waste of your time and

mine too, ain’t it? The last chap that tried to foller me ’ome seemed

to think I lived in the canal. I never see a chap make ’imself so wet.’

“He gave Peter a playful little tap in the stummick, and, arter asking

Ginger for a lock of ’is ’air to frighten the gals with, went off

whistling. And he had ’ardly turned the corner afore the little gal was

arter ’im.

“By the time Peter and Ginger was back from their brekfuss she was ’ome

agin, ’aving follered the young man to his ’ouse, and seen ’im go

inside. He didn’t seem to ’ave any idea that ’e was being follered; and

Ginger was so pleased with ’imself and ’is cleverness that Peter ’ad to

remind ’im of all sorts of things he didn’t want to be reminded of.

“They waited in for some time to see if Sam came ’ome, but there was no

sign of ’im, and Ginger began to wonder whether he ’ad lost the three

quid as well as the five.

“‘We’ll give ’im till eight o’clock,’ he ses. ‘And if he ain’t ’ome by

then we’ll go round and fetch ’im.’

“‘It’s my belief they won’t let ’im go,’ ses Peter.

“‘Or p’r’aps he’s lost ’is trowsis agin,’ ses Ginger. ‘We’ll take his

other pair with us in case. And we’ll get one or two to come with us to

see fair play.’

“They picked up a couple o’ firemen they knew, that arternoon.

Stiff-built chaps they was, and always ready for a bit of trouble,

’aving both ’ad Irish mothers. They ’ad a few drinks to steady

themselves, and then one of ’em, Bob Mills by name, got so upset

because Ginger said he thought it ’ud be better not to burn the ’ouse

down, that it took three men and the landlord to get ’im outside.

“They went ’ome fust to see whether Sam ’ad turned up, and then, arter

waking Bob, who ’ad gorn to sleep in Peter’s bed, they set off to find

’im. It was a tall, dirty house, just off the ’Ighway, and Ginger began

to think that if they got Sam out in one piece they’d be lucky. The

front-door was open and a lot o’ dirty-looking kids was playing on the

steps.

“‘It’s like a bee-hive,’ ses Peter. ‘He’ll take some finding.’

“‘I’ll find ’im,’ ses Bob, spitting on ’is hands. ‘Come along.’

He led them up the steps and opened the fust door ’e come to as bold as

brass, and popped his ’ead in.

“‘Where’s old Sam?’ he ses, to a woman wot left off washing ’er baby to

stare at ’im. ‘Wot ’ave you done with ’im?’

[Illustration: “‘WHERE’S OLD SAM?’ HE SES, TO A WOMAN WOT LEFT OFF

WASHING ’ER BABY TO STARE AT ’IM. ‘WOT ’AVE YOU DONE WITH ’IM?’”]

“‘_Wot?_’ ses the woman.

“‘We want Mr. Sam Small,’ ses Ginger, putting ’is head over Bob’s

shoulders.

“‘Wot ’ave you done with ’im?’ ses Bob agin.

“‘Me?’ ses the woman. ‘Wot are you talking about? ’Ow dare you come

shoving your ugly mug into a lady’s room and try and take away ’er

character? Wot d’ye mean by it?’

“She put the baby down on the floor very careful and took up the basin

o’ water. It was a small basin, but the water showed that the baby

’adn’t been washed afore it wanted it, and Bob Mills was out o’ that

room afore you could say ‘knife.’

“‘He ain’t there,’ he ses, as the door banged be’ind ’im. ‘It’s a funny

thing a woman can never answer a civil question without losing ’er

temper. If I ’adn’t kept my eye on ’er I should have ’ad that water

over me.’

“‘They don’t use their reason,’ ses Ginger, shaking his ’ead, and

stopping at the next door to let ’im go in fust.

“There was nobody in that room except a little gal of ten putting ’er

little brothers to bed, and the way she carried on when Bob looked in

would ha’ done credit to a woman of seventy. He came out gasping for

breath.

“‘I’ll find ’im though,’ he ses to Ginger. ‘I’ll find ’im, if I ’ave to

take all the boards up. Now wot about trying upstairs?’

“There was two families in the fust room they went in, and they was

both worse than each other. People came out of their rooms to listen,

and the way they carried on when Ginger and ’is pals paid _them_ a

visit won’t bear repeating. By the time they ’ad got to the second

floor the whole ’ouse was roused and standing behind and offering to

fight ’em.

“Bob and ’is pal went into the fust room on that floor alone, ’cos

Ginger and Peter ’ad to stay outside on the landing to keep the crowd

back. ’Ard work it was, too; one young woman trying to bore holes in

Peter with a broom-’andle, while a dirty hand with a wedding-ring on it

kept coming out of the crowd and pinching pore Ginger black and blue.

“In the middle of it there was a hullabaloo in that room that made

’em all leave off to listen. Deafening it was. People shouting and

struggling and things toppling about all over the place. Then Bob

and ’is mate came out carrying something that looked like a mad lion

wrapped up in a blanket.

“‘He was in bed, asleep,’ ses Bob, panting, as a couple o’ naked legs

shot out and kicked anything they could find. ‘Pull your end o’ the

blanket down, Joe.’

“‘Wot’s he done?’ ses a woman, gaping at them.

“‘Wot ’ave you done, you mean,’ ses Bob, struggling. ‘He’s been

kidnapped.’

“‘And robbed,’ ses Ginger, shouting with pain, as ’e got another pinch.

“‘It’s all right, Sam, old man,’ ses Peter, pulling back the blanket to

give ’im a little air. ‘Now--Lor’ lumme _this ain’t Sam_!’

“They all started, and Bob was so surprised that he let go of ’is end.

It was the ’ead end and the langwidge the old man it belonged to used

was awful. Then ’e got up very slow, and, arter feeling his ’ead and

using some more langwidge about a bump ’e found there, knocked Bob down.

“In two twos they was all at it; the men fighting and the women

screaming. Men Ginger hadn’t seen afore seemed to turn up from nowhere

to punch ’im. The four of ’em kept together as well as they could,

and even when Ginger got to the bottom of the stairs ’e found the

other three on top of ’im. They got outside at last, helped be’ind by

the people in the ’ouse, and didn’t stop for breath till they was two

streets away. Bob Mills found ’is fust, and pretty near got run in for

it.

“‘I ought to take you by rights,’ ses the policeman. ‘Wot ’ave you been

doing to your face? Treading on it?’

“Bob was going to answer ’im, but Ginger got ’is ’and over ’is mouth

just in time.

“‘It’s all right, sir, he ses, very perlite, ‘he’s on’y a little bit

excited. Come on, Bob.’

“They managed to get ’im round the corner, and then ’e shook ’em off

and said he never wanted to see ’em agin. He went off with ’is mate,

and Peter and Ginger, arter being refused at three pubs because of

their looks, sent a young feller in for a bottle o’ whisky to take ’ome

with them.

“They ’ad a drop or two when they got indoors, and then they got a bit

o’ rag and some cold water and began to see wot they could do for

their faces.

“‘And this is all through Sam,’ ses Ginger, starting to grind ’is teeth

and then finding they was too loose to grind.

“‘It’s a mystery,’ ses Peter, who was sitting on Sam’s bed ’olding a

wet rag to his eye. ‘I believe you was right, Ginger. Something seems

to tell me we shall never see ’im agin.’

“Ginger said he didn’t want to. His mouth was so sore ’e couldn’t

smoke, and arter another drop or two o’ whisky, ’e said ’e was going to

bed.

“He undressed ’imself very slow, grunting and groaning all the time,

and was just getting into bed when Peter ’eld up ’is ’and.

“‘Somebody’s coming upstairs,’ he ses.

“‘Let ’em come,’ ses Ginger, very grumpy.

“‘It--it can’t be Sam!’ ses Peter.

“‘Sounds like ’im,’ ses Ginger, staring. It is ’im,’ he ses, as they

both ’eard a noise that Sam used to make when ’e thought ’e was singing.

“They stood staring at the door as it opened and Sam came into the

room, looking very bright and pleased with ’imself.

[Illustration: “SAM CAME INTO THE ROOM LOOKING VERY BRIGHT AND PLEASED

WITH ’IMSELF.”]

“‘’Ullo, mates!’ he ses. ‘Why--wot the--Wot ’ave you been doing to

yourselves?’

“He shook his ’ead, and screwed up ’is lips at ’em.

“‘It’s a funny thing I can’t go away for a day or two without you

getting into trouble,’ he ses. ‘’Tain’t respectable.’

“‘Ho!’ ses Ginger, finding ’is voice. ‘Ho, indeed. This is all the

thanks we get for trying to ’elp you, is it? I s’pose you think it’s

more respectable to lose your trowsis at cards and play in your shirt.’

“‘And a tater-sack,’ ses Peter.

“‘Trowsis!’ ses Sam, staring at ’em, ‘tater-sack! ’Ave you been

drinking? or wot?’

“Ginger looked at Peter and then ’e looked very ’ard at Sam.

“‘Where--’ave--you--been?’ he ses, very slow and distinct.

“‘Been staying with a chap at Stratford,’ ses Sam, ’elping ’imself to

a drink. ‘My friend Sid told me as he’d ’eard the police was arter me

for gambling, so I’ve been staying with a pal of ’is for a few days to

let it blow over.’

“‘And--and didn’t you write to us?’ ses Ginger, as soon as he could

speak.

“‘Why, wot should I want to write to you for?’ ses Sam, putting down

’is glass.

“‘Money,’ ses Ginger, looking ’im straight in the eye.

“Sam shook his ’ead, ‘I ’ad enough on me,’ he ses, ‘but it was just as

well I left that eight quid with you, Ginger. It might ’ave gorn if I

’adn’t. Wot was it you was saying about trowsis and tater-sacks, Peter?’

“‘It’s a joke of your friend, Sid’s,’ ses Ginger. ‘Ask him to tell it

to you; you seem to tell _’im_ everything.’

* * * * *

“Him and Peter woke up at five o’clock next morning to go and look for

fresh lodgings. Sam didn’t wake up till eight, and then, arter reading

a couple o’ letters ’e found tucked under ’is chin, he went off without

any brekfuss to look for Ginger and Peter, and Sid, and eight quid.”

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